letitbebynightingale

Nightengale

Let It Be

John didn't want to do it but George and Ringo had urged him to. After he'd screamed at Paul at the studio Paul had just up and went home, which wasn't like him. John wanted to be with Yoko, not working on 'ob-la-de, ob-la-da'. However even Yoko said he might as well go talk to Paul. They really didn't talk much anymore. John didn't know what he was supposed to say.

He drove into Paul's driveway after coding in through the gate. Sitting for a while in the parked car John finally got up and walked up to the door. He rang the bell but got no answer. He rang it again and still nothing. Turning the doorknob he found it was open. Walking in John found a complete mess. Paul and Jane had split recently and it seemed to be affecting Paul quite a bit.

"Paul?" John called.

"Go away!" A bedraggled and sorrow filled voice rang down to him.

A bottle and container rolled down the stairs hitting John's feet. John picked them up and looked back up the stairs. Looking in his hands he saw an empty bottle of liquor and an empty sleeping pill container. Suddenly images of Brian flashed through John's head causing him to throw down the bottle and run up the stairs, still carrying the sleeping pill container.

Turning to Paul's room he saw a drugged looking Paul sitting on the floor at the foot of his bed. He didn't even look up at John. John just stared at him in shock.

"Did you take these?" John asked, finding his voice.

"What do you care Lennon?" Paul snapped as best as he state would allow.

John stared at him still in shock. Paul seemed to have snapped, his mask of eternal happiness and cheer crumbling to the ground. Gone was all the sparkle and charm from his eyes. Suddenly John was seeing what years of touring, working to keep the group together, and his abuse non-stop had done to Paul.

"Paul," John said slowly, "We have to get you to a hospital."

"Sod off."

"Paul..." John said walking over to him and touching his shoulder.

Paul shrugged him off violently.

"Don't touch me, just leave me alone."

"Paul please..."

Paul interrupted him, "What do you care about me anyway! You spend all your time with Yoko and don't give a bloody damn about the rest of us."

"Hey, you leave..."

"Just go away!" Paul yelled standing unsteadily and pushing John towards the door. "You don't need me any more... None of you do. You have Yoko, George had Patti, Ringo has Maureen... Who do I have?"

He threw the glass he was holding to the floor. John said nothing after that realizing how along Paul really was. Just then Paul wobbled and almost fell over but he held on to the bedpost. Tears shone out in his eyes but he wouldn't let them come out.

"Paul, listen to me you.... you're not thinkin' right."

"Oh I am thinking right, for once! It's not worth it all. Its not worth the constant silence between all of us, the tension we all feel," he paused and looked right into John's eyes, "and the constant crap and cruelty from you!"Paul yelled these last words tumbling to the floor again.

John came a step closer in fear for his friend, if he could even call him that anymore. Paul stared up at him with bloodshot, stony eyes.

"Just go away. If you're allowed your way out with Yoko and not giving one shit, I'm allowed mine."

"Paul, I'm not going to let you kill yourself this way!" John pleaded trying to pull him up.

Paul shrugged out of his grasp but couldn't manage a retort. John finally went over to the phone for reinforcements.

"George?" he said.

"What John?" George said sounding annoyed.

"Come over to Paul's house I need your help..."

"With what? Cursing him out?" George said with a particularly dry tone.

This surprised John, George wasn't usually like that.

"No George! He needs you too! Just get over here."

"John..." George began.

"I have an empty bottle of sleeping pills in my hand! Get your bloody ass over here!"

The other end of the phone was suddenly silent.

"I'll be right there." He gasped out.

Hanging up the phone John turned back to Paul just in time to duck from a flying bottle hitting the wall just over his head.

"Paul!" He yelled straightening up again.

"You won't even..." Paul started now really becoming weak. "Let me die in peace..."

"You're not dieing now Paul." John said.

In response Paul just closed his eyes and turned his head away from John.

"Hey! Wake up McCartney."

"Oh... just... leave me be..." Paul gasped out quietly still looking in the other direction from John.

A few minutes later John heard George's quick steps ascending the stairs. He walked in the room and looked over at him. John saw the look of shock and amazement pass over his face. It soon turned to fear and sorrow causing him to rush over to them.

"Great..." Paul muttered.

George looked at John for assessment of the situation. John just shrugged back.

"Ringo is calling the hospital to get an ambulance here." George said. "You're going to be ok Paul."

Paul just scoffed slightly at them. "Yeah, I'm gonna be ok...not if...i have to live...and...go back...to all that..." he said softly.

George looked at John who looked at the ground avoiding his eyes. This seemed to give George his answer because his face also turned ashamed and he looked at the ground. Paul turned his head ever to slowly and looked at them. Both of them were avoiding eye contact with each other but when Paul looked at them they both looked up. Though his eyes were dark and sad they still had Paul in them, which made it so much harder to look at them, to see that Paul was inside of those bleak, shadowy eyes.

"Now...you're...quiet..." He said to them.

Then Paul?s head finally fell back as he went unconscious. George blinked then shook Paul trying to wake him back up. Paul's eyes fluttered open but closed right back again.

"No, no Paul stay awake." John said shaking him as well.

Paul opened his eyes and looked at John, "You...bloody..."

"We should get him down stairs..." George said.

"Yeah." John agreed.

George took his feet and John got his arms. They slowly carried him down the stairs and put him on the couch. Paul's eyes were still open but he barely looked awake. He looked at John and George not caring at all what happened. A knock came at the door bringing with it the paramedics for Paul. They put him on a stretcher and carried him out as George and John watched in silence. John came in the ambulance to go to the hospital with them.George followed behind in his car.

John sat in the back holding Paul's hand, only because Paul no longer had the strength to pull it away. Keeping Paul awake was a hard task for John. Paul still held much anger towards John and he didn't seem to care if he lived or died. At the hospital he was swept inside through a flurry of interested people inside who had heard who it was that was coming to the ER. When they took Paul into the room John was left outside alone.

Sitting down in chair just outside John actually started to think. Paul had actually tried to kill himself! It was unthinkable that the happy, joyful, determined Paul could actually do such a thing, or that he even would. To John he'd always seemed to be very one track minded: the band, the band, the band. He had to keep them all together. Now suddenly he didn't care. If Paul didn't care, who would? John started to wonder why they'd all kept going on through this, especially Paul.

After a while George and Ringo arrived and sat down with him. None of them spoke, just sat there in a sullen silence. They didn't want to talk about the question on all of their minds: why? Even though they all knew why.

Hours later the doctor came out to see them. John was asleep on a couch in the little waiting room they had been given. George and Ringo were both sitting in chairs, still awake. The doctor told then that it had been a bit of a struggle but Paul was going to make it. The doctor also said that they could see him and he was awake. He also added that Paul seemed very depressed and asked them if they knew why, no one answered him.

They all came into Paul's room where he lay in his bed. Paul looked at them as they entered but quickly looked away. George sat down in the chair next to Paul's bed, while John and Ringo just stood at the foot.

"Hey there Paul..." George said quietly.

Paul looked at him for a moment then down at his hands. No one else knew what to say nor did they want to be the first to say something. The tension was right back between them again, as quick as lightning. Paul shook his head thinking about it.

"Paul..." Ringo said, finally breaking the choking silence.

Paul looked up at him.

"Why...um...?" He started but he couldn't say it.

They all knew what he wanted to say, especially Paul. However, none of them seemed to be able to do it. Paul rubbed a hand through his hair slowly, not looking at any of them. Paul finally looked up at them and sighed.

"Well one of you better say what you're all thinking or you're never gonna know." He said grimly.

Still no one spoke. Paul dropped his head, almost in defeat, now it felt that no one did really care. It almost didn't matter whether or not he had died. George, being closest, looked at Paul and saw the look in his eyes; it made him want to scream at them all and himself, all the sadness they held.

"Oh my god Paul, I'm sorry." George suddenly said.

Paul lifted his head and looked at George in surprise, his eyes glistening with unshed tears.John and Ringo looked at each other momentarily then back at the two younger Beatles.

"I'm so sorry Paul. I do care, I really do. I care about you. Don't you ever think that I don't again. I do care; I'd never want anything like... this... to happen to you. I do care."

Paul could think of nothing to say back to George he simply looked at him, some of the Paul they all knew returning inside. A small smile crept across his lips and let itself be seen. This caused George to smile as well and eased some of the tension that had been filling the room.

Paul looked down at his hands and then back up at George and finally spoke, quietly, "You don't think we could actually change anything though, could we?"

George looked at him harder and saw that the sadness was still in his eyes and his sparkle was not back. Inside George knew that what Paul said was true, but somehow he wished it wasn't. He didn't want to leave Paul like this; like the dark and shadowy man he was turning into.

"I don't know Paul." George said looking at his hands, the momentary happiness fading away.

John and Ringo had stood in the back, silent through all this. They were just spectators on some of the repair that George was making in Paul. His soul had been slowly chipped away over the years and there wasn't a lot left, but it could be mended. Whether or not that would happen was up to the rest of them.

"Paul." Ringo said altering his presence to the other two. "Please come back to us, I don't want to see you like this."

Paul smiled at him, weakly, but it wasn't what Ringo wanted to see.It was one of those smiles that he gave to everyone. The fake smile that serves for interviewers or fans but not them. It was like none of them could really smile anymore.

"I'll try Ringo." Paul said quietly, as if he spoke louder everything would come crashing down again.

Though John stood there watching the other two speaking he could not bring himself to do the same. He was afraid that if he opened his mouth anything that came out would cause harm. He couldn't help thinking back to Paul's shouts in his room before the others came. How he looked so desperate to die. John couldn't imagine the thought that he was the cause of it. He knew it wasn't his entire fault but he also knew some of it was.

"Paul?" Ringo asked breaking John's thoughts.

Paul looked at him in expectation.

"You're not..." He paused. "You're not upset that you uh... Made it are you?"

Paul drew in a shaky breath and looked away for a moment thinking about that. He loved these guys so much. They all had been mates forever. However that was one reason it was so hard to be with them. How he had to see that these close friends of his were fading away. Paul opened his mouth to speak but he couldn't form the words. He knew what Ringo wanted to hear but he couldn't say it. He didn't know which was true.

The silence after that question alarmed the other three Beatles. They were all suddenly brought back down to earth and into the reality of the situation that was here. John's previous relaxed position suddenly became very alert and tense. They all looked at Paul hoping he would say what they wanted, but he said nothing.

"Paul, we can make it better. We can try." George said.

Paul looked at him and nodded. However the whole room wondered if that was really possible. Their bond was greatly scared and they didn't know if they could stop it from breaking.

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