Disclaimer: I don’t own the gentlemen of Good Charlotte and this is purely a work of fiction.
Paul was helping CJ disassemble her drum kit and pack it into the cases so they could load them on the bus. Despite the fact that, yeah, they had techs who did stuff like that, CJ just didn’t like other people handling her drums. It wasn’t even that she didn’t trust them. Felix was a great drum tech who was gentle with her stuff and very attentive, knowing when she needed a new drum head and getting a replacement before she thought to ask, and coming up with 10-pair stick bricks before CJ realized she was running low. It was just that she felt like a loafer if she didn’t do anything. Paul and CJ lifted the bass drum as Felix came upon them, not feeling slighted that they hadn’t left him to his job, but quickly jumping in. As they stepped down off of the stage Felix opened the large case for it and was startled by what he saw inside. “Whoa!”
Paul and CJ stopped and looked up, the drum still in their hands. “What’s up Felix?” CJ asked.
“There’s… a kid in here?” He said, taking a couple steps back.
“What?” Paul asked as they set the drum down and came over. They looked down into the case and as Felix had said, there seemed to be a sleeping child at the bottom. At least they all hoped it was sleeping.
“Holy crap,” CJ said. “Who the hell leaves a kid at a punk show?” She realized she was whispering, trying not to wake the child.
“Who the hell brings a kid to a punk show?” Paul asked. They agreed with that sentiment. “So what do we do?” The guys looked at CJ.
She didn’t realize at first that she was the subject of their attention, but when she realized she said, “What? I don’t know what to do. I was the youngest in my family.”
“Wake it up,” Paul said, nudging Felix with his elbow.
“Why me?” He whispered harshly.
“You saw it first.”
“Oh, come on, dude…”
“Jesus Christ, you guys,” CJ said and kicked the bottom of the case, shaking it enough to wake the child. Paul grabbed her arm.
“What the hell, Ceej? Be nice to it.”
CJ pulled her arm away from him and gave him a curious look. “It’s a boy,” she said. “He’ll live.” The kid stood up in the case, his head not even high enough to see over the edge as he yawned and stretched out his limbs. There seemed to be a surprising amount of free space for him in there. He put his hands on the edge of the case and pulled up to look at them.
“Hi,” he said.
“Hello,” Paul replied. “Uh, I’m Paul.”
“DJ,” he said in reply. “That’s my name.”
“Hey, my name’s CJ, we’re like twins.”
DJ squinted at her, looking her up and down. “No we’re not.”
“Could you get out of my case, please?” Felix asked.
CJ smacked him. “Your case?”
“Well, technically it’s the label’s case, cuz, y’know, they paid for it.”
“Don’t get all technical on me, techie,” CJ joked, digging her knuckles into his side, just below his ribs so he buckled at the assault.
“Guys…” Paul tried to get their attention. “Guys, c’mon!” DJ stared at them as they returned their attention to him. “Okay, DJ, where’s your mom?”
DJ shrugged and started playing with the lock that hung on the case just inches from where he was holding himself up. “She was acting funny. Then she went away with some man with spiky hair.” CJ and Paul looked at each other, both of them hoping to God the likely suspect wasn’t at fault this time.
“This was before or after you climbed into the case?” Felix asked.
“She put me in here. I couldn’t get out.” He looked down. “I didn’t even get any dinner.” He shook his little floppy head, the curly brown hair displacing itself and falling in his eyes.
“Aww,” CJ said, thinking immediately of a puppy, a cocker spaniel, actually, as his hair had the same qualities as her dog Max, at home.
“Come on,” Paul said and reached out for DJ, the little boy instinctively reaching up and wrapping his arms around Paul’s neck as he lifted him out of the case. He set the kid down and took his hand, the little fingers barely reaching around his palm.
“I’ll just finish packing this stuff up, all right?” Felix said.
“Yeah,” CJ said, slapping Felix’s hand before she left the stage with Paul and DJ. “But we’re not going anywhere till we straighten this kid thing out, so take your time.”
“Will do.”
Paul and CJ brought the kid out into the chilly night as they led him to the tour bus. “Okay, this sucks a load,” CJ said to Paul as they walked.
“I know. What do we do with him? Should we take him to the police?”
“Oh yes, lets let them return him to his incredibly attentive mother.”
Paul sighed, knowing that was what would happen if they turned him over to the authorities. That or foster care. “Well we can’t just keep him, Ceej. He’s not a puppy.”
She grinned. “He could be our little mascot. Put him in a GC T-shirt and have him intro us every night…”
“CJ…” DJ called up to her.
She looked down at him. “Yeah?”
“Are you a new drummer for Good Charlotte?” He asked. She nodded, a little incredulous of his knowledge. “Because my mom sure does like this group. She loves to watch you guys play, and she loves Benji and Joel. She doesn’t talk too much about anyone else, though. Are you sure you’re in Good Charlotte?” He spoke in the rapid fire style of many kids his age.
Paul chuckled. “We’re sure.”
“Because she really only talks about Benji and Joel. They’re from around our house in Alexandria. We used to see them more, but they moved so we don’t see them on the street too much anymore. My middle name is from Joel.”
“You’re from around DC?” CJ asked. “What’re you doing out here in Ohio?”
“I told you. Mom loves your band so she follows you around.” CJ and Paul exchanged a worried glance. There isn’t anything more irresistible than a hot, legal groupie that offers some of the comforts of home.
“Your middle name’s Joel?” Paul asked, changing the subject quickly.
“Yeah. It’s easy to spell. What’s your middle name?” DJ asked CJ. Both the kid and Paul looked at her in rapt attention, awaiting an answer. None of the guys knew what CJ actually stood for and she didn’t plan on telling them any time soon.
“Joel, just like yours,” she said.
“Don’t lie to a child,” Paul said, laughing.
“How do you know it’s not true?” CJ asked, lifting the handle on the outside of the bus to open the door. The cold air had the little guy shivering in his short sleeved t-shirt when Paul lifted him up the steps into the bus. The stairs had proved an insurmountable obstacle for DJ, each of the three steep steps almost his height and Paul could feel the kid’s tiny ribs through his skin when he lifted him up. DJ waited for Paul and CJ to come onto the bus before he attempted any exploring, his deep brown eyes following their movements. Paul and CJ looked towards the back of the bus in dismay, seeing the purple privacy handkerchief pinned to the curtain of the back room.
“Aww, crap,” Paul whispered exasperatedly. Billy leaned out of his bunk, looking at the three of them in silence. DJ leaned up against CJ’s leg, his arms gripping her around the thigh as he regarded Billy cautiously.
“Who’s the little guy?” Billy asked.
“Is Benji here?” CJ asked, ignoring his question. “Even Joel?” Billy motioned behind him, at the back room, lovingly nick-named the “booty space.” She sighed, putting a hand down on DJ’s head. “Which one?”
Billy tossed his magazine into his bunk and hopped out, straightening out his black pants and walking towards them. He shrugged. “Both.”
Paul put a hand over his heart as though he had taken a blow to the chest. “Oh, damn.”
“What’s she look like?” CJ asked as Billy came to stand directly in front of them, looking down at DJ, his black hair falling forward over his eyes.
“Hey, I’m Billy,” he addressed DJ.
“Hi,” DJ replied in a small voice, shrinking back behind CJ’s leg.
“Oh, he’s nice. He likes comics. You like comics, DJ?” Paul asked.
There was a brief silence as the boy looked thoughtfully at Billy. “No.”
“Hey, DJ, you wanna see my bunk?” CJ asked. DJ nodded vigorously and she lifted him up, tucking him under her arm and carrying him as you might a rolled up rug. He laughed when she pretended to lose her grip and turned him upside down. Paul and Billy smiled after them, watching CJ toss him easily up onto her bed and lean in to make sure he didn’t fall.
“I thought she hated kids,” Billy said to Paul.
“Maybe,” Paul replied. “Doesn’t mean she’s not good with them.” He put an arm around Billy’s shoulder and leaned his face closer to his friend’s before he spoke again in a hushed voice. “Look, we found this kid in a drum case. His mom apparently left him there and she’s some big Twin groupie. Followed them all the way from DC.” Billy nodded, looking down at his boots as he listened. He found that he absorbed information the best if he was looking at a neutral object while he was receiving it. “DJ said she got drunk or something and went off with a spiky-haired man, and all I’m hoping is that it wasn’t… you know.”
“What’s his mom look like?” Billy asked. He felt Paul shrug. “So I guess we only have one option, and that’s to entertain the kid until his mom’s less preoccupied.”
Paul nodded, chortling. “Yeah, or we could bust up the three way and get the tyke and his mom on their merry little way.”
“Don’t like anyone taking CJ’s attention away from you?” Billy joked, grinning. Paul dismissed him with a wave of his hand as he pushed past him and started to the back of the bus. He stopped off to peek into CJ’s bunk, where she reclined against the wall, DJ laying on his stomach and flipping through an Entertainment Weekly.
“Should he be reading that?” Paul asked her.
“Unfortunately I don’t have the Sesame Street Gazette for him to peruse, so this’ll have to do.”
“This guy’s ugly,” DJ said, pointing to a picture of Russell Crowe.
CJ looked over his shoulder. “Yeah, I agree. Old too. What about that guy?” She pointed to a picture of Vin Diesel on the next page. DJ wrinkled his brow as he thought about it.
“I dunno. He looks like he’s nice.”
“He’s short,” Paul said. DJ looked over at him a moment, then back at the page.
“He doesn’t look short,” DJ commented. “I saw him in Triple X and he didn’t look short.”
Billy leaned into the bunk, putting an elbow on the cushioning just beyond DJ’s feet. The kid pulled his legs up a little bit to give Billy some room. “You know, Schwarzenegger is mad short but when they put him in a shot they make him stand on boxes, or shoot from below him to make him look big.” DJ blinked down at him, his face beginning to fade from uncertainty to interest as Billy revealed his child-like love of movies and comics and all things fun.
“How do you know?” DJ asked in a small voice, obviously still a little wary of Billy.
“I met him.”
“Really?” DJ’s eyes widened and he sat up to see Billy more clearly.
Billy shrugged. “Sure. He’s not much bigger than you.” DJ turned around so his head was down near Billy now, his feet kicking the pillow near CJ. “Maybe he’s got an inch on you,” Billy admitted.
DJ leaned close to Billy as though he was about to impart some secret knowledge. He looked up at Billy through his dark eyelashes when he spoke again. “I wish I could meet him. Is he strong?”
“Oh yeah. He almost broke my hand when he greeted me.”
Paul whispered to CJ. “We need to get the twins out of the back.”
“They’re both back there?” Paul nodded. “With DJ’s mom?” CJ looked down at the two boys at her feet and a slight smile touched her lips.
“Dunno,” Paul said. “DJ never described his mom, you know? But we have to cover all bases.”
“Hey, DJ,” CJ called. The boy looked back over his shoulder at her. “What’s your mom look like? Or, what’s her name?”
DJ blinked blankly at her a few moments and shrugged. “She’s just mom.”
CJ nodded. “Oh, of course.” DJ returned to his conversation with Billy and CJ returned to hers with Paul. “Shoulda known better than to ask a preschooler about anything but cartoons.”
“You could just walk back there and bust up the love-fest,” Paul suggested.
“Why me? You’ve known ‘em longer.”
“That’s why it’d be weird for me but cool for you.”
She laughed aloud and grabbed Paul’s wrist. “Define ‘cool,’ dude.” CJ heard DJ say that he was tired and she checked her watch. It had to be way past his bed time. She wiggled out of the bunk and let DJ settle himself on her pillow as Billy bade him a good evening.
“I wanna go home,” DJ mumbled to CJ when she pulled a light blanket up on his shoulders. She looked into his face, his few freckles standing out as his face flushed white when he said “home.” “I like your bus,” he added and reached out for her hand when she began to pull away. “It’s better than our car.”
“How long have you been following the band?” CJ asked him, setting her chin on the bed next to his folded arms and breathing in a definitively child-like smell somewhat like maple syrup. Why kids always smelled like Aunt Jemima was one of those mysteries of the universe.
DJ closed his eyes. “I don’t know,” he whispered and tucked his head down, indicating he was ready to sleep.
“Well, kid, we’re gonna get you home as soon as we can, all right?” Paul whispered to him, touching the kid’s round cheek with his index finger, rubbing the smooth skin a moment. CJ smiled, thinking of how the child’s cherubic features somewhat mirrored Paul’s. DJ hummed his acknowledgment of Paul’s statement. CJ gently slid her hand out of DJ’s grip, promising to return soon. She and Paul whispered to one another, standing just outside the drawn curtain to the back room, hearing some Curtis Mayfield piping out of the sound system to mask any suspicious noises as well as to get the right mood. “I don’t trust this mom as far as I could throw her.”
“If she is the chick in here having some three-way fun with the twins, I’ma fuck her up. And listening to my freakin’ record,” CJ said, shaking her head. How could they use Curtis for the forces of evil?
“So go get her,” Paul said.
CJ looked over at the resting DJ and nodded. “A’ight.” Billy looked down on them from his bunk, curious as to how this would play itself out. CJ pulled up on the waist of her pants and took a deep breath, then she walked in through the curtain, disappearing from Paul and Billy’s sight. The two guys looked at one another, hearing Benji predictably mumble something about joining in. CJ didn’t respond, but appeared again, pushing Joel out through the curtains and into the aisle with his arm twisted behind his back.
“Ow, ow,” he protested, wearing only a pair of boxers low on his slim waist. “What the hell, Ceej?” Paul, Billy and CJ all hushed him and he just then noticed the latest acquisition asleep in CJ’s bed. “Aww, who’s the little guy?” He leaned on the edge of her bunk and looked down at him.
“Oh, you’re in no position to be asking questions, mister,” CJ said as she poked him in the naked midsection. Joel defended the assaulted area with his hands and looked inquisitively down at her. She gripped him by the wrist and pulled him up to the front lounge. “That little kid in there might be the son of whatever kinda hoochie you got playing with you and Benj in the back.” CJ was in the habit of laying everything out as plainly as possible and giving ample time for consideration on the other party’s part. Joel regarded her open-mouthed and looked back over his shoulder, at Billy and Paul watching him with their accusing eyes. CJ leaned in close and whispered, “I’ll give you a minute.” He plopped down in one of the bench seats around the kitchen table and put his hands to his hair, tugging on the ends.
Benji popped out through the curtains and looked around for Joel. He walked up to the front lounge and spread his arms out. “Hey, what the hell, dude? You’re missing the fun!” Benji was dressed in a very similar pair of boxers, but his upper body was nearly covered with enough ink to give the impression that he was more fully clothed than his brother.
“Shut up,” CJ whispered harshly, pointing an accusing finger at him.
Benji feigned a hurt look. “What’d I do?”
Joel didn’t move from his prostrate position as he explained the situation to his brother in a flat, emotionless voice. “We’re going to hell, dude,” he finished.
“This chick that’s into doin’ twins is somebody’s mom?” Benji marveled, looking over at CJ.
“Not to jump to conclusions, but…” she shrugged. “Nobody else is left at the club.”
“Well, I’m just gonna go ask her,” Benji said and strutted back down the aisle, stopping to look in at DJ.
“Oh, crap, CJ,” Joel said, looking up at her with a sheet-white countenance. “I’m so done letting Benji pick my activities.”
She reached out and touched his pallid cheek in a soothing gesture. “That’s probably a good idea.”
A low screech emanated from the back room and a woman burst through the curtains, holding most of her clothes in one hand. She stalked towards the front of the bus, Benji following behind her, a smirk on his face as he countered her curses with some of his own. He held his hands out apologetically all the same, with the tone of come on, baby, I didn’t mean it, come on back, we can work it out. “I can’t fucking believe this,” she was saying, when she came in earshot of CJ and Joel. “I think I finally found myself some decent guys-”
“Your idea of a descent guy would do you at the same time as his brother?” Benji spoke over her.
“-And now you accuse me of being some unfit mother?” She finished, not acknowledging Benji’s words. She whipped around when the Twins were near each other and she could address them both. “Well let me tell you something,” she said, shaking her neck, her stripped hair flicking over her shoulder. “I am a very good mother. My baby’s at home with his daddy, all right? I take great care of my baby.”
“What’s his name?” Benji asked right on the heels of her sentence as he leaned against the wall, crossing his arms across his chest. The momentary silence that followed, obviously due to the surprise the question induced since it wasn’t a logical next step in the conversation, Benji took as an indication of falsehood. “Yeah, great mom,” he mumbled before she regained her train of thought.
Her ice blue eyes slit at him and she looked down at Joel, who looked down and away from her gaze. She made a sound of disgust and shook her head. “Fuck you guys.” She turned and stormed off the bus.
“Well, that was fun,” Benji said, grinning at CJ.
“So I’m guessing that wasn’t her,” Joel said shakily, still deathly pale.
“Nope,” Benji said.
“Oh, great, so now we got a mom who just fucking skipped right off without her kid,” CJ said.
Benji looked back towards CJ’s bunk, where Paul still stood looking down at DJ, probably content to remain that way until someone made him move. Benji shrugged, absently playing with his lip rings. “What do we do now?”
CJ expelled an audible breath, looking down into Joel’s forlorn eyes, then at Benji’s, which were quickly draining of animation. She pushed away from the wall and moved next to Paul, looking in at the sleeping DJ. Paul wrapped an arm around her shoulders as the twins joined them, all trying to figure the fate of the beautiful child drooling on CJ’s pillow. Benji put a hand on DJ’s back and rubbed softly when he stirred, seeming to be aware of all the attention turned his way despite being sound asleep. “He’s adorable,” Benji whispered.
“He’s in my bed,” CJ whispered back.
“You can sleep with me,” Benji offered slyly.
CJ grinned at him. “I’d rather sleep in the back.” She motioned with her chin through the open curtains.
“I’ll keep you company,” Paul murmured.
“Well,” CJ said softly, feeling the need to fill the void. “I suppose all we can do is wait.”
This is obviously going to take another chapter or so to be resolved, so it should be coming… I dunno about soon, but it’ll show up.