a/n: This actually came from a weird dream I had, that I was sitting, watching the wedding below. It was really strange, so I embellished upon it.

Sitting quietly in the front pew of the small but beautiful chapel in Alexandria Virginia, Billy, Paul and CJ (GC’s new drummer) waited for the ceremony to begin. CJ absently wrapped one of her twists around her finger, making the spiral curl more pronounced. Joel and Josh were Benji’s dual best men, Josh standing further down the pew, talking to his mom and aunts, and Joel standing near the aisle, near Paul, Billy and CJ. He looked good in his classic black tuxedo, though he kept tugging at the collar and CJ kept telling him to leave it be. The voices that congregated in the chapel settled on the ears as a collective hum. Benji appeared, entering from the right as he had exited a moment ago to “take a piss” because he was so nervous. He, too, was wearing the traditional black tux and had removed his lip rings for the occasion as well as dyed his hair all black and cut it to look a lot like Joel’s. The high collar and long sleeves covered up his tattoos so only the MADE MAN tats still told of his wild side. His face was so pale, any blush in his cheeks drained out, and he fidgeted with his collar just like Joel. Josh walked up to him and tugged at the ends of his little brother’s bowtie, straightening it out. “You look good,” Josh told him.

“I feel like such a tool,” he replied, quoting a line from The Simpsons.

Josh bent his head down and looked up into his face. “Minty fresh,” he said, referring to his breath.

“Well, I just puked my guts out, so I figured I’d brush my teeth and use some Listerine.” Josh and Benji looked almost exactly the same, only Josh had short blonde hair, having shaved off his green Mohawk for the wedding. In all honesty, it seemed that Josh and Benji should be the maternal twins, Joel having gotten a more slender frame than his brothers.

“Well played,” Josh responded.

A woman behind CJ and Paul burst into tears, drawing slight attention to those near the aisle, and both CJ and Paul turned around to see what the problem was. “Hey,” CJ said, softly touching the woman’s arm in a rare show of sympathy. “What’s up?”

The woman spoke softly, in phrases punctuated by diaphragm spasms. “Y-y’know, damn that Benji. T-there goes a great lay… off the market n-now.” She buried her face in her handkerchief and lost any composure she had, repeating almost incoherently, “Damn that Benji.” Her friend gave an apologetic look at CJ and Paul, then took her friend out of the chapel, into the vestibule.

“Don’t I know it,” CJ mumbled.

“Wow, nuuut case,” Paul whispered, following the woman with his eyes until the doors to the vestibule swing shut. When he looked back at CJ, she was attempting to stifle her own tears as she looked down at the black One Stars Benji was wearing with his tux.

“Damn that Benji,” she whispered, shaking her head, mirroring the woman’s sentiment. Paul was momentarily stunned by her emotional response, but quickly came to understand that she was mourning the same loss as the lady in the lobby. He put his arm around her shoulders and attempted to comfort her.

Billy, sitting on the other side of Paul, broke into tears as well. “Damn that Benji,” he sputtered, covering his mouth with his hand.

“Uh,” Paul said, turning to look at him and reluctantly patting him on the back with his other hand. “Uh, yeah, Billy. It’ll be okay, dude.” When Joel broke into tears as well, Paul was seriously outdone, and he threw his hands up in the air. “Okay, it’s obvious I have no fucking clue what’s going on.” CJ elbowed him in the gut. “Ow, what?”

“Language. We’re in a church.”

“Oh, right, the church thing,” he said, rolling his eyes.

Benji looked past Josh to see Billy, head down, wiping at his eyes and coming away with streaks of eyeliner. He came over and stood in front of Billy until he looked up. Benji stretched out his hand to him. Billy’s face brightened a shade, then he looked down at Benji’s hand. He held out an eyeliner pencil to him. “It’s waterproof,” Benji said. Billy’s eyes dropped to the floor and he shook his head, excusing himself in a quiet voice and walking quickly down the aisle, out into the vestibule.

“Crap,” Benji said.

“I’ll get him, okay?” CJ said, holding his hand in both of hers for a moment, then taking the eyeliner and following Billy, lifting the edge of her floor length dark blue dress as she walked. The dress poured over her chocolate skin like smooth liquor. Paul grinned up at Benji who was still loving to watch her leave. Benji’s eyes met Paul’s and they both laughed.

“I will never get tired of that,” Benji said. Paul shook his head and made a tisk tisk sound with his tongue. “What? I’m getting married, I’m not blind.”

CJ caught up with Billy as he was pacing in the vestibule, trying to stop crying and wipe the black tracks from his face without getting it on his dress shirt. “Billy?”

He started without even looking at her. “Fuck that guy. You know what? Fuck Benji. This gonna change everything. Everything is gonna be fucked up wa-a-ay beyond repair now. Just when things get good, right? He’s gotta go bring something in to complicate shit. I swear to God he just likes things to be complicated, it’s what gets him through the day, you know? Drama.” He looked over at her, dropping his voice, then his eyes. “Oh, sorry,” he said, referring to his language.

“It’s okay. We’re in the lobby.”

Billy gave up and rubbed his face with the back of his sleeves. “I’m just so… God, I’m so mad at him, I guess. Dammit.” He kept pacing. “I dunno what to do.”

CJ grabbed his wrist to keep him from moving anymore, as he was making her nauseous. “Billy, hon. I’ll tell you what we’re gonna do. We are going to go back to that front pew and watch Benji marry Illi- Ella- whatever the hell her name is, all right? Because this is what makes him happy. We both know he’s wanted something like this forever, even if his short attention span got in the way a lot.” She moved her hands from his wrist to hold his hand gently. “And it won’t change anything. Just when we come home he’ll have this… wife.”

“See? That’s just weird to even say-”

“But it’s gonna be fine, all right, kid? Come here.” She motioned him down to her and he embraced her tightly. When he leaned away, she touched his face, putting her hands on either side and removing what remained of the misplaced eyeliner with her thumbs.

“I look shitty, hunh?”

She uncapped the waterproof eyeliner and smiled. “Bill, you never look shitty. Not even when you wake up in the morning. Close your eyes.” Billy obeyed and she carefully applied the eyeliner. The door to the Bride’s room opened and Ilsa, Benji’s fiancée peeked her head out. Ilsa was foreign. She looked it. She had dark, glossy hair, very pale skin and stoplight green eyes. CJ figured she and Benji would make some gorgeous, dark-haired, pale-ass kids.

“Where is Benji?” She whispered.

“In there,” CJ motioned towards the doors to the chapel. “But he can’t see you before the wedding. It’s tradition.”

Ilsa frowned. “Tradition,” she repeated, as though she didn’t understand the word.

“Yeah, it’s bad luck,” Billy said. “Hey, maybe you should go get him-”

“Ssh, don’t move,” CJ told him.

“Is it usual for men to wear eyeliner?” Ilsa asked.

“What is she, just off the boat?” Billy whispered.

“Ssh.” CJ spoke up to Ilsa. “Your man likes eyeliner a lot. Maybe you better put some on as well.” Ilsa nodded emphatically and closed the door to the Bride’s room again. She finished Billy’s eyeliner and told him to stand up again. “I really don’t like her,” she said as she straightened out his jacket and collar.

“We won’t have to deal with her all the time,” Billy replied.

CJ smiled up at him. “Now you’re gettin’ it.” She took his hand and pushed open the doors to the chapel. Eyes drifted back to them as they returned to their seats.

“How’s the bride?” Paul asked her.

She shrugged. “Dunno.”

Sarah, Benji’s sister, opened the doors and motioned to them. “Oh, crap. Here it goes,” Benji said and gave his mother’s leg a squeeze before his brothers went back to begin the precession, and he stood to the side of the altar. The organist began a soft song, some walking music, and the bridesmaids and best men made their way down the aisle, slow and steady. When Josh was near to the altar, Benji stepped to the middle of the church and hugged him before his brother moved to the left of him, Joel following, their friend Brian after him. The bridesmaids lined up in mirrored fashion on the right side of the church. Next Sarah came down the aisle, guiding Cash on an ivory colored leash, a small ivory pillow strapped to the Boxer’s head, the rings secured to the middle of it. She took her place at the end of the bridesmaid line after Benji gave her a kiss on the cheek and kissed Cash on the nose.

Because a good portion of Ilsa’s family, and some of Benji’s family was Jewish, “Here Comes The Bride” was not played for Ilsa’s procession, but an equally beautiful song piped out of the organ. Benji and Ilsa had picked out the song together, and it made the nervous sweat dry on his forehead. As he watched his bride walk down the aisle towards him he felt his nerves fade, until she was all he could see and she stood, creamy and incredible, in front of him and took his hands. He watched her lips move as she whispered to him, but he couldn’t hear her. The blood pulsing past his ears roared in his head. Ilsa stood about an inch taller than Benji. Father Oakley took his place above the couple, the music set to run a little longer than the procession to give everyone a chance to get comfortable for the ceremony. Father Oakley had been a friend of the family’s since Benji could remember, and it seemed only fitting that he would be the one to preside over one of the most important days of his life. “Benjamin,” Fr. Oakley leaned down and whispered. “I know you were never one to listen… but maybe you should be listening to your fiancée right now.” Ilsa’s hands had tightened on his and she spoke rapidly, so he had to listen hard to understand through her accent.

“I’m sorry Benji. I’m sorry, I can’t do this. Not today. Not… not ever. I thought it was going to be fine, but then I saw you, and all our families, in the sight of God.” She looked up at the large sculpture of a risen Jesus that back-dropped the altar, then back to Benji. He became aware that there was something digging into the skin of his palm, between the moist contact of his and Ilsa’s hands. “And I can’t do this. I can’t.” She pulled her hands away from his and stepped back, biting her lower lip and shaking her head. She reached to her head and took off the veil, dropping it on the blood red carpet, then turning to run out of the chapel, kicking off her heels before she reached the door, leaving them in the aisle.

“How will you get your green card, then?” Benji yelled after her. Benji turned his hand over and opened it up to find their engagement ring left in his palm. “Dammit.” After a stunned silence, the whole place went up in a cheer. CJ and Billy high-fived over Paul’s head. “Paul,” Benji said. “Remind me to never order from that magazine again.”

“Deal,” Paul replied, looking at him a moment, then back at the doors Ilsa had just disappeared through.

“At least now we can have an awesome reception,” Josh said, clapping his brother on the back. “Who’s hungry, I know I am.” He looked at their mother. “How ‘bout you, mamma?” Benji tried hard to seem in good spirits over this, like he was just as happy to be off the hook as everyone else seemed to be about it. He squeezed the ring as he tamped down his emotions and he began to feel the ooze of blood between his fingers, dripping off the tips to soak discreetly into the carpet.

Sarah came over in the arms of what would have been Benji’s brother-in-law, nuzzling him then looking up at her brother. “Hey Benj?” Sarah asked. “Can we use your honeymoon reservations?”

Benji woke with a start, his heart pounding and an acute headache cutting a bright, hot fissure through his vision. The Beauties of Northern Europe magazine lay open on his chest, and he threw it away from him, out of his bunk, as he sat up to press his fingers to his temples, attempting to allay the beast that was trying to claw its way out of his skull. The tour bus rocked as it moved down the highway, light from streetlamps illuminating the floor he could see beneath the edge of the curtain. He swung his legs out and stood up. “Hey CJ,” he whispered. “CJ,” he said again. She mumbled something from inside her bunk. He pulled open the curtain a little bit and ignored that she slept in close to nothing. “CJ, you’d tell me if I was marrying the wrong girl, right? I mean, if I was with, just, the completely wrong chick… you’d tell me, right?”

CJ lay with her back to him and hadn’t moved at all when he began talking to her. “Benji,” she began, eyes still closed, speaking in a hushed, sleep drenched voice. “Do I seem like someone to hold back my feelings? If you had the wrong chick I’d sure as fuck tell you, all right? Now go to sleep.”

Benji shifted his bare feet on the floor, feeling the grit of four months touring beneath his toes. “I- I can’t. I’m not tired anymore.”

CJ sighed, opening her eyes only for a moment to see that it was only 10 after 7 a.m. She’d had to get up this early sometimes last year when she was finishing out her last year of college, despite the attempt to not take any classes that met before 11 a.m. She turned over, eyes still closed and moved back against the back wall of her bunk. “I’ll stay awake with you Benj. C’mon up.” She held open the blankets for him and he wiped his feet off on the bed-rug and climbed up into her bunk, settling under the covers with her, so her face rested against the back of his hair and her breath would tickle the back of his ear if she shifted. Her right arm rested on his hip when she dropped it, letting the covers fall. He pulled the curtain mostly closed, as CJ liked to have small view of the world outside.

“What’s your wedding gonna be like when you get married?” Benji asked her.

He felt her chuckle. “That’s really less of a ‘when,’ more of an ‘if,’ Benj.”

“Why’s that?”

She thought about that, moving her mouth against Benji’s head so he felt it tickle, imagining her maybe playing with her lip ring the way she often did. “Um, well, honestly I think I’m a too selfish. I’m pretty much in love with myself, so there isn’t much room in my heart for anyone else.”

Benji closed his eyes as he listened to her. “No, Seriously.”

“Well,” she breathed, “it’s the work involved. Having to take this whole other person into account when I’m making plans… and taking this other person’s emotions into account all the time, it’s just a lot of effort. With my short attention span- as my interest wanes, so goes the effort.” He felt her shrug. “Shit, I don’t even like to date.” After a moment, she added to her statements. “But you, Benj, you’re a tough nut to crack, but pretty soft in there.” She poked his stomach. “You’ll find someone who won’t take that for granted, but will give you a challenge at the same time. You wouldn’t settle for less.”

There was a silence between them, deep and comfortable. Benji turned over, putting his head in the crook of her elbow, looking into her placid face as the wan light from the cracked curtain revealed it in soft lines and faint shadow. “Ceej, tell me how my wedding will be.” Her eyes fluttered open, and he was looking at her expectantly, the way a child looks at his mom when he asks her to tell him a bedtime story. She smiled, putting her hand over his eyes so he would close them.

“It’ll be perfect, Benji,” was all she said. “You’ll see.”