Oh boy this is the hard part. To try to put into words my feelings for my brother and for the great void his death has put into my life. I have a great family, a wonderful husband, two beautiful children , a good career and a beautiful home but I don't have my only brother, my only sibling and that hurts. I don't want to make this too sad but when Frank first found out he was sick, he turned to me for alot of the answers. I didn't have the answers, I didn't know the rules. I felt so helpless when I saw him at the hospital that first day. What do I say to him I thought as I walked to the floor of the hospital. When I got in the room there was no talking--we just held hands, cried and I told him I would be by his side for the whole fight and that together we would win. I guess he believed me because we just sat there said nothing else at that time. I took him for his radiation everyday then for chemo when he needed it. I felt so bad to see that stuff, that poison going into him--I always though how unfair this is. Oh well life as we know it is unfair. Anyway there were plenty of memories. So so may good memories I don't even know where to begin. Well let's start from my wedding day. He was only 16 at the time and I was 20. Both still young kids. Jimmy got along well with Frank because all he did was pick on Frank!!!(as long as Jimmy has someone to pick on, he's a happy camper). Anyway we lived with my parents for 9 months after the wedding because our house was not finished yet. It was fun to be there. Frank's best movie to watch with me was European Vacation with Chevy Chase(if you haven't seen this movie yet, get it ) No matter how may times we saw it, we laughed every time. It was after that point that life got so busy and hectic--I started Nursing school and Frank was still finishing High School, it was sometimes weeks before we saw eachother. I only wish we spent more time together at that stage in our lives because I never realized that my brother became a man. When did this all happen. All of a sudden Frank had girlfriends and went out to bars and had friends. I remember when all he stayed with was me, Aunt Ceal and Rita. Time goes by so fast you need to cherish every minute. Anyway when I became pregnant with Amanda oh boy was Frank excited. He came by to visit me often and felt bad for me when I was sick during the pregnancy. After Amanda was born you would see Frank's face light up whenever he saw or spoke of her. Now you see her face light up when we speak of him to her. Amanda was the only one for 5 years then Nicholas was born. I know this was exciting because he was a "BOY" why are men so funny about that?? Anyway Nicholas was another pride and joy of Franks. He still light up for Amanda though. I remember Michele telling me that he was at her house when my mom called and said it was a boy. She said he was jumping up and down he was so excited. The next day he came up to the hospital to visit us. I was surprised because Frank hated hospitals and anything to do with sick people(just the opposite of me). How ironic that is when you think about how much time he spent in the hospital and being sick. Well, Nicholas' middle name is Frank after my dad and my brother. We spent alot of time together when Frank became sick. I guess we learned the true meaning of precious time spent with precious people. Frank asked me alot of questions when he first became sick. I tried to answer him the best way I could. I never wanted to lie about anything yet I found myself trying to believe that things could get better for him. I think deep down I knew the truth I had dealt with this before only this time it was different--this was my brother and I couldn't imagine it was happening. We reviewed all the literature I could find and we saw the best doctors but to no avail-the monster remained. I cried all the time but never in front of him--he never saw my tears and I never really saw his but I am sure he had some. I remember when he first came home after the diagnosis and he asked me "could I get a lung transplant" I had to tell him that that was not an option at this point. I thought I would just collapse at that point. I think he wanted so much to get better. I know he did. I felt so helpless and useless--all these advances in medicine and still nothing would be able to save my brother. I admit I was very angry at times. I still am sometimes! I remember the first time I saw his hair loss--it was September 16,2001 Jimmy and my anniversary. Frank had just gotten home from the hospital because he had blood clots in his legs and he wanted to have a roast beef dinner for us. He took his hat off and said "look at this shit-do you believe it?" I said it looked very fashionable and I went into my mother's bathroom and just cried and cried. The disease was finally coming out and my poor mother who washed his hair while it all fell out into the sink. He never knew I cried though. We spent alot of time together in those last few months. We talked, sang and of course laughed all the time. What a great person to laugh with! Those who knew Frank should feel blessed. I know I was blessed to be part of his life. I know my children will always have great memories of him and I promise to always keep them updated and never let them forget. I don't know what else to write at this time. I never thought I would be doing this for my brother. I never thought I would loose my buddy, but I did and now I continue everyday to mourn for him. This website is a place where I can go to just remember all the good things and see all the pictures that meant so much to me. My tree is anotherr place that holds a special place in my heart-why?? Sometimes I don't know why, it just does. I would have done anything in the world to help my brother with this terrible disease. I tried my best and I hope he knows that. I am sure he reads this website and feels all the love we all share for him. Frank you are a very special person to a very many people but to me you are the "SPECIALIST"--thank you for being a part of my life--you will always hold a special place in my heart that no one else can ever enter and take from me.--Forever your "BIG" sister!!!
Well I almost forgot about this one until Jimmy so nicely reminded me. I am Eileen Frank's sister--I am sure you all know me by now. Well when Frank first told me he was called YEZ that I think is called a Tag name??? I don't know I am not up on all that stuff!! Well of course Jimmy goofed on him and I decided that I too needed a Tag name--so I called myself "SOY"--Sister of Yez. It drove Frank crazy but I know as we got older we laughed about that too. So many memories, so many good times I need to keep remembering!!
Once apon a time theire was a grandfather named Pop-Pop and he new guy but I don't know his name S-O-R-R-Y!!!!!!!!!
who always called people a ( DUDE ) just like a ( COOL DUDE) so when Marie and Pop-Pop got marrid they had a girl she
was born at 10 21 pm at night. Then 4 yearslatter Dude was born he was born at 6 33 am in the morning they whhere brother and sister. when mommy was little Dude yousto kik the top of the bed so that mommy got ANOYED!!. When mommy was in 5 grade she always had to go down to the Kindergarten flor to eat lunch with him. Dude yosto do bad things like kik the princbel,throw his lunch box over the fens and say you don't love me because he was being bad and nanny yelled at him and he got mad I know that because I do that too!!!!!mommy and Dude war in a wedding mommy was a flower girl and Dude was a ring berrer. It was Anut Debbie's wedding. I wasen't born so mommy told me that.mommy and Dude went to Florida and Micy and Minny. nanny took a picture of when mommy and Dude stuck theie head in a crokadiel it was fake. When mommy was little she yousto like Mical Jackson. mommys favorite food is chines food. mommys favoritecolor is gray. Dude's favorite food is tocos.Dudes favorite is green and orange.mommy and Dude went on vaycaytion to the Catskills.mommys favorite holiday is Christmas. Dudes favorite holiday is the same as mommy. Dude and mommy went to lake jorg.Mommy and Dude went to sesame place and to hershy park. They yousto go to conny island. They yousto go to the beach and nelley blind.
Amanda wrote this story on Wednesday April 2, 2003. She was trying to explain how Frank got the nickname Dude--she went off the subject quickly but she is only 7 years old. Anyhow there will be a story written by my Dad shortly about how Frank got that name. Amanda heard us talking about it and thats why she wrote this. I hope you enjoy her love for Dude!!!
Sometimes I feel that I have change..no actually I know I have changed. I know over the past 1 1/2 years, I have been distant at times especially when Frank first died. I tried to deal with it all by myself..I didn't think I needed help. Not me, I was the one who had to be strong, the one who knew how to handle it. Well I didn't know how to handle it or how to be strong. These feelings brought alot of anger into my life at times. I lost my brother..this was something I never imagined. How could this have happened?? This question lingers on inside my head. Alot of people I guess don't understand but the feelings were unbearable at times. Only now can I do things without crying constantly. Do I still cry?? Oh yes, alot but it feels better. I know I did everything in my power to help my brother deal with his disease. Ouch!!! That word really hurts!! I know I was there for him with no regrets. I never regretted anything I did for him or with him. Now as I sit here every night, and visit his website and do my updates and stuff, I feel as though I am still here for him. Through his TREE I can still see him smiling at me. I can't explain these feelings to anyone but somehow they help me. I can keep him alive for all of us. I sometimes wonder if on the outside I looked like everything was under control?? On the inside I was so broken apart. It has taken me a long time to start to mend. I know I will never be completely whole again and I can accept that. I can live happily with my family and my brother's memory through my memories of him, my children's memories and this websiste. I promise to continue to make this website a warm place for you to visit Frank. With the help of my two very special "helpers" this will be possible forever. Frank--I hope you know how much you mean to me, yesterday, today and for every tomorrow!
This is a dream that Amanda had the other night..she wanted to type it herself and let everyone know about it..please read it and let her know what you think about it..she was very excited about her "visit from Dude"...
one day when I wokeup I saw a trail of pennies... so I followed them and they lead me up to heaven and then I realized that Dude sent me the trail of pennies.Dude told me to say " tell my mom that I love her and tell my sister the same thingand I said "o.k.So after my fabulous day.Dude sent me a trail of dimes to follow back home... when I got home I found a big poster and I read what it said and when I went to read the back of it I wokeup. So that's why I decided to write this story and I hope everybody enjoyed this story as much as I enjoyed writing it
The End
Christmas / Castles / Painting / Thank You / Chemo Angel
Light a Candle / Heavenly Lights Memorial