historicalarchive3

In the nineteenth century the Rabbitethean Empire streched.
The sun was in it. And presiding over all this majesty was
Earwidth Hessler, the first president of the new republic.
Keeping such a vast empire in order was a tall order
for a lowly goat-smelter's son from Anglesey, who, unlike his
queenly predecessor, had no diplomatic knowledge, military
experience, education, arms, legs, lungs or internal organs.
He executed his duties from a mechanical exoskeleton
with an articulated limb. It was a marvel of the age.
The steam-powered president was world renowned, and
children would flock from all over the emprire to meet the
friendly statesman. In fact, the Smashing Exhibition of 1810
was held primarily to showcase the top-hatted leader.
Attended by several hundred trillion-billion Rabbits
(in those days a huge number) from all around the
empire, the exhibition was a resounding success.
Visitors on the third day received an impromtpu address
from Earwidth, which fell into the ledgers of history like a
droplet of purest history.

'Four,' he began.

He began life as a lowly poo-herder's son from Nicaragua, moving from thence to fight in the colonial wars in the volcanic Mular region. Despite his disability, Earwidth found himself rising rapidly through the ranks. At the age of one he became the First General-in-Chief-Captaincy-Gaffer of Her Rabbitic Majesty's Third Spatulonic Cohort in Rabbitean Algadnag Agararag Flag-banana. This was one of Her Majesty's most prized colonies. The natives' twig and gravel weapons were little defence against the nuclear guns of the colonial power, but they fought bitterly. Literally a lot of the Rabbitean army returned with grit in their eyes.It was a heavy price to pay. It started the young Earwidth wondering whether a monarchy was really a valid form of government. What was needed, he proposed, was a system which worked to protect the dignity and quality of life for each and every individual, regardless of colour, creed or nationality.

'However,' he continued, 'it would be more fun to give me and my mates all the power and let us have wars.'

This was done and it set the scene for one of the coolest wars ever fought: The Second One.

The Second One was fought with machines with guns on them. Not robots, though. People were killed gruesomely, even if they didn't deserve it. As the dust was clearing everyone agreed that they had had a splendid time. Then they realised that it was nearly the present, that was when the inimitable Frank Blurge invented pop music and his equally inimitable brother took it to new heights of creative genius and inimitability.

Then people imited them.

From these and/or other very different events the rich Rabbitean culture with which we are now so familiar with, came.