LIFE LESSONS
Version 1.1 (2002)
A Collection of Random Ideas/Musings
(May possibly lead you to be less crispy, more festive, and to personally ponder someof the fascinating things that happen in your everyday life!)
1. Don't eat Braum's Chili. I think it may sit out all day. Who knows what's in it? The results can't be good.
2. It's never too late to get right with God. But getting right with God takes some work, so don't jump into the deep end of the pool unless you're ready to do some hardcore swimming.
3. Listening to Phil Collins is nothing to be ashamed of.
4. Don't cook pizza (or anything in the oven) when you have a sudden urge to "just shut your eyes for a minute"--chances are you'll end up with a nap and a burned pizza.
5. Despite counter-conditioning throughout your first three years of college, when you're finally 21, in your own apartment, drinking a beer and a knock comes at the door--you don't have to put the beer down.
6. If someone invites you to take part in an "adventure," without much more explanation, just say, "No, I'll pass, thank-you."
7. Don't let work own you. If you're lying in a puddle, on your bathroom floor, because you've got food poisoning... and the only thing you can think about is how bad you feel about calling in sick to your minimum wage job---man, that's not right. Get a new job.
8. While Thoreau may have learned a lot through self-reflection on Walden Pond, don't spend too much time alone. Chances are you'll end up pondering your life much more than you really should.
9. Anyone who is not your intellectual superior, regardless of age, can be referred to as a "kid."
10. Everything can be construed as a sexual innuendo. Be careful.
1.You understand why people are obese when you catch yourself, lying in bed, eating a Krispy Kreme doughnut. Enjoying every minute of it.
2. If you decide to reset your alarm clofck for that extra ten minutes of sleep, while you're bleary eyed and half awake, make sure you turn the alarm clock back ON.
3. Never pretend you're good at something when you really do suck at it.
4. Naps are never long enough. Ever.
5. Simple folk, typically good people, make good friends.
6. Don't tell a homesick person that you just cooked their favorite meal at home, and that you don't have time to talk to them. Instead, tell them you just finished manual labor and that you didn't eat anything they'd have enjoyed.
7. Manuals should be written so you can find the passage you're looking for in a matter of minutes. Otherwise, you stand there, flipping through the manual, thinking about how stupid the manual is instead of actually focusing enough to find whatever the heck you're looking for.
8. If it's offered, drink the beer.
9. When calling someone who works in a corn field, you should definitely say, "Hello? Is this a person who of the corn?"
10. Peer critics often lie.
11. A plain bagel tastes much better with peanut butter than a blueberry one does.
12. Don't get sniped.
13. Don't drink a lot of ginger ale and then eat jello. It can leave you feeling really really gross.
14. There is a satifsying feeling when the person who annoys the crap out of you leaves the room.
15. The people you admire most, you probably don't know all that well. Every hero has a weakness.
16. Two scared, jumpy, people should not be in charge of checking out the mysterious noise coming from underneath the building. One is liable to run out and leave the other.
17. Don't blow up turtles. PETA might gitcha.
18. Remember, some men get the whole world, while others just get an ex-hooker and a trip to Arizona. (LA Confidential)
19. The people who look like thugs probably are.
20. People's dirty little secrets are frequently all over the internet.
1. Make sure you know what parking lot your vehicle is parked in before you travel the complete wrong direction (or take the shuttle to the park n ride).
2. When the most official person you know picks you out of a crowd, to ask how you've been doing and how your day is going, you know you're not as anonymous as you once hoped you were.
3. Old friends are the type you can call out of no where, when you haven't talked for ages, and then ask them to do you a favor...
4. If you eat stir fry, after craving McDonald's, it just sorta isn't right.
5. If a supermarket has dust on fifty-percent of the cans on the shelves, that just isn't a good sign.
6. It's probably not good to actually ponder skipping a meeting where they are going to honor you for good attendance...as ironic, or personally satisfying as that might be.
7. The corrosive nature of Coke is evident after it eats through the paper cup it comes in after a mere 24 hours.
8. If people mistake your boobs for knees, you really need to rethink some things. Particularly if you're in a movie being watched by college kids, or if you appear in public regularly.
9. People shouldn't tell you that sometime during the week there's going to be a fire drill. Then, when you take a nap, or start a project, you're like, "Damn, is the fire drill going to interrupt me? And you waste all this good time thinking about it. Maybe that's just me.
10. If a person represents you, it's your duty to support them... even if you don't like them. Which can be a bitch, if you're really not fond of that particular person.