Sorry about not updating in such a long time. So prepare for an extra-long Imprint!

I guess I'm feeling a bit ambivalent about my journal these days. It's not that I want to discontinue it, because I don't. I just don't really have the time to devote to it right now. The main reason for that is my infernal home computer, which my dad had worked on in what little spare time he had. He called me up a few weeks ago to let me know that, no matter what he did, he just couldn't find the problem and had to clear out the hard drive completely and reinstall all of the software.

It's just getting so frustrating. I got it back on a couple of weeks ago, but between being absurdly busy and being sick with a nasty little cold, I didn't have the time to connect everything and re-load my Pac Bell info until Sunday night. Of course, with the way my year has been, computer-wise... Well, it's still not connecting to the internet, though it had no problem through AOL while still at my folks' place. So Dad's going to come over this Sunday, with Mom, Teresa and Ryan. He'll take a look at it and I'll make them a nice dinner.

Provided the world doesn't end at midnight on Friday, that is.

Another factor contributing to my ambivalence is the quality of writing. I know I'm still fairly new to the journaling game, but I don't seem to have found a distinctive voice, and it bugs me. Sometimes I'm feeling all conversational, other times I feel rather formal. I don't like the fact that my entries are all over the place. I don't like it when I re-read some of what I've written and see some kind of Sybil-entry staring back at me.

Then again, maybe that is my style, my voice. Most of the time I feel a bit schizophrenic. I suppose many people feel that way, especially the creative ones. Maybe the fact that, at the age of 33, I'm pulled in so many different directions that I still don't know what I want to do with my life so I end up standing still, or moving at a very slow crawl, well, maybe that screams out in my writing.

There have been so many little things that I want to write about, but by the time I actually get the chance, they've flown from my mind or I just don't have the fire anymore. I could always dash off a few notes in a little notebook, but the thought of writing long-hand is exhausting. I've become so used to the speed of typing away, which almost keeps pace with my thoughts, that putting pen to paper is too much to think about.

Man, am I friggen spoiled, or what?!

My personal life has taken a sharp, very unexpected turn. I can't talk about it, not at this point (if ever), but it's really thrown me for such a loop that I'm not sure if I'm going left or right or maybe some other completely unexplored direction. I wish I could talk about it. I'm sorry for the tease. Right now it's so new and I'm so confused that I'm not even talking about it to my closest friends. (If any of them read this, they're gonna come down on me hard for not talking, I just know it.)

But I promise, if I can write about it, I will.

My party on the 18th was uneventful, but still fun. As usual I made and bought way too much food. And only six people showed up. I'm glad that the people who showed up did, but disappointed that some people who had sworn up and down that they would be there didn't make it, for various reasons.

It's enough to make me stop throwing any kind of parties.

I came very close to using my CPR training very early on the 12th. Very scary.

After a day of shopping on the 11th I went to Dawn's birthday dinner. Very fun, with about twenty folks in our party, most of whom I either knew or at least had met before. The jazz band was excellent, though we were a bit too close (my ears were ringing for a few days).

Around 2am we left the restaurant (kind of had to, since they were closing) and those of us who were left (six or so) went over to Dawn's to continue our night o' fun. One of her friends had a bit too much to drink. By the time she got to Dawn's place she had to make a beeline for the porcelain god, poor dear, and didn't want to leave it, so we left her alone as she requested.

Dawn went to check on her periodically. Good thing she did. Dawn's friend (referred to as DF from here on) began to breathe very irregularly. She said that all she needed was her inhaler (she has asthma), but the inhaler was in her car. Which was back at the restaurant parking lot becuase she had left her wallet and keys in the now-closed restaurant. Yikes. Dawn and her gentleman friend called AAA and went to meet the locksmith at her friend's car while I stayed in the upstairs bathroom to keep an eye on DF, who was sprawled on the floor, unable and unwilling to move much.

After what seemed an eternity of her gasping for breath, punctuated by terrifying seconds of no breathing, she gasped, "I need help." I called for one of the other friends to call 911. The girl who called gave the dispatcher the address, but wasn't exactly sure about DF's condition, so she handed me the phone. I relayed the medical information as best I could (before she left Dawn had mentioned that DF has to take medication for her asthma, but I had no idea what kind of meds they were) and within five minutes the paramedics showed up.

DF was taken to a local hospital and I followed within five minutes after telling the other people (some of whom I knew Dawn would trust alone in her home) to let Dawn know where I was. After waiting for in the emergency waiting room for about thirty minutes Dawn and her gentleman friend showed up with DF's purse. Apparently it took close to forever for the locksmith to show up.

It was another twenty or so minutes before DF was released, feeling much better, but still weak and more then a little embarassed (though she really had no reason to feel so, theses things happen, unfortunately).

Turns out, in addition to her asthma and the drinking, DF was starting to come down with a really bad flu, which she didn't realize at the time. No wonder the poor girl got so sick.

Christmas Eve and Christmas were both very fun, though I was feeling under the weather (the cold I was just getting over was getting ready to return and kick my ass).

On Christmas Eve we had an elaborate dinner at my older brother Randy's place, which he now shares with his girlfriend Deb and her 18 year old son Deric. Very fun, with almost all of the family there (just my sister Lisa and her family weren't there, but that's 'cause she lives about four hours away and my brother-in-law Jeff had back surgery on the 21st, poor fellow).

Deb cooked a ton of food, and I could only eat a few bites before I became stuffed. I assured her that the food was excellent, which it was, but told her it was because I was getting over a cold and didn't have an appetite yet. Same thing happened on Christmas Day. What's the point of having a ton of good food and being unable to eat to your heart's (or should I say, stomach's) content?

Besides the food, the nieces and nephews opened presents that Randy, et al, got them, as well as my parents. All presents were loved by the recipients, which is always nice.

Christmas Day saw me feeling rather anti-social (feeling a little depressed, which is actually unusual for me during the holidays), but as the day wore on and I spent more time with my family (especially the nieces and nephews), I was feeling more myself and absolutely loving watching the kids open their presents and helping nephew Alex open his presents.

Better yet, everyone loved the presents I bought them! I got outfits for all of the kids, which were very well received (sis-in-law Gloria told the kids to thank their Aunt Carol for having such good taste). Dad got a Craftsman rotary tool, which goes well with the Makita drill Randy gave him the previous night, and Mom received a lot of jewelry to go in her brand new jewelry box that Teresa bought her. What can I say? We're a family that believes in themes!

Another note: my best friend Jenn and her hubby Scott are expecting their first little bundle of joy in June or July, right around the time my sis Lisa is due with her new baby. And another friend and his wife are due to have their first baby in April. I'm soooo happy for all of them! But I just can't keep up any more!

Knowing me, I probably won't update before the new year, so I hope everyone has a happy and safe one!