Neutron
LOL
Tue Dec 25 02:20:18 2001

That is indeed quite funny. And now, a visit from Neutron's poetry corner *groans fill the room*

'Twas the night before christmas, and all through the SG,
Not a merc was a-stirring, save for one (had to pee).
When up on the roof there arose quite a clatter
That was followed quite shortly by a loud, gruesome splatter.
Maq jumped to her feet and ran to the roof
To find Neutron, his shotgun, and a disembodied hoof.
Laying off to the side was a bloodied-up head
Which clearly was wearing a hat colored red.
"My god..." Maq spoke softly as her stomach turned sick.
"Oh my fucking god, Neutron, you just killed Saint Nick!"
Neutron just shrugged and reloaded his gun.
"Bad, yes it was, but it certainly was fun.
I can't stand that moron, so fat and so jolly,
You see this?" He pointed. "A nude Seven dolly."
Maquestan just glared with her hands on her hips,
And a most vile anger came out of her lips.
"You'll fix this," she started. "And I know just the way.
You'll put on his suit, and you'll get in his sleigh."
Then a look of pure shock came across Neutron's face.
"You surely don't mean I'm to take Santa's place?"
"That's just what I mean," said the pissified Maq.
"Now put on that suit, and pick up that sack.
You'll be the one to put the gifts 'round the tree."
But Neutron just moaned. "Why me, God? Why me?"
Reluctantly, Neutron agreed with her plan.
"All right," he sighed loudly. "I'll do what I can."
So he put on the suit, and he put on the hat,
And he picked up the bag, full of this thing or that.
Down from the roof came the jolly Saint Newt,
When a merc came from nowhere, "Stop or I'll shoot!"
Neutron turned slowly to face his attacker,
To find Charlie Echo, Security Guard/Slacker.
"It's me you incompetent prick of a merc,
Santa's quit Christmas, stuck me with his work."
And Neutron turned quickly, leaving Echo's jaw slack,
With hat on his head and bag on his back.
And to the big tree did ol' Newty Claus wander.
He unpacked the bag and stuffed each present under.
He filled every stocking with all sorts of cool goodies,
And left every merc an "FR:MFH" hoodie.
Then up to the roof he returned to his sister.
She had tears on her face, he had obviously pissed her.
"That's Dasher, that's Dancer, that's Prancer and Vixen,
That's Comet, that's Cupid, that's Donder and Blitzen.
There's parts on the porch, and blood on the wall.
My god," she exclaimed. "Newty, you killed them all!"
But Neutron was grinning, quite pleased at the sight.
"Merry Christmas to all... for this is a good night!"