Section 6: Mary Cherry
|~ Two Tickets For The Express Train To Hell, Please ~|~ People In Glass Houses...Break A Lot Of Windows ~|~ Short Straw ~|

Author's Notes: OK, we've told everyone except Dad and Mary Cherry. Let's see how the Southern Christian takes the news, shall we? And my Bible is really rusty so if the quote is off, chalk it up to unique Mary Cherry interpretation. And I can't do Mary Cherry's accent to save my life so, please bare with me.

Section 6 Mary Cherry

TWO TICKETS FOR THE EXPRESS TRAIN TO HELL, PLEASE

"Oh mah Gawd! Oh mah Gawd! Oh mah Gawd! Oh mah Gawd! Oh mah Gawd!" Mary Cherry exclaimed. Sam leaned over to whisper into Brooke's ear as they once again found themselves playing out the great drama of their lives in the Novak.

"Is she praying for us, blessing us or damning us?" she asked dumbfounded. Brooke shook her head slowly never removing her eyes from the kneeling form of Mary Cherry who was still repeating those three words like a mantra.

"Oh mah Gawd! Oh mah Gawd! Oh mah Gawd! Oh mah Gawd! Oh mah Gawd!"

"I have no idea," Brooke whispered back with a frown. They both continued to stare at the girl on the floor in front of them. Sam turned to Brooke to face her.

"I've lost count, how many 'Oh my God's' is that?" Brooke shrugged.

"Three, four hundred?" Brooke answered looking back at Sam. Sam seemed to consider this for a minute and then turned to Mary Cherry.

"If she hasn't answered you by now, Mary Cherry, she must be busy doing something else. Now stand up and talk to us like a normal human being," she stopped to ponder her words. She looked at Brooke. "Or whatever passes for 'normal' for Mary Cherry."

Mary Cherry suddenly stopped her chanting and sprang to her feet in one bound reminding both Sam and Brooke of a Jack-in-the-Box. Sam could actually hear the strains of 'Pop goes the weasel' in her head. Mary Cherry's eyes narrowed and she pointed an accusing finger at them both.

"Y'all know what ya are? Y'all are evil. EEE-VEEELLLL!!!" Mary Cherry shrieked.

"It speaks," Sam said dryly as Brooke shot her a dirty look and approached Mary Cherry, palms out in the universal sign of peace. Mary Cherry backed away and raised her purse as if to strike her. Brooke stopped and backtracked until she was hidden slightly behind Sam who looked between the two of them in confusion. Brooke pointed to the purse and Sam's eyes got wide. She knew what Mary Cherry carried in that bag. Or was rumored to at least. She took a step back as well, Brooke still behind her.

"Now, Mary Cherry, just calm down. There's no need for violence," Sam said calmly, hoping to avoid bloodshed, most notably hers and Brooke's. Mary Cherry waved the purse at them threateningly.

"Evil," she repeated. "There's a word fer it, y'all. It's in-cese." Sam burst out laughing making Mary Cherry and Brooke jump. Sam looked at Brooke who was now crouched behind her.

"Incense, get it? Incense?" Brooke tried to hide the smile to no effect. Mary Cherry rolled her eyes.

"Ah know it's INCEST," she pronounced the word slowly and perfectly in generic middle American english. "Don't be mockin' mah accent Sam-in-a-Can." Her eyes narrowed further. "An' it's wrong, y'all. Just wrong. Y'all're goin' ta Hell. It's against the Bible. It says a man shall not lie down wit' another man."

"Then we're fine, neither of us is a man," Sam pointed out flatly. Mary Cherry started to turn an alarming shade of red. Brooke hit Sam on the back.

"You're not helping," she hissed. Sam craned her neck to look at Brooke.

"Neither are you," Sam hissed back. "I know you like my ass but stop using it as your personal shield and get out here, she's your friend, not mine." Brooke sighed and stepped out from the safety of Sam's back to face Mary Cherry.

"Technically, Mary Cherry, it's not incest since we're not actually sisters. There's no blood relation between us," Brooke explained simply. Mary Cherry shook her head.

"Ah saw this ehgzact thing on Jerry just a few months ago," she started.

"Rikki," Sam broke in. Mary Cherry tilted her head confused. Sam thought she resembled a constipated poodle.

"Huh?"

"Rikki Lake, you saw it on Rikki Lake," Sam clarified. Mary Cherry nodded.

"Whatever, y'all. As Ah wuz sayin', she did this whole show on stepsisters who were illicit lovers an' how it tore the fam'lies apart," Mary Cherry droned on. Sam and Brooke exchanged tired looks.

"Mary Cherry, your point?" Brooke asked curtly. Mary Cherry glared.

"Y'all have earned yerselves one way tickets on the express train ta Hell, that's mah point, Brookie. First class tickets, too."

"Christ, whatever," Sam mumbled, so not impressed by Mary Cherry's rantings. Mary Cherry turned her attentions on Sam.

"What did y'all do to her? What lil' ol' spell did you put on poor ol' Brookie ta turn her all gay, Spammie?" Sam looked at Mary Cherry like her head had fallen off.

"What? How? What?" Sam sputtered. She put her hands on her cheeks and stared flabbergasted through her fingers at Mary Cherry.

"You heard me, Sammie McQueerson, whaud ya do ta her ta make her become a lez-be-ee-in-in-trainin'?" What started as a giggle grew into hysterical laughter for Sam as she looked at Brooke for help. Brooke just shrugged. She had NO idea what to say to that. She also had no idea what Sam found so damn funny.

"Did ya slip a mickey in her protein drink?" Mary Cherry continued as Sam slid to the floor, the hysterical laughter overwhelming her and making tears slide down her face. Mary Cherry advanced on her until Brooke stood in her way.

"Outta mah way, Brookie, this is between me an' Sammy McRainbow over there. Think this is funny,huh? Well, Ah don't. Up until recently, Brookie wuz straight as an arrow an' then you come along battin' yer big Bambi brown eyez at 'er an' the next thing Ah know she's playin' fer the other team. Ya musta dun sumthin' to her," Mary Cherry explained. Brooke sighed as Sam kept laughing, holding her sides. Brooke didn't know what was worse, Mary Cherry's ranting or Sam's laughing.

"Sam didn't do anything to me, Mary Cherry. No spells, no drugs, nothing. I'm gay, not straight and I love her. Please stop laughing Sam, you're not helping." Sam snorted at her and Brooke rolled her eyes. "Fine, whatever. Mary Cherry, we're not evil, we're not committing incest and we're not going to Hell. OK?" Sam hiccuped signifing the end of her laughing fit and stood back up. Brooke shot her a dirty look.

"You done?" Sam smiled sheepishly as she wiped away the last of the laughter induced tears.

"Yeah," hiccup, "sorry."

PEOPLE IN GLASS HOUSES...BREAK A LOT OF WINDOWS

"It's wrong and amoral and depraved and morally wrong and reprehensible..." Mary Cherry continued fifteen minutes later as she paced and Brooke and Sam sat on the couch in the Novak watching.

"I think she just used her allowance of big words for the year," Sam yawned. Brooke leaned her head on Sam's shoulder and sighed. (If she's reacting this badly to us, her head'll explode if she ever found out about Nic)

"Let her get it out of her system now and maybe she won't do something outrageous with it later," she suggested. Sam nodded.

"Let's hope so," Sam agreed.

You know, I think we would have been better off gathering everyone into a room and telling them all at once rather than one at a time," Brooke said in hindsight. "At least we'd be done by now." Sam smirked.

"True. We could have dropped the bomb and ran and let them all fight it out amongst themselves. Can you see it? Carmen, Mary Cherry and Harrison vs. Lily, Josh, Nicole, and Sugar? Man, I'd pay to see that Royal Rumble," Sam laughed. Brooke giggled at the imagery.

"We could charge on Pay-per-View," Brooke joked. Sam looked down at Brooke with a shocked look on her face.

"Careful, I think my sense of humor is wearing off on you," she warned. Brooke looked suitably frightened.

"We're in trouble if that ever happens," she agreed. Mary Cherry suddenly turned and approached Brooke with an angry (angrier?) look on her face.

"Do y'all have any idear what this is gonna do ta all the lil' Brookie worshippies out thar? They'll all either convert ta gayism er decide that y'all ain't cool no more an' then we'll all be unpopular like Spammie McPride over thar," she declared. Sam swallowed the anger that was starting to bubble from the stupid names Mary Cherry was calling her. (I will not stoop to her level, I won't) Brooke sighed.

"Her name is Sam McPherson, Mary Cherry. Either call her Sam or don't say her name at all," obviously Brooke was bothered by it too. Mary Cherry glared at her.

"Whatever. Are ya listening ta me at all, Brookie? Y'all are gonna destroy us all," Mary Cherry pointed out. It was like a distorted echo of Carmen's sentiments a few days earlier. (Very distorted, Funhouse distorted, echo) Brooke put her face in her hands and softly started to cry, more out of frustration than anything else. Sam rubbed her back for a minute and then let her anger get the better of her and stood up to face the still irate Texan.

"All right, my turn you ignorant, Bible-thumping, axe-murdering, anal retentive little twit!" she exploded, surprising even herself with the force behind her voice. Brooke looked up to watch, not about to miss this show.

"First off, what Brooke and I have is no one's business but our own. It's pure and good and real and not in anyway, shape or form evil. It is love, pure and simple and God would not create a love that is wrong. Got that? Good, because I'm not repeating it. Let me know if I'm going too fast for you at anytime Mary Cherry and I'll slow down or draw pictures for you." Mary Cherry nodded mutely, suddenly very very afraid. Sam took a few more steps towards her until she had Mary Cherry backed up against the sink. Brooke watched with a half smirk on her face. She loved it when Sam got wound up like this. For a couple of reasons. First off, winding down was...fun.

"Second, we're only telling you and everyone else because you're our friends although with you I use that term very loosely. Thirdly, neither of us gives a shit what anyone thinks anymore, least of all a narrowminded little idiot like you. If you have a problem with this, look away or go join Harrison and Carmen at the reject homophobic table they currently reside at because we won't miss your 'sparkling' company."

"Finally, and this is my favorite, who the Hell are you to accuse us of being evil or wrong? Jesus, Mary Cherry, you're so inbred you were born with webbed toes and feet for God's sake. Now if any love was wrong or evil, that was. Now that, that is incest. And as far as us being gay and that being wrong, have you talked to your father lately? If not I think you might want to have a LONG talk with him cuz there's a little tidbit of info I think you might have overlooked concerning him." Mary Cherry was blinking at her in shock and Brooke was trying, rather unsuccessfully, to smother a giggle with the back of her hand. Sam put her hands on her hips.

"Now," she started in a much calmer voice, "did you get all that?" Mary Cherry nodded. "Good, now, either get your head out of your ass and congratulate us on being happy or shut your oversized fly trap and get out of our sight."

It took Mary Cherry a few minutes to formulate an answer, she was staring at Sam with her mouth wide open, speechless. While she waited, Sam went and sat back down next to Brooke. Brooke wrapped her arms around Sam and hugged her tightly.

"That was very sexy," Brooke purred into her ear, not caring that Mary Cherry was still standing at the sink letting Sam's words sink in. Sam gave her a sexy smile.

"Liked my little rant, did ya?" Sam asked as she kissed Brooke's forehead, also ignoring Mary Cherry's existence. Brooke nodded.

"It was very...impassioned," Brooke whispered, leaning closer to Sam's face and staring at Sam's lips. She watched the corners of Sam's mouth quirk up.

"I do impassioned very well, don't you think?" Sam teased while running her tongue over her bottom lip. Brooke nodded, unable to think or form a response for the blood roaring in her ears. She closed the gap between them and kissed Sam for all she was worth and only broke apart when Mary Cherry decided to make her presence known again.

"Geez, y'all get a room. Don't make me hose ya down."

SHORT STRAW

"Just do me a favor and never join the debate team, Sam, that's all I'm asking," Brooke said as she rested her head on Sam's abdomen and they both lay sprawled on her bed later that night. She felt a rumble of laughter ripple though Sam.

"Why's that, Princess?" Sam asked as she ran her hands through Brooke's hair absently, reveling in the silky feel.

"I love to watch you argue. I think that's why I used to fight with you so much. I love the way you light up when you get your groove on. It's such a turn on," Brooke admitted with a smile. Another rumble of laughter went through Sam.

"I get it. If I joined the Debate Team you'd want to jump my bones everytime I got on stage and tried to argue a point. And while that wouldn't be a bad thing for me, it might make scoring difficult for the judges to decide. So noted." Brooke shifted slightly so that she could look into Sam's half lidded eyes which stared back at her full of mirth and love.

"Yeah, well, Mary Cherry's lucky she interrupted when she did or she REALLY would have gotten more than she bargined for." Sam scrunched up her nose.

"Ew, not into audiences, Princess," she stuck out her tongue at the thought. Brooke moved up to capture the errant tongue and give it something better to do.

"Am I really your Princess?" Brooke asked after she broke away minutes later and stared intently into Sam's warm brown eyes. Sam cocked her head to the side and smiled.

"Have you always had a knack for changing horses midstream or is it an acquired talent?" Brooke swatted her on the arm and leaned into her embrace to snuggle.

"Answer me, please. I need to know. You call me that all the time. Am I really your Princess?" Sam frowned.

"Of course you are. Why would you think that you weren't, Brooke? To say that I worship you, aside from sounding incredibly cheesy, would be too bland, it wouldn't be enough to express how much you mean to me. Even saying 'I love you' doesn't seem enough to make you understand the depth of what I feel for you."

"Sammy," Brooke broke in, starting to cry. Sam wiped away her tears while shaking her head.

"Let me finish, you asked. You are my Princess. You are my everything. Even if I lost everything, everyone, if I still had you, I could survive it because you'd be there. Even if I hadn't regained my voice or the use of my legs after the accident, I think that if I had you by my side I would have been all right, Brooke. You once called me your saviour, your hero. Well, you're mine, Brooke. And I love you, with more words than even me, the writer, can say." Brooke was crying openly now and Sam sighed.

"I hate it when you cry. I hate making you cry," Sam said sadly. Brooke shook her head.

"Happy tears," she explained. "You say the most beautiful things, Sammy. I love you and I love being your Princess." She reached over and kissed Sam again, showing her exactly how much. Sam broke away a few minutes later, much to Brooke's disappointment.

"Mom and Mike are home. We can't," Sam lamented. "We're a little TOO vocal," she blushed, which Brooke found endearing. She reached up and brushed some of Sam's brown hair out of her face.

"I know," Brooke said, longing and desire evident in her voice. "So, we've told everyone else, now all we have to do is tell Dad." Sam cringed.

"Ick. Not a happy thought, Brooke. So, who should do it?" Brooke shrugged.

"Flip you for it," she suggested hopefully. Sam glared at her slightly.

"Oh, that's fair, he's your dad," Sam pointed out. Brooke sighed.

"Fine, I'll tell him. Soon, I promise. Just make sure you and Mom are there." Sam leaned her forehead against Brooke's.

"Of course, I would never abandon you," Sam said softly. A wicked smile suddenly crossed Sam's face and she got up and walked over to Brooke's CD player. Without saying a word, she went through the cds stacked there until she found what she wanted and put it into the stereo. Turning the volume up and pressing play, she sauntered over to the bed, a sexy and mischievous smile on her face.

"That should do it," she said over the music as she reached for Brooke's shirt. Brooke smiled back, understanding, and reached for Sam.

Downstairs, Mike wondered why he could hear Shaggy's Hotshot playing so loudly since Brooke never listened to her stereo so loud but figured she must be studying with Sam. Meanwhile Jane just shook her head and sighed.