Section 5: Nicole (Edited)
|~ Catharsis ~|~ Time Flys, Why Don't You Go Find It? ~|~ And Behind Door Number 3� ~|

Section 5: Nicole (Un-edited)
|~ Catharsis ~|~ Time Flys, Why Don't You Go Find It? ~|~ And Behind Door Number 3� ~|

Author's Notes: OK, we've told Mom, Lily and Josh, Harrison, Carmen and Sugar accidently found out, how about the she bitch? How will she take it? Especially since she hasn't got a luxury vehicle to aim at anyone this time. This one ended up longer because I felt that there were unresolved issues floating around, so I caught them and flushed. Ew, nice imagery. And there's a Canadian Public Service Announcement commercial joke hidden in here, can you find it? Bet Carly Pope could. Free cookies to those who do. Yum, chocolate.

NOTE: Somehow, my mind invaded the gutter as I wrote the first chapter and circled the drain for a while. Swish swish. If an NC-17 rating for Sexual Content bothers you, (why are you on this mailing list?) uhm, sorry, as I was saying if it bothers you, skip ahead to two, or if this is the edited version, don't worry, you won't miss TOO much.

Section 5: Nicole (Edited)

CATHARSIS

"I'm not gonna tell her, you tell her."

"Me? She's your friend, not mine."

"Oh, no, that's the coward's way out, Sam. No fair using that," Brooke informed her squirming girlfriend. "Hold still will you, I'm almost done."

"You said that ten minutes ago, Brooke. Besides, she IS your friend, or at least was until that whole `I'm going to run you down with my car' thing," Sam shifted slightly, making the bathwater splash. "Oops, sorry. Anyway, now you barely tolerate her. But that's no reason to send me into the lion's den. I AM the one she ran down after all." Sam didn't miss the flash of regret and pain that flew across Brooke's hazel eyes before she could mask it. And had she not been in a slippery tub with her girlfriend, she would have kicked herself for the comment.

"Brooke," Sam said softly from across the tub, "You're either going to have to deal with it, or let it go. Soon. It happened. Nothing you or I can do is going to change it." Brooke dropped her gaze from Sam's and looked into bubbles surrounding them.

"Sam, please," she begged quietly. Sam wagged her toes in Brooke's face.

"Hey, leg needs finishing shaving here," she said indicating the calf Brooke currently was holding. "Or are you going to slit my ankle with that Lady Bic?" Brooke glared at her and Sam went back to the subject at hand.

"Look, love," she started patiently as Brooke took another light swipe at the back of her calf. It tickled and she had to surpress a small giggle. She was, after all, trying to be serious for a change. "It's been months and aside from a barely noticable limp and some faded scars, it's over and done with. Why can't you let it go?" Brooke shrugged while she concentrated on one of those scars Sam was talking about on Sam's right ankle. She knew every inch of Sam's body intimately now and while she tried not to think about it often, the scars were a roadmap of memories chronicling every moment of that awful night and how far Sam had come as well as how much pain Sam had been through.

"I try to, Sammy," she answered finally. "But every now and then, when I look at or think about Nicole, I see you in that hospital bed, hooked up to those machines and the feelings come rushing back." Tears splashed down from Brooke's face into the bathwater. Sam pulled her leg away and leaned across the tub to hold the crying girl.

"Survivor's guilt's a bitch, I know," Sam said soothingly as she stroked Brooke's damp hair out of her face. Brooke looked at her confused. "I felt it for a long time after my Dad died. I was afraid to be happy because he wasn't here. How could I be happy when he was dead? It didn't seem right, or fair," Brooke listened intently to the important words Sam was telling her.

"And you feel it partially because you feel that that whole night was your fault. I got hit by that car by pushing you out of the way. Some silly part of your brain keeps telling you that it should have been you who suffered. But it wasn't Brooke, it was me. And I have told you a hundred, a million times that it wasn't your fault and I don't blame you. And I will tell you a milion more if that's what it takes but please, please love, stop blaming yourself or at least go easy. It's been eating you up inside off and on all this time and I hate to watch you do this," Sam was crying now too. Brooke reached up with sudsy hands and brushed the tears away.

"We're a pair aren't we?" Brooke asked though her tears as Sam settled against her. Sam nodded. "OK, we'll both tell her, but no jokes about running anyone over. Everytime you say it, I relive it." Sam swallowed the sob of guilt that rushed up at the statement.

"OK," she managed to choke out past her guilt. If she were to tell the truth, she couldn't close her eyes without seeing the damned thing herself still. She still woke in a cold sweat sometimes although she was getting better about not waking Brooke if she was there with her.

"You OK, Sam?" Brooke asked, worried at the sudden silence of her tubmate. Sam nodded.

"Fine," Sam lied. Brooke gave her a dubious look. "We'd better get out before we prune," she said to deflect the attention from herself. She stood up and stepped out of the tub, holding out another towel for Brooke once she was ready. She wrapped the towel around the taller frame and then proceeded to dry the blonde's hair with another. Brooke purred at the attention.

"So, your room or mine?"

"Brooke, `rentals," Sam reminded her. Brooke huffed at her.

"Are at the a reunion in Fresno all weekend. Mac is at a babysitter's. You have a memory like a cheese grate, full of holes," Brooke teased. Sam frowned.

"Keep that up and you'll be sleeping alone, Princess," she threatened. Brooke pretended to look horrified.

"Eeeek, the horror!" she squealed, making Sam burst out laughing. Sam finished drying Brooke's hair and pulled her into a burning kiss. Brooke let go of the towel covering her body and let it fall to the floor. Sam pulled out of the kiss and arched an eyebrow.

"Is that an invitation?" Sam asked huskily as she drank in the sight of Brooke. Brooke just nodded and reached out to pull at Sam's towel. Sam stepped just out of reach and shook her head. "Ah, ah, ah�no naughty touchy for Brookie just yet," she chided. Brooke stuck her bottom lip out in a pout.

"Oh no you don't. Even the sexy pout isn't going to work this time," Sam wagged her finger at Brooke.

"Why not?" Brooke almost whined. A wicked smile that made Brooke's blood boil spread across Sam's face.

"My turn first," Sam said with a glint of teeth. Brooke smiled back and happily followed Sam into her room.

EDITED FOR CONTENT (I wrote a sex scene and hated it, sue me)

"I love you, you know," Brooke said after Sam opened her eyes and focused them on her. Sam smiled at her lopsidedly.

"I love you too," she whispered, closing her eyes and leaning in for a kiss. "I hope you understand how much," she continued as she brushed some stray strands of blonde hair way from Brooke's eyes.

"I do," Brooke reassured her confidently. Sam grinned at her widely.

"Just to be sure, let me show you."

Sam looked down at the blonde head resting on her bare chest hours later and watched the hand that traced the light scars on her ribcage. She sometimes wondered what Brooke thought about while she did that. (Do the scars bother her? Is she thinking about the accident again?)

"Penny for `em, Princess," Sam whispered. Brooke shifted slightly so that she could look in Sam's eyes but not have to lift her head.

"Just listening to your heartbeat," Brooke answered simply, a hint of sadness and longing in her voice. Sam's eyes smiled although she frowned slightly.

"Still there I trust?" Brooke sighed.

"It's a very beautiful sound, Sammy. I was once so afraid that it would stop," she trailed off, tears choking off her voice. Sam stroked Brooke's hair with one hand and ran her other one down Brooke's back.

"Takes a licking and keeps on ticking," Sam joked, needing to lighten the mood before she lost control of her own emotions. Brooke shook her head without lifting it, making her hair brush against Sam's chest and making her shiver.

"You don't understand," Brooke looked away. "The thought of telling Nic about us has made me rethink the whole accident thing. There were nights in the hospital when the only sound I had for company was the beeping of your heart monitor. And it scared me that you were reduced to a series of bleeps and whistles. Did anyone tell you that that sound stopped? Twice?" Sam felt hot tears burn the skin between her breasts as Brooke cried.

"No," she replied honestly, scared at the thought. That was news to her. Brooke snuggled closer to her, if that was possible, still keeping her ear pressed to Sam's heart.

"Your heart stopped twice, Sammy, and I thought I had lost you forever without ever telling you how I really felt," Brooke continued, her voice now nothing more than a raspy whisper.

"But it started again," Sam reminded her calmly. Brooke could hear the way Sam's heart had sped up at hearing the news though and knew Sam wasn't half as calm as she acted.

"Only after the doctors and nurses poked you with needles and drugs and used those paddles on you. God, Sam, it was scary and nothing like you see on TV. I thought you were dead," Brooke was sobbing now and Sam could do nothing but hold on to her.

"Why didn't anyone tell me?" Sam asked after Brooke calmed down some. Brooke shrugged, still not moving from her vigil over Sam's heart.

"It doesn't really fit into many conversations. `Welcome back from your coma, Sam. You're paralyzed from the waist down, but it might be temporary, you can't speak, also temporary, and oh yeah, you died twice. Nice recovery'. You see how it lends itself to awkwardness? Besides, you did recover and we figured the less you knew the better. But sometimes, when no one was around, I'd crawl into your hospital bed and put my head on your chest just to make sure."

"Like this?" Sam asked with a smile. Brooke nodded.

"Like this," Brooke answered. "And then I could sleep again knowing you were all right." Sam brushed away her own tears that had fallen.

"That's very sweet, Brooke. You took very good care of me. Still do, actually." Brooke smiled at her, her eyes lighting up like blue sapphires in the pale moonlight.

"Thank you, Sammy. That means a lot. I tried so hard to take good care of you," she yawned. "And I still want to keep you safe. That's why I'm afraid to tell Nicole."

"Afraid she'll pull another jealous drunken bender number?" Sam asked, not a hint of humor in her voice, only genuine concern. She was worried Nicole might go ballistic on them too. Having Nic flip and target one of them was not something she wanted to live through again. If she was lucky enough to live through it again, that is. Besides, watching Harrison and Carmen freak and shun them was enough. And there was still Mike to consider. Telling him was no doubt going to be anything but fun. Brooke nodded and yawned again.

"Yup," Brooke said quietly and Sam could tell she was drifting off. Sam placed a small kiss on the top of Brooke's head and listened as her breathing became deep and even.

"Sleep, Princess," Sam whispered to the sleeping form who was still situated over her heart. "I'll keep you safe tonight."

TIME FLYS, WHY DON'T YOU GO FIND IT?

"What's up, B?" Nicole asked at school the next day and watched as Brooke jumped about three feet straight up in the air without bending at the knees first. (Pretty impressive feat, reminds me of a cat) Nicole thought dryly, while Brooke waited for her heart to restart itself.

"Jesus, Nic, do I need to put a bell around your neck or what?" Brooke asked as her heart finally slowed its frantic pace. Nic arched an eyebrow.

"As long as it's a Prada or Gucci bell and not a cowbell, I'll think about it," Nic responded. "Too much caffine in your cappachino this morning or what, B?" Brooke shook her head.

"No, just a little jumpy, that's all," Brooke shot back.

"Brooke, I've seen people with Post-Tramatic Stress Disorder in a warzone less jumpy than you are right now. I know we aren't as close as we once were, if we actually ever were close. And I know that trying to kill a person tends to put a strain on your relationship but, you can talk to me, you know?" Nic offered sincerely. And she was sincere. Of all the backs she would still willingly and gladly stab to get ahead, Brooke and Sam's weren't anywhere in her Mike Myers (think Halloween, not Austin Powers) stabbing range. (Enough damage was done there, thank you. Now, if Mary Cherry doesn't learn to keep B. Ho the Hell away from me) Brooke nodded.

"Thanks, I may need to take you up on that," Nicole's eyes lit up at this. Not in the formally evil, oh-I'm-gonna-sink-you-with-this-information way that they used to but with a you're-going-to-trust-me? sort of happy way.

"Sam and I want to talk to you, actually," Brooke continued. Now, the formally evil side of Nicole would have cringed at this and then had a bitchy comment at spending time with Spam McPherson. But now she was just happy that they were both still willing to speak to her. (And not chase me around with garden tools to carve out my insides)

"Well, I'm free after school today, if that's OK with you two," Nicole offered. Brooke nodded absently.

"Yeah, come by the Palace. Mom and Dad are away so we can talk without interruption. Around four?" Nicole nodded and smiled.

"Wouldn't miss it."

"Stop pacing, you're making me nervous," Sam asked her frantic girlfriend who was currently wearing an interesting pattern in the carpeting. It was quarter to four and as it got closer to the agreed on time, Brooke was getting more and more worked up. Sam was starting to worry that the poor girl was going to give herself a stroke.

"How can you not be nervous? This is Nicole Julian. Miss `I'm pissed off, let's get drunk and run down my best friend' herself. And that time she was upset over what I told George about her. Now I'm about to tell her that I'm gay and I'm in love with you! You know she's not your biggest fan," Brooke warned. Sam shrugged.

"I think I figured that out somewhere between freshman year and the sound of tires screeching," Sam answered absently without thinking. Brooke stopped her pacing.

"Saaaamm," she wailed, half-angry, half in pain. Sam shot up out of the armchair and enveloped her in a strong hug.

"Sorry," she whispered in Brooke's ear. "Open mouth, disengage brain. Typical Sam. I'm sorry." Brooke relaxed in her arms.

"S'OK," Brooke told her. She rested her head on Sam's shoulder and thanked God for what felt like the millionth time that she still had Sam in her life. She stayed like that, wrapped in Sam's warm, strong arms until the doorbell rang and she reluctantly untangled herself from the only place she truly felt safe anymore. She stared into Sam's mahogany brown eyes.

"Ready?" Sam nodded.

"When you are, love," Sam answered with a half smile. After giving her a quick kiss, Brooke answered the door. Nicole walked in and spared Sam a small smile, which Sam returned. It struck Sam odd that Nicole seemed nervous.

"What's up, twinkies? Need fashion advice, Spam? Because I've told you that that shirt and pants don't go," Sam looked at her outfit and frowned. As she was about to get annoyed, she heard the small giggle bubble forth from Nicole.

"I swear, Sam, you are such an easy mark," Nicole laughed. Most of the tension eased in the room at the joke although Brooke still felt a bit anxious.

"Ha ha, very funny, Nicole," Sam snickered sarcastically. "Did you come all this way to poke fun at the fashionally challenged or are you here for a reason?"

"Brooke invited me, sort of. Didn't you know?" Nicole asked nervously, looking from Brooke to Sam like she'd been set up for something. Sam smiled evilly.

"Now who's the easy mark, Nic? Relax," Sam continued when she saw the hint of fear creep up into Nic's eyes and realized she'd inadvertantly scared the shorter blonde. "We just wanted to talk."

"Oh, OK. Thought for a second there you were going to go all `Bully' on me," Nic confessed as she plopped down on the couch. "Whatcha wanna talk about?"

"Nicole, this is kind of hard for us, and we want you to hear us out," Sam started when Brooke could only manage to open and close her mouth like a guppy stranded on land. If it weren't such a serious conversation, Sam would have laughed at the sight.

"Sam, I think after the Hell I put the two of you and your family through, and the fact that of all people you extended an olive branch to me, which you didn't turn around and try to stake me through the heart with, the least I can do for you is listen to you. Whatever you two have to say I'll listen. I'm no where near redemption yet, so, lay it on me," Nic said, meaning every word. Brooke sat down on the couch and Sam sat on the arm of it beside her with her hand on Brooke's shoulder. The little gesture didn't go unnoticed by Nicole. She arched her eyebrow again but said nothing.

"Nic, things have changed around here. I mean really changed," Brooke started, hating herself for her vagueness. Nicole nodded.

"Yeah, so? Plaid is out, mini's are back, so what else?"

"I don't think you're following me. I mean with me and Sam. Things have changed with me and Sam. Between us," Brooke continued before she faltered and looked up at her girlfriend.

"Did you take a `vague pill' before she came over?" Sam asked her. Brooke sighed and put her head in her hands and sighed again. Sam looked at Nicole with a sad look on her face.

"What Miss Articulation 2001 is trying, and failing miserably I might add, to say is since my recovery our relationship has changed. It's deepened. We discovered that we had unrequited feelings for each other that were, well, requited." Nicole looked at her blankly. Now Sam sighed. (Gee, that helped)

"OK, maybe I'm overarticulating. Nic, Brooke and I are in love with one another and are involved in a loving, romantic and fulfilling relationship. There, I said it." Sam slid off the arm of the couch onto the couch itself next to Brooke and the two of them watched for a reaction from the short blonde known for her explosive outbursts. Nicole blinked a few times before speaking.

"You're gay?" Nicole asked with a confused frown. Both girls nodded. "As in a Melissa Etheridge/Tammy Lynn Michaels sort of gay?"
{A/N:sorry, couldn't resist =)}

"Yes," Sam responded firmly. Nicole nodded slowly, frown still in place and still looking confused.

"Oh."

AND BEHIND DOOR NUMBER 3�

It had been ten minutes since Nicole had uttered her one sound and no one had moved. Brooke wasn't sure anyone besides herself was still breathing. If it weren't for the slight rise and fall of Sam's chest, she would have been worried about her. As it was, she was worried about the shock still form of her former best friend sitting across from her. Nicole hadn't moved an inch. Brooke wasn't sure the girl had blinked in the space of time since Sam had finished speaking. She was still staring straight ahead, apparently unseeing. Brooke was waiting for her to shoot across the space between them and wrap her arms around Sam's neck to try and finish the job she started with her car or something equally horrible.

"Uhm, Nic?" Brooke finally spoke, unable to take the harsh silence anymore. "Are you OK?" Nicole tore her eyes from whatever faraway point they'd been at and focused them at the couple in front of her. She blinked at them for a few more minutes, still not speaking. Brooke shifted in Sam's arms, nervous.

"Earth to Nicole," Sam spoke up, sensing and agreeing with Brooke's nervousness. Nicole was getting spooky. And that was a very scary thing. "Can you speak or have you had a stroke? Do you smell burning toast?" Brooke elbowed her in the ribs.

"Knock off the jokes, Sam, she's really freaked," Brooke hissed.

"At least she didn't faint three times like Carmen," Sam pointed out calmly. "No need to get all worked up yet Brooke, she hasn't reacted yet."

"Carmen fainted three times?" Nicole asked quietly, startling both the girls by finally speaking. She wasn't looking at either of them anymore but instead seemed more interested in studying the condition of her Prada heels. (Hmm�toe's scuffed, can't have that. Need a new pair)

"Out cold on the floor of the Novac," Sam piped up, glad that the girl had remembered how to speak at last. Nicole looked up at them again and they were surprised to see the fear on Nicole's face. Disgust, outrage or repulsion they were prepared for but fear? (What the heck is she afraid of?) Brooke wondered.

"That's surprising. I would have thought she would have supported you," Nicole said, her voice still soft.

"She and Harrison have some issues to work out about it," Brooke confessed sadly. She missed Carmen and Harrison's company and knew Sam did as well. And now she was worried about what Nicole was going to do.

"Who else knows?" Nicole asked, again looking away, studying the room instead. Sam and Brooke exchanged wary glances. This was way too calm to be the real Nicole Julian. (Would the real Nicole Julian please stand up?) Sam laughed to herself hearing the notes from the Eminem song.

"Mom, and Lily and Josh. Sugar found out by accident. They all took it really well, Sugar even took us out to dinner," Brooke told her. Nicole nodded.

"That's good," she said absently.

"What about you, Nic?" Sam asked, getting right to the point. Nicole focused her blue eyes on her. "What are you going to do about this now? Are you going to try and use this against us, try and hurt Brooke and her popularity with it? I can't possibly get anymore unpopular aside from sitting with April Tuna and Freddy Gong and Harrison and Carmen have beaten me to that. You know there's nothing you can do to hurt me with it," She watched the flash of hurt that went across Nicole's eyes and it surprised her.

"I wondered why they were lowering themselves further on the food chain lately. Anyway, I deserved that, Sam, and yes, at one time, I probably would have jumped at this little tidbit of info to use it was a way of leapfrogging my way to the top of the social ladder and to Hell with anyone's feelings."

"But now?" Brooke asked. Nicole shrugged.

"Now? Now who you chose to love is no one's business but your own. What goes on behind closed doors is your business, not the general populace of Kennedy High School." She looked at the two shocked faces before her and laughed. "So no, I'm not going to go parading around the halls tomorrow singing `Brooke and Sammy sitting in a tree, k-i-s-s-i-n-g' at the top of my lungs. It'd be rude and tasteless, not to mention I have the worst singing voice," she continued with a small smile. Brooke let out a sigh of utter relief that was echoed by Sam.

"But how do you feel about it, Nic?" Brooke asked. "We know how everyone else, except Mary Cherry, feels, good and bad. Now we want your opinion."

"Not your blessing," Sam clarified. Nicole nodded.

"I'm not going to go screaming from the room like you suddenly ordered me to wear last years Jacklyn Smith fashions, hon, if that's what you mean. So your sexual preference doesn't qualify as `norm'. Big deal. Neither does my hair color." Everyone laughed at this.

"So you're not freaked?" Brooke asked.

"I didn't say that. The thought that my best friend and the biggest pain in my ass play tonsil hockey and probably get horizontal on a regular basis," she paused and looked at the two blushing girls, "and those blushes tell me way more than I need to know. But as I was saying, the thought alone is enough to disturb me and make me wonder about the natural order of the universe but, a lot of shit makes me do that lately. No big." She looked at the two smiles that looked back at her.

"I take it you're happy with my answer?"

"Given that we've already lost two good friends and expected to have you flip out on us, we're pleasantly surprised, Nic," Brooke said, still grinning. Sam nodded her agreement.

"Yeah, well, I'm working on the whole freaking out and running around and trying to kill people problem I used to have" Nicole said wryly. Sam looked at Brooke with a (See? I'm not the only one who makes bad jokes about it) look on her face that won her a smack on the arm.

"Wow, this really is a whole new you, Nicole," Brooke pointed out amazed. Nicole shrugged.

"Well, if I've learned anything, it's that you have to take love and acceptance where you can find it. One of the reasons I acted the way I did for so long is because I didn't get any love at home and mistook fear and worship for it. But if you two found it with each other, good for you. And I want you as friends and this is part of the package, OK, I can deal."

"That is so mature," Sam said in disbelief, she just couldn't believe these words were coming from the same Nicole Julian who had made her life such a living Hell for so long. And she wasn't even thinking about the whole accident thing.

"Yeah, a real kick in the ass, ain't it? It's amazing what therapy can do for a person. Anyway, I just hope you feel the same way. Because, if you're going to be so honest with me, I have to be honest with you," Nic said seriously. Sam looked at Brooke and shrugged.

"OK, Nic, what's up?" Brooke asked. Nicole leaned forward and rested her hands on her knees as she stared intently at the two girls in front of her. The spark of unfamiliar fear was back in her eyes.

"I don't know how to tell you this, Brooke, Sam, but I'm going to be honest and just say it. I've come to terms with the fact that I'm bisexual," Nicole confessed in a rush, just to get the words out of her mouth before she chickened out completely. She looked at Sam who was still staring at her, one eyebrow trying to climb up off her forehead. Sam turned away a few seconds later to check on the prone form of Brooke who had fainted dead away on the couch beside her right after Nicole had finished speaking. After making sure Brooke was OK, Sam turned back to Nicole with a smirk on her face. Nicole looked even more slightly panicked.

"I think you broke her." (Maybe there is something in the drinking water because this is going to kill Harrison)

::::::::::bet you saw THAT one coming�hee hee hee::::::::Aeryn

Section 5: Nicole (Un-edited)

CATHARSIS

"I'm not gonna tell her, you tell her."

"Me? She's your friend, not mine."

"Oh, no, that's the coward's way out, Sam. No fair using that," Brooke informed her squirming girlfriend. "Hold still will you, I'm almost done."

"You said that ten minutes ago, Brooke. Besides, she IS your friend, or at least was until that whole `I'm going to run you down with my car' thing," Sam shifted slightly, making the bathwater splash. "Oops, sorry. Anyway, now you barely tolerate her. But that's no reason to send me into the lion's den. I AM the one she ran down after all." Sam didn't miss the flash of regret and pain that flew across Brooke's hazel eyes before she could mask it. And had she not been in a slippery tub with her girlfriend, she would have kicked herself for the comment.

"Brooke," Sam said softly from across the tub, "You're either going to have to deal with it, or let it go. Soon. It happened. Nothing you or I can do is going to change it." Brooke dropped her gaze from Sam's and looked into bubbles surrounding them.

"Sam, please," she begged quietly. Sam wagged her toes in Brooke's face.

"Hey, leg needs finishing shaving here," she said indicating the calf Brooke currently was holding. "Or are you going to slit my ankle with that Lady Bic?" Brooke glared at her and Sam went back to the subject at hand.

"Look, love," she started patiently as Brooke took another light swipe at the back of her calf. It tickled and she had to surpress a small giggle. She was, after all, trying to be serious for a change. "It's been months and aside from a barely noticable limp and some faded scars, it's over and done with. Why can't you let it go?" Brooke shrugged while she concentrated on one of those scars Sam was talking about on Sam's right ankle. She knew every inch of Sam's body intimately now and while she tried not to think about it often, the scars were a roadmap of memories chronicling every moment of that awful night and how far Sam had come as well as how much pain Sam had been through.

"I try to, Sammy," she answered finally. "But every now and then, when I look at or think about Nicole, I see you in that hospital bed, hooked up to those machines and the feelings come rushing back." Tears splashed down from Brooke's face into the bathwater. Sam pulled her leg away and leaned across the tub to hold the crying girl.

"Survivor's guilt's a bitch, I know," Sam said soothingly as she stroked Brooke's damp hair out of her face. Brooke looked at her confused. "I felt it for a long time after my Dad died. I was afraid to be happy because he wasn't here. How could I be happy when he was dead? It didn't seem right, or fair," Brooke listened intently to the important words Sam was telling her.

"And you feel it partially because you feel that that whole night was your fault. I got hit by that car by pushing you out of the way. Some silly part of your brain keeps telling you that it should have been you who suffered. But it wasn't Brooke, it was me. And I have told you a hundred, a million times that it wasn't your fault and I don't blame you. And I will tell you a milion more if that's what it takes but please, please love, stop blaming yourself or at least go easy. It's been eating you up inside off and on all this time and I hate to watch you do this," Sam was crying now too. Brooke reached up with sudsy hands and brushed the tears away.

"We're a pair aren't we?" Brooke asked though her tears as Sam settled against her. Sam nodded. "OK, we'll both tell her, but no jokes about running anyone over. Everytime you say it, I relive it." Sam swallowed the sob of guilt that rushed up at the statement.

"OK," she managed to choke out past her guilt. If she were to tell the truth, she couldn't close her eyes without seeing the damned thing herself still. She still woke in a cold sweat sometimes although she was getting better about not waking Brooke if she was there with her.

"You OK, Sam?" Brooke asked, worried at the sudden silence of her tubmate. Sam nodded.

"Fine," Sam lied. Brooke gave her a dubious look. "We'd better get out before we prune," she said to deflect the attention from herself. She stood up and stepped out of the tub, holding out another towel for Brooke once she was ready. She wrapped the towel around the taller frame and then proceeded to dry the blonde's hair with another. Brooke purred at the attention.

"So, your room or mine?"

"Brooke, `rentals," Sam reminded her. Brooke huffed at her.

"Are at the a reunion in Fresno all weekend. Mac is at a babysitter's. You have a memory like a cheese grate, full of holes," Brooke teased. Sam frowned.

"Keep that up and you'll be sleeping alone, Princess," she threatened. Brooke pretended to look horrified.

"Eeeek, the horror!" she squealed, making Sam burst out laughing. Sam finished drying Brooke's hair and pulled her into a burning kiss. Brooke let go of the towel covering her body and let it fall to the floor. Sam pulled out of the kiss and arched an eyebrow.

"Is that an invitation?" Sam asked huskily as she drank in the sight of Brooke. Brooke just nodded and reached out to pull at Sam's towel. Sam stepped just out of reach and shook her head. "Ah, ah, ah�no naughty touchy for Brookie just yet," she chided. Brooke stuck her bottom lip out in a pout.

"Oh no you don't. Even the sexy pout isn't going to work this time," Sam wagged her finger at Brooke.

"Why not?" Brooke almost whined. A wicked smile that made Brooke's blood boil spread across Sam's face.

"My turn first," Sam said with a glint of teeth. Brooke smiled back and happily followed Sam into her room.

{Sam layed Brooke down on the bed and then removed her towel, fully aware of the attentive audience she had. Brooke was laying on her back, propped up on her elbows watching with a lazy smile on her face. Sam turned around in a full circle giving Brooke a complete 360 view. Brooke whistled and then reached out for her. Sam met her hands halfway and then lay down on the bed with her, draping her body half over Brooke's, kissing her passionately and reveling in the feel of her bare skin on Brooke's.

Brooke's hands were suddenly everywhere, lighting fires wherever they touched, igniting nerve endings, and making Sam want more contact between them, which she wasn't sure was even possible. She kissed Brooke fervently, passionately and repeatedly unable to get enough and Brooke returned the kisses with just as much fire. Sam buried her hands in Brooke's blonde hair, holding the girl's face close as their tongues dueled and Brooke's hands wandered down to Sam's ass to cup it firmly.

"Brooke," Sam rasped as Brooke's hands came up her sides and settled on her breasts, kneading them. Brooke gave her a devilish grin before flipping Sam onto her back and straddling her waist with her thighs.

"Gotcha," Brooke growled as she kissed Sam and than moved to suckle Sam's left breast. The sudden intake of air from Sam told Brooke that Sam didn't mind being caught. Sam ran her hands over Brooke's thighs, loving the feel of the strong muscles underneath the silky skin. (All those years of doing splits and cheerleading, I guess) Sam thought absently. She moaned as Brooke grazed her nipple with her teeth. She felt the inner fire building as Brooke continued her ministrations. God, how Sam loved her. Inside and out, Sam loved Brooke with everything she had.

Brooke kissed a path across Sam's chest and abdomen while Sam ran her hands through the blonde's hair, keeping her close and just loving the fact that this breathtaking and radiant beauty loved and cared for her. Her breath hitched again as Brooke's tongue darted into her bellybutton and swirled around, teasing her. Brooke's hands were massaging Sam's thighs, encouraging them a little further apart.

"Brooke," Sam moaned lowly as Brooke reached down and slid two fingers into her slick channel, beginning to pump them in and out slowly. Sam's body moved instinctively to meet Brooke's hand. Brooke mimicked the action of her fingers with her tongue and Sam's bellybutton making Sam squirm and keen with pleasure.

"Yes, Sam?" Brooke purred, watching the myriad of emotions play across the face of her lover; want, need, love, desire, passion all flashed across Sam's face like still frames from a movie. And all aimed at Brooke.

"Pl�please," Sam panted wantingly as Brooke picked up the pace and Sam's body arched to meet her. Brooke smiled and lowered her head to where her hand was, letting her tongue join her fingers in their exploration. She felt Sam's body buck as if stuck by lightening as her tongue flicked across Sam's clit and a whimper escaped Sam's throat.

"God�Brooke," Sam gasped as Brooke continued to nip and lick at her while moving her fingers energetically. Knowing Sam was close by the way her body was moving and the sounds the girl was making, Brooke sped up again and added another finger while sucking harder on Sam's clit. A few minutes later she felt the walls around her fingers start to contract and her own name was ripped from Sam's lips as the other girl came in a powerful orgasm. She waited for most of it to pass before she moved up to hold Sam as the rest of the tremors slowly passed and Sam eventually returned to herself. Brooke kissed the trembling girl repeatedly and talked softly to her.

"I love you, you know," Brooke said after Sam opened her eyes and focused them on her. Sam smiled at her lopsidedly.

"I love you too," she whispered, closing her eyes and leaning in for a kiss. "I hope you understand how much," she continued as she brushed some stray strands of blonde hair way from Brooke's eyes.

"I do," Brooke reassured her confidently. Sam grinned at her widely.

"Just to be sure, let me show you."}

Sam looked down at the blonde head resting on her bare chest hours later and watched the hand that traced the light scars on her ribcage. She sometimes wondered what Brooke thought about while she did that. (Do the scars bother her? Is she thinking about the accident again?)

"Penny for `em, Princess," Sam whispered. Brooke shifted slightly so that she could look in Sam's eyes but not have to lift her head.

"Just listening to your heartbeat," Brooke answered simply, a hint of sadness and longing in her voice. Sam's eyes smiled although she frowned slightly.

"Still there I trust?" Brooke sighed.

"It's a very beautiful sound, Sammy. I was once so afraid that it would stop," she trailed off, tears choking off her voice. Sam stroked Brooke's hair with one hand and ran her other one down Brooke's back.

"Takes a licking and keeps on ticking," Sam joked, needing to lighten the mood before she lost control of her own emotions. Brooke shook her head without lifting it, making her hair brush against Sam's chest and making her shiver.

"You don't understand," Brooke looked away. "The thought of telling Nic about us has made me rethink the whole accident thing. There were nights in the hospital when the only sound I had for company was the beeping of your heart monitor. And it scared me that you were reduced to a series of bleeps and whistles. Did anyone tell you that that sound stopped? Twice?" Sam felt hot tears burn the skin between her breasts as Brooke cried.

"No," she replied honestly, scared at the thought. That was news to her. Brooke snuggled closer to her, if that was possible, still keeping her ear pressed to Sam's heart.

"Your heart stopped twice, Sammy, and I thought I had lost you forever without ever telling you how I really felt," Brooke continued, her voice now nothing more than a raspy whisper.

"But it started again," Sam reminded her calmly. Brooke could hear the way Sam's heart had sped up at hearing the news though and knew Sam wasn't half as calm as she acted.

"Only after the doctors and nurses poked you with needles and drugs and used those paddles on you. God, Sam, it was scary and nothing like you see on TV. I thought you were dead," Brooke was sobbing now and Sam could do nothing but hold on to her.

"Why didn't anyone tell me?" Sam asked after Brooke calmed down some. Brooke shrugged, still not moving from her vigil over Sam's heart.

"It doesn't really fit into many conversations. `Welcome back from your coma, Sam. You're paralyzed from the waist down, but it might be temporary, you can't speak, also temporary, and oh yeah, you died twice. Nice recovery'. You see how it lends itself to awkwardness? Besides, you did recover and we figured the less you knew the better. But sometimes, when no one was around, I'd crawl into your hospital bed and put my head on your chest just to make sure."

"Like this?" Sam asked with a smile. Brooke nodded.

"Like this," Brooke answered. "And then I could sleep again knowing you were all right." Sam brushed away her own tears that had fallen.

"That's very sweet, Brooke. You took very good care of me. Still do, actually." Brooke smiled at her, her eyes lighting up like blue sapphires in the pale moonlight.

"Thank you, Sammy. That means a lot. I tried so hard to take good care of you," she yawned. "And I still want to keep you safe. That's why I'm afraid to tell Nicole."

"Afraid she'll pull another jealous drunken bender number?" Sam asked, not a hint of humor in her voice, only genuine concern. She was worried Nicole might go ballistic on them too. Having Nic flip and target one of them was not something she wanted to live through again. If she was lucky enough to live through it again, that is. Besides, watching Harrison and Carmen freak and shun them was enough. And there was still Mike to consider. Telling him was no doubt going to be anything but fun. Brooke nodded and yawned again.

"Yup," Brooke said quietly and Sam could tell she was drifting off. Sam placed a small kiss on the top of Brooke's head and listened as her breathing became deep and even."Sleep, Princess," Sam whispered to the sleeping form who was still situated over her heart. "I'll keep you safe tonight."

TIME FLYS, WHY DON'T YOU GO FIND IT?

"What's up, B?" Nicole asked at school the next day and watched as Brooke jumped about three feet straight up in the air without bending at the knees first. (Pretty impressive feat, reminds me of a cat) Nicole thought dryly, while Brooke waited for her heart to restart itself.

"Jesus, Nic, do I need to put a bell around your neck or what?" Brooke asked as her heart finally slowed its frantic pace. Nic arched an eyebrow.

"As long as it's a Prada or Gucci bell and not a cowbell, I'll think about it," Nic responded. "Too much caffine in your cappachino this morning or what, B?" Brooke shook her head.

"No, just a little jumpy, that's all," Brooke shot back.

"Brooke, I've seen people with Post-Tramatic Stress Disorder in a warzone less jumpy than you are right now. I know we aren't as close as we once were, if we actually ever were close. And I know that trying to kill a person tends to put a strain on your relationship but, you can talk to me, you know?" Nic offered sincerely. And she was sincere. Of all the backs she would still willingly and gladly stab to get ahead, Brooke and Sam's weren't anywhere in her Mike Myers (think Halloween, not Austin Powers) stabbing range. (Enough damage was done there, thank you. Now, if Mary Cherry doesn't learn to keep B. Ho the Hell away from me) Brooke nodded.

"Thanks, I may need to take you up on that," Nicole's eyes lit up at this. Not in the formally evil, oh-I'm-gonna-sink-you-with-this-information way that they used to but with a you're-going-to-trust-me? sort of happy way.

"Sam and I want to talk to you, actually," Brooke continued. Now, the formally evil side of Nicole would have cringed at this and then had a bitchy comment at spending time with Spam McPherson. But now she was just happy that they were both still willing to speak to her.

"OK, I'm free after school today, if that's OK with you two," Nicole offered. Brooke nodded absently.

"Yeah, come by the Palace. Mom and Dad are away so we can talk without interruption. Around four?" Nicole nodded and smiled.

"Wouldn't miss it."

"Stop pacing, you're making me nervous," Sam asked her frantic girlfriend who was currently wearing an interesting pattern in the carpeting. It was quarter to four and as it got closer to the agreed on time, Brooke was getting more and more worked up. Sam was starting to worry that the poor girl was going to give herself a stroke.

"How can you not be nervous? This is Nicole Julian. Miss `I'm pissed off, let's get drunk and run down my best friend' herself. And that time she was upset over what I told George about her. Now I'm about to tell her that I'm gay and I'm in love with you! You know she's not your biggest fan," Brooke warned. Sam shrugged.

"I think I figured that out somewhere between freshman year and the sound of tires screeching," Sam answered without thinking. Brooke stopped her pacing.

"Saaaamm," she wailed, half-angry, half in pain. Sam shot up out of the armchair and enveloped her in a strong hug.

"Sorry," she whispered in Brooke's ear. "Open mouth, disengage brain. Typical Sam. I'm sorry." Brooke relaxed in her arms.

"S'OK," Brooke told her. She rested her head on Sam's shoulder and thanked God for what felt like the millionth time that she still had Sam in her life. She stayed like that, wrapped in Sam's warm, strong arms until the doorbell rang and she reluctantly untangled herself from the only place she truly felt safe anymore. She stared into Sam's mahogany brown eyes.

"Ready?" Sam nodded.

"When you are, love," Sam answered with a half smile. After giving her a quick kiss, Brooke answered the door. Nicole walked in and spared Sam a small smile, which Sam returned. It struck Sam odd that Nicole seemed nervous.

"What's up, twinkies? Need fashion advice, Spam? Because I've told you that that shirt and pants don't go," Sam looked at her outfit and frowned. As she was about to get annoyed, she heard the small giggle bubble forth from Nicole.

"I swear, Sam, you are such an easy mark," Nicole laughed. Most of the tension eased in the room at the joke although Brooke still felt a bit anxious.

"Ha ha, very funny, Nicole," Sam snickered sarcastically. "Did you come all this way to poke fun at the fashionally challenged or are you here for a reason?"

"Brooke invited me, sort of. Didn't you know?" Nicole asked nervously, looking from Brooke to Sam like she'd been set up for something. Sam smiled evilly.

"Now who's the easy mark, Nic? Relax," Sam continued when she saw the hint of fear creep up into Nic's eyes and realized she'd inadvertantly scared the shorter blonde. "We just wanted to talk."

"Oh, OK. Thought for a second there you were going to go all `Bully' on me," Nic confessed as she plopped down on the couch. "Whatcha wanna talk about?"

"Nicole, this is kind of hard for us, and we want you to hear us out," Sam started when Brooke could only manage to open and close her mouth like a guppy stranded on land. If it weren't such a serious conversation, Sam would have laughed at the sight.

"Sam, I think after the Hell I put the two of you and your family through, and the fact that of all people you extended an olive branch to me, which you didn't turn around and try to stake me through the heart with, the least I can do for you is listen to you. Whatever you two have to say I'll listen. I'm no where near redemption yet, so, lay it on me," Nic said, meaning every word. Brooke sat down on the couch and Sam sat on the arm of it beside her with her hand on Brooke's shoulder. The little gesture didn't go unnoticed by Nicole. She arched her eyebrow again but said nothing.

"Nic, things have changed around here. I mean really changed," Brooke started, hating herself for her vagueness. Nicole nodded.

"Yeah, so? Plaid is out, mini's are back, so what else?"

"I don't think you're following me. I mean with me and Sam. Things have changed with me and Sam. Between us," Brooke continued before she faltered and looked up at her girlfriend.

"Did you take a `vague pill' before she came over?" Sam asked her. Brooke sighed and put her head in her hands and sighed again. Sam looked at Nicole with a sad look on her face.

"What Miss Articulation 2001 is trying, and failing miserably I might add, to say is since my recovery our relationship has changed. It's deepened. We discovered that we had unrequited feelings for each other that were, well, requited." Nicole looked at her blankly. Now Sam sighed. (Gee, that helped)

"OK, maybe I'm overarticulating. Nic, Brooke and I are in love with one another and are involved in a loving, romantic and fulfilling relationship. There, I said it." Sam slid off the arm of the couch onto the couch itself next to Brooke and the two of them watched for a reaction from the short blonde known for her explosive outbursts. Nicole blinked a few times before speaking.

"You're gay?" Nicole asked with a confused frown. Both girls nodded. "As in a Melissa Etheridge/Tammy Lynn Michaels sort of gay?"

{A/N:sorry, couldn't resist =)}

"Yes," Sam responded firmly. Nicole nodded slowly, frown still in place and still looking confused.

"Oh."

AND BEHIND DOOR NUMBER 3�

It had been ten minutes since Nicole had uttered her one sound and no one had moved. Brooke wasn't sure anyone besides herself was still breathing. If it weren't for the slight rise and fall of Sam's chest, she would have been worried. As it was, she was worried about the shock still form of her former best friend sitting across from her. Nicole hadn't moved an inch. Brooke wasn't sure the girl had blinked in the space of time since Sam had finished speaking. She was still staring straight ahead, apparently unseeing. Brooke was waiting for her to shoot across the space between them and wrap her arms around Sam's neck to try and finish the job she started with her car or something equally horrible.

"Uhm, Nic?" Brooke finally spoke, unable to take the harsh silence anymore. "Are you OK?" Nicole tore her eyes from whatever faraway point they'd been at and focused them at the couple in front of her. She blinked at them for a few more minutes, still not speaking. Brooke shifted in Sam's arms, nervous.

"Earth to Nicole," Sam spoke up, sensing and agreeing with Brooke's nervousness. Nicole was getting spooky. And that was a scary thing. "Can you speak or have you had a stroke? Do you smell burning toast?" Brooke elbowed her in the ribs.

"Knock off the jokes, Sam, she's really freaked," Brooke hissed.

"At least she didn't faint three times like Carmen," Sam pointed out calmly.

"Carmen fainted three times?" Nicole asked quietly, startling both the girls by finally speaking. She wasn't looking at either of them anymore but instead seemed more interested in studying the condition of her Prada heels. (Hmm�toe's scuffed, can't have that. Need a new pair)

"Out cold on the floor of the Novac," Sam piped up, glad that the girl had remembered how to speak at last. Nicole looked up at them again and they were surprised to see the fear on Nicole's face. Disgust, outrage or repulsion they were prepared for but fear? (What the heck is she afraid of?) Brooke wondered.

"That's surprising. I would have thought she would have supported you," Nicole said, her voice still soft.

"She and Harrison have some issues to work out about it," Brooke confessed sadly. She missed Carmen and Harrison's company and knew Sam did as well. And now she was worried about what Nicole was going to do.

"Who else knows?" Nicole asked, again looking away, studying the room instead. Sam and Brooke exchanged wary glances. This was way too calm to be the real Nicole Julian. (Would the real Nicole Julian please stand up?) Sam laughed to herself hearing the notes from the Eminem song.

"Mom, and Lily and Josh. Sugar found out by accident. They all took it really well, Sugar even took us out to dinner," Brooke told her. Nicole nodded.

"That's good," she said absently.

"What about you, Nic?" Sam asked, getting right to the point. Nicole focused her blue eyes on her. "What are you going to do about this now? Are you going to try and use this against us, try and hurt Brooke and her popularity with it? I can't possibly get anymore unpopular aside from sitting with April Tuna and Freddy Gong and Harrison and Carmen have beaten me to that. You know there's nothing you can do to hurt me with it," She watched the flash of hurt that went across Nicole's eyes and it surprised her.

"I wondered why they were lowering themselves further on the food chain lately. Anyway, I deserved that, Sam, and yes, at one time, I probably would have jumped at this little tidbit of info to use it was a way of leapfrogging my way to the top of the social ladder and to Hell with anyone's feelings."

"But now?" Brooke asked. Nicole shrugged.

"Now? Now who you chose to love is no one's business but your own. What goes on behind closed doors is your business, not the general populace of Kennedy High School." She looked at the two shocked faces before her and laughed. "So no, I'm not going to go parading around the halls tomorrow singing `Brooke and Sammy sitting in a tree, k-i-s-s-i-n-g' at the top of my lungs. It'd be rude and tasteless, not to mention I have the worst singing voice," she continued with a small smile. Brooke let out a sigh of utter relief that was echoed by Sam.

"But how do you feel about it, Nic?" Brooke asked. "We know how everyone else, except Mary Cherry, feels, good and bad. Now we want your opinion."

"Not your blessing," Sam clarified. Nicole nodded.

"I'm not going to go screaming from the room like you suddenly ordered me to wear last years Jacklyn Smith fashions, hon, if that's what you mean. So your sexual preference doesn't qualify as `norm'. Big deal. Neither does my hair color." Everyone laughed at this.

"So you're not freaked?" Brooke asked.

"I didn't say that. The thought that my best friend and the biggest pain in my ass play tonsil hockey and probably get horizontal on a regular basis," she paused and looked at the two blushing girls, "and those blushes tell me way more than I need to know. But as I was saying, The thought alone is enough to disturb me and make me wonder about the natural order of the universe but, a lot of shit makes me do that lately. No big." She looked at the two smiles that looked back at her.

"I take it you're happy with my answer?"

"Given that we've already lost two good friends and expected to have you flip out on us, we're pleasantly surprised, Nic," Brooke said, still grinning. Sam nodded her agreement.

"Yeah, well, I'm working on the whole freaking out and running around and trying to kill people problem I used to have" Nicole said wryly. Sam looked at Brooke with a (See? I'm not the only one who makes bad jokes about it) look on her face that won her a smack on the arm.

"Wow, this really is a whole new you, Nicole," Brooke pointed out amazed. Nicole shrugged.

"Well, if I've learned anything, it's that you have to take love and acceptance where you can find it. One of the reasons I acted the way I did for so long is because I didn't get any love at home and mistook fear and worship for it. But if you two found it with each other, good for you. And I want you as friends and this is part of the package, OK, I can deal. I hope you feel the same. Because, if you're going to be so honest with me, I have to be honest with you," Nic said seriously. Sam looked at Brooke and shrugged.

"OK, Nic, what's up?" Brooke asked. Nicole leaned forward and rested her hands on her knees as she stared intently at the two girls in front of her. The spark of unfamiliar fear was back in her eyes.

"I don't know how to tell you this, Brooke, Sam, but I've come to terms with the fact that I'm bisexual," Nicole confessed in a rush, just to get the words out of her mouth before she chickened out completely. She looked at Sam who was still staring at her. Sam turned away a few seconds later to check on the prone form of Brooke who had fainted dead away on the couch beside her right after Nicole had finished speaking. After making sure Brooke was OK, Sam turned back to Nicole with a smirk on her face.

"I think you broke her." (Maybe there is something in the drinking water because this is going to kill Harrison)