|~ Gym Class ~|~ Prognosis Redux/Breaking Point ~|~ Ugly Truth ~|~ Picking Up The Pieces ~|~ Fixing The Broken Wheel ~|

Gym Class

Pierce continued to dog Brooke for the next week. He was like a persistant personal Bible thumper; there at her locker when she got to school, waiting at her classes, everytime she turned around there he was. She did not enjoy the attention and neither did Sam. Pierce either ignored Sam or told her how she was evil and a demon sent from Hell to corrupt the pure and innocent soul of Brooke McQueen. Sam would have found it funny if the guy wasn't starting to scare her.

"So the principal said there was nothing he could do?" Nicole asked incredulous.

"Not unless Pierce actually does something," Brooke complained. Sam rolled her eyes.

"Did you say `Gee thanks, by then one of us might be dead'?" she asked. Pierce was getting increasingly hostile towards her lately and it was starting to worry her. Brooke shook her head.

"They don't want to hear it, Sam," she said sadly.

"Remind me to sue from beyond the grave," Sam mumbled.

"Maybe you should tell your parents," Nic suggested. Both Brooke and Sam shook their heads.

"Our mess, our problem. We'll deal. This is a problem that we're going to encounter given our lifestyle," Sam pointed out. "We can't call in our parents to bail us out everytime it gets hairy." Brooke nodded her agreement.

"Besides, he's just a little religious friutcake. He'll get bored with us eventually and move on. What's the worse he's gonna do? Preach us to death?" she asked rhetorically. Nicole couldn't help but wonder if Brooke just baited the cosmic gods with that remark.

Two weeks later

Only one other person witnessed what actually happened next other than the two people actually involved. But the cry of pure unadulterated agony that came out as nothing more as a sob caught Brooke's attention. It came from a voice that she knew better than she knew her own. She turned around in time to see Sam collapse to the field in a limp heap like a bag of boneless meat. And her heart stopped.

For one agonizing instant, her heart actually stopped and she felt her chest constrict painfully as she witnessed Sam lying there motionless on the grass. Her legs were all ready moving towards the prone figure and she fell to her knees beside her. For a second, she saw Sam as she did the night of the Prom, broken and bleeding on the asphalt. She shook her head to banish the image and spoke to the still figure.

"Sam? Sammy, can you hear me?" she asked, her voice cracking. Sam was curled up in a ball unmoving. Her eyes were fixed open and she was gasping for air like a fish stranded on land. She was shaking violently and low keening sounds were coming from the back of her throat. Other than that, she made no other sound or indication that she was aware that Brooke was even there. Brooke reached out and brushed Sam's cheek but the girl didn't even blink.

"Sam, Sam answer me," Brooke said a little stronger and more worried. Sam still didn't answer and Brooke felt the fear and panic within her grow and choke off her own air. She saw Lily out of the corner of her eye.

"Lily, what happened?" she asked, never taking her eyes or hand off of Sam. Lily kneeled down next to Sam and Brooke and shrugged.

"I don't know, one second we were playing and the next, she was lying there," Lily said confused.

"Yo, could someone give me a hand here?" Sugar Daddy yelled from a few feet away. He was attempting to pull an incredibly livid and vicious Nicole off of what appeared to be a classmate. Nicole was yelling incoherently and hissing, spitting and hitting, clawing, kicking, you name it. The classmate in question was curled up in the fetal position trying to survive the onslaught from the diminutive blonde. Josh went over and it still took him, Sugar and three others to pry Nicole off of the guy and hold her still.

"I'LL KILL YOU!" was the first coherent thing Nicole managed to say.

"Whoa, Nic, calm down before you have a stroke or something," Josh said. She turned on him, her eyes nearly red with fury. He took an unconscious step back.

"He hit her on purpose!" she panted angrily. "The little prick took his hockey stick and hit her in the back on purpose!" Upon hearing this, dread and utter fear filled Brooke making her nauseous. She turned back to Sam.

"Sammy, can you answer me?" Sam was still keening and shaking and didn't answer her. "Sam, I hate to ask this�Oh, God, can you feel your legs?" Sam's wails grew louder and Brooke felt tears start to fall down her cheeks. She looked up at Lily.

"Lily, hold her head while I look at her back. I have to see," she asked. Lily nodded.

"What's wrong, Brooke?" Lily asked as she gently placed her hands on either side of Sam's head. Brooke sighed.

"The doctor recently told Sam that she had to be careful with her back," Brooke explained sadly as she lifted the back of Sam's shirt to look at the place of impact. She winced when she saw the large spot in the middle of Sam's back that was all ready turning an ugly shade of red and purple.

"Then why was she playing gym?" Lily asked. Brooke sighed again as she continued to inspect the area gently as Sam sobbed.

"I'm sorry, Sammy," she apologized as one sob was particularly loud. "Because she's Sam," she answered Lily. "And as such, she thinks she's invulnerable."

"How is she, Brooke?" Nicole asked, calmer now and Sugar let go of her. The classmate attacker, none other than Pierce Shepard, was in no condition to go anywhere, so everyone ignored him for now and Carmen and Harrison were explaining everything to the teacher and calling for an ambulance.

"Bad, Nic. I don't think she can feel her legs," Brooke said, starting to cry harder as she stroked Sam's face and hair and waited for the ambulance.

"Jesus," Nicole whispered as she flopped to the ground beside the three. Lily looked at Pierce, who she noticed was actually unconscious and then back at Nicole.

"Nicole, what actually happened?" she asked. Nicole looked at her blankly for a second.

"I was sitting on the bench watching because, you know, I don't do Gym when I saw Sam turn her back on Pierce and start to walk away. The play or whatever was over so she was walking away when he raised his stick like this," she raised a nearby stick horizontally so that the butt was in Lily's face to demonstrate. "And pulled back before hitting her with the butt. She fell like a sack of bricks," Nic finished humorlessly. Lily let out a low whistle.

"No mistaking that for an accident," she said. Nicole shook her head. "And you flew off the bench and went all L.A.P.D. on him?" Nic shrugged.

"I guess so. I don't know I guess I just snapped. Guess I should get a refund on my anger management classes, huh?" she tried to joke. Lily smiled.

"It's cool." Just then the teacher arrived and demanded to know what happened to Pierce since she already knew what happened to Sam.

"I beat him up," Lily piped up before Nicole could open her mouth. Nicole stared at her in shock. Lily gave her a look that plainly said (shut up for once you twit) so Nic shut her mouth. Lily then repeated, almost word for word, what Nicole had said. The teacher nodded.

"Well, the police might have words to say to you but I wouldn't worry about it. Sounds like he deserved it. How is she, Brooke?" Brooke looked up from the girl she was guarding so closely.

"She won't answer me and I'm getting worried," Brooke answered. The teacher nodded sympathetically.

"It's shock, dear. Keep talking to her, I'm going to go show the ambulance in." After the teacher left, Nicole turned to Lily.

"What was THAT for?" she asked in complete shock. Lily had just pulled her proverbial fat out of the frying pan. Lily smiled.

"Nic, you're on probation for last spring's accident and after the way Sam exposed your family's ties to the judges and the way they bought you out of the drunk driving case, you would have gone away for assault or something for this. And as much as I still despise you at times, you were defending Sam and I couldn't let you get punished for that." Nic stared at her stupified.

"Th�thank you," she stuttered, stunned.

"Ambulance is here, Brooke," Harrison spoke up. Brooke nodded and stood out of the way as the paramedics loaded Sam up. It was a strange parody of Prom night. Again Brooke climbed into the back of the bus and grabbed Sam's limp hand.

"Hang on, Sammy, I'm here for you," she whispered as the door closed and the bus pulled away.

Prognosis Redux/Breaking Point

"She can't feel anything below her waist, I'm afraid," Dr. Parker said gravely. Jane and Brooke sighed heavily and Mike swore.

"And this happened how, Brooke?" Mike asked a little angrier than he intended. Brooke glared at him for a second.

"Gym class. She was referee, not actually playing and turned her back on one of the guys. According to Lily and Nic," she was unsure who to say witnessed it. "He pulled the stick back and hit her with it square in the back," she explained for what felt like the millionth time. Dr. Parker nodded.

"That's consistant with her injuries. The good news is that it is no doubt temporary. The blow to the spine has caused a catastrophic shock to her system and she's suffering from a major muscle spasm along the area of impact that's putting pressure on the chord itself," he explained.

"What about the bone fragments?" Jane asked fear creeping into her voice. Dr. Parker sighed.

"To be on the safe side, we'd like your permission to go in and remove some of the ones closest to the injured area. But I have to warn you, because of their location, we're taking a risk of doing damage by going in," he said honestly.

"But what if you don't?" Mike asked.

"There's a slight chance that the blow dislodged them enough that they could do more damage on their own," Dr. Parker explained solemnly.

"Jesus," Brooke breathed. "Damned if you do, damned if you don't."

"Afraid so, Brooke. And with the surgery you're looking at a longer recovery time but a better overall prognosis, a less chance of something like this happening again." Jane looked at Mike and Brooke who both nodded.

"Do what you have to, Dr. We trust you," she said evenly. Dr. Parker nodded.

"It'll work out, Sam's a tough girl. Excuse me, I have to go scrub in." They watched as he walked out. Jane turned to Brooke.

"And there was no provication for the attack?" she asked still in shock over the whole thing. Brooke shook her head.

"Other than the fact that Sam and I are together, no. He just snapped as far as I know. God, I am so sorry," Brooke said guiltily. Jane rubbed her back.

"You have nothing to be sorry for, honey. You did nothing wrong and neither did Sam. The only person to blame is this Pierce boy. Let's just forget about him and concentrate on helping Sam heal."

"Sam? Sam, honey, wake up," Jane encouraged as Sam's eyes fluttered open the next day. Brooke moved from her seat to grasp Sam's hand.

"Come on, Sammy, come back to the land of the conscious," Brooke whispered.

"Go `way," Sam muttered, closing her eyes again. Jane and Brooke exchanged looks and sighs. It was the third time Sam had almost come to only to pass out again.

"Damn it, Sam," Brooke swore. "Wake up all ready or I'll unplug your mophine drip myself."

"Cranky, cranky," Sam whispered back. Brooke and Jane smiled. Sam opened one eye and looked at the two of them. "How bad?" The look that passed over both their faces told Sam all she need to know. She closed her eye again and sighed.

"Sam," Brooke started. Sam shook her head.

"I can't feel my legs, Brooke. At all. That's not a good sign," Sam spat angrily. Jane placed a comforting hand on her daughter's shoulder.

"Part of that is the medication, Sam," she explained. Sam opened her eyes and looked at her mother expectantly. "They put a spinal block on you that should wear off soon. But, you've had surgery and Pierce did do a little muscle damage so you have to do some rehab again," Sam rolled her eyes. "We've all ready arranged for you to be moved to the same rehab center you went to last spring as soon as you're ready. You'll be in a wheelchair for a little while but like before, you'll get out of it again."

"Ducky," Sam said sarcastically. She turned to Brooke. "What exactly happened?" Brooke shrugged.

"Pierce Shepard hit you in the back with his hockey stick. The only excuse he's given is a zealous rant about homosexuality being evil. I guess his dad is a Bible thumping reverend or something and Pierce had a crush on me for a while and wasn't very happy that you and I are involved. I think his mind snapped." Sam nodded.

"You seem to have a knack for attracting winners, Princess," Sam joked. Brooke stuck out her tongue.

"Yeah, well, I attracted you, didn't I?" she countered. Sam raspberried her and then smirked.

"I'm a winner, doncha know?" Jane rolled her eyes.

"Are you OK, Sam?" she asked bringing the conversation back to a serious topic. Sam blinked at her.

"No, I'm paralyzed again. What kind of question is that? Would you be all right?" Sam asked curtly. Brooke winced as she suddenly heard them all collide with Sam's `breaking point' like a car colliding with a brick wall at 200mph.

"Sam, I�" Jane tried to explain but Sam was still going. Brooke knew this wasn't going to be pretty. Sam's eyes were an unnatural red color from her inner rage.

"Tell you what, Mom. Why don't we wait and see how you feel if Mike dies. Just like Dad did and then I'll ask you if you're OK. Then you can see how STUPID A QUESTION IT IS!" she finished in a bellow. Jane stared at her in shock.

"Sam!" Brooke scolded. Sam turned on her.

"What? You don't think that was a stupid question too?" Sam asked.

"That's not the point, that was way out of line," Brooke snapped. Sam glared at her.

"Well, it was a stupid question. I am not all right. I don't want to go through this again. You have no idea what this is like."

"Sam, you're not going through this alone. It'll be all right," Brooke reassured her. Sam sighed.

"Let's switch places, Brooke. And then you tell me the same thing."

"I'd give anything for you not to be lying in that bed right now," Brooke whispered as tears fell down her face. Sam mentally kicked herself for her behavior. Brooke was suffering too, she just didn't see it.

"I'm sorry, Princess," she apologized. "I'm just scared."

"I know you are, Sammy. I am too. But we'll get through this. Together." Sam smiled.

"Together," she echoed. She hated the entire idea of going through this again and was hoping to find that it was a nightare. But she knew it wasn't. She looked at Brooke who smiled reassuringly at her. (I hope I have enough strength for this go `round, Princess. I'd hate to disappoint you)

Ugly Truth

Brooke walked into the Novac a week later and walked directly into Becky Wright.

"Hey, Brooke," Becky greeted her with false sweetness. "How's Sam?" Brooke rolled her eyes. God she hated this girl. Especially since her boyfriend was until recently Pierce Shepard, Sam's attacker.

"Hi, Becky. She's fine, recovering well, transferred to rehab. Thanks for asking," she said as she passed by. Becky moved to block her path.

"I'm real sorry about what Pierce did, I mean, talk about horrid," Becky confessed although Brooke wasn't buying it.

"Whatever," Brooke sighed. Becky tilted her head.

"Can I ask you something?" Brooke rolled her eyes.

"I don't suppose my saying `no' would stop you?" she said snarkily.

"You pity Sam don't you? Especially after the accident last spring." Becky asked snottily. Brooke glared. (Guess not)

"Never. I would never pity Sam. And I didn't pity her after the accident either."

"Even though she was hurt instead of you. There was no guilt that it was her in that chair and not you? No pity for the poor girl in the wheelchair?"

"No," Brooke snapped angry that she'd been dragged into this conversation. "There was no `pity for the girl in the wheelchair'," she repeated.

"Isn't that how your relationship started? You took pity and felt guilty so you took care of her and then it was something to get attention with?" Brooke's face turned red with anger.

"You're a real ass, you know that?" she shouted. Becky smiled evily.

"You didn't answer me," she taunted.

"No, that's not how it started! Our relationship, first off, is none of your God damn business but since you seem intent on making it a punchline in some sick joke, let me set you straight. I love her, I never pitied her and while I did feel guilty that she was hurt instead of me, I thank her everyday for what she did, maybe not in words but she knows how I feel. There is no guilt trip involved. And I do not stay with her for the attention being gay gets me. It's not the kind of attention you want, Beck. There's attention, and then there's this, what you're doing to the two of us, what Pierce did to Sam and that's just plain sick."

"So, you're not using her to get attention? What about now that she's in the chair again?"

"No, I told you this is not a ploy to get attention. And I don't care about her being in that chair. You know what? This discussion is over," Brooke pushed passed Becky angrily and stormed out of the room. Becky let her go and smiled to herself.

"That's OK, Brooke, I got what I wanted," she said as she pulled a small recording device out of her purse and turned it off with a devilish smirk.

"Heya, Sam, this arrived for you, no note though," Nurse Tom Chesterfield said as he handed Sam a small wrapped bundle. Sam frowned and took the package from him.

"Thanks," she said. (Brooke didn't say she was sending anything)

"Lights out in ten, Sam," Tom reminded her as he left the room. She nodded and unwrapped the package to find a small tape recorder with a note that said `Play Me' on it in unfamiliar handwritting. Shrugging Sam pressed play on the device and listened to what was obviously Brooke's voice. And wished when it was over that Nicole had finished the job she started last fall.

"I don't love her, I pity her. This started as a guilt trip and then it got me the attention I wanted. This is just a ploy to get attention. Pity the girl in the wheelchair. God damn, it's a punchline in some sick joke. I stay with her for the attention being gay gets me. I don't care about her, that's just plain sick."

Sam snapped the device off, leaned over the bed and vomited. Alone in her hospital room, again paralyzed from the waist down, already frightened and feeling alone and now hearing that that the person to whom she gave her heart and soul didn't really love her, she let out a cry of complete and utter despair and heartache that was heard three floors away and brought several nurses running. No one who heard that cry of devastation from within a young girls' soul was able to sleep that night, haunted as they were by that sound.

Brooke arrived early the next morning at the rehab facility eager to see Sam. When she got to Sam's room, she found Sam curled up in bed looking awful. The brunette turned to her with burning eyes, full of tears and then looked away. Brooke frowned.

"What's wrong, Sammy?" Brooke asked, concerned.

"Nothing, go away," Sam snapped. She could still hear Brooke's voice on the tape and having Brooke right there acting all concerned and loving was killing her.

"Go away? Never, come on, Sam. We've been through this before, you heard the doctor, it's a major muscle spasm, there's no permanent damage. You're going to be fine," Brooke reassured her, sitting on the bed and reaching out to stroke Sam's face. Sam jerked away from the touch.

"Don't touch me," Sam hissed lowly. Brooke snatched her hand away in surprise.

"Why, Sammy? What's wrong?" Brooke asked, getting worried.

"Go away, I don't want you here. I'm not going through this again," Sam spat at Brooke angrily from her hospital bed. Brooke just stared at her blankly. Sam's face turned red. "I said GET OUT! I don't want you here. Get out of my life. I don't want your pity!"

"My pity? The only reason I'd pity you is because you're being an unreasonable ass," Brooke shot back. Sam eyes grew dark and stormy.

"Maybe you missed it because I went too fast for your blonde, cheerleader brain to keep up, but GET-OUT-OF-MY-LIFE!" she screamed. Brooke bolted up off the bed in surprise of the amount of anger and venom coming at her from Sam. Sam actually sounded like she hated her.

"Sam, what is the matter with you?" she asked, hurt.

"I finally get it Brooke, you never loved me, you pitied me. That's all it was. `Feel sorry for the girl in the wheelchair'. Then you stayed with me when I was out of the chair because it was something new and chic and got you the attention you craved. Well, now I'm in the chair again and I don't want your damn pity and I sure as Hell don't want you!" Sam ranted. Brooke blinked away tears.

"Sammy, how can you say that?" she choked.

"I'm not going to let you hurt me!" Sam shouted in tears.

"Sammy, I would never�" Brooke started.

"Get out," Sam repeated.

"Sam�" Brooke begged. She was so confused. (Where was this coming from?)

"Get�out�" Sam growled, tears now gone and relaced with a look of pure hatred that actually scared Brooke.

"Sa�"

"GETOUTGETOUTGETOUTGETOUTGETOUTGETOUT!" Brooke stumbled backwards away from the bed so quickly she tripped and nearly fell, finally making it to the door. With one last mournful glance at the enraged figure lying in the bed, she hastily opened the door and left, hearing the click of the door behind her like it was slamming on the doorway of her heart.

Picking Up The Pieces

"She did what?" Nicole tried to decode the words between Brooke's hysterical tears and hiccups. All she was managing to do was give herself a headache. Brooke had shown up on her doorstep highly upset, tears streaming down her face and barely able to stand.

"She�she threw me�out�(hic)�of her�her room�She hates�(hic)�hates me," Brooke wailed burying her head in her hands and starting to cry all over again. Nic couldn't believe what she was hearing. (Sam hates Brooke? What? Why?)

"Why, Brooke? Brooke, calm down and tell me exactly what happened," Nic coaxed gently. Brooke took several deep breaths and tried to explain.

"I went to see her and she was so angry at me. She claimed I never loved her, I only pitied her. God, Nic, why would she think that?" Nic shrugged in confusion. She honestly had no idea where Sam would get an obscene idea like that.

"She said I was only with her for the attention being gay got me and that I never really loved her," Brooke sobbed, the words cutting out pieces of her heart and soul just to repeat. "She doesn't want me anymore, Nic. She hates me." Nicole hugged Brooke to comfort her.

"I'm sure she doesn't, Brooke. Sam's not capable of hating you, she loves you too much," Nic assured her. Brooke shook her head.

"You didn't hear her, you didn't see the hatred in her eyes, Nic. Oh God, I've lost her and I don't know why!" Nic sighed.

"Let me talk to her. I'll see what crawled up her ass and died," she suggested.

"No, you'll only piss her off more!" Brooke argued. Nic arched an eyebrow.

"What's she gonna do? Stop speaking to you?" Brooke didn't repond. "Yeah, thought so. Let me take you home and call someone to stay with you because there is no way I'm leaving you by yourself in this condition and then I'm going to go have a chat with Spam McPherson."

"What the Hell do you want, Julian?" Sam growled. Nicole just glared at her.

"Don't pull that SuperBitch routine with me, Spam, I wrote the God Damn book. What the Hell are you pulling with Brooke? Are you trying to destroy her?"

"I don't know what you're talking about," Sam said haughtily.

"You fucking little liar! You know exactly what I'm talking about. You threw her out of here like some sort of piece of garbage and I just spent the better part of the day trying to put the pieces back together."

"Oh, boo hoo," Sam mockingly weeped. If she were standing closer, Nic would have slapped her.

"You heartless bitch, and coming from me, that's one Hell of an insult. What are you playing at, Sam?"

"I'm not playing at anything, Nicole. I don't want her anymore. Why can't anyone seem to follow that? Did I stop speaking English all of a sudden?" Nicole approached the bed, just in case she did need to slap some sense into Sam.

"You speak perfect English, you just stopped making sense," Nicole told her. Sam sighed. "Why don't you want her? She loves ou." Sam shook her head.

"That's just it, no she doesn't," she said flatly. Nicole stuttered in shock for a second before recovering.

"Excuse me? We are talking about the same Brooke McQueen, right? Blonde, hazel eyes about yea tall?" Sam nodded. "How can you say she doesn't love you?"

"She never did, Nic, it was all talk. You taught her well, she played me like a fine fiddle. All she ever cared about was the attention she'd get by being `gay'," Sam raised her hands and used quotations around the word. "She never loved me, she pitied me to begin with, felt guilty because I was hurt instead of her. That's all this was, one big giant guilt trip that evolved into an attention getter." Nic was dumbfounded.

"After all you went through with telling everyone. Carmen, Harrison, Mary Cherry and Mike's horrid and violent reactions. After all that you can sit there and tell me that her feelings for you aren't genuine?" Nic asked incredulously. Sam nodded arrogantly. "God, Sam, where do you get this shit from anyway? Did Pierce hit you on the head too?"

"Go away, Nic," Sam said tiredly as she settled back into her bed. Nic got right up into her face.

"She loves you, damn it! Given the asinine way you're acting right now, why is beyond me, but she does! Why do you think she doesn't?"

"Because I heard her say it!" Sam screamed the pure, raw hurt and devastation in her voice driving Nicole back a few steps. "I heard her say it, all of it. That she was motivated by pity and her need for attention. She doesn't care about my feelings, she thinks this is a good laugh! Well, I'm through being the punchline for yet another Brooke McQueen joke and I'll die before I'll let her near me again! Do you understand me?"

"Jesus, Sam, you've got it wrong. You've got it all wrong," Nicole whispered in horror at what Sam was saying. It just couldn't be true. And Nic knew somehow that it wasn't. "Sam, where are you getting this?"

"Just leave me alone, Nic," Sam said defeated. Nicole approached the bed again shaking her head.

"Not until you tell me where you're getting these stupid and insane ideas from. Are you on too much morphine or what?" Sam glared at her with enough force for Nic to be suitably impressed but she didn't back down. Sam finally sighed and reached under her pillow and pulled out a tape recorder.

"Here, listen to this," Sam snapped angrily. "Listen for yourself. Hear what Brooke really thinks about me and our relationship." Nicole frowned and took the recorder. After listening to it, she had to resist the urge to retch on Sam's rug. No wonder the girl was acting the way she was.

"Aw, Jesus Sam," she breathed. She looked at Sam who was crumpled into a ball crying. She sat down on the bed and reached out for Sam who shied away. "Sam," she said gently. "You gotta know that ain't Brooke on that tape." Sam's head shot up.

"Sure as Hell sounds like her, don't it?" she asked angrily. Nic nodded reluctantly.

"OK, yes, it does. It is Brooke's voice, maybe even her words but they're out of context, they have to be. Take it from me, the master manipulator, she would never say those things. Someone must have taken her words and manipulated that tape to say what they wanted it to." Nic reasoned. Sam shook her head.

"Doesn't matter," she sniffed. Nicole frowned.

"Why not?" Sam looked at her sadly. Nicole watched, frightened, as the last sparkle of life in Sam's eyes flickered and died out. It was a frightening thing to witness.

"Because I don't want her back."

Fixing The Broken Wheel

Nicole sat numbly in the lobby waiting for her driver to come and pick her up, mulling over the words Sam had told her. She was very close to being physically ill. The person lying in that hospital bed up there was not Sam McPherson. Sure her chart might say that was her name and she might look like Sam but that wasn't her. That was a shell, a mocking parody of the Sam whom Nicole had known. And Nicole wasn't sure exactly what had done that, Pierce or the tiny tape recorder she was presently turning over in her hands. She had gotten Sam to give it to her so she could give it to Brooke. Brooke needed to hear what was on that tape. Maybe then they could figure out what to do next.

But the conversation after Sam confessed she didn't want Brooke back was what was turning Nicole's stomach. The girl had no fight left and it scared Nicole to see the normally spirited Sam so defeated and broken.

"Because I don't want her back." Sam had delared solemnly. Nicole stared at her in shock.

"Why the Hell not? She loves you desperately! You're killing her!" Sam looked away in hurt and shame. She then shrugged.

"She'll live," Sam sighed. "Everyone will make sure of that this time." Sam's voice had taken on a monotone quality that Nicole really didn't like. It sent chills up her spine.

"What's wrong with you? Why are you acting this way?" Nicole demanded to know. Sam focused her eyes on Nic and Nic saw the emptiness there.

"I can't do this again, Nic. But I have to if I want to walk again. But she doesn't have to and I'm not going to make her," Sam explained flatly. Nicole shook her head.

"That's not your decision to make, Sam, it's hers. Brooke wants to be there for you because she loves you." It was Sam's turn to shake her head.

"I know," Sam said softly. "But it's not enough anymore."

"Don't you love her anymore? You must know that tape was a phony."

"I love her unequivocally, without question, completely and with every bit of my heart and soul, even if she meant every word on that tape."

"Then I don't understand this," Nicole said confused.

"Have you ever loved something so much that you were willing to let it go because you knew that you'd end up causing it more harm than good?" Sam asked sadly.

(Yeah, you) Nicole thought ruefully but only nodded. Sam sighed.

"It's like this: I'm going to walk again, but I've got to do the therapy thing first. I don't want Brooke to waste her time with that. But that's only one part of why I'm pushing her away. Look at what's happening here, Nic. I was physically attacked because of my relationship with Brooke and she's been partially shunned at school. I know that hurts her, her popularity is important to her."

"She's still Queen of Kennedy," Nicole pointed out.

"But falling fast with people like Becky Wright eager to knock her from her throne. I'm not going to be the reason she loses everything."

"I thought you didn't care about those things," Nic said arrogantly. Sam sighed.

"I don't, Brooke does. I've hit the wall, Nic. I've taken all I can take and I'm walking away, if you'll excuse the expression, before we get in any deeper."

"Jesus, Sam, you can't just turn your back on her like this," Nic argued. Sam scowled.

"Watch me. Now if you don't mind, I'd like to be alone."

So now Nicole sat wondering what to do next. Yes, she had to tell Brooke what was behind Sam's horrid behavior but beyond that, she had no clue. She saw the car pull up. (OK, off to Brooke's where I can fix at least part of this. Beyond that, I hope the answers come to me before Sam is too far gone) But part of her feared it was all ready too late.

"So she knew that tape was a phony?" Brooke asked between hiccups. Her tears had finally settled down to the occasional hiccup now that she knew the reason behind Sam's behavior. Nic had given her the tape to listen to and after being physically ill for several minutes, she now lay on her back on her bed trying to figure out what to do next.

"I'm pretty sure, yeah," Nic said from where she sat on the floor. "Where did the tape come from, Brooke?" Brooke thought a minute.

"Some of it sounds like a conversation I had with Becky Wright a few days ago," she said starting to get angry. "But WAY out of context." Nic nodded.

"Figured as much," she sighed. "Becky must have taped the conversation and altered what you said to make that abomination and sent it to Sam. But why?"

"Well, we know that Pierce attacked Sam because he liked me and he thinks gay people are evil," Brooke thought outloud.

"But why didn't he go after you too, aside from the fact that he liked you?" Brooke shrugged.

"Maybe Sam was closer?"

"Or maybe he figured Sam `converted' you or something since you used to date guys," suggested Lily from the chair a few feet away where she'd been sitting quietly until now. Nic and Brooke nodded in agreement.

"Makes a warped kind of sense," Nic agreed. "He might see Sam as the true source of the evil and you as the innocent victim," she said to Brooke. Brooke sighed.

"But what about Becky?" she asked.

"Maybe she was jealous of Pierce's crush on you and wanted you to lose Sam like she lost him," Lily said. "And she figured the best way to do that was to make Sam hate you." Nic looked at Lily.

"When did you get so insightful?" she asked lightly. Lily smiled.

"When I got married," she retorted. "Anyway, what do we do now?" Nic and Brooke shook their heads.

"I don't know but Brooke, you have to do something about Sam," Nicole warned. Brooke sat up on the bed alarmed.

"What? Why? What about her?" Nicole looked at her solemnly.

"I've never seen her like that, Brooke," she whispered. Brooke's eyes got wider as her alarm grew into fear.

"Like what, Nic? Come on, you're scaring me."

"Defeated, broken, Brooke. She has no spirit left, hon. And it was horrible to look at. There's no light in her eyes, no energy around her and her voice sent chills down my spine," Nic told her. Brooke sprang up from the bed.

"Oh Jesus," she swore. "She's doing it again."

"Doing what?" Lily asked. Brooke shook her head as she pulled on her shoes.

"Shutting down, turning off her emotions so that she can't be hurt. She did it last time when Dad reacted so badly to the news about the two of us and I nearly lost her then. She builds walls around herself and I have to stop her before it's too late."

"You going to the hospital?" Nic asked. Brooke nodded. "OK, just, I want you to know one thing, Brooke. Her eyes." Brooke frowned and looked at Nicole.

"What about them?"

"They're empty, Brooke. Completely empty."