Copyright: Jan. 31st, 2000

Disclaimer: Joss Whedon, Fox Studios, Mutant Enemy, et al, have something to do with "Buffy The Vampire Slayer". No copyright infringement is intended or inferred. The story is the sole property of the author.

Rating: PG-13/R

Spoilers: Brief mentions of the following episodes: "The Wish", "Dopplegangland" and "Hush".

Author's Note: This is a slightly? angst filled story, at least towards the end.

Second Author's Note: May 25th, 2002. As you see above, I had written that is a "slightly? angst filled story... etc." Who am I trying to kid? It's not "slightly angst filled" ... it's almost completely filled with angst in one form or another. Hence, the second note.

Chapter 1 : Heart Ache

Why is it, all of a sudden, life decides to take one of its more unexpected turns?

I'm happy.

All right, not happy but, settled in my life.

That's when fate decided to throw a monkey wrench into the fray. I wasn't looking for anyone. I had just really begun to move on from Oz. So, looking for someone else was not exactly a priority at the moment. If it hadn't been for the Gentlemen who knew what would have happened.

I thought the feeling that passed through Tara's hand into mine was from the transference of power. The joining you might say, of both our abilities. So, we held each other's hands a bit longer than was needed. It wasn't as if I hadn't held a girls' hand before.

I had in fact.

I had held Buffy's earlier.

In the middle of the street.

It was a show of support, more than anything else, plus the fact that we couldn't speak.

Why then, am I constantly thinking of Tara?

There's something about her, something I can't quite place my finger on. She wasn't like anyone else I've ever met.

I can see myself in Tara's shoes, a few short years ago.

If it hadn't been for Buffy, I'd still be the sheltered computer geek who carried a torch for my best friend.

That is of course if I still lived. I knew what could have happened if Buffy hadn't arrived in Sunnydale when she did.

Xander and I would have been vampires.

Eww. But, back to Tara.

She's quite, kinda shy, but powerful, even though she doesn't think so.

So, that might sound a little like Oz, nobody's perfect.

She has really nice hands as well.

They're very soft.

And her lips, well... I'll just keep that to myself for now.

The first time we kissed, I didn't even realize it, until we broke apart. One minute we were casting a spell, that went a little awry, the next, smoochies.

We were sitting next to each other, when Tara turned to face me.

It was just there.

It seemed like the most natural thing to do, and we did.

It was nice.

Sweet even.

But that didn't stop me from braking it off as soon as I realized what was happening.

It wasn't that I didn't like it.

I did.

I just wasn't ready for it.

I started thinking about the comment I had made to Buffy when speaking of my vampire-self.

The infamous: 'I think I'm kinda gay' comment.

Of course Buffy brushed it off. Angel started to say something to the contrary, when he suddenly changed his mind.

I never thought about it again, until that night. Tara and I were trapped, in the laundry room of all places.

And it came rushing back to me, as we held hands. We've kissed since then.

But does that make me gay?

"Don't think about it so much," she heard Tara say over her shoulder, reading what Willow had written in her journal. Leaning back, Willow relaxed into the arms that wrapped themselves around her.

"Does it really bother you?"

"Um... I don't know," she answered, turning around so that she could face the other girl. "It's different... for me"

"It is," Tara agreed. "But that doesn't make it bad."

"No. I'm not saying it's bad..."

"Go on," Tara prompted.

"What will my friends think?"

"If they love you as much as you say they do. They should be happy that you've found someone," Tara replied, kissing Willow on the forehead, prior to resting hers against it.

"Would you mind if I didn't tell them right away?"

Willow heard a heavy sigh. "I could say, 'I guess not'. But then I wouldn't be telling you the truth," she said.

"I'm sorry."

"Willow, you don't have anything to be sorry about. When you're ready, you'll let them know," Tara told her. Willow wrapped her arms around Tara and squeezed lightly.

"So, what do you want to do?" Willow asked.

"Well, I thought I might do this," Tara said, before covering Willow's lips with hers.

"I like that," Willow said, after they broke the kiss.

"Funny, so do I."

"Do you want to practice?" Willow asked.

"Kissing, sure," Tara replied with a smile.

"You don't need any practice for that," Willow replied.

"Why thank you," Tara said, kissing Willow once more.

"Um... nope. I think you've got it down pat."

Buffy stood outside the door to the dorm room, wondering if she should stay or go. She wasn't sure about the feelings she experienced when she heard Willow and Tara talking, let alone when they weren't.

The ache in her chest took her by surprise. She knew she cared for Willow, it was impossible not too.

"I think I might need a little more hands-on experience," Tara said, taking her by the hand and leading her towards the bed.

'Oh God,' Buffy thought when she heard Tara's remark.

"I don't know about that," Willow replied. "You've had enough hands-on experience for today."

"A hug, that's all."

"A nice lonnng hug."

"Okay. But, another kiss or two?"

"I'll check my schedule," Willow replied laughing.

Buffy hadn't heard Willow laugh in a long time. Shaking her head, she walked down the hall, and out of the dormitory. "You'd better take care of her Tara," Buffy muttered to herself, wondering when the ache would stop.

Chapter 2 : Another Heart Ache

Buffy watched as Tara left the front entrance of the dorm, a smile on her face.

'Why wouldn't she smile? She has Willow.'

Sitting on the bench for another ten minutes, Buffy finally worked up the courage to go inside.

"Alright. I can do this," she said to herself, as she grabbed the door handle and entered the room.

Willow was on her bed, her eyes closed, a smile gracing her features.

"Hey Will," she said. Willow looked over to see Buffy closing the door.

"Hi Buffy. I didn't see you today. Everything all right?"

"Oh, yeah. Fine. Everything's perfect," she muttered.

"So, do you have any plans for tonight?"

"No, Giles said I could have the night off. You interested in doing something?"

"Well, we could go to the Grotto. I could watch you get caffinated," Willow replied.

"Why not," Buffy said smiling.

"Deal. Let me call Tara, I told her I might get together with her later on..."

"Will, if you've already have plans..."

"Buffy, I've hardly seen you. Nope, this is a night for best buds, even if Xander isn't here to enjoy the festivities."

"Are you sure?" Buffy asked.

"For you, anything," Willow replied honestly.

Buffy felt a dull pain her in chest, and knew no matter how much Willow believed what she said, Buffy knew differently.

'I don't think so,' she told herself, as Willow went to the phone and dialed Tara's number.

"Buffy, are you sure you're all right?" Willow asked after noticing Buffy's distracted look, as they sat next to each other on one of couches in the Grotto.

"Hmm? Oh, yeah. I'm sorry Will. I've got a lot on my mind," she replied.

"Is there anything I can help with?"

"Umm... no. That's okay Will, but thanks for asking," she said.

"I'm going to get something to drink. Do you want another mocha?" Willow asked.

"I'm fine."

"Be right back," she said, going over to the counter.

"God, what am I going to do?" Buffy asked herself, watching her friend talk to the guy behind the counter. She took a sip of her mocha and once more lost herself. She thought about what had happened this afternoon. She didn't know what she was going to do. She couldn't bring it up; she'd have to wait until Willow decided to let her know about her situation with Tara.

"Hey."

"Oh, hi Riley," Buffy responded, shaking her head to clear her thoughts.

"Mind if I join you?"

"No, have a seat."

"So, how have you been?" he asked sitting opposite her. "Fine. How are things going with you? Any more sub... whatchamacallits?"

"No... not tonight," Riley replied laughing.

Willow turned around and saw Riley sitting next to Buffy. She had hoped that Buffy and Riley might hit it off, she didn't like it when Buffy seemed so alone. Perhaps Riley could be the one to help pull Buffy out of the funk she seemed to be in. She knew nothing she did seemed to help, and that made her sad.

"Hi Riley," Willow said when she returned to her place on the couch.

"Hi Willow. It's nice to see you again."

"Same here. So... are you tracking something grr like?"

"No, I was just telling Buffy that I had the night off."

"Funny, so does Buffy. Isn't that right Buffy?"

"Yeah."

"I was wondering, maybe we could do something? Unless you and Willow are tied up?" Riley asked.

"Oh... no. I'm sure Buffy would love to go out with you. Wouldn't you Buffy?" Willow replied, jumping at the chance at fixing them up.

"You don't mind Will?" Buffy asked. 'Please don't make me... please,' she silently pleaded.

"Not at all. You two go have fun. Shoo... fun awaits."

"Thanks Will," Riley told her, standing up and offering his hand to Buffy.

"Yeah, thanks Will," Buffy replied, slowly reaching for Riley's hand and allowing him to help her to her feet.

"You two behave out there," Willow said, bouncing slightly.

"You have my word," Riley said smiling.

"I'm glad you called," Tara said as they walked on one of the many paths on campus.

"So am I," Willow replied shyly.

Tara waited until they were in a secluded section of the campus, when she took hold of Willow's hand in hers. Willow looked at her and smiled. "I... I care about you. You do know that don't you Willow?" Tara asked suddenly.

"Of course I do."

"I know that you're not ready to tell anyone about us... and I understand," she added as she noticed Willow's reaction.

"What are you getting at Tara?" Willow asked, as she stopped walking.

"I... um... you're probably going to think I'm stupid or something," Tara said, staring at the ground. Willow took Tara's face in her hand and raised it back up.

"Tara, don't ever let me hear you call yourself stupid again. Do you understand me?" she said.

Tara nodded.

"What did you want to tell me?"

"I... I um, actually. Here," she blurted out, as she handed a small box to Willow.

"Tara, what's this?" Willow asked.

"Open it," she muttered. 'Stupid... stupid... stupid,' she kept berating herself.

Willow carefully opened the small package.

"Oh... my."

"I'm sorry. You don't like it. I shouldn't have..." Willow stopped Tara's ramblings with a kiss.

"Given it to you?" Tara finished after Willow kissed her.

"It's beautiful, Tara. Thank you." Willow took out the heart-shaped locket with a matching gold chain and held it in her hand.

"Will you help me put it on?" Willow asked.

"Oh... yeah. Sure," Tara replied, reaching for the locket. Her hands were shaking as she placed it around Willow's neck. Willow turned around and smiled.

Tara's breath caught in her throat, Willow was breathtaking.

"Thank you again Tara. I'll always treasure it."

"You don't have to say that Willow."

"I know I don't have to, but I mean it." Tara could see the truth in Willow's statement. "I think we should get going. It's late."

"You're right," Willow replied.

"Riley, I'm sorry, but I think I'd better head back," Buffy said.

"Hey, I understand. It's no problem."

"Thanks."

"Hey, isn't that Willow?" Riley asked as they reached the dormitory.

"Yeah, it is. Hey Will."

"Hi guys. Tara, have you met Riley?"

"No I haven't. Hello."

"Hi."

"I was about to walk Tara back to her dorm..." Willow said.

"I can do that for you Willow. It's late... you know," Riley told her.

"You wouldn't mind?" Willow asked.

"Not at all."

"Thanks Riley," Willow said, turning towards Tara. "I'll see you tomorrow?"

"I'll stop by after class," Tara replied, resisting the urge to hug Willow good-bye, but was pleasantly surprised when Willow did. She relished the brief contact.

Buffy had not said a word. Her entire attention was focused on the heart-shaped locket Willow was wearing.

She could not recall seeing it before. "Buffy?"

"What?"

"Riley was saying goodnight," Willow told her.

"Oh... I'm sorry Riley. I'll see you in class."

"Right. Goodnight," he replied.

They watched as Riley and Tara went around the corner before heading inside.

They hadn't said a word the entire time it took them to get to their room.

"I'll be right back," Willow said, wondering why Buffy seemed so quiet.

"No problem," Buffy answered. She sat on her bed for a few seconds, then began pacing. Looking at the door to her room, she knew what she had to do. "Will?" she said after entering the bathroom.

"Yeah."

"I'm... I'm going to take a walk," she said quickly and left before Willow could say anything.

Willow stood there and hoped that whatever was bothering Buffy would resolve itself.

Buffy came back to the room about two hours later. She had dusted a few vamps she'd run into and it seemed to take her mind off things for a brief while. She went to her bed and sat on the edge before flopping down.

Twenty minutes went by and she couldn't sleep. She had wanted to ask Willow about the locket, but couldn't. She was certain that Tara had given it to Willow.

Slowly, she got off her bed and tip toed across the room, and watched Willow sleep. She tilted her head from one side then the other.

'Willow's pretty,' she thought suddenly.

As she moved closer, a single thought came to her mind without hindrance. Something so pure and deep, she was hardly aware of anything else around her. Buffy's eyebrows rose slowly. Her throat began to constrict and her eyes filled with tears before they slid silently down her cheeks as she watched Willow sleeping peacefully.

'She's... she's beautiful,' she told herself. Her emotions threatened to overwhelm her, as she stared at her sleeping friend. Her hand reached out to touch Willow when she snatched to back; she looked at it in horror. "What the hell am I doing?" she said to herself.

"Buffy?"

"Go to sleep Will, go back to sleep. Everything's okay," Buffy whispered, brushing a lock of hair away from Willow's face. She bent down and ever so gently brushed her lips against Willow's forehead. "I love you Will," she whispered.

"Love you too," Willow muttered before drifting back to sleep.

Buffy went back to her bed and from the safe distance, kept watch over Willow.

And her heart.

Chapter 3 : Yet Another Heart Ache

Willow woke up the next morning, pleasantly rested as she stretched her arms out. She felt something on her chest. Looking down she saw the locket Tara had given her the night before. A slight smile crossed her features. What ever was happening to them, she decided to just let it go where it wanted. Turning towards Buffy's bed, she frowned. It looked as if it hadn't been slept in. Willow thought she could remember Buffy telling her something, but she couldn't recall what it was. "I'll ask her later," she said to herself, getting out of bed.

"Giles, it's me. I... I have to leave. No, I'm fine. I just need time to think about some things. Just the weekend, I promise I'll call you. Giles don't try to talk me out of it. I need to get away. No...I'm not running away, you have my word. You need to trust me on this. I will... no, I don't need any money, I'm positive. I've got to go, talk to you soon. Bye."

"Willow, yes it's me. I'm fine... I need to talk to you right away. Can you come over? Yes... it's about Buffy."

Willow heard the desperation in Giles voice during their brief conversation. She would call Tara as they were going to study later. Maybe they could find out what was going on.

"Are you sure no one will find me here?" Buffy asked.

"Positive Pet. Although I haven't the foggiest idea why you're hiding out in the first place," Spike answered.

"You don't need to know..."

"Hey, you'd better watch it Slayer. I'm allowing you here out the..."

"Cut the crap Spike. You just want to go after some demons," Buffy told him, putting her bags down.

"Well... having you here does have it's advantages," Spike replied.

"Fine... just leave me alone."

'What's with 'er I wonder,' Spike thought to himself as he left the room. "Ah, killing demons, that's the way to spend a weekend," Spike said out loud clapping his hands together.

Tara walked towards Willow's dorm room, secretly hoping that Buffy wouldn't be there. Something about the blonde haired girl worried her. Whatever it was, she didn't want anything to happen to Willow. Ever since the incident with those...things, Willow had called them the Gentlemen. She had wanted to find out all she could, but other priorities had arisen.

Her face lit up just thinking Willow's name, she sighed. Reaching the door, she knocked.

"Hi, I'll be right out, we need to go see Giles. You remember him don't you?" Willow asked after opening the door.

"Oh yeah, he's the one that's helping you with your..."

"Yeah, that's him," Willow replied, grabbing her bag from her bed. Reaching out, she impulsively pulled Tara into the room, shutting the door.

"What?"

"Hi..."

"Oh... hi." Tara said after Willow kissed her.

"Okay, let's go."

"Sure," Tara replied, heading out the door and following Willow. 'Anywhere,' she told herself.

Buffy paced the room, while Spike watched silently. She stopped, frowned, and then began pacing once again.

"You're making me dizzy," Spike told her.

Buffy stared at him.

"Just trying to make idle conversation, is all."

"Don't try so hard," Buffy told him.

"Come on, tell you're Uncle Spike what's wrong," he said.

"Spike..."

"Yeah?"

"Blow it out your ass," she told him.

"I like you like this, all unfeeling. Makes me feel... nothing really."

"I'm not surprised. I can't believe you actually had any feelings for Druscilla in the first place."

Spike jumped from his chair, his hands outstretched ready to add another slayer to his belt.

"AHHH," he grimaced, when the pain hit him.

"Oh... did you hurt yourself?" Buffy sarcastically.

"Bitch. If I could get my hands on you..."

"You'd what? Kill me. Oh please, you can't hurt me."

"Get out."

"What?"

"Get out."

"You have so got to be kidding."

"Ah Willow, come in," Giles said as they entered his apartment.

"I hope you don't mind Giles. This is Tara, we were going to study later... you know magicks."

"Really? Of course not. Umm... Tara?"

"Yes Mr. Giles."

Willow smiled, she hadn't called Giles 'Mr.' in years.

"Why don't you make yourself at home. I need to discuss something with Willow," the former librarian/Watcher told the young woman. "It shouldn't take too long."

"Sure, thanks," she replied and headed towards his extensive book collection.

"Willow," he said as soon as they entered the kitchen. "Do you have any idea where Buffy might have gone?"

"Gone?"

"I take it you don't know that she's left."

"Oh... not again..."

"No... no. Not like the last time. She called and promised me she wasn't running away. I have to believe that, otherwise..." he trailed off as he glanced away for a brief moment, quashing the thoughts of the last time she had gone. "She said she needed to think about something and she had to leave. So, I thought who better to ask than you."

"She hasn't said anything. At least nothing that would make me think she was planning to do this. I'm sorry Giles," Willow told him biting her lower lip, going over everything she could remember. "Wait!"

"What...what is it?"

"I just remembered. Last night she went for a walk after we got back to the room. I never heard when she came back. I was asleep. I should have stayed up..."

"Willow, you mustn't think that this is your fault. You had no way of knowing that this would happen."

Tara could hear bits of the conversation while she pretended to look through one of Giles' books. So, Buffy had disappeared, she doubted that the blonde haired girl would stay away for long. Willow had spoken so much about Buffy that she knew deep down that if Buffy did leave, Willow would be crushed.

That led to other thoughts, and those made her shiver.

"I said get out", Spike told Buffy, who stared at the peroxide vampire.

"Where else can I go?"

"I don't bloody hell care. Sod off."

"No."

"What did you say?"

"No."

"Look here, this is my place, and be it so ever humble... you know the rest. Now, vacate, leave, take-a-walk, scram, hit the bricks, go, remove yourself from the premises, out..."

"I get the hint, but I'm not leaving..."

"Ah!!!"

Tara walked alongside Willow who was lost in thought, more than once she had to stop her... 'What are we to each other?' she wondered.

Were they involved? Sure they had kissed; the memory made her smile. They had done a little more than kiss that one time... but did that mean she could she call Willow her girlfriend? Had they reached that far? It was confusing, Tara hoped that Willow might think about her that way. Lover? Ooh, that was a huge decision that they'd both have to talk about, eventually. Hopefully?

'Buffy where are you. Please come back, I need you... here,' Willow silently pleaded.

Chapter 4 : Why My Heart Aches

The gray clouds drifted in the sky, interspersed with pink underneath, giving a somewhat dark cotton candy appearance. They moved across the sky as a steady breeze accompanied them, rushing them along.

Traffic was heavy, it always was. Cars steadily made their way on the street, lights cutting into the impending darkness.

A passing car breaks the silence as a commercial blears from its speakers.

"...no money down..."

People walk on the sidewalks at a steady pace, either heading for the relative safety of their cars or heading home.

If you looked overhead, you might possibly see an airplane cutting through the darkening clouds.

You can smell the approaching rain in the air.

She noticed all of this in a five-minute time span.

'It's getting colder,' she thought, as she hugged herself. Once more she wondered what she was doing out here, standing in the shadows, careful not to be seen.

She thinks quietly, glancing quickly in the sky as a single engine plane announces its presence to anyone who would care.

The orange-yellow tinted streetlights come on, throwing its illumination, but no warmth her way.

She steps back, once again blending with the shadows.

She cups her hands in front of her mouth and slowly blows false warmth into them. False, because once she stops, her hands will once again remind her of the cold. She begins to rub her hands on her pant legs, creating a slight friction that warms the palms of her hands more than anything else.

'A few more minutes, then I'm leaving,' she tells herself as she waits patiently.

Her head jerks up as she hears voice approaching her hiding place.

"Um... I'm not sure, why?"

"I was wondering if you might want to..."

That was all she was able to hear. She stepped out of the shadows and watched as the two young women walked together, their shoulders touching briefly.

"Will," she whispered.

Buffy knew that she had to do something, quickly. Shaking her head, she stared at the retreating figures until they had left her sight.

She and Spike had finally come to an understanding; she stayed and he shut up. Of course fighting a couple of demons helped his disposition immensely.

She had spoken with Giles as she said she would. She loved him dearly, but she couldn't burden him with the situation she found herself in. She would have to deal with it.

She began her trek back to Spikes', taking her time and she thought about things she had discovered.

She knew the feelings that coursed through her body, she recognized them after much soul-searching.

Love.

She was in love with Willow.

She begrudged each moment Willow spent with Tara. She wasn't at all certain how far they had gone and could only hope that the relationship was still in its infancy.

The thought of Tara holding... touching... kissing Willow made her blood boil. She knew she had to calm down, she couldn't afford to alienate her friend.

But how could she get Willow to choose her instead of Tara. Perhaps she could find something out about the other teenager.

'Will, I'm only trying to help,' she could already hear herself saying.

She would be the one who would comfort, her shoulders would be the one used to lean on.

"I can't do that, not to Will," she muttered to herself as she neared Spike's home. "I'll have to show her, prove it to her," she said.

"Are you sure?" Tara asked as they neared her dorm room.

"Yeah, I'm sure. I brought it up, and I wouldn't bring it up unless I was sure," Willow replied.

"Okay."

Tara opened the door and allowed Willow to enter first, looking down the hall; she had had the oddest feeling that someone had been watching them earlier, prior to shutting her door behind her.

Chapter 5 : My Secret Heart Ache

They entered the room without saying anything, only the door closing behind Tara broke the silence. Tara slowly turned to see Willow looking around her room, as if this were the first time the other girl had ever seen it before.

This was not the big step she had hoped for, but it was the next best thing.

They were going to sleep together.

'Sleep,' she told herself.

They had spoken about it once or twice, in general. Never really placing their situation into the equation, just as a 'what if' sort of thing.

What if they decided to move forward with their relationship?

What they were contemplating would be the most natural next step. Neither of them wanted to rush what was going on between them. Tara understood that Willow had come from a devastating break-up with her boyfriend. She didn't know exactly what happened, but from what Willow had told her, she hadn't expected it.

Tara also knew that Willow had been intimate with her boyfriend, and that they had shared a unique bond. Although she didn't like listening to some of the more private details of Willow's previous relationship, she never considered telling the other girl that she didn't want to hear what she had shared with someone else.

"Um... do you want something to drink?" Tara asked Willow.

"No, thanks. But don't let me stop you," she replied.

Tara thought about getting a soda from her tiny fridge, but decided against it. She walked up to Willow, placing her right hand on her shoulder, dropping it quickly when she felt Willow flinch.

"Maybe this isn't a good idea," Tara said, siting on the edge of her bed, looking at the floor. Willow turned around slowly, taking a deep breath. Her heart went out to her friend. Walking towards her, she kneeled down.

"Tara?"

"Yeah," she replied not looking up, not wanting to get lost in those eyes.

"Thank you."

Tara's head jerked up and looked at Willow.

"For what?" she whispered.

"For letting me change my mind..."

"Oh."

"Hey, I didn't finish," Willow replied, her hand gently caressing Tara's face. "I was going to say, thank you for letting change my mind... if I wanted to."

"Oh..." she said, before the meaning of the other woman words sunk in. "Oh!"

Willow smiled as she watched the transformation take place, gone was the crestfallen look of despair and in its place was a smile that conveyed so much, it took her breath away.

"Um... so what do we do next?" Tara asked, never having been in this position before.

"Good question," Willow replied, as she got comfortable.

They both looked at each other and laughed. It felt good.

"How about we try a spell?" Tara asked.

"Normally I'd be all over it, but I don't think so."

Tara nodded her head. Willow patted the empty space next to her.

"Keep me company?"

"Sure," Tara answered with a smile on her face.

"So..."

"Yeah, so." Tara replied, sitting next to Willow their legs touching.

"Wow, who knew that this would be so hard?" Willow said out loud.

"Yeah. Umm... Willow?"

"Yes Tara?"

"Could I kiss you?"

A smile graced Willow's features, making Tara's heart clench.

"Yes."

Tara's face lit up. She unconsciously moistened her lips, searching Willow's eyes for any sign that she didn't want this as much as she did. Closing her eyes at the last possible second, Tara felt Willow's lips with her own. She found out after the first kiss they'd shared that kissing Willow was the best thing that had ever happened to her. After a few seconds she broke it off, before gradually opening her eyes.

"Thanks," she whispered, before feeling her cheeks burn with embarrassment.

"Tara?"

"Hmm?"

"Kiss me again."

Tara moved closer to the other girl, and kissed her once again, this time a little longer. Just as she was going to pull back, she felt Willow's hand keeping her in place. Her eyebrows rose when she felt Willow's tongue flicking out, tasting her lips, she sighed, giving Willow all the incentive she needed.

Tara felt herself being lowered to the floor, Willow's tongue in her mouth tasting everywhere. She moved her hands wanting to feel the other girl, and was rewarded with a groan when her hands slipped under Willow's shirt. Her hands caressed the smooth skin she touched; she arched her back off the floor when Willow's hand grazed her breast.

The room felt decidedly warmer, Tara wanted nothing more than to take her clothes off, to cool her body down. Willow moved her mouth from Tara's and began kissing along side her jaw, her tongue trailing along. "Goddess...," Tara panted when Willow sucked on her earlobe. Tara knew she was lost in a myriad of emotions. "Yes... please!" she pleaded with the other girl.

"Tasty," Willow growled into Tara's ear, feeling the other girl shudder against her.

Tara, not to be outdone, released the clasp of Willow's bra, and slid her hands to the front and gently cupped Willow's breasts.

"Oh..." Willow gasped, when Tara's hands teased her. Her breasts were extremely sensitive, and each touch drove her wild.

Tara looked into Willow's face and saw a passion that swept her away. Taking advantage of her momentary lack of concentration, Tara wrapped her arms around Willow and rolled them over, so that she was now hovering over the other girl.

"You're so beautiful," she whispered, as she kissed Willow once again, pouring all the feelings she had for the other woman into it. She moved down Willow's body, kissing each piece of exposed skin she could find. She wanted to feel more, taking hold of the blouse Willow was wearing; she proceeded to lift it off, as Willow helped her. "So beautiful," she said in awe as she gazed upon Willow's body.

She took off her shirt, tossing it aside.

"Oh my," Willow uttered, seeing Tara's breasts for the first time. She watched as the other girl blushed.

"I'll be right back," Tara said, kissing Willow before getting up and going to the door to her room. Willow heard it being locked. "We don't want to be interrupted," Tara said softly, shrugging her shoulders as she walked back towards Willow. Holding her hand out, Tara said, "I think we might be more comfortable on the bed, don't you?"

Willow reached up and took hold of Tara's hand, knowing that their actions would have serious ramifications on their budding relationship. Tara noticed the slight hesitation as she made her way to her bed.

"Willow, we can st... stop, if you want to," Tara said. "I don't want to push you into something you're nn... not completely sure about."

"Let's see where this goes," Willow replied.

Tara's gaze left Willow's face and moved down slowly, if this was going to be the only thing that might happen, she was determined to etch this memory firmly in her mind...

'What the hell is that noise?' Willow thought as she tried to go back to sleep. Unfortunately, a loud buzzing sound continued in a most annoying fashion.

"Sorry," she heard seconds before the buzzing sound finally disappeared.

Willow's eyes shot open, her eyes glancing first left then right.

"Good morning. Are you okay?"

Willow felt an arm draped around her stomach, and a comforting source of warmth along her back. Turning her head to the right, she could Tara glancing in her direction.

"I'm fine, you?"

"Great," she replied, kissing Willow on her temple.

Willow smiled at the gesture.

"What would you like to do today?" Tara asked, her chin resting in her hand, as her elbow propped her up.

"Sleep."

"Well, we did stay up kinda late," Tara replied, as she remembered each kiss, each caress they shared long into the night.

"Yeah, we did," Willow said. "Unless there's something else you'd like to do?"

A mischievous grin appeared on Tara's face.

"Alright young lady, just what are you thinking? Hmm?"

"I love you Willow," Tara said, before her eyes widened in shock. "I'm sorry... I didn't... I don't... I..." Willow felt something inside when she heard those words coming from Tara. She wasn't sure what it was, but she had to do something to calm the other girl down.

"Tara... Tara listen to me," Willow began, as she turned on to her back, placing a finger on Tara's lips. "Shh... I don't know what to say. I know I care for you deeply and I wouldn't change anything we've done so far. I don't want you to think that you've said something wrong, you haven't, honestly," she said. "Let's not talk about it anymore, at least not for today. Just be with me?" she asked.

"Always."

Willow reached up with her right hand and brought her closer and kissed her. She heard a whimper as Tara's arm wrapped itself around her, holding on to her. As the kiss grew more passionate, Willow could feel her heart being to pound with excitement. Her hand slowly makes its way underneath Tara's shirt.

"No... not like this," Tara said as she broke off the kiss much to her heart's utter amazement and dismay.

"What's wrong?" Willow asked catching her breath, feeling Tara stopping her exploration. She withdrew her hand from the shirt.

"We're not ready, not yet," Tara replied, gazing into green eyes that managed to capture her heart.

"What? Isn't this what you wanted?" she asked.

"Oh, most definitely, never doubt it for a second. But, is it what you want?"

"What do you mean?"

"Willow, you know how I feel about you. I would consider it an absolute honor to show you. Goddess, you make it so easy to love you," Tara said as she brushed a strand of hair from Willow's face. "When... or if we decide to go that next step. I need to know that you want it as much as I do. It's important to me, can you understand?"

"Oh... Tara," Willow said, before tears spilled from her eyes.

"Willow... please don't cry. I'm sorry..."

"Would you hold me?"

"Of course I would," Tara replied, gathering Willow in her arms.

After a few minutes, Willow was able to speak.

"I don't think it would be a wise decision for me to sleep with you again," she said.

Although Tara knew that it would be the most prudent course of action, she couldn't help but feel that she had lost something very dear to her.

"Do you want to leave now?" she asked.

"Not really, unless you're uncomfortable?"

"Oh... no. Please stay, for a little while longer. It's Saturday, and we don't have class."

"Okay. I think I'll get a little more sleep. Night Tara," Willow said as she snuggled down under the covers.

"Night Willow," Tara replied softly.

When she was sure that Willow had fallen asleep, she let the tears she had held inside fall.

Chapter 6 : Shared Heart Ache

Buffy finally came back to the dorm room, late Sunday night, her bag in hand. She opened the door and saw Willow in bed. She put the bag down and closed the door. She walked over quietly, when she reached the bed; she gazed down upon her sleeping friend, noticing how peaceful she looked.

"I'm going to show you," she whispered, before bending down and placing a kiss on Willow's cheek.

Willow turned making Buffy move back slightly, she was about to go to her side of the room when she noticed something.

"What the hell?" she said out loud.

"Mmm... Buffy?" Willow said groggily.

Buffy bent closer, she had to be sure.

"Do you mind explaining that?" she asked.

"What?" Willow replied, as she rubbed her eyes.

Buffy went to the dresser and grabbed the vanity mirror and brought it over towards Willow, practically shoving it in her face.

"That!"

Willow took the mirror and looked.

"What 'that'?"

"'That that!'" she said, pointing to Willow's neck.

"Oh... umm that."

"Yes... 'oh that'."

Willow's saw it; it was plain as day, a purple mark no bigger than a half-dollar.

'Tara,' she thought.

"Well?" Buffy prodded.

"It's a hickey," she replied softly, feeling the warmth in her cheeks. She looked down to her blanket and began pulling at imaginary lint.

"I'm sorry, could you repeat that a little louder?" Buffy said sarcastically. Knowing full well she had heard exactly what the other girl had said.

"No."

"Did you say what I think you said?"

"Yes."

Buffy moved away and began pacing.

"How long did you wait before you did it?" she asked accusingly.

Willow looked up and stared at her friend.

'It looks like Buffy. Sounds like Buffy. But why would she act this way?' Willow thought to herself as Buffy continued to pace the length of their room. "Buffy, what's going on?"

"How could you?"

"How could I what?"

"How could you let Tara..." Buffy stopped, the blood draining from her face. She had no intention of ever bringing up Willow's relationship with the other girl, all the time waiting for Willow to let her know.

"What about Tara?" Willow demanded, throwing the blankets off her body.

"Nothing..."

"Wait a minute," Willow told Buffy as she got out of bed. "What aren't you telling me?" she said standing in front of Buffy.

Buffy decided that she should look everywhere but in Willow's direction.

"Hey! I'm right here, talk to me," Willow told Buffy.

Buffy reached out and grabbed the locket Tara had given Willow.

"Do you love her?" she asked quietly.

Willow placed her hand over Buffy's...

Chapter 7 : Left Alone With My Heart Ache

"Do you love her?" Buffy asked again, her heart pounding within her chest as she waited for the answer.

"Yes... no... I'm not sure," Willow began, slowly opening Buffy's hand and letting the locket fall back in place. "I know I really enjoy being with her."

Buffy knew she had to let Willow sort out her feelings, deciding that this was not the time to push her on the subject.

"I... I think I might... if I had enough time, you know?"

"Yeah... I do. But Will?" She looked into Buffy's eyes and saw the sincerity residing there. "This is probably the worse timing ever, but, I want you to know. I love you. More thant just a friend. And... and no matter what happens, I'll always will," she said as she briefly kissed Willow, before stepping away. Willow nodded silently, as there was no need for words at this moment.

'What am I going to do?' Willow thought to herself.

The rest of the week sped by, and each free moment she had, Willow spent with Tara. She enjoyed the quiet times they shared, and she also had more time to practice spells without having to be second-guessed. Tara always encouraged her and let her know how powerful she thought she was.

Meanwhile Buffy did not press her case with Willow. However she would leave little notes where she was sure Willow would find them, each of them saying the same thing:

"I love you."

To say she wasn't touched would have been a lie, but Willow would always ask herself, why now?

"Hi."

"Hi."

"So, what are you up to?"

"Nothing really. I'm just waiting for this drop dead gorgeous looking red head to stop by," Tara answered, while she sat at her desk.

"Anyone I might know?" Willow replied.

"Maybe..." Tara replied smiling.

"So... how long are you going to wait for this red head?"

"As long as it takes," Tara answered, before realizing what she had said. "I'm sorry... I know... I... can't help myself."

"Don't be, I'm the one who's sorry. I'm the one who can't make up her mind," Willow replied as she sprawled across Tara's bed. "I... I feel happy and safe with you... you know?" Tara nodded. "I know that my feelings for you are different... from Oz and Buffy."

"Willow, I just want you to be happy. No one deserves it more than you do. And... and I don't want this to sound as if it's my ego's talking, but... if I can have a small part in your happiness... well," she said shrugging her shoulders. Willow walked over towards Tara and reached out for her.

"Come with me."

Tara got out of her chair and followed her.

"Where are we going?"

"Not far, I promise."

"Umm... Will? I... I thought... you know," Tara said when she realized where they were headed.

"I just want to hold you for a while... if you don't mind?"

"Oh... no. I don't mind at all."

Moving slowly, their hands intertwined, they sat on Tara's bed, Willow took off her shoes and scooted backwards until she rested against the pillows. Somewhat bashfully, Tara followed her example.

Soon they were wrapped in each other's arms. Tara's head rested on Willow's chest, quietly listening to the steady heartbeat in her ear.

"I like this," Willow whispered, idly stroking Tara's head, enjoying the silky softness of the other girls' hair.

"So do I," Tara replied, slowly letting her arm curl around Willow's stomach. "I... I... wrote something for you," she said.

"You did?"

"Ye... yeah. Would you like to hear it?" Tara asked, suddenly wishing she hadn't said anything.

"Of course I would," she replied.

Taking a deep breath, Tara closed her eyes and let her mind bring up the words she meant deep in her heart.

"I wait with all my heart and soul for the one I long to know. The one who looks behind the mask to uncover the person underneath. The one who will strip away the negativity and allow me to see the beauty I have hidden. I wait with all my heart and soul."

"Oh... Tara, that's beautiful," Willow said, moving to look into her eyes. "Thank you."

"Thank you Willow," Tara replied, taking Willow's hand and kissing it.

'She's with Tara again,' Buffy told herself. The empty room was the only evidence she needed to realize something else. 'I'm going to lose her.'

Chapter 8 : Sudden Heart Ache

'I wonder if she knows what she does to me? How empty I was, without realizing it... not until she came along,' Buffy thought to herself as she waited for Willow to come back to the dorm room they shared. She had fallen asleep last night waiting for her to return from Tara's and even though she had never seen any other love bites; not that she had been keeping tabs about that sort of thing, it wasn't concrete proof that Tara and Willow hadn't been physical with each other. And as before, she hoped it wasn't the case.

It was then that she had decided it was time to show Willow how much she cared.

The notes... they were only notes. She hadn't said anything to the budding witch since the morning she had finally allowed herself to say the things she had kept hidden. Even from herself.

The last thing she wanted was to make Willow feel trapped. But tonight, tonight would be different.

She quickly glanced at the door as it opened.

"Hiya Will," she said, her whole demeanor changing when the other girl entered the room.

"Oh... hi. I... I didn't know you were here," she replied as she closed the door and walked over to her side of the room.

"Yeah, Giles said I could stay in tonight."

"Really?" Willow asked as she put her books and bag down on her bed.

"Yeah, he said," Buffy cleared her throat and pushed imaginary glasses up her nose. "Ah... Buffy, you've done quite enough the last few days Stay in... or... or go out. Have fun. Of course you'll want to double your patrol tomorrow night," Buffy ended before laughing.

"That sounds like him," Willow agreed.

"So... I was wondering... do you want to go to the movies... or something?"

Willow looked at Buffy curiously.

"Are you asking me out?"

"I... I guess you could say that," Buffy replied as all of her previous determination decided to fly out the window.

Willow crossed her arms together.

"So, are you or aren't you?"

Buffy walked over towards Willow and took her hand in hers.

"Will... Willow, would you like to go out with me... on a date?"

"Do you mean it? The whole nine yards? By the way, what does that mean anyway? I mean... I've heard it before... but I never..."

"Will?"

"Hmm?"

"Does that mean yes?"

Willow chewed on her bottom lip for a few seconds which seemed to last an eternity for Buffy. "Yes."

"Really?"

"Yup."

"OH... that's great. I'll... I'll pick you up around seven-thirty. I'll... thanks," Buffy gushed as she quickly hugged Willow and before she could say another word, she rushed out of the room.

Willow stood by and waited, slowly the door cracked open.

"Um... hi."

"Is it seven-thirty already?"

"I guess I got carried away?" Buffy said as she re-entered the room, her face crimson with embarrassment.

"I guess," Willow replied smiling.

Buffy had no idea what the movie was about, nor did she care. Her thoughts were elsewhere, everything focused on her hand, and the fact she was holding Willow's.

But that wasn't really true, she realized there was a thought that had kept her company.

'We've done this before. Why is it different?'

"Buffy?"

"Hmm?"

"It's time to go... the movies' over."

"Oh... yeah, all right," she answered, she didn't want to let go, but knew she had to.

They walked back to their room in relative silence. Buffy opened the door and let Willow go inside first. There was something... tangible in the air. She could feel it.

Taking a deep breath and closing the door behind her, Buffy turned around slowly. She saw Willow standing in the middle of the room.

"Good movie huh?" Willow asked nervously.

"Great," she replied, making her way towards her. "Umm... so. So... what do you want to do next? Scrabble?"

"No... I'd... I'd really like to kiss you now Will," Buffy said standing in front of the other girl.

"You... you would?" she squeaked.

"Yes," Buffy whispered, as she brought her hand up to caress Willow's face. She leaned in and softly brushed her lips against Willow's. Then did it once more, letting her lips linger, she heard a slight moan and brought her right hand up and placed it behind Willow's neck, increasing not only the contact, but her breathing as well.

Soon lips parted, granting permission for tentative, gentle exploration of each other's mouth. Buffy left Willow's lips and began trailing kisses down the side of her neck. She felt Willow's hands her in hair, clutching, grasping, as the excitement began to build.

Willow's thoughts were jumbled; she couldn't believe what was happening...

What she was allowing to happen.

She felt Buffy's hands moving down her chest...

Brushing against...

The locket...

Chapter 9 : My Private Heart Ache

Tara knew that she might somehow lose Willow to Buffy. The bond they shared was something she might not be able to get around. Not that she ever wanted to jeopardize the relationship by doing anything that Willow might see as a jab at her friend.

Still she couldn't help thinking that had it been the other way around, and if she finally realized how much she cared for Willow, she'd want to do whatever she could to make sure that the red headed beauty never gave the other girl a second thought. Not that she wouldn't encourage a friendship between them, but she'd make it quite clear, 'hands off.'

But, she wasn't Buffy, so she had no way of knowing exactly what the other girl had in mind. Of course she could think of all the things she'd like to be doing. But by the same token, she didn't want to think of them doing anything. Willow had told her about what Buffy had said, as well as showing her two notes. Willow had said that she didn't want any secrets between them.

So, Tara knew that Buffy was interested, more than interested in Willow.

'Why now?' she thought. It had taken her so long to actually do something about her feelings. How many people could say that it was a simple gesture of holding hands that made the difference? She still had her memory of night they had shared together. Yes, she had put a stop to what was happening, but she couldn't in all honesty allow Willow to do something that she quite possibly wasn't ready for.

'I don't want to lose her. But, what if she wasn't mine to lose? Buffy's known her longer... they care for each other, that's plain to see. I don't want...' Tara shook her head, trying to clear her thoughts, her eyes blinking back the tears that had suddenly popped up.

She knew Willow would make a decision, one that would affect her life. For how long, that was a question she never wanted to answer. She sighed as she lay in bed. Sleep was eluding her, and these questions had decided to occupy her mind. There wasn't anything she wouldn't do for Willow, and as soon as she had thought that, her mind taunted her.

'Buffy's the same way you know. What makes you think that Willow, beautiful, caring, compassionate, intoxicating... endlessly kissable Willow would want you? Buffy's better looking, she's the Slayer, she's know her longer... she's better than you, get that through your head.'

Tara took her pillow and covered her face, trying to block out the thoughts that had plagued her since the very beginning. Granted, finding out that Buffy was The Slayer knocked her for a loop. How could she compete with that? What did she have?

"I love her," she said out loud, stating something she felt deeply.

Her whole world had changed ever since she met the talented Wicca/Hacker.

Once again, doubts flooded her mind, and no matter what she might say to counter each one, there was always a small flicker of dismay. That no matter how much she loved Willow, Willow would not... could not love her back.

"Damn it!" she shouted into her pillow. The tears she had fought finally came, rolling down the sides of her face. She wanted nothing more than to be able to hold Willow in her arms, to wake up and see her sleeping, and looking in awe. She didn't think it was asking for much, not really.

'She fills my heart, she fills my soul, she is the half that makes me whole,' she groaned. "Great, now I thinking country song lyrics." Soon laughter bubbled up, and she could no longer contain it. She laughed until her tears had companions of their own.

She knew she had to wait. If things didn't go her way, would she be able to handle seeing her with Buffy? Could she still look into Willow's face and not see the woman she was in love with? Would she be bitter and cut herself completely off, thinking it was the only way to handle the situation?

Or would she swallow the bitter pill and go on with her life, being there for Willow. Could she let go of the friendship she so genuinely cherished?

"No," she answered herself truthfully.

She could only hope that Willow would still want to be her friend. She smiled, if there was something she knew about Willow, it was that she didn't give up on her friends. And if that was the only way she could have Willow in her life, it was better than never seeing her again.

"Willow... " Tara whispered, finally putting her thoughts to rest and hugging her pillow, that, if she inhaled deeply, she could still make out the faint essence of Willow's shampoo.

"Willow, what's wrong?" Buffy asked when the hacker pulled away abruptly. Perhaps she pushed to quickly.

"I... I need some time to think," she replied, moving to her bed.

"Oh, okay, I understand, I guess. You know what, I think I'll head out and do a quick look-see on campus. That'll give you time, I'll see you later," Buffy said as she grabbed her coat and left the room.

Chapter 10 : The Deciding Heart Ache

When Buffy finally returned to the room she shared with Willow, she had expected the other girl to fall asleep and they would have picked up the conversation later in the day. She was surprised to see that Willow had not moved from the position she had left her in, sitting on her bed facing the door.

"You're awake," she stated as she closed the door behind her.

"Yeah... um. I've... I've made up my mind," she replied quietly.

"Oh... okay. Should... should I sit down for this?" she asked.

"If you want. I called Tara, I thought I'd just tell you both at the same time."

"Good idea," Buffy answered as she stomach tossed and turned. She walked over to the closet and hung up her coat. Needing something to do, she went to the small refrigerator and taking out the milk carton, she took a healthy swig, before putting it away.

"Um... Buffy?"

"Yeah Will?"

"You... um... you've got a milk mustache," she said gesturing by her mouth.

"Oh..." she replied licking it off. "Better?"

Willow only nodded.

'Okay, whatever happens, try to act like an adult,' Buffy thought to herself.

Tara rushed out of her dorm room and headed towards Stevenson's Hall. The early morning light made it easier for her, she felt somewhat safe out this late, or early, depending on how you looked at it.

She could recall the telephone conversation she had had with Willow less than ten minutes ago.

"Hello?"

"Tara, it's me. Can you come over?"

"Right now?" she asked looking at the time.

"Yeah... it's important. I... I've made my decision."

"I'll be right over."

She had dressed in record time and was now rapidly nearing Stevenson's Hall. Her steps faltered as she reached the outer door. This was it; there was no turning back. Taking a deep breath, she entered the building and walked towards her future.

'Come on... come on,' Buffy thought as her leg nervously tapped on the floor.

Willow had not said a word since she had announced that she had made up her mind. And now, thinking it over, Buffy realized how difficult the decision was going to be for Willow. Whoever she picked, that person would be the only ecstatic one in the room. Willow would more than likely be crushed at having hurt someone's feelings.

'God, if she chooses Tara, will she leave me?' she thought, glancing at Willow as she sat on her bed, her gaze fixed on the door.

KNOCK...

KNOCK...

KNOCK.

Buffy jerked her head quickly towards the door.

'This is it,' she thought, getting up and standing in the middle of the room, ready to ward off whatever came her way. Willow opened the door.

"Hi... um... I got here as soon as I could," Tara said apologetically.

"Come in," Willow replied stepping out of the way.

"Hi..." Buffy told the other girl.

"Hi," Tara replied raising her hand in a slight wave, before crossing her arms.

"Tara... Buffy, why don't you two sit down."

Buffy could feel the tension building in the air as she sat back down.

"Is this okay?" Tara asked pointing to Willow's bed.

"Yeah."

Willow closed her eyes and thought about what she was about to do.

'I can do this,' she told herself. "I... I never thought I'd... I'd ever be in this position... again," she started off saying, quickly thinking back to Xander and Oz. "I... I... don't know why me? Why now?" she shrugged as she began to pace. "I find myself having to make a decision that... that will not only affect me, but you two as well," she said gesturing to the other girls' who hung on every word. "I don't want to hurt either one of you, but that's exactly what I'm going to do... and I'm not sure I'm worth the pain I'm going to cause. I've been thinking about this very, very seriously... and please believe me, it wasn't easy." Willow looked at the two women who had captured a part of her and wanted nothing more than to hide. Knowing that she couldn't, she said the words that would most likely haunt her for a long time. "I've chosen..."

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A.M. Glass