Title: When the World Falls Apart: Prologue: What if?
Author: Foxy Finn ([email protected])
Rating: PG-13 for chapter, possibley NC-17 in later parts
Archive: @ my site http://www.geocities.com/foxy_finn44/ email me if you want it anywhere else....
Category: Sports, RPS, NHL, Comire/York, Comrie/Guerin
Feedback: It'll give me something to do at work
Summary: Prologue to an AU based on One What If?
Author's Note: Not true, not mine. Oh, and I can't control the weather either (shakes fist.) Artistic license knew no bounds when I came up with this one. Seriously, my new job has kept me very busy. Feedback will bring more, quicker...

What if I never played hockey? I don�t know what I would�ve done with my life if I had never laced up a pair of skates.

What if Paul wasn�t forced to quit? Would we have played together? I wanted to skate with my brother in an NHL game, and I�ve been urging him to step out of retirement for one night. People, mostly behind my back, say he was better than I am. I don�t believe that. But I�ll never really know because it�s a what if.

What if my mom hadn�t died when I was a kid? I love Roxanne and my stepbrothers, but sometimes I imagine my life without them, and with my mom. This is a hard what if to imagine; it�s like imagining your own death. You think about the people that would come to your funeral, how your family would deal�it�s just too depressing to think about but you some how end up thinking about it anyway. No one wants to imagine their parents� deaths, but no one wants to cause them grief. I don�t want to see Paul or me go before dad. It would destroy him if one of the boys, or our sister, died before him.

Here�s the one what if that�s been causing my heart the most pain lately: what if he had been traded? What if the deal in November had come down, and he would�ve left? We would�ve never dated. We would never have moved in together. We would�ve never caused each other all this pain and heartache that two people, who never really cared about each other, cause when they enter a relationship.

But, the thing is, I think he did care for me. In some way, he did. In between all the sleepless nights, vacant stares, and empty conversations we had, there was some sort of affection. I never meant to hurt him, but when the affection is hidden behind the wall that is his emotions, I found myself drawn into the arms of some one else.

But I don�t live in that world. Sometimes I wish I did, but I don�t.

My lover shifts next to me in bed. I�d get up and move around on these sleepless nights, but I don�t want to wake him up. I smile, moving to pull him into my arms. I feel his body relax against me. My thoughts drift to him as I rest against his cheek. He is so precious to me that I can�t imagine the what ifs of not having him in my life.

But still�

What if he had been traded?

Even thought I ended up where I never expected to be, I think I�d rather not know.

-End Prologue