Title: Someday: Chapter Ten: My Way Out
Author: Foxy Finn ([email protected])
Rating: Pg13
Archive: @ my site http://www.geocities.com/foxy_finn44/ email me if you want it anywhere else....
Category: Sports, RPS, NHL, Comire/York, Comrie/Guerin
Feedback: *Puppy dog eyes*
Summary: Suppose Bill Guerin hadn't been traded for Anson Carter...
Author's Note: Disclaimer! Nope. Not mine. Not now, but soon...I control the forces of time. I have...an artistic license to kill...

Borrowed from a dream that I used to know
All my friends were there we watched the world explode
Took another drink to find my way
Hope that you'll be there
This is my way out of it tonight
And this is my last chance to ease the fire
This is my way out of it tonight
I might find one way to get through
How about you
And if I could remember
If I could find a place a time the space to see another way home
And if I could forget you
Maybe there's no other way out
-My Way Out
David Usher

�Mmm�� it felt good to wake up next to Mike.

We were on the road trip, curled up in the same bed. After playing, and losing last night, we were in desperate need of some down time. Bill and I haven�t said two words to each other. It hurts, but right now it�s an open wound. Every time I look at him, it�s like it�s my fault. I�m the one pouring salt on it. He just glares and looks away.

�Don�t start thinking yet,� Mike mumbled, snuggling next to me. His hair is so soft.

I liked how he needed me. Bill never needed me it seemed.

�Can�t help it,� I sighed, smoothing his hair. I curled one strand around my finger and sighed.

�It will stop hurting, you know,� he still sounded half asleep.

�It hurts that we�re strangers to each other now,� I frowned. �But that�s his fault.�

Mike sat up to kiss me, his arms tightening around my waist. I deepened the kiss, pulling him on top of me. He broke the kiss to smile at me.

�Everyone must hate me here,� he said. �I come in, trying to help things, and I just fuck everything up.�

�Hey,� I smiled, shaking my head. �The only thing you�re fucking is me.�

He laughed. �Witty. I like that. And you�re not a thing�you�re a charming, wonderful��

�Don�t start with the mush,� I laughed.

He just smirked and kissed me. I could lay here the rest of the day, just kissing and holding him. The kisses got deeper and more frantic. His hands toyed with the elastic of my boxers. With a pleading whine, I lifted my hips. I heard him chuckle as he lightly bit down on my bottom lip, before pulling away. He sat up, straddling my waist.

This was where I wanted to be.

It was the day before our last home game of the season. Mike and I had milled around our temporary home most of the morning, after an early practice. I didn�t mind games with Bill, but practices were hard. There was more down time in practice that used to be spent with various forms of flirting. Now, all I get are cold stares.

Outside of game talk, we haven�t said much more to each other over these few short weeks. I�ve been avoiding him, but I think I have good reason. He snaps at everyone, and is never home. I try to pretend he doesn�t bother me, but he does. I care about him. I still do. I want to tell him I�m sorry that it had to happen that way, but it was my way out.

We were going out. It would be a nice break from everything. We were going to make a nice day of it. I liked the idea of getting out of the city for the day.

�Shit,� I mumbled, looking through my suitcase for a shirt I really liked.

�Hmm?� Mike asked from the bathroom, toothbrush in his mouth.

I stared at my clothes. I thought I had them all. I�d been gradually collecting my things from Bill. Whenever he wasn�t there, I�d go get some of my things. When was the last time I wore this shirt? Then it dawned on me: Bill pulling it over my head after a night of gracing many of Edmonton�s finest establishments. I was wrecked. When was that? January? Yes. He pulled the shirt off my body, kissing every inch of new skin. He liked that shirt; he said it suited me. It was a pale yellow with faint gold stripes. It fit tightly to my small upper body. Bill liked it, and after he took it off, he said he was keeping it. I remember him putting it in his drawer, not mine. That�s where it was. He placed it in his drawer, then stalked back to the bed. He looked so gorgeous in moonlight�

Mike�s hand squeezed my shoulder and I jumped.

�What�s up?� he asked.

�I left a shirt at Bill�s,� I mumbled.

�Just buy a new one,� he smirked.

I shook my head. �I really like that shirt. Do I have time to go get it?�

Mike nodded without looking at his watch. �Of course you do.�

I kissed him, bringing his head close to mine, �I love you.�

�I love you too,� he smiled. He helped me to my feet, then walked me down to the lobby. He told me to call him when I was on my way back, and he�d be ready to go. I just wanted my shirt back.

The fact that my memories of the shirt were all of being with Bill had nothing to do with it, I told myself as I drove.

No one was home when I got there. Thank god. I parked down the block just in case. He never asked for my key back. I don�t know why. Maybe a faint hope that I would come back?

I crept inside, making sure the house was really empty. It was. I quickly went upstairs. I opened the top drawer. It wasn�t there. Fuck. This was where he put it, I remember.

Shit.

I moved quickly to his closet. The giant walk-in was a little intimidating, but I found my shirt. It was nicely folded, sitting on a small shelf in the back. I had just picked it up, when I heard the front door slam.

I froze.

Shit, why did he have to come home?

I quickly turned out the light in the closet, and slid the door shut. Well, not completely shut. It was open enough to make sure that I could watch him. I was very thankful I hadn�t left any other lights on.

He came right upstairs, throwing his leather jacket on the bed as he went. He undid the buttons on his shirt as he mumbled something to himself. I fumbled with my cell phone in my pocket, making sure it was off.

It was still early in the afternoon. He must have just come back from lunch. He stretched out his shoulders before lying down on the bed. I was staring at him from the closet. This wasn�t right. Why am I hiding from him like some child?

He sat up against the pillows and just stared out into space. He rubbed his eyes as he sat back.

Suddenly he sobbed. He put his head in his hands and started crying. My heart fluttered. Bill was never weak. Bill never cried. This wasn�t Bill. I hurt him. I really did.

He loved me, and I pushed him away. There was some satisfaction in the fact that he hurt me all of those times, and now I�ve left him with nothing but an empty bed and old shirt in the back his closet. But seeing him cry put us on this level. He wasn�t above me anymore.

I had been kneeling by the closet door, and my legs started to cramp. I shifted, but ended up falling in the process.

Bill and I jumped at the same time, me to my feet, and him off of the bed to turn away from me.

�What the fuck are you doing here?!� He demanded, wiping at his eyes before turning to glare at me.

�I�m sorry Billy,� I said, watching the emotions on his face flicker and die.

He narrowed his eyes, �Get out.�

�It didn�t have to be this way,� I pleaded.

He just shook his head. He stared me down until I was so uncomfortable that I had to move. I backed out of his bedroom, and then turned to quickly move down the stairs. I left my key on the kitchen table as I walked through.

I hurt him. I couldn�t get over that. I thought that he would just shrug me off. He misses me.

I turned my phone back on when I got to my vehicle. I was fiddling with the radio when it rang.

�Hello?� I knew the number. I was afraid to answer.

�What were you doing in my house?� Bill demanded.

�I had to get something. I didn�t know�� I trailed off. �I left my key on the table.�

�You fucking better have,� he snapped.

�I�m so sorry Bill. I shouldn�t have been there. I�m sorry I hurt you,� I spoke quickly, hoping he wouldn�t hang up.

He was quiet. �You said you were done. If it�s over, it�s over.�

�Are you telling me that, or yourself?� I asked.

�Just stay the fuck out of my house,� then the line went dead. I stared at my phone for a few seconds, hoping that he would call back. Was I about to go back to him? No. I just wanted to make sure he was all right.

I called Mike shortly after I pulled out of our old neighbourhood. I lied and said that I hadn�t run into Bill. I picked him up from our hotel and drove. Being around him pushed Bill to the back of my mind, but the fact that he was still there bothered me.

My cell rang as I was packing. �Hullo?�

�Hey Mike,� it was Ryan.

�Hi, what�s up?� I asked, not catching any tone in his voice. Was that good or bad?

�Um, just thought I�d tell you that Bill just signed with Dallas,� Ryan�s voice sounded hollow. Empty.

Bill and I had hardly spoken since the day we cleaned out our lockers. No.

�Is, is he still in town?� I asked.

�Yeah, he�s leaving tomorrow,� replied Ryan. �I mean, I just thought I�d tell you.�

�Yeah, thanks. Bye.� I hung up, then looked at Mike.

�What�s up, babe?� He asked, reading my face trying to figure out what had just happened.

�Bill�just signed with Dallas,� I answered, my voice as hollow as Ryan�s. �He�s leaving tomorrow.�

Mike�s face fell. �Why does that bother you?�

�There�s still so much I need to talk to him about, I�ve just been avoiding him.� I answered. �I thought he�d at least tell me he was leaving��

�Go,� Mike said.

�What?�

�Go talk to him. Do what you have to do,� Mike tried to smile. �Tell him how you still love him.�

�You don�t mind?� I asked.

�Of course I mind,� He answered with a smirk. �But if it clears your head, then you�ve got to do it.�

I picked up my coat. �I love you.�

He nodded, but didn�t say anything. I didn�t want to lose them both, but I had to talk to Bill. I didn�t want to lose Mike in the process, but it had to be done.

Today was his last chance to tell me how much I mean to him. I had to hear it just to know that my time with him wasn�t a waste. I had to know that he isn�t lying to himself anymore.

-End Chapter Ten