Title: Someday: Chapter Nine: The Problem is You
Author: Foxy Finn ([email protected])
Rating: Pg13
Archive: @ my site http://www.geocities.com/foxy_finn44/ email me if you want it anywhere else....
Category: Sports, RPS, NHL, Comire/York, Comrie/Guerin
Feedback: *Puppy dog eyes*
Summary: Suppose Bill Guerin hadn't been traded for Anson Carter...
Author's Note: Disclaimer! Nope. Not mine. Not now, but soon... It get's more AU by the minute...My muse is gone. SIGH

Whirlwind. I�m in some whirlwind as the world ghosts around me.

Mike tipped my chin. �Are you okay?�

I was standing in the doorway of his hotel room. We left morning practice together. I was quiet the entire time because I didn�t know what to say. I didn�t know what to think, either. My mouth felt dry no matter how much water I drank. I woke up in Bill�s bed this morning wondering if I�d ever come back to it.

I licked my lips before frowning. �I don�t know.�

His hand moved to grip the back of my neck. He pulled me forward to rest our foreheads together. I closed my eyes and sighed.

�I can�t believe this is happening,� he said, the slightest smile on his face.

I lifted my head and gave him a light smile. He frowned at the look and took a few steps away from me. He watched me, as he started moving around his temporary home. He opened the blinds and let the afternoon sun roll in.

�Come lay down,� he said, moving to the bed.

I moved next to him. He gently took my hand, watching my face the entire time.

�Isn�t this what you wanted?� he asked.

�I don�t know,� I sighed. �I don�t know what to think. It�s all...everything is happening at once. I can�t catch my breath.�

�Neither can I,� he smirked. �Maybe your too shocked to be happy.�

�I hope so,� I said, aloud instead of in my head.

His eyes studied me and the look that passed over his face told me he heard the uncertainty in my words. He kissed me and I responded, letting him pull me close. Our arms were around one another like they were meant to be. I didn�t know when I started shaking.

I broke the kisses to bury my face against his neck. �I wish I could be more like you.�

�What do you mean?� he asked, resting his hands on my back.

�You�you left your life. You just up and left everything to come here, and I can�t break up with some one who can change at the flip of a switch. He can turn his love on and off. I don�t understand him,� I felt Mike�s arms tighten around me. �I finally have what I want and I can�t let go of him.�

�I had to leave my life,� he finally said. �You�you don�t have to leave Bill if you don�t want, I guess.�

My breath caught in my throat. I lifted my head to meet his eyes. �Do you mean that?�

�I want to be with you, Mike. I don�t want to be with you and have to share you with him. He doesn�t seem like the type that would like to share,� he paused. �So do what you have to do to be happy. I mean, if that happiness isn�t with me��

�No,� I interrupted. �You�re the first person to make me happy in a long time. You�re the one I want to be with.�

He grinned. �Do you mean that?�

I was looking into his eyes, seeing his feelings for me. He didn�t hide them. He wasn�t acting like a prick one moment, then holding me tightly the next. He doesn�t lie. But he doesn�t pick me off the couch in the evening after we�ve watched television and carry me to our room. He doesn�t tell me I�m a fucking moron when I know it�s the truth. He�s not Bill and Bill is not what he is. I closed my eyes and all I saw was Mike�s face.

My eyes opened to meet his worried grey-green depths. �Yes.�

He smiled, then kissed me. �Let�s get some sleep.�

We had a game tonight. Then we were out on the road. That meant I had to go home to Bill tonight to get my clothes.

But I�ll think about that later.

We were both too comfortable to move; we wrapped up in one another like we were supposed to be. The world is still spinning out of control, but right now I think I�ve made the right decision. But will it feel right tomorrow? Tonight even? The sleep I got wasn�t what I needed. I was still tired when we woke up and left for the rink again. But I think I was more mentally tired than physically fatigued.

We got to the rink and I had to pretend there was nothing wrong. We got ready for the game and I sat across from Bill in our dressing room. He was watching me with a small smile on his face. He winked at me when he noticed I was staring back.

My chest tightened. After a quick glance at the count down clock, I decided I could take a quick walk. Half dressed in my equipment, I rested against a wall and tried to catch my breath. I was in some back hallway, hidden from my teammates and the media. I heard footsteps approaching and sighed.

�Just tell him,� Mike�s voice and presence soon filled my senses.

�Not now,� I choked out, opening my eyes. �He�ll hurt you.�

Mike brought his hand up to rest on the back of my neck. �I�m not afraid of him, and neither should you. I don�t want to pressure you, but I�m here now. You can�t hide behind the distance excuse any more.�

�You think I was using that as an excuse?� I asked, frowning.

�The only thing I know is that we can be together, and be happy. Or you can be with him and be miserable, the entire time wanting to be with some one else,� he pressed his lips to mine and I kissed him back. When we parted, a sob escaped my lips. He rested his forehead against mine in comfort. He liked being close to me, and I craved it.

I finally nodded my head and he stepped away. We went back to the dressing room and finished getting dressed.

We were playing San Jose, and were up by two midway through the third. We were going to win. We needed this win. Mike and I played on the power play together for most of the game. I loved seeing him on the ice in our colours. They suited him. He suited me. He was the light balance to my dark. He was a breath of fresh air compared to everything I�ve ever been attached to.

Bill was playing with more edge than usual. There�s no real way to explain it, but everything just seemed to piss him off. He let some one get under his skin, and got into a fight. I�ve seen him fight before and it�s never scared me. This scared me. The way he moved with reckless abandon made my blood cold. I watched as the ref broke up the fight. I caught the look Bill gave me and forced my eyes away.

�Guerin, what the fuck!� Ryan snapped as Bill skated to the box. Bill just shot Ryan a look of death.

Ryan snorted, and sat back next to me on the bench.

�Did you guys have a fight or something?� Ryan asked.

I had to let something slip. �Not yet.�

Ryan raised an eyebrow, but Mac T threw our line out.

I took a dumb penalty. A stupid hooking call might cost us the game. I think the worst part was spending the time in the box with Bill. The look he gave me was still floating in my mind; I saw it whenever I closed my eyes.

I sat down next to him and glared at nothing. We were quiet. I knew he was watching me. Leaning back, I met his eyes. He gave me a little smirk and handed me a water bottle.

�Your penalty won�t cost us the game,� he said calmly. �Don�t act like it�s the end of the world.�

I managed a nod, and turned back to watch the ice.

The seconds ticked down. Let me out. Let me out.

I stood, getting ready to leave when I felt a tug on my jersey.

�Don�t forget your way home tonight, Mikey,� he said, his voice level. His eyes were bright, almost pleading.

After a nod, I stepped out onto the ice again.

He flopped down on the bed and sighed. �What a game.�

�We almost lost because of me,� I said, quietly sitting next to him.

�Fuck that. They didn�t score and we won,� he folded his hands on his chest and stared at the ceiling.

I pulled off my shirt and threw it aside before standing to strip off my pants. I could feel Bill watching me the entire time. I had crawled into bed, and was underneath the covers, before he moved. He disappeared to the bathroom, and I tried my best to fall asleep before he got back. I didn�t, but pretended I did. He pulled me into his arms and fell asleep quickly. I didn�t dream. I wish I had, because maybe then I would�ve forgotten where I was.

Bill woke up first. His kisses woke me up. He kissed down the back of my neck and along my shoulder. My eyes fluttered open and I stared at the wall.

I slowly pulled away and got out of bed and started packing. He groaned and tossed the sheets back over his head. I frowned, packing more than I needed. I dressed quickly. Bill still hadn�t moved.

�Bill?� I said, softer than I had intended.

He threw down the sheet and frowned at me. �We don�t have to leave for another hour.�

�I�m leaving now,� I said, flatly.

He blinked as he sat up and looked at me. �What?�

�It�s over,� My voice started to shake. �I�m�done.�

I couldn�t move as left the bed to stalk over. He looked me up and down with such a deep confliction in his eyes that I didn�t know what I should do. I remember how he fought yesterday. How he moved like he didn�t care about the other person�s life. This was that look.

I moved too late.

He shoved me back against the wall. He moved so quickly. He was suddenly standing in front of me. I hit the wall hard, and the wind was knocked out of me. I coughed, trying to breathe again. He loomed over me as I sunk to the ground. He knelt next to me, eyes burning.

�Get out. Now.� He breathed. He turned, and left the bedroom, retreating to the bathroom with the slam of the door. I quickly picked myself up off the floor, grabbed my things, and left.