| Chapter 44 Nick waited downstairs for Diane to finish getting ready. They had already eaten breakfast and taken their showers. Nick had hurried, wanting to get some things set up before they left, and not wanting Diane to see what he was doing. He had found the cd he wanted and placed it in the stereo, setting it to repeat the track he'd selected. Then he took the remote to the stereo and placed it in the drawer in the kitchen that contained the other things he would need. He took a deep breath, silently praying that everything would go according to plan. He wouldn't let himself think about what would happen if it didn't. Diane came downstairs, seeing him standing in the kitchen. "You ready?" she asked. Nick smiled at her and nodded. She walked past him to get the keys to the car and he grabbed her, kissing her mercilessly. She laughed, struggling to get free, "Nick stop! We're gonna be late!" He let her go, a prominent pout on his face. Diane smiled and shook her head, "That look doesn't work on me anymore Carter. Come on, we can play when we get home." Nick sighed, picking Misha up and heading out the door to the car. Nick watched Diane as she drove them to Dr. McKenna's office. He just couldn't take his eyes off her. He wanted to remember everything about her, the way she smiled, the softness of her skin, the way the light danced in her hair. She was his reason for living at the moment, and he needed to be able to picture her in his mind. He knew he would need that strength that she somehow gave him. Diane looked over, "What?" He smiled and shook his head. "No what? You've been staring at me all morning," she noted. You're so beautiful I just can't stop looking at you, he typed. Diane glanced over and read it, then went back to looking at the road, "You know flattery will get you everywhere," she laughed. Nick grinned at her as they pulled into the parking lot. They got out of the car, walking hand in hand into the office. They took a seat in the waiting room for a few minutes, then Nick was told he could go in. He got up and walked into the office, Misha at his heels. Dr. McKenna was sitting at his desk, "Good morning Nick." Nick sat down and nodded. "So how was your first night at home?" the doctor asked. Nick couldn't hide the grin that formed on his face: Very good. Dr. McKenna smiled at him, "I see. Have you had any memories since you left yesterday?" Nick shook his head. "What about nightmares?" he asked. "No," Nick said. "That's very good Nick. Can you tell me what you think has caused them to stop?" Dr. McKenna asked. Nick thought for a long time: I'm not sure. I just know that I feel different than I did before. "Explain to me the difference," the doctor said. I have hope now, I didn't before. I know that things will get better. That I can do this now. Before I was just trapped in the memories and couldn't see any way out. "What do you think has brought about this change? How is it you feel hopeful now when you didn't before?" he asked. Nick stared at his computer for a moment: I had a lot of time to think in the hospital. I know that I can't let the past rule my life anymore. I have a lot of people that love me and I want to get back to me again. And talking to you has helped a lot. You've helped me sort a lot of things out, that I don't think I could've done on my own. Dr. McKenna nodded, then pulled the pictures out of Nick's chart. "Can we talk about these?" Nick looked at them and shook his head. "Nick, we will have to address these. There's still something you aren't telling me, and even though you're feeling better, to be completely well, you need to tell me," he said. I know, and I will. I just can't right now. "Why Nick? You've told me some pretty horrible things about Tim, why can't you tell me this?" the doctor asked. Nick dropped his head, staring at his hands. Dr. McKenna watched him for a moment, noting how nervous and uneasy he'd become. "It is about Tim isn't it?" he asked. Nick looked at him a shocked fearful expression on his face. Dr. McKenna started to ask him something else when Misha started whining and pawing at Nick's legs. "What is it?" he asked. Seizure, Nick quickly typed, handing the doctor his computer and going over to lay down on the couch. Dr. McKenna got up and opened his door, "Diane, can you come in please?" Diane got up and walked in, seeing Nick laying on the couch. She knew instantly what was happening, "Do you have a wash cloth?" "Yes," he said, running into his bathroom and retrieving it. Diane took it and quickly tied it in knots, placing it in Nick's mouth. "It'll be alright," she told him, just as his eyes closed and he started convulsing. It was over in a minute, and Nick was awake in another. "That was a mild one," Dr. McKenna said, grabbing a bottled water from the frig and handing it to Diane. "Yeah," she agreed, "Nick, can you sit up?" He nodded, sitting up and taking the water from her. Diane ran her hand through his hair as he drank, knowing that helped to calm him down. After a few minutes Nick seemed to be back to normal. Dr. McKenna check him out, just to make sure. "Why don't you go home and we'll continue this tomorrow," he said. Nick nodded, standing up. Dr. McKenna handed Nick his computer and walked with them to the door, "Get some rest, and I'll see you in the morning." "K," Nick said, taking Diane's hand in his as they walked to the car. Dr. McKenna watched them leave the parking lot, then turned to go back into his office, "What are you hiding?" ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Brian sat in his room, getting dressed. He had slept late, tired from the night before. The guys had stayed up after they got back from Nick's talking, and didn't go to bed until early that morning. Brian pulled his shirt over his head and moved himself from the bed to his chair. He was getting pretty good at getting himself showered and dressed in the mornings, but it still took him longer than everyone else. He could hear the rest of the guys in the kitchen. Apparently Howie had gotten up and cooked breakfast for everyone, even though it was closer to lunch time. Brian wheeled himself over to the mirror and ran his fingers through his still wet curls. He stared at himself for a moment, telling himself that soon he was gonna be up and walking. He did that every morning. It motivated him to make the dream a reality. He looked over, noticing the picture above the bed. It was a beautiful sea scape, with bright colors. "Oh shit! Nick's picture!" he said, having forgotten about it. He pulled the backpack off the back of his wheelchair and fumbled through it, pulling it out. He unfolded it, staring at it for several minutes. "Why is this so familiar?" he asked himself, reading the words again. Suddenly a light went on in his brain. He quickly put the picture back in his pack and wheeled himself into the kitchen, "Kev, I gotta see Dr. McKenna!" "Alright, I'll call and see when he can....." Kevin started. Brian shook his head, "No now! I've gotta talk to him, it's urgent!" The three glanced at each other for a second, wondering what was going on. Brian turned his chair and headed for the door, "If you won't take me, I'm going by myself." "Bri hold up," Kevin said, getting up, "We're coming." "Well hurry up!" Brian called over his shoulder. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Nick and Diane walked into the house. "Baby, why don't you go rest for a little bit, while I make us some lunch," she suggested. Nick shook his head, I'm fine. I'm gonna go do some work in the office. "You sure?" she asked. He smiled at her and nodded, then he leaned down and gently kissed her, before heading into the office. Diane watched him until he went into the room. Something wasn't exactly right. She'd been feeling it all day, but she couldn't place what it was. She sighed, going into the kitchen. Maybe she would figure it out soon. Nick sat down and booted up his computer. He opened his mail and created a new message, addressing it to Carter. He took a deep breath and started typing. Carter, I'm sending this to you because you're the only person I can trust right now that isn't here and can stop me. I'm sorry for dragging you into this, but if something happens to me I want everyone to know the truth, not the lies that John's been making up. John Martin, my speech therapist, has been blackmailing me. It started a couple weeks into therapy and has continued everyday since then. He threatened to hurt Diane and Aaron if I told anyone what was going on. I couldn't go to the police because there's no evidence that anything is happening, just my word against his, and I know that wouldn't stick. John would find a way out of it, and Diane and Aaron would be in danger. I've done my best to protect them, but I can't take living in this hell anymore. It ends today, one way or another. He didn't want money or material things, he wanted me. He says he loves me and what he's doing is out of love, but it's far from it. I can't go through another day of enduring whatever he wants to do to me. I almost lost everything last week because of him and I'll be damned if I let that happen again. I'm telling him today that it's over. He needs to walk out of my life and never come back, but I know it won't be that easy. I'm afraid that it will come to a fight, and I'm not sure I can win, but I can't allow him to continue doing this to me. If something happens to me, please get this to Diane and the guys. I don't want to do this, but there is no other way out. Let them know that I kept quiet to protect them, and I love them more than anything. Please don't let them blame themselves for this, although I know they will. This was out of their control, and there was nothing they could do to stop it. It's funny, somehow I always knew the past would come back to haunt me, but I never imagined it would be this. Again, I'm sorry for dragging you into this, but I want the truth to be known if for some reason I can't tell them myself. Thank you Carter, for everything. Nick Nick reread the email then hit the send button. He watched, making sure it did send before he turned the screen off. There it was done, no going back now. Diane walked in, "Baby, lunch is ready." Nick got up and followed her into the kitchen, glancing at the clock on his way. One hour. He had one hour until John arrived. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ John scurried through his house trying to get everything done before he left for Nick's. He knew he wouldn't be coming back, so everything had to be ready before he left. "OK, got the plane and the house taken care of," he told himself. He checked the bag he'd packed, "K, rope, tape, pills ... I think that's it." He sat down on the couch, taking a second to go over his plan one more time. He knew that after Nick's break down last week that he didn't have much time before he lost him completely. Nick would either go mad or actually succeed in killing himself and John couldn't allow that to happen. He had rented a plane to fly them to the private island that his family owned. He had a house there, where he and Nick wouldn't be disturbed, and no one would find them. He'd gone out while Nick was in the hospital and fixed the place up a bit, adding a few things he would need to keep Nick from trying to escape. He had the things in his bag just incase Nick put up a fight. He had it all worked out in his mind, after Diane left he would tell Nick what was going to happen and then they would leave. He knew that he couldn't live without Nick, and so if kidnaping him was the only way to keep him then that's what he would do. The box of pictures was laying on the coffee table, and John pulled the photo out, looking at it. "I hope your proud now," he said, "I'm finally getting what you couldn't have." John sighed, looking at the clock. It was time to go. He tossed the photo back in the box and grabbed his bag, heading out the door. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Brian and the guys waited while Dr. McKenna finished with a patient. Brian kept shifting in his chair, an overwhelming feeling of urgency washing over him. Something wasn't right, he could feel it. And the words in the picture only confirmed his feelings. Finally the patient came out and Dr. McKenna motioned him in. Brian wheeled himself in and up to the desk, "I'm sorry for barging in here and demanding to see you, but I think you should see this," he said, pulling the picture out and handing it to him. "This is the picture Nick gave you in the hospital isn't it?" he asked. Brian nodded, "Yeah, but it's more than a picture." "What do you mean?" the doctor asked. Brian took the picture and laid it on the desk, "It's a message. We used to do this all the time, we'd draw pictures and hide messages in them." Brian pointed to where it started, "See, it starts here and goes across." Dr. McKenna leaned over Brian looking at where he was pointing, finally seeing the words, "I never noticed that." Brian smiled, "We got pretty good at it, anyway, it's what it says that's worrying me." "Read it," the doctor said. Brian cleared his throat and started to read, "What do I do to ignore him behind me? Do I follow my instincts blindly? Do I hide my pride, from these bad dreams, and give in to sad thoughts that are maddening? Do I sit here and try to stand it? Or do I try to catch him red-handed? Do I trust some and get fooled by phoniness, or do I trust nobody and live in loneliness? Because I can't hold on when I'm stretched so thin, I make the right moves but I'm lost within, I put on my daily facade but then I just end up getting hurt again. If I turn my back I'm defenseless, and to go blindly seems senseless. If I hide my pride and let it all go on, then he'll take from me till everything is gone, if I let him go I'll be outdone, but if I try to catch him I'll be outrun, If I'm killed by the questions like a cancer, then I'll be buried in the silence of the answer." Dr McKenna sat down in shock, he wasn't sure what to make of this. Brian looked at him, "There's more down here," he said, pointing, then began to read again, "I can't take this anymore, I'm saying everything I've said before. I've lied to you, the same way that I always do, I've felt this way before, so insecure. It's the sacrifice of hiding in a lie." Brian looked at the doctor, "They're song lyrics, but it's not all the same song, and he's changed some of the words. He used to sing them all the time when the cd came out a few years ago, said that a lot of it related to how he felt when everything was happening. It seemed to be a good way for him to express it. He'd play the cd over and over again, screaming the lyrics." "So is he just trying to express that now, or is he trying to tell us something?" Dr. McKenna asked. "I think he's trying to tell me something, without really telling me. He knew I'd know these lyrics, I just have to figure out what he's doing. Like here, that word is suppose to be they not him. He does that through all this song, like he's making it personal. And down here, this is like three different songs put together," Brian said. Dr. McKenna pulled Nick's chart from his desk and took the pictures out, "Brian do remember anything about this figure?" Brian thought for a long time, then slowly the memory came back. He started reciting it as it flashed through his mind, "Nick came to my room one night, asking if he could stay with me. He said he'd had a horrible nightmare .... that what had happened with Tim was happening to him again in the dream, only it wasn't Tim that was doing it. The next day he drew that figure, said it was the person in his dream." Dr. McKenna looked at all the pictures, studying them. Brian kept rereading the last part of the message, "I've lied to you, the same way that I always do. Oh my God!" "What?" the doctor asked. "Doc, Nick has never in all our years of being friends lied to me, except when this was happening. He's telling me he's lying to me just like before. Shit! Why didn't I see this before? It's happening again. He's not just reliving the memories, it's really happening!" Brian said. The doctor held his hands out, "Hang on Brian, are you sure?" "Yes, look here, the sacrifice of hiding in a lie...I've felt this way before, so insecure. It's happening again, someone is doing it to him again, I know it!" Brian said. "But who would do such a thing? Who has access to him like that, Diane is with him all the time?" Dr. McKenna asked. Brian thought for a moment, then his face paled, "Oh God ....it's John." "Nick's speech therapist?" he asked. Brian nodded, "Diane told us a while back that she was leaving during their therapy. Said John asked her to because she was distracting Nick. It has to be him." "Brian, we can't just go accusing him of this without proof," the doctor said. Brian sighed, and ran his hand through his hair, frustrated. Then something clicked, "Doc, what's John's last name?" Dr. McKenna thumbed through Nick's chart, finding the notes where he had talked to him, "Martin, why?" Brain's mouth dropped open and he started shaking, "Martin? His last name is Martin?" "Yes Brian, what's wrong?" he asked. "Jonathan Martin, damn it why didn't I remember him?!" Brian said, becoming more upset. "Brian, what's going on, what are you talking about?" he asked. Brian looked up, "Doc, Tim's last name was Martin. John is his son, and he's with Nick right now!" ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Nick watched Diane pull down the drive, wanting to make sure she was away and safe before he set his plan in motion. John watched her too. When she was out of sight, he turned to Nick, "I want you to go pack a few things, we have a plane to catch." This caught Nick off guard, but he wasn't going to let John know that. He shook his head: I have something I want you to read first. "Nick, we don't time for this," John protested, as Nick grabbed his hand and led him into the office. He turned the screen on and pointed at it. You read, I'll go pack, he typed, leaving the room. John let him go, wondering why Nick was cooperating with him all of a sudden. He turned and looked at the screen, his heart in his throat as he read. How could Nick do this? Didn't he know what would happen if anyone found out about them? John looked up to see that the email had been sent almost an hour ago. There was no stopping it now. John got up and stepped out of the office, seeing Nick's computer on the floor. He picked it up reading the screen. You have a choice. Walk out right now and never come back, or I'll kill you, but one way or another, you are out of my life today. John looked around cautiously, "Nick ... we need to talk about this. Nick?" Suddenly the stereo came to life, blaring the song Nick had selected all over the house. I've lied to you The same way that I always do This is the last smile That I'll fake for the sake of being with you John walked into the living room, looking around, "Come out Nick!" Everything falls apart/ even the people who never frown/ eventually break down The sacrifice of hiding in a lie Everything has to end/ you'll soon find we're out of time left to watch it all unwind The sacrifice is never knowing Why I never walked away Why I played myself this way Now I see your testing me pushes me away John rounded the couches, searching for him. He didn't leave, he knew that. Nick was hiding somewhere in the house. "Nick, this wasn't smart, you know that," he called, "Now just come out so we can leave." I've tried like you To do everything you wanted to This is the last time I'll take the blame for the sake of being with you Everything falls apart/ even the people who never frown/ eventually break down The sacrifice of hiding in a lie Everything had to end/ you'll soon fine we're out of time left to watch it all unwind The sacrifice is never knowing Why I never walked away Why I played myself this way Now I see your testing me pushes me away John walked over to the stereo as the song ended and began again. He turned it off, turning back around to see Nick standing a few feet behind him, pointing something at him. "Nick, whatever that is, you know you don't want to do this," John said, taking a step towards him. Nick shook his head, standing his ground. John laughed, "Do you really think you can kill me? You're weak Nick, you just got out of the hospital. You can't fight me, you know it." Nick glared at him, determination in his eyes. Nick's defiance only served to make John even angrier than he already was, "All I've done is love you and this is how you repay me?! How could you!?!" John lunged at Nick, startling him. Nick stumbled back, trying to get the tazor to fire, but it wouldn't. John knocked it out of his hands and tackled him to the floor. Nick managed to throw a few punches, unbalancing John. Nick lifted his legs and wrapped them around him, forcing him to the floor. He then turned and crawled away from him. John managed to grab Nick's foot as he tried to get away, holding him there, "You can't run Nick." Nick kicked at him, but couldn't get free. He went for his last resort, pulling the knife he'd hidden in his brace out and taking a stab at John. John saw it coming and let go, rolling out of the way. Both got to their feet, circling each other. "Nick just drop the knife, you know you can't win this," John said. Nick shook his head, charging him. John caught his arms and the two struggled, knocking over furniture as they did. "Give it up Nick," John said through clenched teeth. "No!" Nick screamed. "Fine, have it your way then," John said, turning them where Nick's back was to the patio doors. Nick glanced behind him, knowing what John was going to do and powerless to stop it. John forced Nick backwards, the two almost at run when Nick finally hit the glass doors. The doors shattered and they fell through them, out onto the patio. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Dr. McKenna and Brian both rushed out of his office. "Martha, call the police, send them to Nick Carters house. Tell them it's an emergency," he said. "Yes sir," she said, picking the phone up as they ran out the door. "What the hell is going on?" A.J. asked. "I'll tell you on the way," Brian said, "I just hope we aren't to late." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Diane pulled back into the drive. Something was telling her to go back, that things just weren't right. The last time she'd felt it was the day Nick had cut himself. She had ignored it them, but she wasn't about to this time. She walked back into the house and stood frozen in fear. The living room was in shambles, furniture turned over, lamps broken. She quickly hit the panic button on the alarm system and cautiously walked into the room. The tazor was laying in the floor and she picked it up, looking around. Nick and John where nowhere to be seen. She looked back down at the tazor, noticing it was still on safety. She switched the safety off and took a step, hearing something. She turned seeing what was left of the patio doors, carefully she stepped through them, gasping. John had Nick pinned against the side of the house, pressing a knife against his throat. Both men had cuts from falling through the doors, but Nick's seemed to be worse. He was having trouble holding himself up, as John whispered to him. Suddenly Nick looked over, seeing her and his eyes went wide. John noticed it, looking over. He quickly grabbed Nick and held him in front of him, the knife still at his throat. "Well Diane, nice of you to join us," he said. Diane aimed the tazor at them, "Let him go, now!" John shook his head, "No I can't do that. Now get out of the way, Nick and I are leaving." Diane stood her ground, "No you're not. Let him go now!" John sighed, "Diane, you don't want me to hurt him do you?" he said, pressing the knife harder against Nick's throat. Nick winced as it cut the skin and a small trickle of blood ran down his neck. "You're not taking him!" she yelled, seeing the police officer in her perirhinal vision. "Give up John, there's no way out," she said. John looked around, seeing the officers come through the house and around the sides to the patio. He quickly put his back to the wall, holding Nick in front of him as a shield. "Fuck!" he yelled, his plan was going straight to hell in a handbasket. All the police officers had their guns drawn as they approached the only entrance to the patio. "Don't come any closer or I swear I'll kill him!" he yelled, effectively stopping them in their tracks. Nick looked at Diane as the police and John exchanged words. He glanced down at the tazor in her hands then back to her. Diane shook her head. Nick stared at her, pleading with his eyes. Diane bit her bottom lip, then nodded. Nick smiled at her as he raised his left arm behind his head and held on to John, making sure the metal of his brace was touching his skin. Then he took a deep breath and nodded. Diane shot the tazor, watching as the tendrils flew out. One hit Nick in the chest, the other hit John's arm. They both convulsed as the electricity surged through them, then collapsed. In an instant the police officers where on them, pulling Nick away and securing the knife. Diane ran to Nick, as he came to, groaning in pain. "I'm so sorry baby," she said, hugging him as he sat up. Nick shook his head, "I ....say." "I know, but I didn't want to shoot you," she said, brushing the tears from her eyes. He smiled at her, trying to stand up. "Son, just rest, an ambulance is on its way, " an officer told him. Nick shook his head, wanting to stand up. Just as he got to his feet he heard a commotion and looked over. John was fighting with several of the officers and he was winning. He managed to knock one out as he struggled with a second. The officer that was with Nick moved forward, to help. John punched the officer he was struggling with, taking his gun from him as he fell to the ground. Nick grabbed Diane and pushed her away from him, just as John pulled the trigger. Diane ran into the officer, causing both of them to tumble to the ground. She looked up when the shot rang out, seeing Nick grab his side and collapse. "No!" she screamed, jumping up and grabbing the gun of the officer she had just knocked down. She swung around and aimed it at John, "Go to hell you son of a bitch!" John was so focused on Nick that he didn't even notice Diane until she yelled at him. He looked over just as she pulled the trigger. Several shots rang out as he fell to his knees and then to the ground. Diane didn't stop shooting until the gun emptied its last bullet, then she dropped it and ran to Nick. "Nick, baby please be OK," she said, carefully turning him over on his back. He was conscious, his face full of pain. He was gasping for air as blood poured from his side. "Hang on Nick," she said, taking some towels from one of the officers and pressing them to the wound. Nick kept his eyes focused on her, trying to stay calm. He raised his hand and placed it over her heart, a tear sliding down his cheek. Diane put her hand over his, "I love you too baby." "The ambulance is here," an officer said, going to lead the paramedics to the back. "They're here Nick, just hang on," she said. Nick gave her a wobbly smile, then started coughing. When he did, blood came out of his mouth. "Oh God .... hurry!" Diane yelled. Nick looked at her again, then closed his eyes. "No Nick ..look at me please!" she cried, "Nick? Nick!" Songs used: One Step Closer,By Myself, Pushing Me Away; Linkin Park, Hybrid Theory. Chapter 45 |