| Chapter 33 Nick woke up about an hour after John left. Diane had just finished cooking supper and was setting the table. She noticed him sit up, he still seemed half asleep and a little confused as to where he was. "Nick, you OK?" she asked, walking over to him. He looked up at her, relieved that she was there. "Sweetie, are you hungry?" she asked. He nodded, swinging his legs to the floor and standing up. Nick was still a little wobbly, but made it to the table and sat down. "That must have been some nap," Diane said, handing him his plate. Nick smiled, trying to hide the despair that had already taken over his spirit. He looked down, and started eating. "So how was your session today?" she asked. Nick almost flinched but caught himself before he did. He swallowed the food in his mouth, "K." "Did you get any new words?" Diane asked. He sighed and shook his head. "It's alright baby, I'm sure you'll get them," she encouraged. Nick nodded, pulling his computer over: You want to watch a movie tonight? He had to change the subject before he lost control of his emotions. "Yeah, sure," she said, "What do you want to see?" I don't care, he typed. "OK, lets finish here and then you can pick one out while I'm cleaning the kitchen," she said. He nodded, going back to his meal. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Brian sat in his living room staring out the window. Ever since A.J. and Howie called earlier, something just didn't feel right. He couldn't put his finger on it, but he knew there was more going on with Nick than he was telling. "What are you hiding Nicky?" he said to himself. Kevin walked into the room, "Bri, Leigh wants to know what you want for supper?" Brian turned his wheelchair around and looked up at his cousin, "I'm not hungry." Kevin sat down facing him, "You're still upset over that phone call aren't you?" Brian nodded, "Something's not right Kev, I can feel it." "So call Nick and talk to him," he suggested. "I'm going to but I have to figure out how I'm gonna approach it. If I just come out and ask him he'll calm up and never tell me," Brian said. "True," Kevin agreed. Brian shook his head, "Whatever this is, it's big Kev. I can't get rid of this sinking feeling in my stomach. I feel like I need to get away from something, or throw up and I can't tell which." Kevin couldn't help but laugh, "So either you ate something bad, or Nick's in trouble huh?" Brian nodded, "Yeah, and I know I didn't eat anything bad." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Nick and Diane were curled up on the couch watching Dances With Wolves. Nick picked it because it was long and he loved the plot. It was the classic love story, and he needed to escape from his reality for a while. So he sat engrossed in the story, barely hearing the phone ring. Diane got up and answered it. She talked for a few minutes then paused the movie. Nick looked up at her, and pointed to the TV. Diane laughed, "I know, but Brian's on the phone he wants to talk to you." Nick froze. He couldn't talk to Brian now. He'd know what was going on. "Nick? Come on, Bri's waiting to talk to you," Diane said, wondering what the look on his face was all about. Nick slowly got up and walked over to the computer as Diane got him online. He sat down, not wanting to do this but knowing if he didn't that Brian would know something was wrong for sure. Snickers: Hey, what's up? Caramello: Not much, just wondering how you're doing. Snickers: OK, u? Caramello: I'm fine. Therapy is tough but I'm getting there. How's yours going? Nick just sat there. He wasn't sure how to answer. He started to type something, then erased it. Caramello: Are you still here? Snickers: Yeah sorry. It's OK. Caramello: Just OK? Snickers: Yeah, I'm not getting very far. The words are really hard. Caramello: Oh I see. Well you'll get it, I know it. Snickers: Thanks, you sound like Di. Caramello: well we both have faith in you. Nick is there something else bothering you? Snickers: No, y? Caramello: dunno, just that you seem kinda distant, that's all. Snickers: Bri, we're talking on a computer, of course I'm gonna seem distant you silly! LoL Caramello: No I don't think that's it. Nick you know that you can tell me anything right? I'm always here for you. Nick sighed. Shit he knows!! He knows something's wrong ...SHIT!!, he thought, trying to find a way out of the conversation. Snickers: yeah I know, thanks. Caramello: So what is it? Snickers: nothing, listen Bri I need to go, ttyl bye! And with that he terminated the connection. He hated doing that to Brian, but he couldn't continue talking to him. He already knew something was wrong and the longer they talked the more clued in he would get, and Nick just couldn't risk it. He got up and went back to the couch. "You and Brian have a good talk?" Diane asked. Nick nodded, pointing to the TV. She laughed, "OK, we'll finish the movie." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ And so it went for the next few weeks. Diane watched as the man she loved disappeared and was replaced by an empty shell. It killed her to see him like this, but she didn't know what to do for him. She had brought up seeing someone several times, and he adamantly refused. Bob even tried talking to him, but Nick wouldn't listen. He stopped leaving the house. The only place he would go was to his parents and even then he didn't want to stay long. He had completely shut down, pushing everyone including Diane away. She had watched as he went from being affectionate with her to wincing when she touched him. He kept blaming it on the nightmares and the memories, but she knew there was more, there had to be. She had started sleeping in the other room because he asked her to. She would hear him in the middle of the night, crying. He seemed so depressed. All he ever did anymore was stare at the ocean. He barely slept, and she had to force him to eat. And then there were the calls from Brian. Nick was refusing to talk to him, and with each call Brian became more and more worried. Diane was almost to her breaking point. She didn't know how to help him anymore, and it seemed he didn't want her to anyway. The only person that still seemed to get anything out of him was John. They still continued their therapy, although Diane didn't see any improvement in Nick's speech abilities. In fact, he had almost completely stopped talking altogether. He no longer used the simple words he could actually say, instead he used his computer. So Diane made a decision. It had to be the hardest thing she'd ever done, but there was nothing left to do. ~~~~~~~ Nick was sitting on the couch staring out at the ocean. It was raining and the waves seemed angry. Diane walked into the room and stood between Nick and the window, "We need to talk." He looked up at her with so much sadness in his eyes it caused her to take a step back. The person looking at her wasn't Nick at all, it was an empty shell of what Nick used to be. Diane sat down next to him, looking down at her hands. She was afraid if she looked at him she'd never get the words out. "I'm leaving," she said, "I can't sit here and watch what's happening to you. I've tried everything I know to help you, but you refuse to listen. I love you, but I can't stay here anymore." Nick grabbed her hands, causing her to look up at him. He was almost in a panic, shaking his head, "No ... no go!" Those were the first words he'd uttered in days. "Nick I don't want to, but you leave me no choice. You refuse to get help, and I can't watch you do this yourself," she said, her tears sliding down her face. Nick shook his head, his own tears stinging his cheeks. He frantically looked around, finding his computer on the table. He got up and retrieved it: Please don't leave. I love you! Please stay, you're the only thing keeping me together right now. If you left I'd die, please! "Well obviously I'm not doing that good of job. Look at you Nick! You don't sleep, you don't eat, you barely even acknowledge that I'm here! Baby you need help, and if it takes me walking out that door for you realize that, then that's what I'm gonna do. I don't want to, but I will," she cried. No please! I'll do whatever you want me to, just please stay, he typed. Diane shook her head, "You say that now, but I don't believe you. Baby please just tell me what's wrong, trust me enough to do that." Nick looked down, biting his lip: I can't. Diane stood up, "Then I can't stay," she said, walking upstairs to pack. Nick was in shock as he watched her climb the stairs. He had to make her stay, because if he didn't he really would just give up and die. He got up and ran upstairs, stopping in the doorway of her room. She was crying, trying to pack a few things in an overnight bag. "No...leaf," he begged, frustrated that he couldn't get the right word to come out of his mouth. Diane turned around, "I have to." Nick shook his head, "No." "Nick, please don't make this any harder than it already is," she said, turning back around and throwing a few more clothes into the bag. Nick walked over to her and grabbed her hands, forcing her to look at him. He shook his head, "Me ... no you. No go." Diane stared at him. He was looking at her as if his life depended on her staying. "Nick, don't," she said, trying to pull away from him. He held her tight, shaking his head as he cried. He finally let one of her hands go and placed his hand over her heart, "You," he said, gently pushing on her chest. Diane wiped her face with the back of her hand, "I love you too Nick, but..." Nick put his finger on her lips, stopping her in mid sentence. He then caressed her cheek and leaned down, gently kissing her lips. When he pulled back, she had more tears in her eyes. He was just making this that much harder to do. Nick could see she wasn't convinced to stay. And as she turned and picked up her bag he frantically searched for another way to keep her there. Then he spotted her cd's on the dresser. He took her bag out of her hands and carried it with him to the cd's. "Nick, what are you doing? Give me that so I can leave," Diane protested. Nick quickly searched through the cd's until he found the one he was looking for, putting it the player and pressing the button. As the music started Diane stared at him. He was begging her with his eyes to stay, wanting her to know that the words of the song was what he really wanted to say. There's no winners, and there's no losen' all we've got is what we are, yeah One mistake and, I got you breakin This time I think I've gone to far Baby tell me why we don't speak, Open you're heart to me, Love me tonight Don't walk away, baby You gotta hear me say, I'm sorry You know I'm not afraid to say that it's me Don't walk away, I'm sorry, I'm sorry Nick sat the bag down on the floor and walked over to Diane, taking her in his arms. Why's it hard to get inside you? Is it to late to make a start, yeah You know I need you, because I breathe you And with every breath I fall apart Baby tell me what's left of me, if you're not right next to me Baby I'd die Don't walk away, baby You gotta hear me say, I'm sorry You know I'm not afraid to say that it's me Don't walk away, I'm sorry He reached up and wiped her tears away, gently kissing her forehead. There's no reason to cry, when you're drowning yourself in your tears tonight Part of me dies, and you know it's not right, yeah And you know it's not right Don't walk away, baby You gotta hear me say, I'm sorry You know I'm not afraid to say that it's me Don't walk away Don't walk away, baby You gotta hear me say, I'm sorry You know I'm not afraid to say that it's me Don't walk away, I'm sorry, I'm sorry Nick placed his hand over her heart again, staring at her. Diane sighed, looking up at him, "You'll get help? You'll see someone about this?" He nodded, reaching for his computer he'd dropped on the bed. Make the appointment and I'll go, just please stay, he typed. She stared at him for a moment, seeing the sincerity and desperation in his eyes. "OK, I'll stay," she said. Nick hugged her tight, not wanting to let her go. He almost lost her and he vowed to himself he'd never let that happen again. "Nick honey, I can't breathe," Diane said. Nick let go of her, tears in his eyes. Diane reached up, taking his face in her hands and pulling him down to kiss her. They stayed in each other's embrace for what seemed like an eternity before she pulled away, "I'll go call the doctor." Nick nodded, as she left the room. He sat down on the bed and put his head in his hands, Now what am I gonna do? *Song used: Don't Walk Away, Nick Carter, Kid's Choice, Vol. 1 Chapter 34 |