| Chapter 28 Nick sat in the passengers seat of his sedan, looking out the window. He and Diane had been to the doctor and then Diane took him to his favorite pizza place for lunch. She wanted to cheer him up, knowing that something had been bothering him the last few days. Nick appreciated it, understanding what she was trying to do, and she had succeeded somewhat. He was able to have a good time with her, and for a moment, forget the horror he was going through. He looked down at his new brace. It was mostly metal and velcro. He could take it off when he got a shower, but the rest of the time it was to be left on and he was going back in three weeks to see if he needed to wear it any longer. Diane pulled into their drive, and into the garage, "Is it bothering you?" she asked. Nick smiled at her and shook his head, "U-use." "Yeah I'm sure it will take some getting used to," she said, getting out of the car and walking into the house with him. As she walked by the answering machine she noticed it flashing. She pressed the button. "Hey guys, it's us!" A.J. said, "Listen, me and D are freakin bored out of our minds up here, so if you don't mind, we're coming down. We're planing on leaving about one so we should be there around supper time, hint, hint," he laughed, "So call if this isn't a good time, if not, we'll see ya later, bye!" Diane and Nick both laughed. "So is this a good time?" she asked. Nick nodded, looking forward to seeing the two. He missed them terribly. He needed to see them, hoping that somehow that they could help him. It was the weekend, and he only had to see John today and then he was free until Monday. Maybe he could find some way out of this, maybe A.J. and Howie would see something, pick up on his behavior, offer him some kind of out without him actually having to tell them. Diane stepped in front of him, wrapping her arms around his waist. Nick looked down at her smiling face. "What's wrong?" she asked, taking him by surprise. He looked away from her, his mind spinning to come up with a believable excuse. "Nick, I know something's bothering you. It has been for a few days now. Did....did I do something to upset you?" she asked, biting her lip. Nick looked back at her shaking his head, "No, no." "Then baby what is it? Maybe I can help?" she offered. Nick smiled at her, seeing the love and concern in her eyes. He pulled her over to the table and sat down, opening his computer: I'm not upset with you. I never could be. You've done so much to help me, and I love you always. She smiled at his words, but then looked back up at him, "Then what is it? What has you so upset that you aren't sleeping and when you do you have nightmares?" Nick ran his hand through his hair and sighed. He thought he had hidden that, but apparently not to well. He thought for a moment before he typed anything: I don't want to talk about it. "Honey, maybe if you did, it wouldn't haunt you like it does," she said, "Is it the accident?" Nick shook his head. He wasn't sure how he was going to lie to her. She knew him to well for him to. "Then what? Nick, I'm here for you no matter what it is, or how horrible you think it is, you can tell me. You can trust me," she told him. Nick bit his lip, knowing that she felt like he didn't trust her because he wasn't telling her. I can't, it hurts to much, he typed. Diane felt her heart break for the man in front of her. The look in his eyes alone was enough to induce a river of tears. She knew she was taking a risk with what she was about to say, but she couldn't stand to see Nick hurting like this. "Honey, is it about .... Tim?" she asked. Nick's eyes went wide and his mouth dropped open slightly. "Please don't be mad, but Aaron told me what happened. He thought it might help me to understand some of your ... um reasons for .... well for your behavior," she said, watching him calm down a little. "You don't have to tell me anything Nick, I'm just worried about you," she added. Nick closed his eyes and thought for a moment. This could be his way out. He could tell her it was old memories about what happened and she would accept that, and he really wouldn't be lying. He just wouldn't be telling the whole truth. Yes, it's about Tim and what happened, he typed, I'm not sure what happened, but suddenly all the memories are back and I'm having a hard time dealing with them. I'm sorry I didn't tell you, but this is hard for me to talk about, even after all this time. I never wanted you to think you did something wrong because you didn't. It's just me. Diane wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him close, holding him in the hug, "Baby I'm so sorry that happened to you. If I can do anything to help make the memories leave, I will. I don't want you to hurt like that ever again." Nick felt his tears slide down his cheeks, wishing he could tell her everything, and knowing he couldn't. Diane pulled away enough to look in his eyes. She smiled at him, "I love you, and I'll do whatever it takes to help you." Nick brought his hand up and cupped her cheek, smiling at her. Slowly he leaned in and captured her lips in a kiss. This he could do all day long, kissing the woman he loved more than life itself. He tangled his hands in her hair and deepened the kiss, pressing his tongue into her mouth and exploring every part of it. He moaned when she wrapped her tongue around his and started gently sucking on it. Nick could feel the heat coursing through his body. He wanted her, right now. He stood up, pulling her with him. He turned them so her back was to the table and lifted her up, so she was sitting on it. He then stepped in between her legs, continuing to kiss her lips and down her neck. He could feel her wrap her legs around his waist and pull him closer to her, "God ..Nick ... love you...so much," she muttered in between kisses. Nick slid his hands underneath her t-shirt, caressing the soft skin he found there, as he gently pushed her down on the table. He was working on the button to her shorts when the door bell rang, bringing them both back to reality. Diane sat up and laughed, "Oh shit, I didn't realize what time it was. That's John." Nick closed his eyes and stepped away from her so she could hop down and answer the door. Calm down Carter. He can't see you so excited, that would not be good. Deep breaths ... there ya go. Now open your eyes and look normal, he thought, opening his eyes and sitting down at the table, hoping to hide his obvious excitement. Diane waited until Nick sat down to open the door, having to calm herself as well. "Afternoon Diane," John said, walking in, "Hey Nick!" Nick smiled at him, as he walked over and sat down next to him. "So, what have you guys been doing today?" John asked, seeing the guilty look on both their faces. "Oh the usual," Diane answered, "Went to the doc, had lunch, messin round the house ... we live such an exciting life ya know." John laughed, "Yeah, sounds like it. You sign up for shuffleboard yet?" he teased. "Hey! We're not that bad, ..... yet," she said. John and Nick both laughed, as John started setting up his cards for the session. He glanced at Nick, a stern look on his face, then glanced at Diane, who had gone into the living room. Nick sighed, biting his lip as he got up, carrying his computer and went to her. Since the guys are coming tonight, can you go get a few things, while John is able to stay with me? he asked. "Sure baby, what do you need?" she asked. Nick typed out a list as Diane wrote the things down. "I don't think they have that," she said. The store in Grassy Key does, he typed. "You want me to drive to Grassy Key? That'll take a little while, you know how slow they are," she said. Please? Nick typed, batting his eyelashes at her and smiling. Diane shook her head, "Oh all right! Geesh, what I do for you," she laughed. Thank you, Nick typed, bending down and kissing her, some of the heat from before coming back as they kissed. Diane pulled away laughing, "Down Carter, we have guests ya know." Nick blushed, watching as she gathered her purse and headed for the door, "OK, I'll be back in a little while." "Bye," John called as she left. He waited until the car left the garage and headed down the drive before he looked over at Nick. When he did, he could see him trembling. "Well, let's not waste any time shall we?" ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "Stop fighting me Nick!" John yelled, slapping the younger man across the cheek. Nick held his face and looked away. "I'm going as slow as I'm gonna go with you, so deal with it" John said, frustrated. Nick sat on the couch, looking out the patio doors, staring at the water. It was the only thing he could focus on at the moment. John grabbed him by the back of the head and leaned in, "You better kiss me back if you know what's good for you!" Nick shuttered, staring at him with anger and fear. John roughly grabbed his face and pulled him in, crushing his lips to Nicks. Nick tried again to pull away, but John held him tight. Then he felt it, John's tongue trying to press into his mouth. Nick thought he was going to vomit for the tenth time. John tightened his grip on Nick's face, causing him to wince. Begrudgingly Nick opened his mouth, allowing John access, closing his eyes as he did...... "No Tim, please don't do this!" Nick begged. "Shut the hell up, you know what'll happen if they hear you," Tim spat. "Please don't," Nick cried as the older man grabbed him and forced him onto the bed in his hotel room. Nick tried to turn his head away, but couldn't. Tim kissed him roughly, jamming his tongue into Nick's mouth. Nick fought with all he had, managing to break the kiss, "NO! Stop!" Tim laughed at him, "We're just getting started." "NO!" Nick screamed, shoving John away from him and quickly standing up. "What the hell do you think you're doing?!" John asked angrily. Nick was crying, unable to move from where he stood, the memory playing over and over in his head. John got up, looking at Nick, "Nick?" He didn't hear him, the vivid memory the only thing he was aware of. John took Nick by the arms and pushed him back down on the couch, "Nick stop it, your gonna hyperventilate." Nick shook his head, "No, no, no, no....." John watched him, confused. He knew Nick wasn't talking to him, Nick wasn't even aware of his presence. So where was he and what was happening to him? As much as John used force to get what he wanted from Nick, that didn't mean he didn't like him. He did, in fact, he was infatuated with him, and what Nick was doing now, concerned him. Nick was getting more upset by the second, already gasping for air and shaking so bad he couldn't sit up by himself. John laid him down on the couch, smoothing his hair, "Nick, you gotta calm down." Suddenly the look John had come to know flashed across Nick's face. "Shit!" John spat, looking around frantically, "Where the hell is his mouth guard?" He spotted it in the kitchen and ran to grab it, coming back and getting it in Nick's mouth just as he started convulsing. John waited out Nick's seizure, truly feeling bad for the younger man. He didn't like to see Nick this way, and he felt like somehow he had caused it. Nick was hiding something, and he'd just had a glimpse of whatever it was. If he was going to ever get what he wanted from Nick, they were gonna have to get him past whatever he was reliving. John stared at him as Nick began to calm down, Maybe this is to much work? Maybe I should give up and move on? He sighed, going to the kitchen to get a wet cloth, coming back and wiping the sweat from Nick's face. "Damn you are so beautiful. I don't care what I have to do, or how long I have to wait. I'm gonna get what I want," he said, carefully taking the mouth guard out of Nick's mouth, and wiping his lips with the cloth. He leaned down, softly kissing him. Nick opened his eyes and jerked back. "It's OK," John said, putting his hands up, "I'm not gonna do anything." Nick stared at him. "Are you alright? That was a bad one," John asked. Nick looked away from him and nodded. He lied of course, he felt like shit, but he wasn't about to let John know that. "Just lay here and rest for a while," John said, still wiping Nick's face and neck with the cloth. Nick wanted to get up and move, push Johns hands away from him, something, but he just didn't have the energy. "Nick, where were you? What happened to you?" John asked. Nick closed his eyes, biting hard on his bottom lip. There was no way in hell he was telling John anything. "Nick, if you do this every time I'm gonna lose my patience with you," John said, "I know you don't want that. So tell me what just happened." Nick shook his head, tears trailing down his face. John sighed, "I'm not the first guy that's done this to you am I?" Nick's entire body went ridged. He glared at John, begging him not to press it. John nodded, "I see. Now this makes sense. How old where you?" Nick looked away. "How old Nick?!" John asked again. Nick showed him with his fingers. "Thirteen huh? That was a long time ago," John said. Nick pointed to his computer and John handed it to him. It feels like yesterday to me. Please stop what you're doing, I don't think I can take it again, he typed. John shook his head, "I can't do that Nick." "Why?!" Nick asked. John got up and walked over to the patio doors, looking out over the ocean, "Because I need you. I have to have you or I'll die. Have you ever felt that way? Wanting someone so bad that you'd do anything to have them?" he asked, turning back around. Nick just stared at him, convinced the man was completely insane. "Well if you haven't you will sometime," John went on, walking back over, "So you are just gonna have to deal with it Nick. You survived it before, you can do it again. Especially when the safety of Diane and Aaron are at stake, am I right?" Nick swallowed hard, and nodded. "But I will do this for you," John said, "I'll slow down. It's not like you're going anywhere, and I can't have you freaking out on me every time either. So, when I see you getting freaked, I'll stop and let you calm down. That doesn't mean this ends, it just means it'll take a while longer, but don't push it Nick. I will not tolerate this for long, and if I have to, I'll take matters into my own hands, understand?" Nick nodded, sinking down into the couch. All he wanted was to go to sleep, his body telling him to rest after his seizure. John saw it too, sitting on the edge of the couch Nick lay on, "Go on and sleep. I'll stay until Diane gets back, then I'll leave." For a moment Nick saw his friend sitting before him, not the monster he had turned out to be. As much as he didn't want to leave John alone with Diane, he couldn't help it. His exhaustion took over and he drifted to sleep. Chapter 29 |