| Chapter 45 Over the next few days Nick realized everything was not ready. As he lay in the hospital bed, he had a lot of time to think. He knew he was missing something, then it hit him. He had noticed the stares that Aleisha gave Lyn when she was there. They had become more intense as the days passed. Every time Lyn got attention from Nick, he could see Aleisha, burning a hole through her. It worried him. When Leighanne had finally stolen a moment alone with him, she warned him of the danger Lyn was in. It seemed that Aleisha's meetings with A.J. had started to focus on Lyn, and the possibility of getting her to leave, or getting rid of her altogether. Nick now knew what he had to do, as much as he hated to. He had to distance himself from her, for her own safety. He had talked it over with Tracy, not exactly sure how he would be able to do it. She had encouraged him, realizing just how real of a threat there was. Nick knew he had to do it soon, A.J. couldn't stall forever. He just prayed that he had the strength to go through with it. Nick woke up and looked around. He was alone in the room, except for Aleisha. She noticed he was awake and walked over. "Hey, you feeling any better?" she asked. Nick shrugged his shoulders. He had been having problems keeping his temperature under control the last couple of days. He knew he still had a fever, his eyes were dry, and his body ached. "Where's everyone else?" he asked. "Well everyone went home about an hour ago, except me, Bri, and Lyn. They went down to the cafeteria just a few minutes ago," she answered. "Oh," he said, looking out the window. Aleisha caught the troubled look on his face, "Nick, is something bothering you?" He sighed and looked at her, "Yeah, kinda." She sat down on the side of the bed, "You wanna talk about it?" It was now or never. Nick stared at her, hoping his eyes would convey the meaning behind the words. "I just can't do this anymore," he said. She looked at him confused, "Do what?" "Play this game, be something I'm not," he said. Aleisha stared at him, wondering where this was going, "What do you mean?" Nick sat up more in bed and adjusted the oxygen mask a little. "Since I woke up, everyone has been so nice to me. They've told me a lot about my life, about who I was before, but I'm not sure I can be that. I mean, I've been trying to, but lately I ... I don't know.... I just can't anymore," he said, dejected. "What have you been trying to be?" she asked. Nick looked away from her, "I can't be what she wants me to be." Aleisha understood what he meant, "Nick, I don't think she wants you to be anything, other than what you are." "Which is what?" he asked, "I was her boyfriend, her lover, and now... I have no clue who she is." Aleisha looked at him, her heart in her throat, "Nick, I thought you guys were getting along." She emphasized the last two words, and Nick cringed. He looked away, somewhat embarrassed. "I thought that if we... you know, that maybe I would remember something, feel something. I didn't, and now she thinks things are fine, and they're not," he said, exasperated. Aleisha almost jumped for joy, but kept her emotions in check. "And then there's this other problem," Nick said, almost whispering. "Other problem?" Aleisha asked. "I..um, well...I kinda..." Nick stammered. "Nick, just say it. What can it hurt?" she prompted. "It can hurt a lot. I keep having these feelings for someone else, but I know that it would never work out," he confessed. "Why not?" she asked. Nick pulled a pillow over and hugged it for support, "Cause she's with one of the other guys." Aleisha's mouth dropped wide open in shock. She couldn't believe that he was confessing this to her, and at the possibility of who he was talking about. She had noticed his glances, and the look on his face when Brian showed any kind of affection toward her. "Nick, can I ask who it is?" she said. He looked away not daring to answer her, only fueling her suspicions. They sat in an awkward silence. Aleisha's mind was in overdrive with all this new information, and Nick prayed that she was buying it. "It's OK, you don't have to tell me," she finally said, "All I know to tell you is to follow your heart. That's the only way you will ever find happiness in this world." Nick looked into her eyes, "Are you happy?" His question took her by surprise, and her emotions shown in her eyes before she got them under control. "You should rest, your fever is still to high," she said, standing up. Nick caught her wrist, turning her to face him, "Leish, I need to know." She looked at the floor, wondering what she was going to say to him, when Brian and Lyn walked through the door. Nick dropped his hand from its grip, and looked over, "Hi." Aleisha breathed a sigh of relief, walking over to Brian. "You guys look a little serious. Something up?" Brian commented. Nick and Aleisha exchanged quick glances. "I was just telling him how he needed to get some rest, his fever is still to high," Aleisha covered. "Yeah, you do," Lyn said, looking at him. Nick couldn't bare to look her straight in the eyes. "I guess I am tired," he said, getting comfortable in the bed. "Well, we'll go and let you rest, come back later this afternoon," Brian said. Nick noticed that Lyn wasn't heading to the door with them. "Lyn, why don't you go with them. I'll be fine here, all I'm gonna do is sleep anyway," Nick said, praying that she would leave. She looked at him, "I don't wanna leave you." "Go on," he said, waving his hand, "I don't have to have a babysitter all the time. Besides, you look like you could use some rest yourself." Lyn stared at him, her expression revealing the hurt she felt at being compared to a baby sitter. Nick prayed she would leave, he didn't know how long he could look at her and keep his composure. "O..OK, I guess I could use some rest," she said, "I'll come back this afternoon." She bent down to kiss him goodbye, Nick turning his head at the last moment, so she kissed his cheek. He didn't look directly at her when she raised back up, all the confusion and hurt in her eyes. "See ya later," he said, turning his back to her as she left with Brian and Aleisha. Nick waited until he heard the door shut, and looked out the window. Making sure they were gone before he broke down. This was going to be the hardest thing he had ever done in his life, and she would never understand the love that was involved in doing it. All she would ever know is that he hurt her, and he may never get her back from this. But she'll be safe, she'll be alive, he kept telling himself. He had seen Aleisha's face when he'd refused the kiss, it was almost elated. I can do this, I have to, he told himself. Now he had to think, he only had a few hours until they would be back again. He needed a game plan, fast. Rest was just gonna have to wait. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Later that afternoon everyone came back to see Nick. He had been asleep until A.J. bounded in, talking a little to loud. "Way to go Bone," Howie said, looking at him sternly. "Sorry man, how was I suppose to know he was asleep?" A.J. said. "It's OK," Nick said, not wanting to hear them argue. Kevin and Kristin were there, along with Howie, Kira, Leighanne, and A.J. Nick looked out the window to see Brian, Aleisha and Lyn coming in. This was it, he either did it now or he didn't do it at all. Nick closed his eyes and set his mind, thinking only of the goal he had to achieve. "Nick, we brought you this," Kristin said, "Thought it would help pass the time." Nick looked down to see a small sketch pad and some pencils. "Thanks," he said, happy to have a distraction. "Man, when are they gonna release you?" A.J. asked. "Not until his fever goes away," Lyn answered, coming through the door. "You are the most unlucky person when it comes to fevers," Brian said, smiling at him. Nick glared at him, knowing he was playing with him. Everyone talked for a little while. Nick kept looking for some way to start, but hadn't found one, until Lyn reached over and took his hand in hers. Nick sighed and pulled it away, "Don't." Lyn looked at him confused, "What's wrong? Did I scratch you?" He shook his head, "No, just...don't." Their conversation was starting to peak the interest of the others in the room, wondering what was going on. Lyn stared at him, "Nick, I..." He glared at her, his eyes burning into hers, "Just stop, please. I don't like it." Kevin took this as a cue to get everyone not involved in the conversation out of the room. He stood up and eyed everyone, pointing to the door in silence. They all filed out, not a word spoken about Nick's sudden outburst. Lyn waited until they were alone in the room, then stared down at him, "What's going on?" Nick looked away from her, "Lyn, I've been lying to you." She stared at the side of his head, "About what?" He closed his eyes, not wanting to even get a glimpse of her reaction, "About the way I feel about you." Lyn sat down on the side of the bed, "Nick, look at me." He didn't move from his gaze out the window. "Please," she begged. He turned his head, seeing the fear in her eyes, "What about the way you feel about me?" "I..um, Lyn I never meant to hurt your feelings. You are a really sweet person, but I don't know you anymore. I can't be the Nick that you fell in love with, cause I can't remember who that is. From the moment I woke up, all I heard was that we were together, and how great a couple we were. I can't remember any of it, all I know is that you are a nice and kind person, but I don't feel what I should feel for you," he said, seeing the tears well up in her eyes. "Then what was all...the nights we..." she started. "I thought that if we.. did that, that maybe I would remember something. I'm sorry, I never wanted to hurt you," Nick said. The look she gave him was almost to much to bare. Pure shock and pain radiated from her eyes. "Lyn, I still want us to be friends," Nick said, knowing how cliche that sounded. "Friends?" she said, anger coming into her voice. Nick winced at the tone, and she calmed down just a little. "I thought you were gonna give us time?" she asked. "Lyn, it's not fair to you for me to string you along when I know in my heart I'm not feeling anything. That's cruel, and I can't do that to you, not after everything you've done for me," Nick said. Lyn sat there staring into his eyes. She thought she knew him, but now painfully realized he was a different person. "Lyn, I don't want us to end this way. I know I've hurt you and I'm sorry, but please, please tell me we can still be friends," Nick pleaded. She stared at him, tears streaming down her face, "Nick, I love you," she whispered. Nick closed his eyes, those words inflicting more pain on him than any torture he had ever endured. He tried desperately to keep his emotions in check, losing the battle as a single tear escaped. He opened his eyes, "I'm sorry," was all he could say. He watched as any hope she had left, flowed out of her with her tears. She got up and in silence left the room. Nick stared at the door, letting it register that she was gone, probably forever. "It's done," he said, finally letting his emotions reign. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Brian watched as Lyn ran out of the room. Seeing the look on her face, he knew whatever happened wasn't good. "Lyn, wait," he called, running after her. The others watched as he caught her, turning her around to look at him. "What happened?" he asked, seeing how distraught she was. Lyn took one look at Brian and threw her arms around him, crying harder than she thought a human could. Brian did his best to comfort her, letting her get everything out. He spoke softly to her, telling her that whatever it was, they would get through it. The others exchanged worried glances. Leighanne looked in the room, seeing Nick in much the same condition as Lyn, and understanding what he had done. Brian walked Lyn over to a small waiting area, sitting down next to her on a couch. Kira had gone and gotten her some water, and Kristin had dug several tissues from her purse, offering them to her. When Lyn released Brian, his shirt was tear stained. She looked up at him, "Sorry." Brian waved it off, "Lyn, tell us what happened." Another wave of tears came as she spoke, "I lost him." Brian looked at her confused, as did everyone else, "Honey, what do you mean you lost him?" "He doesn't love me," she said, sobbing into her tissues. "Lyn, I'm sure there was a misunderstanding," Howie offered. She looked up at him, "Really? How about this, I got the damn let's be friends speech," she spat. "Damn," A.J. muttered under his breath. Leighanne grabbed his hand, telling him with her eyes not to say a word. Aleisha stood in the corner, watching. She couldn't believe that Nick had done this. She was excited and wary at the same time. She had entertained the thought that this could all be some elaborate plot to get at her, but had dismissed it, knowing no person would put themselves through something like that. This only confirmed to her more, that Nick's feelings for her were real. "Lyn, let's give him time. Maybe in a while he'll come to realize his mistake," Kevin said. She shook her head, "No Kevin, you didn't see him. He's already made up his mind." "But I thought that you guys were...." Brian started. This brought on a whole new emotion in her, and he could see the anger glint in her eyes. "I thought so to, but apparently he just wanted to see if he would remember anything," she said, "God, I don't know what to do! I just want to ... hurt something!" Brian sat up a little straighter, not ever seeing this side of Lyn before. Lyn looked at him and started to laugh, "I'm not gonna hurt you." Everyone laughed, breaking the tension somewhat. Brian smiled at her, "I was beginning to wonder a little." Lyn smiled at him, her tears returning. Brian pulled her to him, "Lyn, we'll figure this out. Just don't give up OK?" She nodded, not able to say what she wanted. Her hope had already gone, along with Nick's love. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Nick cried until he thought he was going to be sick. Tracy and Jade were with him, trying in vein to console him. Telling him that when everything was revealed, that she would understand. He knew she wouldn't, not ever. The look in her eyes haunted him, and broke his heart into a million pieces. He knew he had to do this, it was the only way to keep her safe. But knowing that didn't help any, it almost made it worse. He had glanced out the window once, seeing Lyn in Brian's arms, knowing she was in such pain, because of him. Nick wondered how much more he was going to have to sacrifice before this nightmare would be over. He didn't have much left to lose now. He heard the door open, but didn't bother to turn around to see who it was. "Please, just leave," he said, trying to wipe his tears on the pillow. Kevin and Howie walked around the side of the bed and looked at him. Nick shrank under their stares, preparing himself for the worst. "Nick, I know that things are confusing right now, but can't you just give them a while?" Kevin said. "Yeah, you can't expect for everything to be like it was overnight. It's gonna take time, time to rebuild what was lost," Howie said. Nick couldn't take this, he had just done the hardest thing in his life, he couldn't take what they were saying. "Guys, please don't. I feel awful enough as it is, please don't make me feel worse," he said. "But Nick, you two have been through so much," Kevin said. "That's just it Kevin, I don't remember it. How am I suppose to love someone when I don't feel it? When all I'm going on is what other people tell me? You can't live your life like that," Nick said, feeling a fresh batch of tears spring to life. Kevin and Howie looked at him, realizing how hard everything must be for him. Not to know anything but what people tell you of your life. "Nick, I'm sorry man. I didn't think how this must be affecting you too," Kevin said. "We just know that both of you are hurting, and we want to do something, ya know," Howie added. Nick wiped his tears, "I know, but there's nothing you can do. I have to bare this on my own." Kevin put his hand on Nick's shoulder, not understanding the enormity of his last sentence. "We'll leave you to get some rest then," he said. Nick desperately wanted to ask it Lyn was alright, but knew better. He nodded his head in response as the two left the room. Again alone with his thoughts, and heartache. Chapter 46 |