| Chapter 43 Nick watched as Tara slept. He had held her all day as she cried. Her emotions flooded him, and he cried with her most of the day. It hurt him to know the pain she was feeling, but in a way, he wanted to know. He wanted to feel every part of her, pain included. The sun had set a few hours ago, and the night sky was filled with countless stars. Nick caught himself looking out the window, lost in his thoughts. He'd been wondering how a God that could make all that, even cared about what happened to him. He felt like He didn't at all, otherwise why would He have abandoned him like He did? Why would He have let him go through the pain and torture, if He cared about him? Nick shook his head and looked back over at Tara. She looked so peaceful when she slept. He smiled at her, and at that moment the love he felt for her was overwhelming. He couldn't wait for the day that she was his, and only his. Tara stirred in bed and looked up, seeing him staring at her. She took a deep breath and sat up, rubbing her face. She felt horrible, having made herself sick by crying all day. "Can I get you anything?" Nick asked. She glared at him, "No, you've done enough already." Nick winced at the anger and pain in her voice. "Tara, I'm sorry," he said for the thousandth time that day. "Sorry doesn't cut it," she said, "You can tell me that till the end of time, and it won't change the fact that you killed Brian. How can you even sit there? How can you go on with that on you? He was your best friend for God's sake!" Nick looked at the floor, "I know," he said quietly. Tara shook her head and got out of bed walking across the room and going into the bathroom, slamming the door. Nick bit his lip, wondering if he should follow her or just leave her alone for a while. He got up and walked to the door, softly knocking, "Tara?" "Just leave me the hell alone!" she yelled from the other side. Nick backed away from the door, "OK, I'll be back in a while to check on you." "Don't bother," she said. Nick sighed and quietly left the room. He walked down the hall and into the great room, seeing everyone there. "Hey, how's it going?" Ephah asked. Nick shrugged his shoulders, "She's back." "And you left her alone?" Jered asked. "Yeah, she's not gonna do anything. She's to upset and angry at me right now," Nick said, plopping down on the couch next to Evi. "Nick, she's dangerous when she's like that," Serenity reminded him. "You guys don't know her like I do. She won't do anything, not yet anyway," Nick said. "So what's next?" Jered asked. Nick thought for a moment, "I guess I'll just be there for her. Let her know how much I care," he said laughing. "But you do care, right?" Evi asked. "I do. I've wanted her for so long, and to be this close, it's just ...." he said. Jered and Ephah looked at one another. "Nick, your personal feelings for her are what's going to get her to turn, but don't let them blind you," Ephah warned. Nick nodded, "I won't." "You better not," Jered added, "She's to much of a prize for you to mess it up." Nick glared at him, but didn't say anything. "You hungry?" Evi asked. He nodded. "Come on, let's get you something to eat so you can continue winning over our sister," Evi said, pulling Nick up from the couch and leading him to the kitchen. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Lyn came back late in the evening to relieve the guys. They told her of Brian's �breakdown', filling her in on the happenings of the day. They all talked for a while before the guys got up to leave for the night. "You sure you don't want one of us to stay?" Kevin asked. Lyn shook her head, "No, you've been here all day, go get some rest." "OK sweetie, see ya in the morning," Howie said, kissing her forehead and hugging her. Lyn smiled at him, "Call your wife when you get back, she called right before I left." Howie grinned, "Thanks, I will." A.J. walked over, "When he wakes up, let him know we still love him, even though he's a big baby for crying in front of us." Lyn laughed, "I'll let you tell him that. I've always wanted to see just how fast you can run." Everyone laughed. Kevin hugged her, "Call if you need anything." "I will," she said, hugging him. She watched as they all left the room, then walked over to the chair next to the bed and sat down. She had brought a few magazines with her, but she didn't feel like looking at them. All she could think about was the kiss the night before, and just exactly what it meant. She was afraid to trust her own feelings because of what they were telling her, and she had no idea how Brian really felt. She looked over at him, wishing that he would wake up so they could talk. Tracy appeared next to her, "You wanna talk to me?" Lyn jumped, "You scared me!" Tracy laughed, "Sorry, I seem to do that a lot." Lyn smiled, "It's OK." "So?" Tracy asked. Lyn sighed, "I dunno. I feel guilty about it." "How so?" she asked. "Cause I kissed my best friends husband, and I liked it," Lyn confessed. Tracy smiled, "That part was obvious." "You saw us?" Lyn asked. She nodded, "Yeah, I was here." "Then why didn't you stop us?" Lyn asked. Tracy sat down and took her sisters hand, "Honey, I can't interfere every time you make a mistake. You and Brian are gonna have to deal with this on your own. Make whatever decisions you make, on your own, right or wrong." "You aren't gonna help me with this at all huh?" Lyn asked. She shook her head, "I can't. I don't know your heart, or his. You two have to do this by yourselves." Lyn looked back over at Brian, "What if we really mess things up?" Tracy shrugged her shoulders, "Then I guess you'll have to deal with it. You are both smart, you'll figure it out." Lyn sighed, "I hope so." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Tara stayed in the bathroom for a long time. At first she sat in the floor and cried. Then she made herself get up and looked at her reflection in the mirror. Her eyes were puffy from the endless supply of tears. She turned on the cold water and splashed some on her face, then looked back up. Her hair was in a French braid, she didn't remember how she got it. She looked down at herself, wondering how she'd gotten into the clothes she was wearing. She was starting to feel more like herself, and wondered if they'd forgotten to give her the drug. She pulled her clothes off and looked at herself. All the bruises were gone. She was a little shocked by this, wondering why Nick would have healed her. She pulled her hair out of the braid and climbed into the shower. The hot water felt good, and for the first time since she'd been there, she actually felt clean. She got out of the shower and dried off, then wrapped the towel around her and walked out into the room. She rummaged through the dresser and the closet until she found the jeans she was wearing when she was taken. She put them on, still looking for her shirt. When she didn't find it, she grabbed one from the closet that looked comfortable and put it on. She looked everywhere but couldn't find her shoes, or any for that matter, so she went barefooted. She walked back into the bathroom and combed through her hair, pulling it back in a low pony tail. She took one last look at Brian's wedding ring on her thumb, then walked out of the room. She walked down the hall, past the great room and into the kitchen where she had heard voices coming from. No one noticed her at first. They were all around the table enjoying a very late supper. Tara said one last prayer that her plan would work, and walked into the room. "Tara, what are you doing out here?" Evi asked, seeing her first. Tara looked to the floor as everyone stared at her. "I...um...I was hungry," she said softly. Nick got up and took her hand, leading her to the table, "Here, you can have my seat." She sat down, still looking down, not meeting anyone's eyes. Nick fixed her a plate and sat it down in front of her, "Here you go." She finally looked up at him, "Thanks." Everyone glanced at one another, not exactly sure how to take her change in demeanor. "So Tara, how are you feeling?" Ephah asked. She shrugged her shoulders, "Alone." Jered raised his eyebrow at Ephah. "How so?" Ephah asked. She looked up at him, with all the pain and heartache she could muster, "The only man in this world that I ever loved is dead," she said as a tear fell from her eye. Nick flinched at her statement, but put a reassuring hand on her shoulder. Tara didn't react to it, she just looked back down at her food. "I see," Ephah said. The rest of the meal was eaten in near silence. Tara finished the food on her plate and looked timidly at everyone, as if she wasn't sure what she should do. Nick took her hand in his, "Come with me." She slowly got up and followed him out of the room and through the house, out to the patio. Nick lead her over to the swing and sat down with her. They rocked in silence for a long time, just staring out at the sky. Tara could tell that Nick wanted to say something, but every time he started to, he'd change his mind, and sigh instead. She looked over at him, the sadness still in her eyes. "I'm sorry," he finally said. She looked down, "Please don't say it anymore. I can't stand to hear it, because every time you say it I relive what happened, so just don't, OK?" Nick nodded, "OK. But I need to ask you something." "What?" she asked, still looking down at her feet. "What's with the submissiveness? What's making you act like this?" he asked. Tara looked over at him, "I guess I'm getting tired of fighting. You took away the one thing in this world that meant everything to me, so now there's just this huge hole in my heart. I just don't really care anymore." Nick took her hand in his, "So are you saying you're not gonna fight anymore? You're just giving up?" She shrugged her shoulders, "What's left to fight for?" Nick turned her face so she was looking at him, "Us." Tara turned her head away, "Nick, please don't." "I mean it Tara. I've never stopped loving you. Before you give up on everything, please consider it. We had a lot of great times together, and we can have more," Nick said. She looked up at the sky, wiping a few tears away. "Nick, I'm not ready for that," she whispered. He reached over and pulled her into a hug, "I can wait forever if I have to. I'll be here when you are." She rested her head against his neck and nodded, thankful her plan was working. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Lyn woke up, hearing something. She looked over to see Brian awake and looking around. She sat up, "Hey, you OK?" "Yeah, I'm just a little confused, nothing new," he said with a weak smile. Lyn got up and moved to sit on the side of the bed, "What you confused about?" "I wasn't sure if it was day or night, and how long I've been out," Brian said. She smiled at him, "Well, it's about two in the morning, and you've been out for at least eight hours." "Oh, OK," he said, sitting up more. "You need anything?" she asked. "I'm kinda thirsty," Brian said. Lyn poured him some water from the decanter in the room and handed it to him. Brian drank it all and handed the empty cup to her, "Thanks." "No problem," she said, placing the cup back on the table. "Brian we...." "Lyn we...." they both said at the same time, then laughed. "We need to finish our talk," Lyn said. Brian nodded. "So where were we?" he asked. "You were about to tell me why you did it," she reminded him. "Oh yeah," he said, looking down at his hands. They sat in silence for several minutes. Lyn could see that Brian was struggling with what he wanted to say, so she didn't push him. Brian finally looked up at her, "I really don't have a good reason. I just.....well, do you remember when you and Nick were staying with me and we woke up late that one night from watching movies and we kissed?" "Yeah, we both thought that the other was a different person for a second," she said. Brian smiled, "Yeah, anyway...um since then ...I um..." "Just say it Brian," Lyn prompted. "I have feelings for you that I can't explain," he blurted out. Lyn looked at him shocked, "Bri, you know that we can't..." "I know, and I feel so guilty about it, but they're there and I can't get rid of them. I know it's wrong, and I love Tara with all my heart, but there's still something that's pulling me to you, and I can't explain it," Brian said. They both sat in silence for several minutes, the enormity of what Brian was saying weighing heavily on them both. "Lyn, do you....I mean, um...do you feel anything for me?" Brian stammered. She closed her eyes and looked down, "Yes, I do. I wished to God that I didn't, but there is something there. I've been thinking about it since last night. I mean, we're best friends and all, but there's still something more there. It's been there for a while now, but I never even thought about it until you kissed me." Brian sighed and looked at her, "What are we gonna do?" She shook her head, "I have no idea. All I know is that I love Nick with everything I have, but then when you're around I'm confused. We can't mess up what we have with them over this, I do know that." "Yeah, but how do we get over this? How do we make it go away?" he asked. "I don't know that we can, but we can't act on it. That I'm sure of," Lyn said. Brian stared at her for a moment, "This is going to be hard to do. Every time I look at you I want to kiss you, and the feeling's just getting stronger the more time I spend with you." "Brian, please don't tell me that," she said, getting up. He grabbed her hand, keeping her from walking off. "Lyn, I can't help it. I'm not gonna lie to you about how I feel," he said. "Bri, I don't want you to, but when you say something like that, it just makes it harder," she said. "I'm sorry," he said, letting go of her hand. "So am I," she said, moving back over to her chair. Brian watched her for a few minutes, afraid he'd just screwed up one of his best friendships. "Lyn, we can still be friends right?" he asked. She looked over at him and smiled, "Yes Brian, we can. I just don't need to be alone with you for a while." He looked confused, "Why?" She sighed, "Because I don't trust myself with you, and I don't want to do something that we'll both end up regretting." "I understand," he said, scooting back down in the bed and getting comfortable. Lyn watched as he slowly drifted to sleep, their conversation replaying in her head. She lay her head back and stared at the ceiling, "God, please help us do the right thing. I love him so much, but I love Nick to. Please don't let us make a mistake we'll end up regretting." Chapter 44 |