Title: Depth Perception

Author: Foxie Meg
http://www.geocities.com/foxiemeg
(my recently updated website!)

Keywords: V, MSR

Timeline: Sometime before S8.

Summary: A childhood memory, a fever,
a friend, and a little magic.

Rating: PG

Archive: Please.  Already submitted
to Gossamer.

Feedback: I'm begging you!  Oh, note
the new email address - mrschatterly@hotmail.com
 
Disclaimer: Look, Chris, there ain't
no way I'm getting anything more than
a much-needed ego-stroking out of this.
If you want me to quit writing, you can
start paying my therapy bills.

Author's Notes at End

xXxXxX

DEPTH PERCEPTION


Hot.  So hot.  Melting, from the inside
out... I'm dripping down my own forehead...
turning to liquid and falling, falling,
falling onto the floor... onto the carpet...
I'm a puddle on the carpet...

"Mulder?" 
 
Murmuring syllables... cool voice... cool
hands... ah, coldness on my face... It feels
so good, so good, so good...

"So good, Scully..."

"My God, Mulder - you're burning up."

Burning... fire... no, no fire.  Please
no fire.  Don't like fire.  Don't like it.
Make it go away, Scully.  Make it go away.

"Ssh, don't worry - you've just got a 
fever.  Where have you been?"

Where... I've been in the dark, Scully.
In the dark, running, drinking, running
in the rain... trying to put out the fire
that's burning me up...

"Mulder, come inside.  You're soaking wet."

Rough, on my hands, arms, face, ears, neck...
rough and hot and cold over my shoulders and
hair...

"Come on - let's get you out of these clothes
before you get even sicker."

All right, Scully.  Whatever you say.

Scully's gone - not there - waterfall in the
other room... river... there's a river in
Scully's apartment, I can hear it...

And then she peels my clothes off me like
a banana peel... banana split... wait, Scully,
you forgot the ice cream... and syrup and 
whipped cream... but you can keep the cherries
Scully cos I don't like cherries... 

She takes my hand and pulls me into the other
room, and I try to follow her but I can't stand
up and I can't keep my balance and I'm tottering
like a drunk - maybe I am - or an old man - 
maybe I'm that, too - and she catches me
and practically carries me...

Atlas, carrying the entire world on her
shoulders - don't shrug, Scully.

I open my eyes - when did I close them? -
and see the bathroom and see that the river
is confined to her bathtub - well, that's
all right, Scully, it won't ruin your 
carpet if it's only in your bathtub...

She laughs a little.  "Mulder, I don't
think that really matters - you've already
ruined my carpet." 

Oh no... the carpet... I'm sorry...  I was 
just trying to make the water blue... you 
said it wasn't deep enough... I'm sorry, I 
didn't mean to.  I didn't mean to ruin it...

She shakes her head and guides me toward
the tub, helping me lift one foot and 
then the other and settle down into the
water.

I look down at the lukewarm water that
feels oh so cold and so hot at the same
time - skittering across my skin in little
shards of burning ice - and bring it up
in the cupped palm of my hand.

Not blue.
 
The river's not blue.

It's not blue, Scully.

"What, Mulder?" 
 
Not blue.  The water's not blue.

She decides to ignore that and begins
to whisper soothing nonsense as she
dips a cloth into the non-blue water
and runs it gently across my skin.

It doesn't matter how gentle she is -
my skin is burning and frozen at the 
same time and it's going to hurt no
matter what she does because the water
isn't blue...

"Ssh, Mulder, just close your eyes and
try to sleep, okay?"

Okay, Scully.  Sleep.  Okay.

***

When I wake up, the pounding headache and
the burn behind my eyes is gone, and I'm
just lying in Scully's soft bed - and my
body is pleasantly warm, and the air in
my nose and mouth is pleasantly cool, and
Scully is sitting beside me with her hands
running through my hair.

"You okay?"

I lick my lips and try to answer, but my
throat is dry and I can't make it work 
right.

She notices and grabs a glass of water from
the table beside the bed and helps me sit 
up so I can drink it.

"How - how did I get here?"

She shakes her head and takes the glass 
from me, setting it back on the table.

"I wish you could tell me, Mulder.  The
last time I saw you was when we left work
and I sent you home to get some rest."

I furrow my brow, and she smoothes it 
with the palm of her hand.

"Remember?  You were starting to sniffle,
so I thought you might be coming down 
with a cold.  You said you had medicine
at home..."

Oh.  Right.  

I nod, showing that I remember that much
at least.

"What happened after you left, Mulder?" 

After I left - I... I can't remember.

I shake my head.  

She sighs, brushing her hand over my 
cheek and jaw.  "The fever must have
kicked in pretty quick - did you feel
like you had a fever before you left
work?"

Yeah, yeah I did - don't you remember,
Scully?  When I asked you to check my
temperature?

She must remember, because a sudden look
of guilt crosses her face.  She had 
thought I was just coming on to her -
teasing her, flirting again.

She was just being Scully.

"I'm sorry," she says softly.

I shake my head.  "'S okay," I assure
her.

She runs her hand down my face, down my 
neck, over my bare shoulder, all the way 
to my hand, squeezing it comfortingly.  I
realize I'm not wearing a shirt, and shift
my legs to try to surmise how much clothing
I do have on.

Not much.  Not any, if my sensory nerves can
be trusted.  And I'm pretty damn sure they
can.

She stands up and I start to protest until
I see that she is only walking around the
bed to crawl in on the other side.

My pulse jumps as she snuggles up to me,
draping her arm across my chest and nuzzling
into my shoulder, adjusting her head so
that it rests in the crook of my neck.

It's not that Scully and I have never been
physically intimate - we've even had sex
once or twice.  It's just that it's always
on her terms, whenever she's in the mood,
and I never quite know when that's going 
to be.

The irregular nature of this treat makes
me want to devour it like a stray dog 
who's just been thrown a top sirloin.

I sigh and settle deep into the feather
down mattress and Scully's embrace, loving
the smell of her shampoo and lotion and 
the smell of the sheets that just smell
like *her*.  Or maybe she smells like them.
Who knows.

"Mulder?"

"Hm?"

"Why was it so important that the water
wasn't blue?"

"What?"

"When I put you in the tub to bring down the
fever - you were very distressed that the
water wasn't blue."

"Oh."

I'm sure she feels the tension that ripples
through my body - the way my voice sounds
so uncomfortable.

"What is it?"
 
I clear my throat.
 
"It was just... something that happened 
when I was a kid."

She normally drops the issue when I tell her
that.  She knows that my childhood wasn't
one of the happiest in the world.
 
Fox Mulder: Poster Child for Dysfunctional 
Relationships.

But this time she doesn't.
 
"Tell me?"

I shake my head, trying to fight down the
memory of panic that is resurrecting itself
in the pit of my stomach.

She pushes herself up, looking me in the
eye.

"Please, Mulder."

So I tell her.
 
***

In all my books, they painted the water as 
blue, so of course I, from the beginning,
assumed that water was inherently blue.

When I asked my mother once why the water
in my bath was clear - was, in fact, a
little yellowish - and not blue like in
the pictures, she told me that it was 
because the water in the tub wasn't deep
enough.

Oh, so only deep water is blue, I thought.

So one day, while my father was still at 
work, my mother took Samantha with her 
and went to the store to pick up a few 
groceries for supper, leaving my eight-
year-old self unsupervised.

She really should have known better if
only out of concern for the important
things she'd left in the house with her
not-so-important son.

No, no sympathy, Scully.  Just let me tell
the story.

Well, I'd been thinking about this - about
how water just ought to be blue.  There
was just something wrong with water that
isn't blue.

My parents had this huge tub in their bath
room - one of the many luxuries my mother
insisted on.  She sometimes let Samantha
sit in it, and promised that once she was
old enough, she'd let her take a bath in
it.

When I was younger, she used to run just
a few inches of water and let me play in it,
sort of like a pool.  It was nice - I always
felt kind of special, having my own private
pool like that.

I was eight years old, and that tub looked 
so deep - I thought for sure that if I filled 
it up all the way to the top, that it would be 
deep enough that the water would be blue.

Long story short, it never turned blue, but
a good two or three inches ran out onto the
floor and ruined my mother's favorite bath
rug... and when she came home to find me 
standing amidst several soaking wet towels
that I was trying to use to dry it up, she
wasn't happy.

I don't think it helped any that the only
explanation I could give was that I was
trying to make the water blue.

She screamed at me, then complained of a 
headache, brushing me off when I apologized.

<"I'm sorry, Mom - I'm so sorry - I didn't
mean to -">

<"That's enough, Fox.  Be quiet.  I have a
headache and there's no use in you doing more
damage than you already have by making it 
worse.">

She sent me to my room, with intentions of
not giving me dinner, except Samantha cried 
for me at supper and Dad got up from the table
and brought me a plate of food.

I remember he gave it to me and started to 
leave, then turned back around and said,
"Son, some things will just never be the 
way we think they ought to be, no matter
how deep the water runs."

Then he left and went back downstairs...
I think that was the first night I heard
my parents fighting.  

But I still feel like that sometimes,
Scully.  I feel like I'm trying to make
the water blue, and it's just never going
to happen... it's never going to be like
the pictures in my books.

All right, Scully, all right.  I'm - *yawn*
- getting pretty sleepy again anyway.

***

As I drift off, I think I hear her mutter,
"Teena, you are a mother that only Fox Mulder 
could love."

***

I don't know how much later it is when I 
wake to the sound of water running.  I 
have always loved that sound... waking up
to hear rain on the windows when I was a
boy... or to hear the shower running in
those times when I was in a steady 
relationship, letting me know that my 
lover was just a few feet away from me...
private, yet intimate.

I'm snuggling down deeper into the pillow,
intent on just enjoying the comforting
sound, when I hear Scully's voice.

"Mulder?  You awake?"

"No," I mumble into the sheets, playfully
pulling the blanket up to my chin.

She laughs, and I hear her voice fade as
she turns away from me to go back into
the bathroom.

"Well, wake up, sleepyhead.  I've got a
surprise for you."

Now, if there's one thing I have a love-hate
relationship with, it's surprises.  But
Scully's are normally to die for, so I take a
chance and open my eyes -

... just in time to see her bare ass disappear
through the bathroom door.

The bed is forgotten as I follow at her 
heels like a well-trained dog - which I am.

I stumble into the bathroom just in time to
see her settle into the tub and lean forward
to turn off the faucet.

"Come on in, Mulder, the water's fine," she
teases, turning to smile at me over her 
shoulder.

Who am I to question?

I keep my eyes on her face as I move to obey,
glancing down only to make sure I get my legs
*into* the tub...

And that's when I notice.
 
The water's blue.

Startled, I actually jump back, making Scully
cover her mouth to hide a giggle.

Sure, Scully - I'm sure that looked *really*
funny, but I got other things to worry about.
Such as -

"The water's *blue*."

She nods, still grinning at me.

"Scully... why is the water blue?"

She smiles, her eyes practically glowing.  

"Because you wanted it to be." 

"How?"

She gestures to a box sitting on the floor by the
tub.  "Bath beads," she explains, then when I just 
stand there looking at her stupidly, she demands,
"Well!  Get in!"

Her command snaps me out of my stupor and I obey,
halfway expecting something to be wrong with the
water.

It's silky smooth and just the right 
temperature, and as I settle down into the 
tub, Scully turns around and plants herself 
between my thighs, resting her back against 
my chest.

She takes a washrag and soaps it up, leaning
forward to catch one of my feet in her hands.

She begins to wash it carefully, taking time
between each toe and swiping so gently over 
the sole that I jerk it away from her, ticklish.

I feel her smile as she continues her 
ministrations silently.

"Hey Scully?"

"Hm?"
 
"Why'd you make the water blue?"

She smiles and turns around to look at me,
placing a soft kiss beside my mouth.

"Some things are better than the pictures in
the book, Mulder," she tells me quietly.

Suddenly I'm just so overwhelmed with emotion
that I wrap my arms around her waist and pull
her against me tightly, burrowing my face into
the side of her neck and breathing deeply.

I know what she is trying to do.

She is finding every little scar on my psyche
and trying to soothe it away.

"Thank you," I whisper hoarsely.

She sighs, kissing my temple and holding my
head to her, although we're at an awkward
angle.

"I love you, you know," she tells me, and
I nod.

"I know."  I kiss her neck.  "I love you
too."

She releases her hold on me and shifts, 
trying to ease the uncomfortable position
I'm holding her in.  Making a noise of 
apology, I let her go, and she settles back 
into my chest, absently bathing the skin 
of my thigh.

The scent of the bath beads floats up
around us, and I breathe deeply, content
for a few moments at least.

***

THE END


Author's Notes: The main purpose of this note 
was to inform you all that I finally got the 
webpage updated to include ALL my finished fics 
(except this one, ironically) and that you can 
visit whenever you like. :)
http://www.geocities.com/foxiemeg