| *You just have to see how far up the sand bank you can get your friend's Malibu Jeep-Specific *Your friend needs your Jeep to pull his Chevy out of a stuck *Your friend needs your Jeep to pull his Ford out of a stuck *Your friend needs your Jeep to pull his Dodge out of a stuck *Your friend needs your Jeep to pull his Toyota out of a stuck *Your friend needs your Jeep to pull his Jeep out of a stuck *You need to go and pose your Jeep for pics to send into 4-Wheel & Off-Road *You need to get stuck more than once in your Ford Exploder to really convince yourself that you need a Jeep *You need to spread Jeep envy through the cute-ute markert *You have to have a new experience so you can tell those 2WD Jeep owners what they're missing *Because your Jeep should not remain clean for more than 48 hours *Because it is an insult if you Jeep remains clean for more than 3 days *You want to see how far into the trail you can get with a 2WD DJ-3A Skipping Work (School) *If I can make it to the bog 10 minutes I can stay there for 30 minutes and make back to work in time... maybe!? *Because that nerd in Accounting won't leave you alone *Even when you get stuck, break an axle, snap a U joint, it's still better than staring at a computer screen all day *Now this is an office with a view *Forget rush hour, take your own short cut *The air in the office smells worse than the swamp you got buried in last spring *The best shortcuts on the way to work require four-wheel drive *You don't want to go to work today *So I can stay here and work or go wheeling? See ya later! *I've got too many sick days built up Huh? *"I four wheel because it gives me and my dog a chance to get away and spend sometime together" *"My neighbor ran off with my wife." *Because wouldn't your boss' BMW work great as an articulation ramp? *Unlike your boss you dont have to suck up to your spotter Redneck *You'll see more UFOs *To go chase cows *You just finished mowing the lawn and found another truck *The field needs to be tilled but the tractor is broken *You can take the old wheels off and set them in your front yard to make a great planter box..next to the toilet *If your a real redneck you break stuff going down you drive way *If you can get all red necks to do it you won't have to keep hearing the same old Jeff Fox Worthy jokes *When you come back you'll be even more red neck *Knowing that nothing will stop you except an angry hillbilly *It's nice to know your rig will go up anything you desire *The only way to get to most of the good parties is to drive through a field *You don't mind paying the $80 to the guy in the Chevy to winch you out *The trail is actually your girlfriend's driveway *Your buddy lent you his new truck and lent you his new truck and you just had to test it out *When combined with shooting it makes a good way to round out a testosterone filled day of fun *It's a good excuse to drive dad's tractor at night in the rain *Your dog can brush up on his staying out from under the Swamper skills Common Sense *To get home *So 4-wheel & Off-Road can make more money from subscriptions and Four Wheeler can be annoyed by hate mail about how their subscribers wasted their money *It's cool *So you dont have to walk to Makeout hill carrying your girl most of the way *If you get lucky, 4 Wheel & Off-Road will put you in the magazine *To have fun *To see what you can do *Four wheels are more than three, two, one *To turn your truck into a beater *Mud is cheaper than body filler and doesn't require sanding and painting *You firmly believe that anything made to protect your rig should NOT be made of chrome *You get sick of even thinking about a 4x4 show truck *You bust out laughing every time a Ford Outfitter commercial comes on *Why have 4WD if you don't use it? *4WD=4 Wanting Dirt *If there's a trail you haven't been down you need to *Because flinging mud onto every square inch of your truck feels good *You cant flex the suspension in a parking garage *Rocks don't ask for insurance cards when you hit them *You can't break something if you don't use it *To show people that IFS doesn't get you where you want to go *To show all these image conscience bastards that a 1999 $35,000 Chevy IFS can't even go down the same trail that a $3,500 1979 Chevy can *If you didn't spend all that money on a 4x4 it would just pile up and get in the way PAGE 5 |
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