S.C.A.N. – The Fifth Meeting – The Nathans

I couldn't resist; this bunny hopped right into my head after
reading the Buck S.C.A.N and I had to write it. I tried to pull off
funny, but I confess I'm not very good at comedy writing so if
someone else has a better idea for this character, please share it
with the rest of us. Otherwise, I can't wait to read the S.C.A.N.s
for the others.

Jigs

M7M7M7M7M7M7M7

A dark curly head poked into the meeting room. Seeing no one there,
the man shrugged and walked in, settling himself on one of the
chairs. He was wearing a navy blue sports coat and khakis, but no
tie and the top button of his shirt was undone. "This is weird. It
isn't like me to be late." Still, the sign outside the door had
clearly declared this to be the "S.C.A.N - Nathan Jackson" meeting,
so he knew he was in the right place.

It wasn't long before two other men walked in the door. One was
wearing brown homespun pants, suspenders, and an off-white cotton
shirt. The other was clad in a form-fitting suit of unknown fabric.
It was mostly black, but with turquoise across the shoulders, and
there was an unusual kind of pin on the left side of his chest.

The first man looked at both of them askance. "What the hell are you
wearing?"

They just scowled at him and took their seats…on opposite sides of
the room.

A gangly black teenager walked in next. He was dressed almost
identically to the first man, save for an embroidered symbol on the
lapel of his jacket and the presence of a red tie. He sat in the
front row, took out a notebook and a pencil and fixed his eyes on
the podium, though as yet it remained empty.

"What are you doing?" This came from the man in the strange
bodysuit.

"Taking notes." Seeing the raised eyebrows, he elaborated. "Hey, if
I expect to get as old as you, I gotta be ready."

Minutes before six, when the meeting was due to start, a fifth man
darted in the door. He was dressed in a long black flowing robe and
several leather pouches were attached to a belt at his waist.
Squarely meeting the gazes of the first four to arrive, he shrugged
his shoulders. "What?"

"And just who are you supposed to be? Merlin?"

"Who`s that? I'm just a healer." He eyed the others up and down. "I
thought only warriors and hostlers wore breeches."

The teen, who was turned around, addressed his remarks to the only
other person in the room he thought looked even remotely sane. "What
is a hostler?"

"Nevermind." Deciding that someone had to take charge, since it
appeared that the facilitator was nowhere to be found, the man in
the sport coat stood up. "So, since we obviously don't need to
introduce ourselves, why don't we tell each other why we're here?"

No one spoke up right away. The standing figure sighed. "Fine, I'll
start. I'm here because nothing ever happens to me. Nothing. I am
tired of being ignored by everyone unless somebody gets shot or
stabbed."

The man in the cotton shirt nodded. "Same here. And it's worse since
those boys showed up, you know. They're cute and all, but now
there's a whole new set of problems to deal with."

"Exactly. I never get to spend any time with Rain, because I'm
always at the hospital for one of them or another. It's not like
real ATF agents get shot that often, and how many of them do you
think get blown up or kidnapped and tortured and live to tell about
it?"

The third man scowled, "I don't know about any A-T-F, but I do know
that only my crew could almost freeze to death on an uninhabited ice
planet, contract a disease only rookies get, and experience a mating
ritual that nearly kills them. But not me. Oh, no. No that I want to
get hurt, of course, but I'm really not that boring."

"I know what you mean." The teenager was nodding agreeably. "I'm not
*always* so rational and level-headed, you know. I mean, I am a
person; I make mistakes too. Pay attention to me!"

"Exactly. I mean, except maybe for worrying about the guys, what has
ever happened to any of us?"

The second man raised his hand tentatively. "I got hung once." Four
sets of eyes snapped to him. "Well, almost. Plus, I was a slave."

"Yeah, but that was CBS. CBS can do whatever They want. We're
talking about the others."

"The others?"

"You know." The first arrival lowered his voice dramatically. "The
women."

All five men shuddered simultaneously. Each shook his
head. "Nevermind. I like being ignored."

"Yes, forget what we said."

An eerie laugh echoed around them. No source could be found.

The man in the robe spoke. "Damnation. Why'd you all have to go and
do that?"

"What?"

"Don't you see?" He looked around nervously. "Now we've given them
ideas." Still the others seemed confused. "And if we get hurt, who
is going to heal us?"

A shocked and terrified murmuring followed, but all five men settled
down at the entrance of a beautiful woman with flyaway hair wearing
a calico dress. She walked confidently to the platform, though
exasperation was clear on her face. "Hello, everyone. You all know
who I am, so I won't bother to introduce myself. I apologize, but
the keynote speaker won't be able to make it. As he told me, and I
quote, "That damn fool Southerner went and got hisself shot again
and if I ain't there to guard him, he'll escape and prob'ly die of
infection." Five mouths dropped open. "So," she smiled
brightly. "Who wants to start?"

M7M7M7M7M7M7M7

In case you couldn't figure it out (which I'm sure you all did), the
characters were, in order:

ATF Nathan
OW LB Nathan
Star Trek Nathan
Regents Nathan
D&D Nathan
OW Nathan was, unfortunately, unavoidably detained, so he sent OW
Rain instead.

M7M7M7M7M7M7M7