David Beckham, a sheep, and a dog were survivors of a terrible shipwreck. They found themselves stranded on a desert island. After being there a while, they got into the habit of going to the beach every evening to watch the sun go down. One particular evening, the sky was red with beautiful cirrus clouds, the breeze was warm and gentle; a perfect night for romance. As they sat there, the sheep started looking better and better to Beckham. Soon, he leaned over to the sheep and put his arm around it. The dog got jealous, growling fiercely until Beckham took his arm from around the sheep. After that, the three of them continued to enjoy the sunsets together, but there was no more cuddling. A few weeks passed by, and lo and behold, there was another shipwreck. The only survivor was a beautiful young lass, the most beautiful lass Beckham had ever seen. She was in a rather bad way when they rescued her, and they slowly nursed her back to health. When the young lass was well enough, they introduced her to their evening beach ritual. It was another beautiful evening, red sky, cirrus clouds, a warm and gentle breeze; perfect for a night of romance. Pretty soon, Beckham started to get "those feelings" again. He fought them as long as he could, but he finally gave in, cautiously leaned over to the young woman, and whispered in her ear... "Oi, would you mind taking the dog for a walk?" David Beckham runs in early from training one afternoon and dashes to the bedroom to find Posh spread out on the bed naked, puffing and panting. Becks asks her suspiciously "What are you doing?" Posh stutters a reply "I'm... er, er... I'm having a heart attack" "Oh no," he cries in despair. "I'll call an ambulance". He runs downstairs, picks up the phone and begins dialling 999. However, he is stopped in his tracks by a tearful Brooklyn. "What's the matter, son?" asks Becks. "Uncle Giggsy is in the wardrobe with no clothes on, daddy," sniffles Brooklyn. Infuriated by this, Beckham runs upstairs and kicks down the wardrobe door. Sure enough, the carpet-chested Welshman is stood there, starkers. "You w*nker, Giggsy," screams Becks. "My wife is right over there having a bloody heart attack, and you're running around naked scaring Brooklyn." David Beckham is late for training when he bumps into Sir Alex Ferguson. Why aren't you at training asks Sir Alex. Got to do the shopping for Victoria replies David. Here, give me the list and you get off to training says Sir Alex. Just as he is about to go into the greengrocers to get the spuds he meets Phil Thompson. Hi Alex what are you doing here, says Phil. Oh just getting 5 kilos of spuds for David Beckham. Replies Sir Alex. Seems like a fair swap says Phil. Posh phones Beckham just before the baby's birth, David, David, come quick my waters have broken. Calm down Vickie replies Beckham, where are you ringing from?, to which Posh replies, I'm wringing from my fanny to my toes.
Q...What have David Beckham and Ferraro Roche Chocolates got in common? A...They both come in Posh boxes Q...What did Posh say to Beck's when she found out she was pregnant? A...Are you sure it's mine David....? Q...What does Beckham say when he sees a banana skin on the ground? A...Oh! no i'm going to fall again. Posh Spice wakes up one morning and hears the dustbin men doing their rounds. She quickly jumps out of bed, scrambling over the numerous men she brought home with her the night before. Running into the street she shouts to one of the dustbin men, "Am I too late for the rubbish", "No" he replies, "Jump in". Nigel Martyn and David Beckham were flying together to the World Cup when their plane crashes and they die. They enter the Pearly Gates of Heaven and God takes Beckham on his tour of Heaven first. He shows David a little two bedroom house with an old, faded Man. Utd. banner hanging from the front porch. "This is *your* house, David. Most people don't get their own house up here." God says to him. Beckham looks at the house, then turns around and looks at the one sitting at the top of the hill. It's a huge three-story mansion with white marble columns. Leeds United flags line both sides of the sidewalk and a huge Leeds banner hangs between the marble columns. Beckham turns to God and says: "Thanks for the house, God. I really appreciate it. But let me ask you a question. I won a bunch of Championships while I was down on Earth and I get this little two-bedroom place with a faded banner, and this Nigel Martyn gets a mansion with new Leeds United and flags flying all over the place. Why is that?! That doesn't seem fair." God looks at him seriously for a moment, then with a smile replies: "That's not Marty's house up there - that's mine." Posh Spice goes to the Doctor with David because he's not "firing on all cylinders" in the bedroom. The Doctor examines him and scratches his head..." I can't understand it David, you are physically fit as far as I can determine, I'll need to investigate further. I will require samples of your faeces, urine and semen". Becks looks stunned, "wot's 'e mean Posh?" Posh says, "Just give him a pair of your F-ing underpants Dave and lets get out of here". David Beckham, Michael Owen and Alan Smith were in a boat fishing. Smith says "I forgot the bait", stands up then walks across the water to the shore. Michael says "I'm going with him" and walks across the water. Then Beckham shouts "wait for me" and steps out of the boat and goes under the water. Michael sniggers and says to Alan "We should have told him where the stepping stones are!" And Smith replies "what stepping stones?"
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Nicky Butt, Ferdinand and David Beckham noticed that Alex Ferguson always left work a little early. So one day they met together and decided that when Alex Ferguson leaves, they'll all leave early too. Later in the day they see Alex Ferguson leave early so they do too. Butt goes home and goes to rest so he can get an early start. Rioscum goes home and cooks dinner for his family. David Beckham goes home and walks to his bedroom. He opens the door slowly and sees his wife, Posh Spice in bed with Alex Ferguson, so he shuts the door and leaves quietly. The next day Rioscum and Butt are talking and plan to go home early again. They ask David Beckham if he wants to leave early again and he says, "No way! Yesterday I almost got caught!" Posh Spice was driving home and got caught in a really bad hailstorm. Her car was covered with dents, so the next day she took it to the local garage. The garage owner saw who she was and decided to have some fun. He told her just to go home and blow into the exhaust pipe really hard and all the dents would pop out. So,posh went home, got down on her hands and knees and started blowing into her tail pipe. Nothing happened. She blew a little harder and still nothing happened. Floppy haired hacker Beckham, upon hearing the huffing and puffing from outside the house, pulled a tracksuit over the skimpy knickers and peep hole bra he was wearing and went into the courtyard. "What are you doing?" Asked Becks. Posh then told him how the repairman had instructed her to blow in the exhaust in order to get all the dents to pop out. Beckham, clearly shocked at Posh's stupidity rolled his eyes. "Duh! You need to roll up the windows first!" David beckham has bought a helicopter but he crashed it. When asked what went wrong he replied, "I don't know I was feeling a bit cold so I switched the ceiling fan off and it just went down." Dave and posh are having an argument about who knows the most about footy. Dave said" bring some balls in a bag and I can tell you where they come from. So posh did and gave Dave a ball, Dave said Grimsby How do you know that ?, says Posh Smells of fish says Dave. Posh picks another.Bradford Dave said. How do you know that? Smells of currys Dave said. Last one posh said, Man utd Dave said. How do you know that? Smells of f**king sh*t! Posh bought Beckham a jigsaw for xmas so he phones ferguson and says "Listen boss I can't do this jigsaw that Vicky bought me. It's a picture of a chicken." So fergie tells him to bring it to his house. The door bell rings and walks Beckham. Fergie tells him to empty the pieces on the table while he makes the tea. Just as he brings the tea in he looks on the table and says "David, What are you doing??, put the cornflakes back in the box!!" David Beckham walks into a sperm donor bank, "I'd like to donate some sperm" he says to the receptionist. "Certainly Sir" replies the receptionist, "have you donated before?". "Yes" replies Beckham "you should have my details on your computer". "Oh yes, I've found your details" says the receptionist "but I see you're going to need help. Shall I call Mrs. Beckham for you?" "Why do I need help?" asks Beckham. The receptionist replies "Well, it says on your record that you're a useless wanker...."
