Confession "Photo" When I was in intermediate I took my class photograph home to my parents. My face was all screwed up and when they asked why I told them that I was in the mist of a sneeze. My boyfriend at the time was standing behind me and had his hand down my skirt, hence the less than picture perfect facial. I have never told them, nor shall I ever tell them the truth. I have since destroyed the photo. Confession �Photo� In my last year of intermediate I reluctantly took my school photo home. When my parents noticed that I wasn�t in the photo I lied and told them that I was sick on that day and had spent the day at granny�s house. They fell for it, never checked up on it and never said a word. I was wagging school and had gone to the river all day with some friends. If they only knew the number of days I was absent they would have grounded me for the following 4 years. Confession �Matches� When I was six I coaxed my friend from the other end of the street to go to the dairy to buy me some matches. I couldn�t buy them because the owner of the shop was a very good friend of my mothers and I would have been in deep shit. He brought them for me for several months and we use to light them in the alleyway by the local park. My oldest sister caught us in the alley and told my mother, I blamed my friend Jamal and that he was teaching me to light them. Apparently the dairy owner confirmed that I never brought matches from her shop and did not even accompany Jamal to the dairy. I heard my mother on the phone to Jamal�s father informing him of his sons dangerous habits that could influence her (rather innocent) daughter. Confession "Smoke'n the Dean" In 5th form I got my boarding school dean fired because she accused me of smoking, when I hadn�t actually taken a puff of the smoke she had found still going. The people I was smoking with skived off and I was one of the two that didn�t bother running. I was taken into the staff room to await her showing the other form deans �her evidence�, I told them it wasn�t mine and that I didn�t smell of smoke, and stated that it was burning when I got there. I went up against her and the staff believed me over her. She was dismissed and I sat looking out the window at her as she drove away in her car. Confession "Blackmail" I blackmailed my sister for an entire year, when she was in 3rd form. Because she got her wrists tattooed and my parents didn�t know. She even took the wrap for me when my parents found a packet of smokes in our room, because I threatened to tell my parents of her dirty little secret. Confession "Beach" As a kid, while we where spending a day at the beach with family I buried my cousins shoe in my sand castle after I heard his mother say specifically to make sure he did not loose them. When it was time to leave and his mother was growling him for loosing his shoe, I stood and watched them both, saying nothing. I did it because I didn�t like him. Still don�t like him infact I am laughing while I am writing this, I am a very bad person. "Bows her head, and tries not to laugh" Confession "The beast" I lied to my one of my best friends when she was hit in the face with a cricket ball, and told her that I had been busy for 4 weeks at university, and that was the reason why I couldn�t come over to see her. She was hit between the eyes playing cricket and she looked like �the beast� . I couldn�t stop laughing when I saw her that is why I stayed away. I still laugh at her on the rare occasion that we have lunch, and make out that I am laughing at something else. Confession "The ring" When I was 10 I took my aunts marble cameo ring from its box and tried it on. It fell down into a crack and landed somewhere under the house. She cried when she noticed that it was missing from her cabinet because it was a gift from someone special. I lied when she asked me if I had seen it. Technically I could no longer see it when it fell beneath the floorboard. Confession "Horns" A very good friend of mine was pregnant and proceeded to tell her husband that there was something wrong with their baby in the scan she had several hours previously. His answer was �What? Has it got horns?� I laughed when she told me. I am laughing now. I am not a bad person, that shit was just really funny. Confession "Washing line" When I was in 4th form I got stink�n drunk with some childhood friends that lived up the road. My parents were on holiday and I decided to stay at home. I took the keys to my father�s truck and smacked it into the washing line. Did more damage to the washing line than the truck, so we straightened the washing line and reparked the truck. The next day I went to a friend�s house to stay for the rest of the weekend. My parents said nothing. But a few weeks later decided to replace the washing line because �my brother� use to swing on it so much. Confession �Pictures� My ex boyfriend has rather racy pictures of me, bare assed lying on my tummy. The father of my children does not know and will never know they even exists because I know he will blow a brain fuse. My ex will not give them to me...........a******! Confession "Pizzazz Haircut" In 1985 I wanted a jem doll for Christmas, the glamorous rock singer by day, and a music company executive and provider for foster girls, Jerrica Benton by day. Jerrica became Jem by using her jemstar earrings to contact a sophisticated computer named Synergy. Only Jem�s friends and band mates the Holograms, Kimber, Aja and Shana, knew that Jem was really Jerrica. Each doll came with a cassette tape that had three songs on one side. I think I was in love with Jems light bulbs for earrings because when you turned a switch on that was on her back the lights would flash. The Holograms and Mifits each came with their own musical instruments and Jem came with a microphone. Instead my mother brought me Pizzazz, a doll from the rival rock group, the Misfits. I cut her hair because I hated that doll so much, and when my mother asked me why, I told her that one day I was going to be a hairdresser and that I was just practicing. UPDATE: I am not a hairdresser nor do I ever aspire to be one. Confession"Australian Made" I have an Australian made washing machine and dryer. Confession Rugby 010705 I don�t know how rugby works, it is our national sport and I can�t stand it. I only really take notice if the All Blacks are playing Australia and only really give a damn if New Zealand win otherwise I don�t bother. When people I know talk about rugby I wonder why they like it so much. I just can�t be bothered. Confession: Sliding 080705 I am 25 and still like going down the slide. I brought the kids a swing and slide set. I think I enjoy it more than they do. I don�t care I love sliding. Confession �The Village Bicycle� My cousin (a.k.a The Village Bike) slept with one of my boyfriend�s friends. His girlfriend has become a very good friend of mine from the bbq�s I have invited them to at my house She is a lovely caring thoughtful woman. She was pregnant at the time my cousin slept with her now husband. I hate that slutface bitch for putting me in a situation where I cannot tell my friend because it would hurt her immensely and ruin the relationship she has with her apparently devoted husband. I called my cousin a bitch and told her I hope her now boyfriend trades her in for another cheaper looking hooker. I sincerely hope he does *nods* Confession �Fencing With The Boss� The boss from my old job denied to her corporate colleagues that she was having an affair with her apprentice. I know for a fact that they were shagging because we went to a party together, on walking from the dining hall to my car I saw my boss spread eagle hard up against the fence being totally banged by the apprentice. If people only knew. Confession "Knowitall" At a primary school camp my friends and I decided to wake up in the middle of the night and pull the pegs out of a tent occupied by a very geeky rich stuck-up knowitall prick we didn�t like. We did and as we heard the girlish screams bellow from their deflated tent I laughed. We all stood and watched as they frantically made their way out of the tent gasping for air. Update: Geeky rich stuck-up knowitall prick now is a fighter pilot for the New Zealand Airforce and is still the oldest known virgin on the planet. Confession �Smoking� I use to smoke on my way to intermediate every morning. Confession �First time� I first got drunk in intermediate on a red wine milkshake I concocted at home before taking it to school. Confession �Cross-country� On cross-country runs I would take a packet of smokes leisurely stroll while having a smoke taking shortcuts. Confession �Snitch� A friend of a friend brought marijuana to school and I told my father. My father contacted the school and local police station. The boy was expelled from school and the police raided his brothers stash growing in a secluded spot in a local reserve. Confession �Snips� I had a secret crush in primary school on the boy who use to cut girls pigtails with the classroom snips. His name was either Ronald or Donald? Confession �Hockey� I only joined my colleges hockey team in boarding school to the delight of my father so that I could see my boyfriend who would show up to watch me play. Oh yeah that and so that I could be out of the school grounds to buy smokes and smoke. Confession �Tennis� I only joined my colleges tennis team to get out of mandatory weekend study, and Sunday mass. Confession �Angel ma ass� At boarding school my cousin was expelled for drugs and alcohol. I was doing drugs and alcohol too but my friends didn�t rat me out. My parents were so proud that I wasn�t like my cousin. If they only knew. Confession �Confession Room� I was caught smoking by the principal in the confession room in the schools chapel. Confession �Sparklers� I am the bastard who every Guy Fawkes hid in the alley with a bunch of friends by the park of the local school throwing lit sparklers at passing cars. They looked like fireballs flying though the air before hitting the car with a �ting� (mental on metal) sound. We were protesting at the banning of tom thumbs and double happy firecrackers. Oh how I miss them. *sighs* The government later banning all but those shitty skyrocket things because there were too many incidents of arson, animal fatalities, and human related injuries such as burns. Confession " Instructions" I was goofing/chillin with a bunch of friends in my bedroom when my friend�s boyfriend noticed a box of condoms on the table we were all sitting at. He lifted the box and pulled the condoms out of it in front of us, the instructions falling onto the table. They started to get all touchy feely and the rest of us decided we would leave them in peace to fuck. I picked up the instructions to the condoms on my way out the door and threw them at my friend�s boyfriend and told him he might need them. Everyone laughed because they thought it was shit funny. I wasn�t joking but laughed anyway. My friend had told me many times that her boyfriend 1. Didn�t know how to put condoms on properly 2. Couldn�t fuck to save himself although bragged to his friends that he could �get shit done�. My friend married that tosser. Love MUST be beyond the physical. |
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