Part of my attempt to catch up with Inservice hours is a book review of the three books Dave Pelzer wrote. This is not exactly up to the standards I'd have done for a college paper, but in reality, it's the reading of the books that was important.

A CHILD CALLED "IT"
THE LOST BOY
A MAN NAMED DAVE
By Dave Pelzer.

These three books document the author's life from the ages of 4 to adulthood, from terrible abuse as a child to parenthood himself. In the first, he describes his abuse and how he was finally rescued. There were a number of things which got my attention: how the people at his school knew he was being abused yet were afraid to report it. How he loved his abusive mother and wanted to live with her, even though he knew he probably wouldn't live if he stayed with her. How she was allowed to keep the other children even when Dave was rescued (and yes, she did start abusing another son once the Victim son was gone.)

I tried throughout the books to figure out what made mother tick. She had, according to Dave, started as a loving parent. Then the abuse started, and escalated. Dad was a drunken wimp who was no help at all. He'd voice concern, but he never took Dave away or stood up to Mom or protected his son in the least.

When he finished packing, Father knelt down and mumbled something to me. The longer I looked at him, the weaker my legs felt. My mind was numb with questions. Where's my Hero? What happened to him? As he opened the door to leave the bedroom, the drunk friend crashed into Father, nearly knocking him down. Father shook his head and said in a sad voice, "I can't take it anymore. The whole thing. Your mother, this house, you. I just can't take it anymore." Before he closed the bedroom door I could barely hear him mutter, "I ... I'm... I'm sorry." (p.149, ACCI)

I'm attaching a newspaper clipping about rhesis monkeys who keep going back to abusive "mothers," since it's how many (most? All?) abused children react, as well. Dave certainly did. In the third book, he goes to his mother's deathbed:

As I stood in front of Mother, my eyes scanned her every feature, in the vain hope of finding the person I had worshiped as a tiny child-the person I had so longed to love me. Yet, as I closed my eyes, I could not give Mother the humanity I gave to total strangers. With all the compassion I could muster, I swallowed hard before saying, 'Go in peace.'
...
As I walked down the stairs to the door Mother shouted from her chair. "David?"
"Yes, Ma'am?"
"I want you to know..." She stopped as if to collect herself. "I, uh, I'm proud of you. You turned out fine. I am proud of you, David Pelzer."
I turned, looked up the staircase, and uttered a quick prayer before closing the door behind me. (pp211-212, AMND)

I was yelling back at the book at this point. What earthly right did this monster have to claim pride in the son she tried to kill? My sister read this book, the mildest of the three, and said while it was stunning, she couldn't face the other two.

THE LOST BOY documents Dave's life in foster homes. He was rescued in March of fifth grade. He documents his intake experience, the shame he felt as he was examined at the hospital. His temporary foster home and his relationship with his social worker. David didn't want to go back to his mother, but he wasn't cooperative with his social worker, because he was afraid he would be sent home. At the trial, his brother had a cast on his leg, yet no one appears to have questioned how that happened. (Why were the other children left with this woman?)

When Dave became a ward of the court, he missed his family. He discovered that being a "foster child" set him apart. He learned the pecking orders among foster children. After awhile he became a discipline problem, stealing things, running away, and fighting. When he participated in burning his school, he was sent to Juvenile Hall. THEN his father came to visit him, for the first time since he'd been rescued, and cussed him out. He told Dave he could never forgive him.

I felt so sick and hollow inside. I knew I was the reason why my parents were so unhappy, why they had separated, why they both drank so much and why my father - a man who had fought to save so many people's lives - now lived in a crummy apartment. I had knowingly, willingly, exposed the family secret. (p. 197, TLB)

The third book talks of his experiences as an adult, of coming to terms with the abuse. Dave has a son and has been married twice. He was in the Gulf War and is now retired from the Air Force. He lives in Guerneville and gives speeches on recovery from abuse.

These books are very powerful. They give a child's perspective of abuse, the certainty that it's their own fault.

---Jan Yarnot, November 19, 2002

ObGoe: "I'd originally written many of the episodes in STRANGLER with the idea in mind of incorporating them into FORWARD THE MAGE and its sequel. (That's A DESPERATE AND DESPICABLE DWARF, which hasn't been finished yet.) ---Eric Flint, in a mailing list I'm in that my own D&DD was in as well.