WEATHER REPORT: This week the FMR tour reaches the fine nation of Splattered Phthalao. The new Phthalotonia Speedway circuit is probably the most daring motor sport facility ever constructed. Marmadukes will drive through a loop-de-loop, relying solely on the car's downforce to stop them from falling upside down onto the ground below. Not only is there a loop but there's a water jump. Drivers will have to floor their small race car-like vehicle to make the massive jump or fall to their doom. Fortunately for the drivers, the weather won't be against them, with mild 22 Cs (72 Fs) of temperature and only a light breeze to contend with on the fine day for the race. PERFECT SETUP: DAT with aggressive drivers WORST SETUP: SBC with defensive drivers Again, this week should see points fairly evenly distributed with only two drivers with the perfect setup and no drivers with the worst setup. Good luck with the race. RACE REPORT 1: This weekend most spectators' attention was turned to the rear of the grid, rather than the front, as already four drivers have failed to finish this sector. It seems the water jump is just that little too far or the loop is that little too bit tight for Slayer, Johnson 2, Cecile and Nestle. On lap 4, Johnson 2 came to the approach to the water jump but must have lost confidence in the car suddenly as he slammed on the brakes to avoid the jump. Unfortunately, the brakes were hit too late and Johnson 2's small race car-like vehicle skidded off the incline and into Lake Spale, ending his race, his car and nearly his life (FMR HELP teams were on stand-by and fished him out of the water). Next to topple out of the race was Cecile of the Screech of Surique on lap 6. She put down a very clean overtaking move on another driver but timed it poorly. On the jump, a driver needs as much speed as possible and cannot afford to drive on the dirty side of the track or sacrifice the streamlining of an opponent. Cecile would have known this if she had listened to the test driver but the two don't get along well and so Cecile was slowed down a few kilometres per hours too much and fell just a few metres short of completing the jump and plummeted into the water. The FMR HELP teams started to realise it would not be an easy day. Next out was Slayer in an almost identical situation as Cecile, although this time it happened on the approach to the loop. Slayer went to overtake, found the air resistance too great and had to slide back in behind his opponent. He lost speed and momentum and continued to rapidly lose it as he climbed the loop wall. Reaching the apex of the loop, Slayer had finally run out of speed and fell. Luckily FMR had made certain safety measures mandatory this year, including a strengthening of the cars - particularly if the car rolls, and it was surely these that saved Slayer's life. Nestle was the final driver to have to pull out when it seems that the pressure became too much for her, spinning out on the incline leading to the water jump. Like her countryMarmaduke, Johnson 2, she simply couldn't stop in time and fell off the bridge, after hanging percariously for a few seconds on the edge. Luckily all four drivers escaped death, although its uncertain whether Johnson 2 will be able to receover psychologically after not saying a word after being rescued. At the front, with the potential winners, the Burtech Racing Team is demonstrating why they are a good chance at this year's contructors' trophy, aggressively out to take first place back from Tastee Badger Treets Racing. After already winning in Wilkenstan, Brother Ulrik is out to add the Splattered Phthlaoan title to his silverware collection. Not far behind, Sleepy Justice is looking for a second to add to last week's third. Silent Jim, one half of Sport Francaise de Moteur, is also a contender, sitting in third place. But first he'll have to separate himself from Black Jack of the Meadowbank Casino House Ltd team, after both driver's crossed the 14 lap mark together in a dead heat. In addition to currently to holding first place, Ahmed Dakis has BRT fifth place. If things finished as is now, BRT would take the lead in the constructors title with 70 points, Tastee Badger Treets second with 53 and SFdM third with 50. Could the Phthalotonia Speedway become the grand prix that decides the constructors title? Its still early days and you'll have to hang around to find out. Top ten at the quarter way mark (14 laps) of the SP GP: 1. Brother Ulrik (Burtech Racing Team) 2. Sleepy Justice (Rhellis National Racing) 3. Silent Jim (Sport Francais de Moteur) 3. Black Jack (Meadowbank Casino House Ltd) 5. Ahmed Dakis (Burtech Racing Team) 6. Dervin Striker (Rhellis National Racing) 7. Kik Marmington (LSE Technologies) 8. James Pimpanzee (Meadowbank Boy Racers) 9. Ineta Mann (Marma & Papa Duke Trust Fund) 10. Milo (Naginii FMR) By car number, positions 11 through 40: 1, 14, 28, 12, 29, 36, 48, 11, 5, 33, 41, 27, 42, 2, 43, 47, 9, 19, 6, 25, 37, 20, 3, 40, 35, 22, 15, 31, 26 and last 16 OUT: 34 [loop], 13, 30, 44 [water] RACE REPORT 2: After another series of fourteen laps, another three drivers were forced out of the grand prix. Both of the Flying Mosmaniacs, Antoine and Antoinette, were taken off the course after a virus was discovered in the Mosmaniac network. It was assumed it had made its way onto the Flyers' on-board computers, and given the exceptional danger of the circuit, the team decided to pull the seven year olds out of the race. The other driver out was Charlemagne. Approaching turn 4, Charlemagne, best known for his anti-media attacks, lost control of his car in what was almost a deja vu for many FMR pundits after what happened to Silent Jim in Wilkenstan. He lost control of his small race car-like vehicle and spun at high velocity into Lake Spale. The FMR HELP teams managed to fish him out quickly and saved him from an almost certain drowning. Spectators, tiring of the DNFs, turned their attention to the so far successful drivers as some of the put in extremely quick times. Ineta Mann, SP's best chance so far, has gained a place in the last quarter and moved up into eighth. The remaining Phthalan drivers are sixteenth, twenty-sixth and thirty-fifth, meaning that Mann is probably the home crowd's best hope. The Burtech Racing Team continued its dominance of the SP GP, not only with Brother Ulrik maintaining his first place, but teammate, Ahmed Dakis, has moved from fifth to second, giving BRT a one-two. If they can hold on, they will have commanding leads in the race for both trophies. First, they'll have to fight off stiff competition from Naginii Racing Group driver, Pooder, who has seemingly come from no where. Silent Jim has fallen back into fourth place after the shockingly fast Pooder moved past him. Rodney, Cecile's teammate, is attempting to make amends for the apprentice driver and is holding a solid fifth place. The Rhellis National Racing drivers were running well at second and sixth but both have fallen off the radar into the back half of the field. The second quarter was marked by the separation of those that were quick and those that were not. And then there was the Burtech Racing Team who commanded the circuit with their aggressive and seemingly fearless driving. Can they hold on and get one hand on the trophies at this early stage of the season? Top ten at the half way mark (28 laps) of the SP GP: 1. Brother Ulrik (Burtech Racing Team) 2. Ahmed Dakis (Burtech Racing Team) 3. Pooder (Naginii Racing Group) 4. Silent Jim (Sport Francais de Moteur) 5. Rodney (Screech of Surique) 6. Mike (Airborne's Aerial Racing) 7. Kik Marmington (LSE Technologies) 8. Ineta Mann (Marma & Papa Duke Trust Fund) 9. Black Jack (Meadowbank Casino House Ltd) 10. Milo (Naginii FMR) By car number, positions 11 through 37: 12, 36, 42, 9, 5, 19, 7, 41, 40, 10, 8, 1, 14, 27, 2, 22, 43, 11, 31, 16, 37, 33, 47, 35, 20, 6 and last 3. OUT: 34 [loop], 13, 30, 44, 15 [water], 25, 26 [computer virus] RACE REPORT 3: Another fourteen laps pass and another three drivers drop out. Most notable of which was Ben Drinkin, one of the four drivers from SP. He became the second casualty of the loop on the Phthalotnia Speedway, after missing the loop and colliding into the wall between the entrance and exits to it. His car was barely distinguishable from the wall but fortunately the FMR HELP teams managed to get the Marmajaw of Life and cut Ben free, much to the relief of the fans. James Pimpanzee, one of the drivers with a chance in the championship this season, also failed to finish when his car ran out of fuel approaching the loop. His car made it about a quarter up before rolling back into traffic and causing Ben Drinkin to swerve and plough into the loop wall. Investigations are currently underway to determine who screwed up at the Meadowbank Boy Racers' garage. Quiet Quinella was the final driver this quarter to miss out on making it across the line. An unidentified monster in Lake Spale came out of the water and onto the track. Unfortunately Quinella happened to be coming through and the monster incredibly grabbed the car at top speed on its way to the water jump. Quienlla thought quickly and managed to get clear of the car before the monster took its prize back beneath the surface of the lake. The Fanatical Marmaduke jogged back to land and safety, unharmed. The monsters have added a whole new level of danger to a track that was already deadly enough. At the front and Burtech Racing Team's lack of acceleartion has finally cost them as they start to lose their stranglehold on the race. Ahmed Dakis slipped back a place into third and Brother Ulrik slipped back from first to sixth. The points gained, if the race finished as is, would only be enough to draw them level with TBTR. In Ulrik's place, Pooder of the Naginii Racing Group, the driver who took out the five grand prix pre-season competition, has moved into first, looking to take his first win of the season proper. Practically in his gearbox is veteran Ardent Antagonist, Bolock, only a split second behind. Black Jack from the Meadowbank Casino House Ltd is holding fourth with Milo, another Naginiian driver, close behind. The homecrowd's favourite, Ineta Mann, has maintained her eighth place and looks strong enough to hold it. Top ten at the three-quarter way mark (42 laps) of the SP GP: 1. Pooder (Naginii Racing Group) 2. Bolock (Ardent Antagonist) 3. Ahmed Dakis (Burtech Racing Team) 4. Black Jack (Meadowbank Casino House Ltd) 5. Milo (Naginii FMR) 6. Brother Ulrik (Burtech Racing Team) 7. Silent Jim (Sport Francaise de Moteur) 8. Ineta Mann (Marma & Papa Duke Trust Fund) 9. Rodney (Screech of Surique) 10. Pimpy McBling (Meadowbank Boy Racers) By car number, positions 11 to 34: 4, 41, 2, 48, 12, 5, 27, 11, 36, 31, 19, 8, 1, 7, 14, 35, 20, 6, 47, 37, 43, 33, 16 and last 3. OUT: 34 [loop], 13, 30, 44, 15 [water], 25, 26 [computer virus], 10 [no fuel], 22 [crashed], 40 [lake monster] RACE REPORT 4: Can anyone spot a pattern? The final fourteen laps brought ANOTHER three DNFs. This means that for every three drivers that took to the track, another didn't make it across the line. Or, on average, for every 4.3 laps, a driver failed to finish. First to go in the final quarter was last week's winner Nordla Anasad. Of course his exit was caused by the two drivers in front of him, Luis and Sleepy Justice, respectively from the Wilkdonian Ranchers Guild and Rhellis National Racing. Luis was the result of another psychological breakdown and hit the brakes on the incline onto the water jump. Maybe he didn't have enough speed and he knew it. Regardless, he stopped before tipping into Lake Spale. In fact, Sleepy Justice who was on his tail even managed to stop in time to avoid hitting him. Unfortunately the monster that took Quiet Quinella's car, reared its ugly face again and took Sleepy Justice. The Cheating Marmaduke wasn't so quick witted and was taken down with the monster. The primary FMR HELP team was quickly deployed and managed to hunt the beast down and shoot it, freeing Justice before he drowned. In the confusion of all this, Nordla Anasad watched the unfolding spectacle instead of his driving and ploughed into the stationary Luis. Both cars were conjoined as they slid over the edge and into the waterway. The secondary FMR HELP team was deployed to rescue both drivers. The drivers managed to swim to shore before the second HELP team reached them. The team is very incompetent, hence their status as the secondary team. For the second time in four races, a driver from My Imaginary Friend managed to win a FMR GP. This time it was Bolock, the 24 year old Dusty Marmaduke driving for the Ardent Antagonists. At the end, he was well clear of runner-up, Milo from Naginii FMR, who improved greatly to gain three places to pull the second podium position. Milo only managed to get second on the final corner after Ahmed Dakis, from the Burtech Racing Team, ran wide into the turn 13 hairpin. Milo swept in under braking, took the place and held it down the finishing straight. Not far behind was Ineta Mann, now a SP hero, driving for the Marma & Papa Duke Trust Fund and picking up fourth place. Leader at the last sector, Pooder, fell back four places into fifth after a disappointing drive. Rodney of the Screech of Surique rode his gearbox home but was unable to recreate Milo's move and had to settle for sixth. Seventh, completing a strong day for the Ardent Antagonists, was Princess Shirvine, adding a seventh to her eighth from Meadowbank. Troy Champion has shown a lot of promise this season and has finally come through with some points, the first for his team this season, scoring three for Liam & Co Racing. Black Jack also scored the first points for his team, Meadowbank House Casino Ltd and, for a first time in FMR, there was a dead heat for a points paying position. Brother Ulrik from the BRT, and Airborne's Aerial Racing's Mike tied for tenth place and have as such walked away from todays GP with half a point each. Top ten at the conclusion (56 laps) of the SP GP: 1. Bolock (Ardent Antagonists) - 30 points 2. Milo (Naginii FMR) - 20 points 3. Ahmed Dakis (Burtech Racing Team) - 15 points 4. Ineta Mann (Marma & Papa Duke Trust Fund) - 12 points 5. Pooder (naginii Racing Group) - 9 points 6. Rodney (Screech of Surique) - 7 points 7. Princess Shirvine (Ardent Antagonists) - 5 points 8. Troy Champion (Liam & Co Racing) - 3 points 9. Black Jack (Meadowbank House Casino Ltd) - 2 points 10= Brother Ulrik (Burtech Racing Team) - 0.5 points 10= Mike (Airborne's Aerial Racing) - 0.5 points By car number, positions 12 through 31: 9, 36, 19, 39, 4, 5, 11, 31, 27, 37, 14, 20, 1, 35, 43, 7, 16, 33, 47 and last 3. OUT: 34 [loop], 13, 30, 44, 15, 12, 6 [water], 25, 26 [computer virus], 10 [no fuel], 22 [crashed], 40, 8 [lake monster] This brings a close to a record-setting day for FMR. Phthalotonia Speedway has hosted many thrills and spills today and who would have thought that a course that eliminated a quarter of the field, would have left the remnants so close together? Next week we head to Naginii, the last grand prix before the midseason break, but until then, we look at the constructors and drivers standings. Of the four different winning drivers this season, only one has managed to score more than the allotted thirty. Brother Ulrik scrapes into first place by the half point gained today. Behind him are Arch Rival, Nordla Anasad and Bolock in equal second and James Pimpanzee in fifth on twenty-seven. In the constructors standings, Tastee Badger Treets Racing has maintained their lead from last week on fifty-three points but the Burtech Racing Team has managed to close the gap somewhat, on 46.5 with Midnight Shadow in third on forty-two points. The championships are still wide open and anyone has a chance at taking them. Tune in next week to Veelastone, Naginii to see if its your team.