Teacher Arrested..

At New York's Kennedy Airport today, an individual, later discovered to be a public school teacher, was arrested trying to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a set square, a slide rule, and a calculator. At a morning press conference, Attorney General John Ashcroft said he believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-Gebra movement. He is being charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of Math Instruction. "Al-Gebra is a fearsome cult," Ashcroft said. "They desire average solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in a search of absolute value. They use secret code names like 'x' and 'y' and refer to themselves as 'unknowns', but we have determined they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country. As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, 'There are 3 sides to every triangle'." When asked to comment on the arrest, President Bush said, "If God had wanted us to have better weapons of Math Instruction, He would have given us more fingers and toes."

1. Two vultures board an airplane, each carrying two dead raccoons.  The
 stewardess looks at them and says: "I'm sorry, gentlemen, only one carrion
 allowed per passenger."



 2. Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina.  One went to Hollywood and
 became a famous actor.  The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and
 never amounted to much.  The second one, naturally, became known as the
 lesser of two weevils.



 3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit a fire in
 the craft, it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and
 heat it, too.



 4. A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West.  He slides up to
 the bar and announces: "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."



 5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during the root
 canal?  He wanted to transcend dental medication.



 6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in
 the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories.  After about an
 hour, the manager came out of his office and asked them to disperse.  "But
 why?" they asked, as they moved off.  "Because," he said, "I can't stand chess
 nuts boasting in an open foyer."



 7. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption.  One of them goes to a
 family in Egypt and is named Ahmal.  The other goes to a family in Spain;
 they name him Juan.  Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his
 birth mother.  Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she
 wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal.  Her husband responds, They're
 twins!  If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal.


 8. These friars were behind in their belfry payments, so they opened up a
 small florist shop to raise funds.  Since everyone liked to buy flowers from
 the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was
 unfair.  He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not.  He
 went back and begged the friars to close.  They ignored him.  So, the
rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to
 persuade them to close.  Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store,
 saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop.  Terrified, they did so,
 thereby proving that Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars.



 9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which
 produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet.  He also ate very
 little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from
 bad breath.  This made him what? (Oh, man...)

 ------->>>>     A super callused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.



10. And finally, there was the person who sent ten different puns to
friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them
laugh.
Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.