| TO WOMEN EVERYWHERE FROM A MAN WHO'S HAD ENOUGH: > > Learn to work the toilet seat. If it's up, put it down. We need it > up, you need it down. You don't hear us bitching about you leaving > it down. > > ALL men see in only 16 colors. Peach is a fruit, not a color. > > If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us > to act like soap opera guys. > > If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We refuse to > answer. > > Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than > short hair. One of the big reason guys fear getting > married is that married women always cut their hair, > and by then you're stuck with her. > > Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are > not quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet again. > > If you ask a question you don't want an answer > to, expect an answer you don't want to hear. > > Sometimes, we're not thinking about you. Live with it. > > Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless > you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, > the shotgun formation, or monster trucks. > > Sunday = Sports. It's like the full moon or > the changing of the tides. Let it be. > > Shopping is not a sport, and no, we're never > going to think of it that way. > > When we have to go somewhere, absolutely > anything you wear is fine. Really. You have enough clothes. > You have too many shoes. > > Crying is blackmail. > > Ask for what you want. Let's be clear on this > one: Subtle hints don't work. Strong hints don't work. > Really obvious hints don't work. Just say it! > > No, we don't know what day it is. We never > will. Mark anniversaries on the calendar. > > Peeing standing up is more difficult. We're > bound to miss sometimes. > > Most guys own three pairs of shoes. What makes > you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, > out of thirty, would look good with your dress? > > Yes, and No are perfectly acceptable answers > to almost every question. > > Come to us with a problem only if you want > help solving it. That's what we do. > > Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for. A headache that > lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor. > > Foreign films are best left to foreigners. (Unless it's Bruce Lee or > some war flick where it doesn't really matter > what the #### they're saying anyway.) > > Check your oil. > > It is neither in your best interest nor ours to take the quiz > together. No, it doesn't matter which quiz. > > Anything we said 6 months or 6 years ago is > inadmissible in an argument. > > All comments become null and void after 7 days. > > If something we said could be interpreted two > ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, > we meant the other one. > > Let us ogle. We're going to look anyway; it's genetic. > > You can either tell us to do something OR tell > us how to do something, but not both. > > Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during > commercials. > > If it itches, it will be scratched. > > BEER is as exciting for us as handbags are for you. > > If we ask what's wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like > nothing's wrong. We know you're lying, but it's just not > worth the hassle. > > Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch > tonight, but did you know we really don't mind that, it's like camping! > > |
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