| Sorry, small text needed |
| FOR MEN TIRED OF RECEIVING MALE BASHING JOKES > > > > > > How many men does it take to open a beer? > > > None. It should be opened by the time she brings it. > > > > > > Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman? > > > Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably > > never be able to support you. > > > > > > Why do women have smaller feet than men? > > > It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to stand > > closer > > to the kitchen sink. > > > > > > How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart? > > > When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me." > > > > > > How do you fix a woman's watch? > > > You don't. There is a clock on the oven. > > > > > > If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at > > the > > front door, whom do you let in first? > > > The dog of course. He'll shut up once you let him in. > > > > > > What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig? > > > A woman who won't do what she's told. > > > > > > I married "Miss Right". > > > I just didn't know her first name was "Always". > > > > > > I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months: > > > She gets upset if I try to interrupt her. > > > > > > What do you call a woman who has lost 95% of her intelligence? > > > Divorced. > > > > > > Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive > > by > > 90%. > > > It is called Wedding Cake. > > > > > > Marriage is a 3-ring circus: > > > Engagement Ring, Wedding Ring, Suffering. > > > > > > Our last fight was my fault: > > > My wife asked me "What's on the TV?" I said, "Dust!" > > > > > > In the beginning, God created the earth and rested. Then God created > > Man > > and rested. > > > Then God created Woman. Since then, neither God nor Man has rested. > > > > > > Why do men die before their wives? > > > They want to. > > > > > > A beggar walked up to a well-dressed woman shopping on Rodeo Drive > > > and said, "I haven't eaten anything in four days." > > > She looked at him and said, "God, I wish I had your willpower." > > > > > > Young Son: "Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a > > man > > doesn't know his wife until he marries her?" Dad: "That happens in every > > > > country, son." > > > > > > A man inserted an advertisement in the classified: "Wife Wanted." > > > The next day he received a hundred letters that all said the same > > thing: > > "You can have mine." > > > > > > The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget > > it > > once. > > > > > > Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street > > with > > a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are beautiful. > > > > > > Why do married men gain weight while bachelors don't? > > > Bachelors go to the refrigerator, see nothing they want, then go to > > bed. > > > Married guys go to the bed, see nothing they want, then go to the > > refrigerator. |