I have been around evil for the past six years of my life. Thanks to Buffy Summers, I was introduced to the fun and exciting world of vampires, Hellmouths, demons, masters, curses, witches, gypsies, and all I dealt with at Sunnydale High. Then, after High School, I got the hell out of dodge, and came to LA. The City of Angels...no evil here, right? I figured the only evil here was the gangs and the traffic, and that was all fine by me. Then there was Angel. And with him I got to see more demons, more vampires, more curses, plus visions, headaches, and so on. So, you could say I learned a lot about evil and the supernatural, and that I accepted that there were other beings out there, that even the things that go bump in the night are afraid of.

But I will never be able to accept the evil of humans.

Wesley is lying in a hospital bed, barely living because a human girl slit his throat and stole Connor. For Holtz, yet another human gone evil. Angel is locking himself in his room because of what a human has done. This is killing me.

When Angel was evil, we all hated it because we knew he could be almost human. It was hard to see someone you knew as a normal (ish) guy going serial-killer on you and your friends. But he was a demon, and we knew that.

When Oz would go wolf on the full moon, everyone got a little nervous and scared. But he was part-wolf, and it was OK. We could deal.

All the other nasties like the Master, the Mayor, Spike and Drusilla, and everything else that came out of the Hellmouth, they were all demons. They were usually soulless and lacked human emotions like remorse.

But it's villains like Holtz, Justine, the lawyers at Wolfram and Hart...and Faith, now that I think about it, those are the ones I'm really afraid of. Because they have souls. Sure, some of them have some serious issues, but my God. It's so much to swallow when I think "A human being, with a soul, did this to Wesley." Because I am so used to "OK, let's just kick the demon's ass and we're goo to go." But we can't just kill a human and be on with it. It just doesn't work that way, and I know Angel would never go through with it. I guess this has taught me that humanity, or a soul just don't mean anything anymore.

I hate this.

I have been banging on Angel's door for days, begging him to let me in. Fred and Gunn just shake their heads. They've tried already. And Lorne says the aura around that room is so dark and angry, it probably wouldn't be a good idea for me to go in. But Dammit, I am Cordelia Chase. I'm not afraid of ANGEL. He's just going to have to pick up the pieces with the rest of us, instead of hiding like a child...

Because I need him to come out and help *me* pick up the peices. I don't think I can do it without him. I know for a *fact* he can't deal with this alone. So I've admitted that I need him. Now it's HIS turn...

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