- to do what their friends are doing
- to fit in
- to escape emotional pain in their lives
- to ease boredom
- for fun
- because they are curious
- to take risk
Many teenagerers yearn for a sense of adventure and, for them, using illict drugs such as marijuane provides that prospect in an indirect way.
The conversation you should make with your children are as follows:
- Understand your child's learnings, and tailor the discussion to suit his personality:
For instance, if your son tends to be a risk-taker, talk with him about getting involved in activities that challenge him physically or mentally or help him find positive activities that excite him in other ways.
Just lecturing him about the dangers of drug use while not respecting his need for adventure may not make the right impression. Similarly, efforts to transform him into a placid young man/woman will be counterproductive. Help him/her identify role models such as entrepreneurs and athletes that have successfully incorporated risk-taking into their lived. Do not discourage his daring. Rather, play to that strength.
- Choose the right time, place and tone:
When talking with your child about a subject as touchy as drug use, avoid what researchers call a "harsh start up". This is a conversation that begins with critical, accusatory or mocking verbal jabs. Conversations that start this way often lead to defensiveness and end in failure and hard feelings. Instead, choose a time when you are both calm - perhaps when taking a walk, driving to practice, eating a snack or just watching TV. In addition, using a softer tone will dramatically increase the changes that your conversation will have a positive outcome. The teenage years are a time when many boys and girls becomne more aware of their bodies and athletic performance. It is important to maintain a good relationship with teachers and coaches and educate yourself with the facts about various drugs, including performance enhancing drugs such as steroids.
- Open the door for a range of emotions:
Reassure your child to feel free to express a variety of emotions without fear of criticism or ridicule and then help him manage his emotions. Since many young men and women are prone to emotional overload, you can coach your child to use calming techniques by modelling them when your own emotions are hight. Teach him or her how to use breathing exercised, positive self talk or distraction to help calm himself. Allow for self imposed time outs when your child is angry or remove yourself from the situation if necessary because it is impossible to carry on a reasonable dialogue when tensions are high. Do not push for a closure until both of you are able to communicate productively.
- Guide him as he asserts with masculinity:
Help your child build a personal power and sense of purpose. Encourage conversations that reflect his natural yearning for exploration and purpose and avoid imposing fear based responses no matter how anxious you feel. Talk with him about his role models and respect his desire to emulate them in reality and fantasy.
- Be friends with your child's friends:
According to research parents play an important role in a childs social life. Invite your son or daughters friends for dinner, lunch or even take them out to a movie. This will allow you to observe his friends and see any suspicious behavior. Sometimes children listen to their friends more than they listen to their parents. So if you gain your son or daughters friends good will you can have open doors to explore your childs social life.
- If your child does not want to listen to you, get someone who he would listen to, to speak with him/her:
Sometimes children view their parents as old minded and perhaps un educated people. They may not even have respect for the parents. So no matter how much you try to speak with your children they may not want to listen. So you can have someone trust worthy to speak with your child about the dangers of drugs in an indirect way. This may be someone like your childs bestfriend, uncle, teacher etc.