A Butterfly
Unknown
A butterfly lights beside us like a sunbeam. And for a brief moment its glory and beauty belong to our world But then it files on again, and though we wish it could have stayed, we feel lucky to have seen it

Georgia was born on Thursday, June 15.2000 she was my fourth child, I knew that morning when I got up that she would be born that day, I wasn't really in labor but I just knew, I never had that with any of my other babies, she was 5 days overdue I went to my regular Doctor's appointment and my water level was very low (3.2) and the Doctor said this baby has got to come out today so before they sent me over to be induced they checked to see if the baby had enfaced and the nurse said to me you better get to the hospital you are 8 cm dialated,They were amazed myself included that I was that far in labor with no pain. they called to the hospital to get ready for me but I wasn't ready to go yet I had to tell your Aunt Robin it was time, I called her and she and Mom said they would be right there, I waited for them at the college where my Aunt Mary and my Cousin Molly and their children Missy and Dustin were, After waiting for an hour (it was storming so bad I was soaked to the bone I keep going in and calling to make sure Robin was coming) they told me I had better get to the hospital before you was born in the car. I went to the hospital and Aunt Robin and Gram were there looking for us. They got us to a room and checked me I was 9-10cm dilated and you had a bowel movement so you had to have your own Doctor there just in case ... they broke my water because my contractions wasn't strong enough to get you born. After they broke my water and gave me stuff to induced you. You was born an hour later at 8:50 pm..Your Doctor had to suction out your lungs because you had a bowel movement and we didn't hear you cry for what seemed like minutes. I looked over and saw your little hand and said my God she is small and at that time you cried and the doctor said don't worry darling they wont throw you back, I will never forget that day as long as I live. Georgia, I love you, and miss you so much. I don't know where to start, how do I get theses feelings on paper and have others understand what I am feeling? My world has been ripped away from me, nothing is as it should be, my sweet Georgia is gone, why didn't God take me, too? Does he know how much I miss you? How much I want to hold you? I hold your blankets and your teddy bear, but its not you. I smell your coat to smell your sweet baby smell, I can't wash your dirty clothes, I can't put away your stuff, to do so I would have to admit you'll never be back and that is to hard for me. I went to work today, January 22, 2001, when I left, you were asleep. I got home at 1:30 p. m and you were still in your diaper, you had cracker crumbs on your face, I asked Bert what time you all got up, he said it was, ten or ten thirty, I asked why you weren't dressed yet, and he said you two weren't going anywhere, so why get dressed? I picked you up out of your blue car thing, and sat and held you on the couch where we played and snuggled, then I gave you a bath in the sink, I dressed you in your pink tweety jump suit. Bert held you while I got ready for Taylor and I to go up and take a shower, you went to sleep and Bert laid you down to sleep in the bed, and he and Taylor went upstairs to bed, so I took my shower alone, after my shower I came downstairs and got dressed, had some coffee and started calling around trying to get a pool for your sisters birthday, the next day, and after calling all around I found there was no pool I could rent for that day, but the pool in Philly was open on Thursday for family swim, so I decided we would all go there, I had more coffee and you woke up, I woke up Bert and Taylor, I warmed up some bean soup that Bert had made, I put you in your car seat to eat a jar of baby food, you ate a couple of spoonfuls, then you started to spit them out on me when you saw me eating something else, so Bert tried to feed you and you spit it out at him, too, so he gave you a bottle, we had to go to Philly, so we all got ready to go. We stopped at Poppa�s to see if they needed anything and they said they were going to Lowville, so we had to hurry back. I'm the only one who went into the store. You, Bert and Taylor stayed in the car and stopped up to Poppa�s and got Sierra and he said he would bring Jordan down when he left. At home Bert tried to give you a bottle, and you threw it way in the back seat and Bert said you were going be a ballplayer because you have a good throwing arm. Bert took you and your car seat in and took you out and played with you. Poppa brought Jordan down, Ronnie came. Bert put you in your blue car thing to play, which you wanted no part of, so I took you out and played with you, changed your diaper and held you until your sisters and brother were hungry and I had to feed them, I put you back in your blue car thing and told Jordan to play with you, which you guys did for awhile, then you were done playing, Jordan kept yelling because you would throw all your toys off then cry, I told him it was your way of telling him you were done playing and I gave you a bottle and laid you in the chair, where you fell asleep and were asleep until 11:00 when I woke you up to play with me, you Taylor and Bert played peek-a -boo with Bert's hat you laughed, you smiled, you were a happy, every thing was right in my world. You were tired after about 30-45 min. of playing, so I gave you a bottle and you fell asleep in my arms. I laid you in your chair while I ate peanut butter cookies and then I made your bottles and got out all of out clothes for the next day. Bert carried you upstairs and handed you to me to lay you down to sleep, he commented on how heavy you were getting and I said you were getting so long and in five months we would be having your first birthday. I watched some, then you cried a little, I gave you your bottle, you drank half and went to sleep. I put your bottle between our pillows and watched some more, too. Then I settled in and gave you a kiss goodnight and held your hand while I slept. Bert came up to bed around 3:00 am, he checked on you and you were drinking bottle, you must have found it because I didn't give it to you, he went to bed, and you were still drinking your bottle. Georgia, what happened between then and morning? Where did my sweet baby girl go? How dare SIDS steal my baby? It took you without warning, I had no chance to fight for your life! I slept, while you left my world, why didn't God take me with you? Why didn't I know when you left me? Oh, baby girl, I love you. I will never be able to hold you again, my arms ache to hold you, my world will never be the same. When I take your sisters and brother places, I'm sad because you are not there, too. I will never be able to have your first birthday. I will never be able to see your first step, or your smile or your blue eyes again. My life will never be the same, you took a big part of it with you. I should be able to hold your babies in my arms and rock and love them just like I've done with you. Tomorrow will be three weeks since you left me, there hasn't been a day that I haven't cried, ached to hold you, I asked God to bring you back to me, to make that morning go away so I could still have you here. I know it isn't possible, but it still something I want. You were only here for 7 months, 1 week, 1 day, but you'll be in our hearts forever. I know you went without pain, you looked like you were just asleep, if I could only of got those baby blue eyes to open, every thing would have been alright. All that your sister, Sierra, remembers is mommy screaming, wake up Georgia, please wake up Georgia. Bert says he will never forget my screams that morning, and I will never forget finding and realizing you were gone. I gave you a kiss just like I did every morning and with that kiss I knew something was wrong you didn't move so I tried waking you up by calling your name and you still didn't wake up, so I grabbed you up in my arms and started to scream, my baby is dead someone help me. Bert came in, I gave you to him and I ran downstairs and called 911, I ran back upstairs and took you from Bert, he was rocking you and crying, on our bed. I ran downstairs and put you on the table and started CPR, I tried to breathe life into you sweet baby, when Dick and Kelly, Antwerp ambulance crew got here, Dick took over CPR, he was doing it until pastor Paul, also part of the crew, got here in the ambulance and took you away I was outside asking, what about me? Dick told me to go and get dressed and he would call my family for me. He tried to get mom and dad on the phone but couldn't reach them. I told him to get Aunt Robin, I called Uncle Ray and Clara, Aunt Robin came over, Dick had went to get grandpa and grandma, when they got here I asked dad to make you alright. I told him I didn't want to live if you didn't. Aunt Robin drove me and Bert to the hospital, I cried and begged God all the way there to make everything alright, Robin said you had got oxygen in Philly and that gave us all hope. When we got to the hospital, I found pastor Paul first and he told me you didn't make it, that you had left sometime in the night. I screamed, "oh no my God, no," and he held me while I cried. A lady took me away to a a private room, I told her I just want my baby, she took me to where you were, there was my sweet baby all alone, that is when it hit me that you wouldn't be coming home. I sat and rocked you for our last time, they brought Bert, Aunt Robin to us. Grandpa and Grandma, Jordan also came. So did Ray and Clara. I could of stayed there and held you forever, if they would have let me. I don't know how to live life without you, it doesn't seem any easier, I miss you so much everyday, my life has forever been changed. there will always be missing grandchildren I will never hold, I know I will hold you when I get to Heaven, you have given us a few signs that you are all right, the plant that grew flowers two days after you left, the negatives you helped us find to make more pictures of you, and after a very hard night for me, the cooing of your sister's turtle doves when there was no one around them, the are birds of peace, you may be at peace but I'm still not, I may never be. There are no pain in this world like the pain of losing a child, there is no way to express all that I have to deal with from not wanting to live anymore to making sure Georgia Ann is never forgotten. I have yet to go though her spring burial, I don't even know in what state of mind I will be in from one day to the next today you would have been 9 months old and it hurts so much you would be crawling this month finally able to get the other kids. Georgia I love you and Miss you very much, I would do anything to have you in my arms again. Your spring burial was May 2.2001 it was the day before Gram's birthday and it was very hard but now I have a place to go to see you instead of driving all night not know where to go to talk to you, Your monument was picked out by Mommy, Aunt Robin, and Uncle Robert we hope you like it. It was brought there on May 25 the day before Aunt Robins birthday. Your 1st Birthday is fast approaching I'm going to get a teddy bear in a balloon and send it to heaven for you and we are going to send you messages on other balloons I hope you like the teddy bear, baby girl I want you to know how we all miss you so much and this will be such a hard day for us please let us know in some special way that you are with us. I need it baby girl to go on fighting this misery and pain every day , "Take care I'll get there My Sweet Georgia Peach"

"Memories"