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| My List of Offenses |
| I am very offended by the following things: |
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| Redheads |
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| Spanish Cartoons |
| Guys with girl's names (ex.: A boy named Ashley) |
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| Janitors |
| Tums |
| Alka-seltzers |
| Nuns |
| People with the name Beth or have the word Beth somewhere in their name (Bethany, Elizabeth, etc.) |
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| Flavored Toothpaste |
| Toilets that flush counter-clockwise |
| Soy products |
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| Banana's in pajamas |
| The purple teletubby |
| Furbies |
| Grumpy from the 7 dwarfs |
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| 'Carneys' (carnival workers) |
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| Call Lights |
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| Hairless Cats |
| ANY colored snow |
| Port-a-potties |
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| Flavored make-up |
| Chapstick |
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| Elizabeth Taylor perfume |
| Black and white movies |
| Winnie the 'pooh' |
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| Disney |
| Rednecks |
| Is it just me, or are all redheads stuck up snobs? Either that or they are so rude that you just wanna pull out their hair by their black roots and-*clears throat* Excuse me. |
| Ok, it's not just because I can't read Spanish. I had my friend who actually can understand it read it to me and I STILL didn't find it funny. Spanish cartoons are disgraces to the cartoon world. |
| What kind of sick freak would do this to a child? I used to know a guy named Ashley that was so tormented that he had to use his middle name. With girls it's kinda cute, but guys is a no no! |
| Alright, I pity these poor people. Just because they have the worst job in the world doesn't make them less of a person, I just can't understand how they could stand a job like this. Remember that kid that spewed in 3rd grade all over their desk? Guess who had to clean it up? Not the teacher or the kid! THE JANITOR! Poor guy... |
| These things do NOT cure anything! They not only cause hiccups, but they don't work at all! |
| Ok, just like Tums, they don't cure anything, but these don't cause hiccups-they just taste nasty! I pity the poor person that has to actually swallow this crap! |
| Ok, I'm not really offended by them, they just crack me up. I take it ya'll have seen the Sister Act movies? haha...they're just too funny (not in a rude way of course). |
| Alright well all of you who know me really well know that everytime I like a guy he just happens to either have an ex or a current g/f (or a future) named Beth (or a girl with the word Beth somewhere in their name). It's terrible I tell ya. What is so great about that name?! |
| What is the point in making toothpaste flavored? It doesn't make your breath smell like it and as far as I know you're not supposed to eat the stuff. |
| Enough said. |
| Just because I know that Dave Melgren has some weird kind of fetish for them-I hate them now. :) |
| What kind of sick freak would spend their time dressing up banana's? Let alone in pajamas! Dude! I just rhymed! I wish I could do that all the time...WoW! I'm a poet and I didn't even know it! *clears throat* My point is that I can't even think of this short-lived children series withought my mind traveling back to that scene from 'Never Been Kissed' when they use banana's for something else... I think I've made my point clear now. |
| Ok, I have a two year old niece, so I've been forced to watch this made-for-children-series MANY times. And what I've learned is that Lah-Lah (the yellow one) and Dipsy (the green one) are married and the product of their love affair is Po (the little red one). If you look closely, Dipsy is actually bi-racial (I have absolutely nothing against that, I just thought I'd point out that they are at least trying to get races mixed in this to get a point across to children that racisim is not ok). But Tinky Winky (the purple teletubby) is in fact gay, and that is so not cool. It is giving children the idea that it is ok to be gay. Now I don't hate gay people or make fun of them, I just don't want my children to think that God doesn't care what sex they have affairs with. Did I mention that ALL of the teletubby toys cussed me out one time at the mall? It's like they each have their own little special cuss word... |
| Yes, I admit, I was once part of the craze too, but they are so dang annoying that I actually threw one against the wall when it kept talking and I wanted to sleep. Stupid thing! But, I wouldn't mind having Gizmo from the Gremlins, which is what Furbies were in fact modeled after and the people who processed them were sued for. Gizmo is SOOOO much cuter than those talkative things, and his voice is SO cute! I would never throw my lil Gizmo against a wall... |
| Ok, is it just me, or was everyone else scared to death of Grumpy? Even when they sang the "Hi-ho" song, he was frowning. What a sleep-deprived cranky grump! Someone obviously didn't have their cereal that morning. |
| I rest my case. |
| Something you would only get if you were with me in 4th block 4th quarter Tech Ed with Mr. Strauth. |
| Alright, how can you even stand to look at these things? They look like they threw up and turned inside out! I have four words for these things: "Grody to the max!" |
| If I actually have to explain this one, ya'll need help. |
| Ok, for starters, these things literally smell like crap! NO ONE cleans these things! And I swear, they never refill the toilet paper rolls. I have solemnly sweared to never use one of these things ever again in my life. |
| What's the point in making make-up flavored? It just makes you want to eat it! It belongs on you, not inside of you! |
| Chapstick is such a lie. It's supposed to prevent your lips from chapping, but it in fact makes your lips chap when you put it on! It makes them all flaky and it's just plain nasty! Lip gloss works much better. |
| A joke you would only get if you were in drama with me last year in the play "The Fashion Bar" as a reader. |
| No comment. |
| What kinda name is 'Winnie the pooh'?!?! And what kind of a bear is a pooh? |
| Do ya'll remember the good ol days when it was actually worth it to get up in the morning and watch Saturday morning cartoons on Disney? And when it was commercial free? When they didn't play anything that was rated PG-13 or over? What happened to you, Disney? You used to be so cool. For shame... |
| I admit it, all of my mom's side (excluding the normal people i.e.: Me and my grandpa Shultz) are rednecks (we're from Arkansas). If you talk to me, you'll notice that I say ya'll a lot...that's what I get for going on too many vacations there. Well, to be honest, they scare me :) |
| This is meant for entertainment purposes only. I have nary a prejudice bone in my body. This is just a bunch of jokes my friends and I came up with during lunch last year. |
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