There is an avalanche that can happen after too many seasons
of too much snow
and the chill piles higher
and sets in deep
sinking its roots
deep down through layers of soil
that need the sun
and then something happens...
some slight, indiscernable noise
that you didn't think would shake a bluejay
off its branch
but suddenly it seems
that the whole mountain is coming down on you
and you look up
startled
but then you knew
somewhere deep inside
that, with this much snow and cold and chill
inevitably
it would happen.
Didn't you?
s.m.chisam
started 1/6/97 revised summer 1999
I wish you were dead
she said
and I was
my heart stopped its beating
my mind encased
in a black void
with no flicker of light
on the other side
Are You sure You mean that?
I said
and she lashed out yes
and the words
screamed in rage
again
and again
are slowly
granting
her wish.
8/12/99 smc
stone mason, stone mason
think you
that you know this craft?
You place the cold rugged stones so cleverly
one atop another
stack them edge to edge so finely
no air will ever get through
this wall you are building
but what are you walling in?
and what are you walling out?
Ah, stone mason
you have walled up
the heart
of one who loves you
and that heart slowly dies
as you stand
defiantly,
the trowel of your rage
hanging by your side
dripping
with cement
and my soul's blood.
smc
From the depths of her pain
she lashes out
with the razor's edge
of indifference
with the sword
of hate
and hurt
the wounds she cuts
have ragged
edges
Nov 15 98 s.m.chisam
I stand on the shore
In the raging roar
Of wind and waves
As the storm assaults the earth
All around me.
A blasting symphony
Of thoughts and feelings
Courses through me.
Why ?
Why now?
My soul rages
But to no avail.
Flashes of lightning
illuminating nothing
Attempt to break though
The ebony armada,
Leaving a searing imprint
On the darkness
At the center
Of the storm.
I stand there
For hours
until the turbulence subsides,
And the temperate soft rains
caress the earth.
s.m.chisam
cold, my heart not beating at all,
frozen for an eternity by the
chill thrust
of the dagger
of your unbridled hate.
Now I hold this note from you with trembling hands
tears streaming down my face,
wondering if your words are true,
wondering if I can trust your love
when you break my heart
time and time again.
Sometimes it is so hard
to find enough pieces to glue it
all back together again.
My heart and mind are weary
from crying over you and the things you do
that I know will hurt you,
too,
in the end.
8/99 smc
The mallards fly south
over the lake
aligning themselves
so that each is borne along
with the least effort
for the long flight
to a warmer,
brighter
place
standing along the lake shore
in the stillness of the morning
I look upwards,
and wish...
and then I shiver
in the chill dawn
as they pass
into the light.
11/16/98 s.m.chisam
Flyer
Sitting before the computer monitor
Cutting and pasting
my own daughter's face
onto a missing persons flyer
is probably one of the most
heart-wrenching things
I have ever done
But it's easier than
having to identify her
body
should the worst
happen.
11/11/98 s.m.chisam
The black hole is...
someplace I don't wish
to go
yet it pulls me
drags me
unscreaming
but raging
so scared
that my universe
is imploding
so terrified
that my world
is disintegrating
into fragments
so small
they will
never be
found.
5/98 s.m.chisam
_____Searching
waiting____
keeping the toughest love____
___and the truest love
ready for the time____
that she is no longer____
__hiding
__lying
__rejecting
__true help__
_____then,
________tough love
_____then touch love
_____then healing
__can begin.
smc 8/26/99
A face of stone a heart of stone
she tried to have she tried to show
and when they dared to question her
she lied
A face of stone a heart of stone
she tried to have she tried to show
after she ran away from the Rules
and false friends helped her hide
A face of stone a heart of stone
she tried to have she tried to show
as once again in handcuffs she
was tried
A face of stone a heart of stone
she tried to have she tried to show
so none would know
the fragile ego
the vulnerable self
inside
But when her actions
impulsive actions
caught up with her...
A face of stone
a heart of stone
she tried to have
she tried to show
but then.......
...............
...........
..
she cried.
9/27/99 s.m.chisam