Back to a normal balance again. Finally, after all the hecticness of the last few weeks, everything has fallen into place all at once. My work schedule has been insane. I was trying to desperately plan on taking a vacation (just a few days) but that fell through three weekends in a row. I couldn't even take off to go to NY last week. I finally caught up and even had time to set up a bunch of stuff, like my stereo systems, pool table, and some other stuff. I will actually have time now to write, play my guitars, start laying down some tracks of things that I've written and almost forgotten, play more pool, start back on my summer's work out regime, and start exploring the possibilities of my dreams. I think that I'm going to use this rediscovered self-inspiration to persue some of this delights that I've denied myself for so long. I've felt frozen for too long now. It's time to live, love, dream, and fly....
6/20/03
It's nice to have time again. It's been quite a while since I've gone out several nights of the week. Wed night was really challenging. I was expecting to play Lu, but his team had another player show up so he was able to avoid playing me yet again. Next time..... But I had to play against Rob, who was on fire that night. He was tough to beat. We started to get into a lot of "chess" on the table. It got kinda nasty, but I beat him. So our team is tied for 1st place for the 3rd week in a row. (It's a points race) Next week will break that tie. Too bad I'll probably miss it. I'm definitely going to check out the Wed night show at Jaxx. That should be really good!
On a different note... I'm really amazed at myself sometimes. I'm funny. There were several people that I saw last night, that I hadn't seen in while. I found myself caught up in conversation. I was delighted and found out many things. It's been so long, but I quickly reminded myself of my own....
(too many thoughts at once) I saw her last night and suddenly found myself reactualizing her beauty. I usually find unusual things attractive about people. But I have this image of a goddess in my mind that fascinates me. I remember just how she looked in that white ball gown. Anyways, in my light-headed state, I run up to say hi, with little tact. I was much like the Newfie running up to the kitty with anxious intruigue, looking for affection. And of course, the reaction was much like expected. ...big dog intimidates the kitty... I wonder sometimes why "dog people" and "cat people" interact similarly to how dogs and cats might. I wonder if she is a cat person... So many questions... And I keep forgetting to ask about the Skittles... <laughing at myself>
I need to decompress.... It's Friday!!! I just decided "FUCK IT!" I'm packing a bag and spending the weekend right... at the beach.... I'm outta here!
<poof>
6/25/03
Finally recovered from the weekend and Monday night. It was a blast though. The beach was peaceful at 4 am, after all the frat kids were gone. And I had that song stuck in my head... Anyways, regrouping and catching up with old friends was nice. I've always appreciated their intelligent opinions and insight. It was quite refreshing. It'll should be fun to see the show tonight at Jaxx. But for now, I have 6 clients to meet...
(pushing the envelope...)
6/27/03
It is so nice to have it all fall together. I even figured out my costume for the Masquerade Ball. It's what I should've done that one summer... Tomorrow should be fun at Freak Day too! And I don't have to drive! That's unusual...
6/30/03
The lack of intellectual stimulation while I work drives my imagination hard on some days. Although I was framing a logistic nightmare, I found my mind wandering elsewhere..... But that's entirely too long of a thought for me to type out right now.
7/7/03
Finally made it through last week! Going out every night and working out in the heat and sun every day started to take its toll. From Tuesday's poker night, then Wed's Pool League (our team won all 5 matches and decisively took 1st place), then Thur's show at Nation to see Mindless Faith, Friday's fireworks from the rooftop view downtown, and then Sat's camping on the Shannondoah, and Sun's tubing excursion through the rapids and then my accidental off-roading trip, I ought to be tired. But instead, I found so much of myself this weekend. It's encouraged and rejuvinated me. Now I have come to know a few more things that I thought I had learned. And even corrected a couple of things (especially the hypocracy that I learned). Love is priceless, but it's free. And I used to think that I'd do anything for it, so I did. Now I know why that cannot be, at least not for me. It can sometimes just cost too much. I will not compromise my major morals. Not even for love. But I would recommend it to anyone who would find it priceless. I suppose that means I don't... And here I thought that there would be nothing more worthwhile to experience in this lifetime. Here's where I found my hypocracy. I guess I believed it because I wanted it to be true. But the whole "It's as real as you want it to be" theory doesn't seem to work for me very often anymore. This crushes so many of the fantasies I had. The foundation is weakened and the building starts to tilt. There I was living off of love for life, when really I was starving to death...
Music: (Fiona Apple) Paper Bag