From the moment I walked out of the airport, the soft, clean air whisked me senses away to a place that never existed for me. There is something that is just so enchanting about this place. People here are so self-discovered. The burgeoning atmosphere here just makes people flourish. I've seen it in all of my friends and family here. Mo is just so delighted to be in this almost perfect weather. Not to mention that the beauty of Stanford is something akin to a wealthy billionaire's estate. I can see why she loves the school so much. Mel is just radiant with the anxious discovery of life. From the landscapes and parks to the architecture and attitudes, how could you not be? When you are surrounded by and openly accepting society that thrives on thinking "outside of the box" and everyone and everything inspires you in some way, giving in to yourself and blossoming seems so natural. Deb and Skye haven't seemed happier anywhere else. This city just nourishes people. I'm so torn and drawn to this place for almost every reason. Hypnotized and mesmerized by how beautiful we are, I follow my spirit's direction. And I can't help but wonder where this journey will lead me.
"I found paradise. I'm seeing stars. I can't believe my eyes."
Momentary Mood Music: Paul Oakenfold - Starry-Eyed Surprise
10/8/03
I've only been here 5 days and I'm torn. ...torn to drop it all in 2 years and move out here to start over. This city fits me all too well, so far. I've stepped out of the box and now I don't want to be put back in. This freedom is more than just enchanting. It's the perfect drug...
I have so many pics to upload and show. Hopefully I'll get to that tomorrow or Friday.
I wish you all good fortune.... well, most of you anyways...
10/11/03
Until now I've kept it all in perpective. But I was careless yesterday and it was my own fault....
I said "the words". And so I sealed my own fate. "'Say your right words!', the goblin said." Now, there's only one thing that I haven't seen the prospect of yet, and that's work. I'm soooooooooooooo screwed! This place fits me way to well. And now I've decided to go do something with my hair. I think that was the point were Deb said, "Alex, you've been here way to long. This is no longer a vacation." And she's right... Now it's so much more.
10/12/03
There is soooooooooooo much energy here.... :)
10/14/03
I went for a run on the beach this morning. I can't help myself. I'm loaded with energy.... time to go shopping and maybe change my hair..... then I'm off to Haight Ashbury and the beach, before dinner.
10/19/03
This trip has been so reviving. Fortunately/unfortunately I found more here than I was expecting or really even prepared to handle. It's about time. I've been waiting for something to overwhelm me for so long that I almost forgot what it felt like. Now I remember. Now I can trust in the prospect of finding almost all of the things that I've been looking for in one place. It's kind of funny how I realized some of it. For instance, I went out to a club and ended up getting hit on by this georgous girl Shaleif. It was when she said, "What could you possibly want that isn't right here?" that made me realize just what this city actually held for me. It wasn't what she meant as she sat in my lap, but I was thinking on along a different thought. I could see living here, my line of work is plentiful, I like some of the clubs, there's awesome restaurants and farmer's markets, the beaches and mountains are close by, the cultural diversity is everywhere, I have awesome friends here, the weather is fantastic for my health and mentallity, the landscapes and foliage are beautiful, and I could even see myself falling in love fairly easily in this environment. I actually had one of the most romantic evenings in a long time, while I was here. Driving up the coast from beach to beach, watching the sunset, feeling enveloped as you sink deeper and deeper into the sand with every motion (just like the emotional romanticism of falling in love), being warmed by the fire on a cool windy night. I couldn't admit it at the time to anyone, but that is what does it for me. The moment, the music, singing, the sunset, feeding my senses and emotions, and see me melt. I was so frightened of that for so long. But now, I'm healed, reborn, and fresh. I was so used to suppressing those feelings that I lost sight of romance. Now I'm ready again. Now I crave it. But I'm embarrassed to show it, much like unexpectedly being seen naked. I don't know why I feel like that romanticly, but the embarrassment feeds my shyness, and I'll lose the words, become quiet, nervous, jumpy, on edge... but I'm not afraid anymore. Now I'll just smile from my embarrassment.
:)
Momentary Mood Music: Sarah McLauchlan - Fumbling Towards Ecstasy
:)
(later that night...)
I'm dreading tomorrow night. I can feel it coming. I'm torn. I will feel the pain. My heart will ache as I leave to return home. It's that whole feeling of leaving a loved one.
10/21/03
Just one question:"Do you trip like I do?">>>QR-I AM I
(What an emotional rollercoaster tonight was.....