"I Choose To Live"
Once in a while, I get these visions. There are much like intensely undeniable premonitions. I knew that something very bad was coming. And it was coming for me, or I was coming for it, without influence to change these course of events. I knew it was serious and potentially fatal. I took the time to try to prepare and talk to Brian and Cat a little bit about it. But with things like this, how do you tell someone that you could likely die soon. This was more difficult for me to handle than those around me. I found myself looking at my life and finding that I was happy. I live with virtue, pride, dignity, honor, love, and respect. One of the only things that I could do to influence this event was to be cautious and to make all the changes in my life that I needed to so that I would be at peace with myself and with those around and close to me. And so I did that franticly for that last two months. I've been extenting myself to accommodate those who I love and cherish all the moments in between. This talent to tune into the world around me is as much a blessing as a curse. With my limited inlfuence and understanding, do I have the right to exercise my abilities and play with the world like a god? I don't know the consequences of such actions yet. But when there are things that must be put right, I can't just walk away and abandon the humanity of those around me that nurture my faith. Those are the people I love. And so I defy that notion that there is nothing that can be done. So as my flight from Vegas came in to land in San Francisco with complete loss of the master hydraulic system, all I could do was meditate and draw into that place of complete harmony with the surrounding environment and project it with exhaustingly explosive precision so that the pilots could feed off of the perfect elegance of harmony that would feed and nurture their ablilties as pilots to land safely, without steering or brakes. It was the most gracefull and soft landing that I've ever experienced and as the engines began to roar with the maximum reverse thrust with alternating precision, the pilot was able to keep the plane from swerving off of the runway. It was a relief that we didn't reach the end of the runway before the plane finally came to a halt as all the emergency reponse vehicles, ambulances and firetrucks swarmed our runway and surrounded our plane. Although I was able to get this entire experience on digital video, I don't know that it is something that I care to share openly with others. But now that this moment has passed and I'm still here, there are many things that I want and need to do. I need to complete the recordings about the book that I'm writing:"The Blending of Souls". I also need to tell so many people what I really think and feel. And I need to start putting myself first sometimes and start endulging in life a little bit. There are so many things going on right now that I haven't enjoyed. But now I'm looking at things a bit differently, such as a person's perspective is bound to change with near death experiences. Now I choose to live.
More to come about the Las Vegas National Championship Tournament and how we won to be in the top 10 percent of all of the best teams in the the North American Continent! We placed in the top 65 teams of the 674 top championship amateur teams of all of the US, Canada and its territories! Pics and video will be up from the event when I get a chance to review and edit them.
4/2/06
A New Shadow
Now that time has passed and so many things that I've been dreading have come to pass, there's a certain comfort and anxiety. I have had many wonderful and disasterous experiences. I don't know where to even start with all of it. Maybe that's just beside the point of it all. I should probably be looking forward and concentrating on "how" and "what" rather than "why". Sometimes the answers can be misleading when you are asking the wrong wrong questions.
2/15/07
It's been a long time since I've had the courage to look back upon the video tape that I made of my flight from Las Vegas to San Francisco on August 27th, 2005 (my best friend's bday). But I had to make myself watch it again. I said many things in that few minutes of traumatic tape. And I've had many people want to watch it out of their own irreverent desire to be entertained by my near death experience. I have kept it here on my shelf since I got back. But looking back at everything that I chose to sacrifice in the process is sadenning. I chose to tell one of my best friends about it a few months before it came and he freaked. I understand. But it drove a huge wedge of fear between us and in the process I caused him not just to fear it, but to fear me. I also chose to completely cut contact with Jasmine, someone who I Love but could not drag into the misfortune of an impending event that would cause physical harm and/or death to either or both of us. I never explained it in detail to her or many others out of my fear of being feared, and thus rejected. I'm sorry. I rarely tell people many things of profound importance or influence because of this fairly consistant reaction. In this retracted position, I stand to alienate myself less. But how long can a leopard hide its spots? I am transparent to those I'm "connected" or in "synchronicity" with. This is the case whether I've known them for a long time or not. But I'm through with this cloak. My latest vision quest left me in a different place completely. And now I can finally let go of all of the fear and the disposition that I held for so long. (And yes Nicky, it actually all came to fruition, just not exactly the way I had anticipated. I'll tell you all about it sometime.) I was actually left with gifts from different elements as a kind of "spiritual merit badge" of sorts. It is a real blessing. And all said and done, I'm alive. Although getting hit by a car in December could have crippled or killed me, it looks like I'm going to get off with physical therapy and probably a lifetime of back trouble. I may even have to look for a new career. But I'll take the hand I'm dealt and make some amazing things happen. For the moment, I'm delighted to have embraced and accepted this recently completed journey and the things that have come with it. Also, many wonderful transitions and empowering events have and will be occurring this year. Included among these things is my embracing and letting go of some of my past fears.