SCENE ONE: JORDAN and JONATHAN's HOTEL ROOM
JONATHAN, JORDAN, DONNIE, and DANNY are in a large hotel room. There are two beds, a medium-sized TV, a small refrigerator . . . the works. JONATHAN is resting on one of the beds, his eyes closed. DANNY is seated at the edge of the bed, watching as JORDAN and DONNIE play a video game.
DONNIE: (Expertly hitting buttons on the game controller) Yeah! Eat lead, Jay!
JORDAN: (Frantically jerking his controller around) Aww man! Donnie, yer killin' me!
DONNIE: All right! Hahaha, YES!
DANNY: (Shaking his head, smiling) You're gettin' massacred, Jay.
There is a frantic knocking at the door.
JOE: (Off screen, outside the door, highly agitated) Jon! Jon, open up! Jon!
(Continues to knock until the door is opened.)
JONATHAN'S eyes fly open and he sits bolt upright
JONATHAN: What the - ?
DANNY: (Concerned) Something's up . . .
JONATHAN jumps to his feet and runs to the door, flinging it open. JOE practically falls into the room. He is disheveled, his eyes wide as he stares up at JONATHAN.
JOE: Jonathan . . .
(Seems to suddenly notice the others and clams up)
JONATHAN: What is it? What's wrong?
JORDAN and DONNIE have paused in their game and everyone is staring at JOE.
JOE: I . . . I . . .
JOE gulps and looks back to JON.
JOE: Jonathan . . . I'm . . . I'm pregnant.
JONATHAN blinks. Everyone is silent, stunned. Then JORDAN, DONNIE, and DANNY burst into hysterical laughter. JOE'S apparent fright vanishes and he grins at JONATHAN. JONATHAN slowly comes out of his stupor and rolls his eyes.
JONATHAN: (Sarcastic) Oh no, Joe, you really should have used protection.
JOE snaps back into character.
JOE: (Distraught) I did! I swear!
JORDAN: (Still laughing) Oh man . . . oh my God, Joe . . .
DANNY: (Also still laughing) What the hell was that about?
JOE: (Shrugs) I dunno. I woke up from my nap and I had this idea . . . just seemed like fun. (Grins up at JONATHAN) You shoulda seen yer face, Jon!
JONATHAN: (Getting back onto the bed, lying back down and closing his eyes) Uh-huh. You're a nut, you know that?
JORDAN: How did you do that?
JOE: What?
JORDAN: Say that with a straight face!
JOE: It's easy. (Slips back into character, eyes go wide) Jordan, I'm pregnant!
JORDAN: (Laughter grows) Oh my God . . .!
JOE: You try it.
JORDAN: (Laughing) Joe, I'm -
JOE: No, quit laughing. Straight face.
JORDAN struggles to bring himself under control. Everyone, including JONATHAN, is watching the two of them, though JONATHAN pretends he is not interested. JORDAN manages to stop laughing and looks at JOE, opening his mouth to speak. He collapses into giggles again. JOE shakes his head disapprovingly.
JORDAN: Okay, okay . . .
JORDAN clears his throat, takes deep breaths, looks at JOE in all seriousness. As he speaks, his lips quiver.
JORDAN: Joe, I have to tell you something . . .
A snicker escapes JORDAN and he struggles again.
JORDAN: No, wait . . .
JORDAN again tries to get under control. JOE watches, his face blank.
JORDAN: Okay . . . okay . . . (Steels himself, looks directly into JOE'S eyes) Joe, I'm preg - (He almost makes it but bursts into giggles at the end of the word.) - nant!
JOE: (Shaking his head and turning away) Hopeless.
DONNIE: (Mock-angrily) Yo Jay, I'm pregnant. It's your kid. Gimme money for diapers, gee!
JORDAN bursts into peals of laughter again. DANNY shakes his head as JOE nods his approval.
JOE: D's got it. You're the man, D.
DONNIE: (To JORDAN) I'm lactating, Jay!