my songs...

a frail concept of "love"
[Finished September 25 2003]

a star burns

the story of a nervous past

(ever so tender) guardian behavior

just love

A False Start
[Finished August 12 2003]

life's assault

not a ghost, a memory

hopeful hopeless

those eyes

A Star Burns (for katie <3)
~ for awakened dreams



Every time a star burned out
It happened cause i made a wish
Why is it when i stargaze
The sky seems so starless
Funny how you make me stutter
Everything makes me wonder
How did i... 
...Get this way?

Chorus

My heart yearns
For you touch
My heart is always breaking
It's pain is never ending
When my heart hits the blender
It learns to stay together
And it's always...
...Gonna be this way


The main reason i hate time
Is you and me are not forever
All we need to get thourhg this
Is love to the third power
Too bad there's only one star
I need this one to go far
How do...
...I get away?

Chorus

I miss you all the time
Most of all when i look into
...Your Eyes...
I've been dreaming of you
In my wasted life
First time it's
Gotten me anywhere

Chorus (x2)

It's all because of you
Because of you (x2)
It's all because of you

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A Story of a Nervous Past
~ for awakened dreams



You were my sweet September
You were my Billie Jean
And somehow through the summer
You became my queen
And everyday it seems
Like i'm thanking you for you
The thought of hearts fallen
And the way you confuse
...me...

Chorus

Love me, Hate me
Does not matter
It makes me so nervous
To hear the stories of your past (of the past)
Break me, Fix me
Makes me sadder
(Yes) i'm thankful for us
It's those things i hate
But don't regret


When ever i remember
The way it used to be
I wish it was something different
I loved you, before you loved me
My heart dropped another inch
Our hope takes us further
I'm stuck in the past
Should be looking towards the future
...now...

Chorus

Falling is so graceful
You make me grateful
...for life...
Then it shatters

Chorus (x2)

(Please don't hurt me yet)

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(Ever so Tender)Guardian Behavior
~ for awakened dreams



Every time i hate...
It takes a bit of my life away
One way or another
And that time...
you looked at me with those hating eyes
My tears turned to anger

Pre-Chorus

You get everything you deserved
Alone
And nowhere to turn to

So you see i have...

Chorus

Won in your eyes
But not in your mind
You deny me
And ever being wrong
You say i manipulate the situation
That's just another lie from you
From you with love

Every time i've had...
A passion, you broke my dreams
Ever so tenderly
And that time...
I put you in your place with a letter
You kicked me out of your life despite the love you
...had for me...

Pre-Chorus

Chorus

Those professionals
They told you
You were on the dark side of the moon
But you lived a lie... about me
I'm sorry
The truth is brutal

Cause i...
Chorus (x2)

Kiss hug... from mom

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Just Love
~ for awakened dreams



What we did was not possible
We shared a dream
But then i wake up
To this reality
It took me forever
To wipe these tears away
How can i see you tommorow
When i can't even say
What i need to say

I'm sorry i had to

Chorus

Let you go
Break it off
I had my reasons
I Hate those thoughts
Cause I am weak
Can't handle this
Don't think of me
Just love my love
...for you gurl... 


What we had was a fairytale
All as it seems
I was born to save you
But i could not hear your screams
I start to feel sick
More everyday
Where is that dragon
That i came here to slay
...Oh no im too late...

I don't want to

Chorus

As i wake up
I realize i've hurt you
As i wake up
I realize I still love you
As i... dream
This feeling does not go away

Why do i have to
Chorus

Just love my love... for you gurl
(For you gurl)
Please don't remember
(For you gurl)
I'll love you forever
FOR YOU GURL!

I CAN'T IGNORE IT!
I HAVE TO... 
CHORUS

Please let me go

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-This is all from before August 30 2003
Life’s Assault... a poem
~ for awakened dreams


My life is a wound
Not a thing more
My parents were only
A careless mirror
Never listened twice
They didn't even care
All that was screamed
Was "we were there"
To help you in
Your time of need
Even when all you did
Was decide to hurt me
Though there was a place
I wanted to be
Laying down in the snow
Dieing, Freezing

What a frig'n shame
As I write on this paper
All that my mom believes
Is that I blame her
I admitted to wrongs
To fucking things up
This crazy-ass guilt
Only makes me want to cut
I do not have
A retribution
A way out of this life
Only this emotion
The emotion to hurt
To be a bad guy
To take it up the ass
And be told not to cry

They need no excuse
Only one thing to lose
Why a simple position
That they love to abuse
Abuse is all
That this kid knows
His life for their sins
Is how it goes

Meant to be alone
You may not agree
All those people out there
Cannot let me be
We want to help you
Get you through this hard time
Just there’s a problem
Don’t come here to whine
That’s all that I’ve done
So I’ve been told
Stop living your past
It’s so getting old
Hey you're eighteen
You're an adult
You make me sick
Get the fuck out...

There isn’t an end
To this sad little ballad
Of this one little poor boy
Who couldn’t get it
Just an open end
No lie is too quick
To much for this kid
Don't you get it?

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Not a Ghost, a Memory
~ for awakened dreams



Behind the door
Under the bed
In your closet
Now your dead

He comes to you
Asks for advice
All you do is judge him
And tell him he lies
You have the last word
Always have to be right
Never knew what was at stake
Maybe his life

Chorus

I'm pushed
I'm falling
I'm looking to be saved from this hell
I reached out one last time
You turned away as I fell
I'm hurt
I'm killed
You have to be right to win
To prove you wrong
I committed the worst kind of sin


The water's running
You come to the door
He's close to drowning
Dripping on the floor
The water's discolored
Diffusion sets in
From clear
To red
To black
He's dead

Chorus

Not a ghost
A memory
A frightful guilt trip
All that you see
The silver lining
Of your dead son
Now that he's done it
In your head he has won

Chorus

All you did was hate him
Showed him no love
The thing that haunts you
Is the memory of...

...His tears..
...His sorrows..
...His cry out for help
But why not care then
And only care now?

All you did was hate me
Gave me no love
The thing that haunts you
Is the memory of...

...My tears..
...My sorrows..
...My cry out for help
Why not care then mother
And only care now?

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Hopeful Hopeless
~ for awakened dreams



Single male seeking any girl
Any girl who can see the true him
Single male in this single world
His hopes all seem so so dim
Single shy guy
Doesn't know why
He has to make the first move
Stuck on the concept of fateful love
A single hopeful hopeless fool

Chorus

Take a chance
Take a stance
Do it for you
It is so worth it
You're so hopeful
You single hopeful hopeless fool
You single hopeful hopeless fool

Take stand
Be a man
You're being a tool
You better do it
You're so hopeless
You single hopeful hopeless fool
You single hopeful hopeless fool


Doesn't know how to play the game
If anything the game plays him
The game is unfair not even fun
And never never will he win
Put's on a show
Doesn't even know
It's not who he is that they think is cool
It's his money... and that's about it
A single hopeful hopeless fool

Chorus

Interlude

They decide to give him a chance
Just have to perform a little feat
His crush is present, can't mess up now
They're fatal expectations he meet
So he started
Broken hearted
To take the fatal plunge down to his doom
Those kids get scared to be blaimed for the death of
This single hopeful hopeless fool

(2x) Chorus

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Those Eyes
~ for awakened dreams




Why can't I have someone?
Someone to cherish and hold,
A person i can make so happy,
A hidden soul in a mixed up world.
Why am I second best?
Always the runner up?
You throw me one of those smiles,
Angelic... you're from above.


Chorus
To love to live to,
fall apart
To live to love to,
break down
I'm starting to
starve
Only to be lost...
... and not be found


Being happy is what I've learned to do
Just gave up and started to cope
Have to see you everyday
Need to realize there's no chance for love
You keep telling me
To make my life... I'll find the one
I cannot believe... i so have tried
Just have to wait... your time will come


Chorus

Those eyes
Those eyes
They're stuck on mine,
I know what your thinking
Begin to cry

Those eyes
Those eyes
They sympathize
Just be my friend
And do not lie
If that's the most
We can be
I'll learn to deal
Be happy

(2x) Chorus

Those eyes

Those eyes

Those endless eyes

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