Raven

~ ALL ABOUT RAVEN ~

Well you made it to this page so I guess you are curious about who Raven is.....I am simple yet complex all at the same time depending on who you ask I suppose....I think I'm a simple person, there's really no trick to knowing me at all IMO, but my family and friends think I'm far more complex than that...Either way - I am me and thats all there is to it, like me, dont like me...doesnt matter.....I lived for a very long time letting others define me, try to mould me, change me etc...I stopped doin that a long time ago..People can either accept me or not - its all the same. I am proud of who I am and it was a long journey of blood, sweat and tears to get to this point in my life - I'm not changin it for anyone.....That being said, let me introduce myself......Hi I'm Raven the creator and owner of this site....nice to meet ya! ;) Now that we've been introduced, read on if you like and find out just who I am and what I'm about...

Let's start with the basics shall we...I was born to a very young, unmarried, inter-racial couple on Sept 18, 1970 in Southern Ontario, Canada. Though my father wanted to marry my mum, keep me and have us be a family, that unfortunately wasnt goin to happen. My mum was from a strict Roman Catholic family and her parents were not the least bit pleased she had gotten herself caught up with a black man, let alone gotten pregnant out of wedlock by him. So ya, my dads wishes were squashed right away and I was immediately put up for adoption. Now if you have been through other parts of this site you should know by now that my childhood with my adoptive family was not a nice one....Life was less than happy by a long shot and by the time I was 13 I was on my own in the world...Some would say thats a bad thing and in some ways they'd be right, it sucked but not for reasons you would think. Yes it was very hard to live life knowing that your so called parents tried to divorce you for reasons solely their own (keeping skeletons in a closet and keepin up appearances became difficult for them with me around)..Living life feeling unwanted, unloved and alone in the world isnt easy but thats exactly how I felt.....and when it comes to my family (legal family) thats still very much how I feel. Its been made very clear to me repeatedly over the yrs that I'm only a part of the family because of legalities, not because I'm wanted. Luckily though, now that I'm in my mid 30's I deal with it much better. Sure it still hurts, sure it still burns but I've, for the most part come to terms with it and life goes on. The only ones that lose out is them....

Anyway, moving on.....So yea I've been on my own since 13 and though there were really hard and very shitty, traumatizing things that have happened to me....those very same things made me the woman, friend, mother and wife that I am today. Who is that? Oh right, thats why you are at this page isnt it....Well, let me tell you...

I am a lot ot things...some good, some bad I suppose...I am a child in many ways - giddy and dorkish, fun loving and happy...mainly because i didnt get to be a child when I was one, now I can and I enjoy every minute of it....I am also innocence.....For whatever reason I have the ability still to see things through the eyes of a child with innocent awe, wonder and amazement.......I am a strong and determined woman...I had to be for many years, if I hadnt been I wouldnt be here right now...Hell I wouldnt have been here 15 years ago...I am wisdom and intelligence and in all honesty I'd be embarrased if I wasnt LOL for all the crap I've been through in life if I'd not learned a bloody thing I'd shoot myself in the head! .....I am a solid friend who cares, listens, and loves unconditionally...I won't bullshit you, I wont candy coat things for you which may seem very mean and coldhearted at times but thats the way I am.....I'll give you the shirt off my back if you need it, I'll pick you up and dust you off if you need it, I'll give you my honest opinion, share my life with you and be there....and all I ask in return is respect and honesty. Don't abuse my friendship...Dont abuse my love and concern for you....Don't abuse my family and home....I really dont think thats much to ask do you? HOwever...should you ever, EVER play games like that with me, I'll know and I wont always call you on it right away - thats an Ace in my pocket to be used when I feel the time is right and holy shit you had best hope that time never comes because you will feel absolutely terrible when it does...Sound bitchy? Maybe - but thats the way it works with me......I am compassion.....I will put my entire life on hold should you need me to be there to hold you up.....I am also vengeance.....I dont like being crossed...petty shit doesnt bother me, its the big things I refuse to tolerate for long if at all...Think of me kind of like Kali Ma in the flesh ;) Some may think of that as a bad quality but it isnt...it just means I stand firm in what I believe and I fight for whats important and defend the things I cherish...to me that is a good thing....I'm entertainment! LOL Seriously I am..I love to laugh, make people laugh and just have a generally good time....Laughter really is the best medicine and I like to have and to give a good healthy dose on a daily basis....I am a mother, literally and figuratively.....I have 3 children (1 of them no longer living)...my children are my life, my world, my love....They are my strength and sometimes my insanity LOL but I wouldnt trade it for the world! I love being a parent with all my heart.....I'm a mother figuratively because I am the 2nd mom or sometimes replacement mom to a lot of kids.....and those kids mean almost as much to me as my own do......I am a wife - LOL not the greatest wife I'll admit, I'm very moody, very set in my ways and can be very demanding too I think..but I do the best that I can even if my methods or ways are a little dysfunctional ;).....Those are some of the good parts in me......Now let's move on to the not so good.....

Hhhm the not so pleasant me is generally hidden but when it rears its ugly head....it doesnt happen half assed.....I am RAGE...pure insane anger and hatred at times.....Granted its been quite some time since that piece of me has been out to say hello to the world....and for the most part, that part of me has never gone to extremes though I dont doubt for one second that it's possible...As nice and fluffy as it is to believe we are mostly good, kind and wouldnt harm a fly blah blah blah - reality is, we all have the ability to seriously fuck someone up! Your average person tends to not touch on that part of themselves or even acknowledge it...I on the other hand most definately acknowledge it and am aware that if put into a position, it could definately be touch.....I am SORROW......sad, hurting and withdrawn.....There have been many times in my life when I have just wanted to give up and call it quits because the pain was too much.....there have been numerous times when I have intentionally hurt myself (Self Injury - info on that can be found elsewhere on the site) because the emotional pain was too much to bear so I would cover it up with physical...and sometimes I still do.....I am CONFUSION....There are times when I get totally disconnected...life feels like a dream or better yet a joke....I feel all scatterbrained and foggy....It happens far more than I ever admit to people and it's happened for so many years that people are none the wiser really...Its just another one of my quirks as far as most are concerned.....I am LONELINESS.....more often than not I feel very alone in this world....partly because I really am literally but mainly because I dont operate the way the majority does.....I dont see life the way most people do...Life isnt black and white to me and I definately dont wear "Rose coloured glasses".....So what people may think is me being complex is really me looking beyond the surface of any situation, person and/or place. If more people were like that, if more people looked outside their own box and deeper than the skin of things etc this world we live in wouldnt be so fucked up IMO.....

So there you have it...for now though knowing me I'll add to it at some point I'm sure LOL....Maybe I am hard to understand, I don't know....but more than anything I am an extremely good woman with a lot of love in her heart....Take it or leave it...Thats who I am and it will never change ;)