Shinny Interviews
The Spleen Formerly Known as Peter Forsberg’s
As you all know, the night the Avalanche eliminated the Kings in Game 7, Peter Forsberg had to have emergency surgery to remove his spleen. Always creative in his pursuit of interviews that will enhance our readers’ hockey experience, Shinny dedicated himself to tracking down the elusive organ and getting this exclusive scoop just for you. We even had to employ a Swedish translator for this one, be amazed!
Q: This is truly an honor, how should we address you?
A: Well, I don’t have a name actually…internal organs usually don’t.
Q: This is what I get for departing from inanimate objects. Okay, well, I’m just going to call you TFS, for The Forsberg Spleen. Although that sounds a lot like a Robert Ludlum novel…
A: Okay with me!
Q: TFS, there’s still a lot of mystery surrounding your sudden removal. Can you clear up anything about what happened?
A: Unfortunately, it’s difficult. I’m used to getting poked and bumped and jostled, but sometime during the game I really felt uncomfortable. In the last minutes I realized something was really wrong.
Q: What did you do?
A: What can a spleen really do? I tried to get Peter’s attention by hurting, but since the Avalanche had just won a Game 7, he was too distracted to notice. And meanwhile, there was a lot of bleeding going on in there, certainly a desperate situation.
Q: You must have been very alarmed!
A: Ja, that’s for certain! I wanted to yell, "Hey Foppa, internal bleeding in here!" but I’m just not built for that.
Q: Nope, you’re pretty much specialized for…for…whatever it is spleens do. Sorry.
A: It’s okay, I know I’m not a liver or kidney or one of those popular organs, but at least I’m the spleen of Peter Forsberg. He’s a really big star in our country you know.
Q: I’m glad the surgery went well, but certainly this is going to force your retirement from hockey.
A: Ja, a spleen on his own isn’t much good on the ice. Unless they replace the custom of throwing seafood on the ice with throwing specialty meats. But it’s okay, I have a pretty bright future anyway.
Q: What will happen to you next?
A: Well, Woody Paige had in his column in The Denver Post that there was a rumor I was being kept in a jar at Rose Medical Center and would soon be on display in the Swedish National Museum. Actually, that story is true.
Q: Really?
A: I told you, Peter Forsberg is a really big star in our country.
Q: Well, that’s quite a break for you, I’m happy to hear it!
A: Ja, it’s not like Mats Sundin’s appendix has it so lucky!
Q: So, what do you think of how the Avalanche has been playing without you and Peter?
A: Oh, sometimes I think they’ve been a little tentative, but as the series went on, they improved. Of course like everyone says, Patrick Roy has been superb. And the defense, with Blake, Foote and Bourque, they have done a great job. For a guy with a spleen as old as his, Bourque has some life left in him.
Q: So, have you gotten to be friends with Ray’s spleen?
A: Well, not so much. The language barrier, you know. I’m Swedish, he’s French Canadian…
Q: But weren’t we just discussing how you can’t talk anyway?
A: If I can’t talk, how could we have been discussing it?
Q: Yikes, TFS, excellent point. Wow, this whole interview sort of defies logic, doesn’t it?
A: That’s a funny remark from a guy who once interviewed the Off Ramp to the Corel Centre.
Q: Okay, let’s just let it go. So, what do you think are the Avs’ chances against New Jersey?
A: It’s going to be tough, Shinny, really tough. The Devils are really playing well. I know Peter, he’s going to be really frustrated not getting to play.
Q: There’s daily speculation that he might make it back for a few games. Any truth to that?
A: Ha ha ha, yes I know. I laugh when I hear those rumors. It’s no picnic coming back from a spleenectomy, you know. I realize we’re not the most essential of internal organs, maybe we’re like the Greg DeVries of internal organs, when we’re out of the lineup, it’s not so hard for everyone else to take up the slack, but still.
Q: I get the sense that you feel your status is a little lowly.
A: Well, you have to be realistic. Did Tony Bennett sing "I left my spleen in San Francisco?" Does anyone make sci fi movies about "the thing with two spleens"? Is there a Spleen Pridefest in your town?
Q: But you ARE Peter Forsberg’s spleen.
A: That I am, Shinny.
Q: Well, all right, let’s elevate the importance of the spleen a little bit here. I’d like to know what spleens feel should be changed about hockey. Here’s your chance to speak out, TFS.
A: Well, let’s see. We’d like to see the rink enlarged to European size, we’d like them to figure out a way to cut down on icing, we think the league needs to take a much tougher stance on spearing calls, we think Don Cherry should quit calling the less physical players wimps, we think Barry Melrose and John Saunders should never wear tan suits again, we think all these third jerseys are getting out of hand, we think the NHL and NHLPA should authorize NHL Naptime hockey cards, we’d like more ABBA played at the arenas…
Q: All the spleens think that, or just the Swedish ones?
A: No, all the spleens think that. We’d like gravlax at the concession stands, okay, that’s just the Swedish spleens, but we’d all like to see more scoring, and certainly no more expansion, we’d like to see the League revoke Bill Wirtz’s membership in the Hockey Hall of Fame, we’d like to get to drive the zamboni, but then who wouldn’t? And we’d like Bryan Marchment to retire, that would be great, and we’d like Peter Forsberg to shoot more.
Q: All the spleens would like him to shoot more?
A: Well, EVERYBODY would like him to shoot more, don’t you think? And we’d like—
Q: OKAY, I think we should stop with that, we wouldn’t want the individual demands of you spleens to get lost in the sheer volume of requests.
A: I guess you’re right.
Q: For organs that can’t talk, you seem pretty well organized. Ooh, that was a good pun.
A: No, that was a bad pun. And if we’re so well organized, how come there’s no Spleen PrideFest in your town?
Q: I concede the point. Thanks, TFS, I’m never going to look at a spleen in quite the same way again.
A: If fingers had spleens, I’m sure you’d be good to yours, Shinny.
Q: Man, what a weird interview THIS has been!
Our thanks to Judy Haynes for the interview suggestion!
