| Rumour V: |
| In Which A Startling |
| New Theory Comes To Light |
| Primary Blame: Fran-does-she-ever-quit?-Doty |
| This is a Rumour.� This is only a Rumour. |
| "Anybody can look like James Dean... |
| Only I look like Samuel Beckett." |
| ����������� Surely you've noticed how Adam seems to change his appearance with every U2 effort released?� And sometimes even in between?� First we noticed, he started out blonde with this Nick-Beggs-from-Kajagoogoo-atomic-bomb lookin' fro (for lack of several better words) with the specs.� Then he discovered (or was able to afford) contacts.� Then he went dark and short cropped, but clean-shaven (for the most part - see "Unforgettable Fire" video).� Then he let his hair out again (and it stole his car keys and...sorry that was Edge), resuming the curl and let the stubble reign.� Then he reigned in the curls, cleaned up his jaw line (but not his act.� "So help me, if Paul and I ever have to bail you outta jail again..."-LMJ) and lost the contacts in an effort to cultivate the bespectacled, respectable, intellectual look.� Then the beard resurfaced, and, egads, was that a BLOND goatee?? Eww. |
| "...and joining us, from the band U2...uh, The Edge...?" |
| ����������� Surely you've noticed how the press virtually ignores Adam when it comes to quotes, introductions, identifying-the-person-in-the-photo, interviews, and opinion-seeking despite the fact that Adam is probably the most accessible member of the band.� "Adam is the one people want at their parties," The Edge once said.� The fact is the press tend to forget his face, his name and his existence.� This was demonstrated by a survey conducted by A.D.A.M. (A Distinctly Alternative Magazine) several years ago, and, later reprinted in Propaganda, which concludes that even U2 roadies, management and staff get a higher percentage of press coverage than our man Clayton. |
| "Welcome back my friends, to the show that never ends." |
| ����������� How do we know what Adam really looks like?� Take the photo on the cover of the "Unforgettable Fire" 12" for example.� That's supposed to be Adam?� That could be Bob Geldof for all we know!� Oh, sure, we've seen this guy traveling around the middle-of-nowhere, USA with Bono.� We were always meant to believe that "Adam" was along to keep Bono out of trouble.� Uh-uh.� What you're seeing there is Bono lending creedence (no Clearwater, no Revival) to and thereby establishing the reality of the Adam Clayton persona, per se, which I suspect was all Bono's concept in the first place, but I'm still digging up evidence for that hypothesis, yessiree.1 |
| "There's the wind-up aaaand the pitch!" |
| ����������� So what are we getting on about here, you ask? (You did ask, didn't you? Admit it.)� What all this circumstantial evidence leads me to believe, friends, is that Adam Clayton, as we know him, NEVER, EVER existed!� He's a figment of our collective hallucinogenic imaginations!� Edge is really playing the bass with those silly pedals of his.� Bono picks some schmuck out of the crowd before each show and shows him the fingering.� Larry coaches him like so: "Keep lookin' at me; just stand beside me so that we're all together..." Boom and end. |
| ____________________________________________________________________________________________________________ |
| 1 "It's a kind of sketch of a character in the band..." |
| "I know a boy |
| A boy called Trampoline |
| You know what I mean |
| I think I know what he wants..." |
| "It's not really about Adam."� Riiiiiight. |
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