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| From The Director's Notebook Part Deux: |
| (alleged, very alleged, �notes from Rattle And Hum director Phil Joanou - "Our hero!") |
| collected by Fran Doty |
| COMMENTARY ON OTHER U2 VIDEO, BEFORE AND AFTER: |
| 'Under a Blood Red Sky' (Red Rocks) - |
| SNIGGER. WERE THEY EVER THAT YOUNG AND - LITERALLY - WET BEHIND THE EARS? |
| 'I THREW A PICK INTO THE CROWD.' |
| 'This is Gloria' - CAN YOU FIND THE PHALLIC SYMBOL IN THIS SONG?? |
| BAND INTRODUCTIONS - SO WHO'S THE KID BEHIND THE DRUM KIT? HMM? |
| I'M SO GLAD ADAM GOT A HAIR CUT. |
| HONESTLY, I'D HAVE TO LET THE LIGHTING DIRECTOR GO. |
| 'The Unforgettable Fire Collection' - |
| 'THE MAKING OF PRIDE' THEY SHOULD HAVE CALLED IT. |
| I'M JEALOUS, LARRY NEVER OFFERED TO SING FOR ME! |
| HONESTLY, I'D HAVE TO LET THE LIGHTING DIRECTOR GO. |
| OTHER THAN THAT, I LAUGHED SO HARD, I WET MY PANTS. WHO SAID THESE GUYS WEREN'T FUNNY? |
| 'Outside, It's America' - |
| 'OUTSIDE, IT'S GILA BEND, ARIZONA'� THEY SHOULDA CALLED IT. |
| I'M JEALOUS, LARRY NEVER OFFERED TO SING FOR ME! |
| SO THAT'S WHAT EDGE LOOKS LIKE WITHOUT THE HAT - EISH, POOR GUY. |
| YOU KNOW, I ALWAYS SUSPECTED THAT ADAM WAS A SUN-WORSHIPPING HEATHEN! |
| GOOD TO KNOW I'M NOT THE ONLY PROFESSIONAL PHOTOGRAPHER BONO'S EVER HARASSED. |
| DO THESE FOOLS KNOW THEY'RE TRYING TO HITCH A RIDE FROM THE WRONG SIDE OF THE ROAD?? "Spanish Eyes" -IRISHMEN ON SHASTA; WHAT A CONCEPT, I LOVE IT! |
| 'I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For' - |
| A GOSPEL SONG.� SET IN LAS VEGAS. DON'T EVEN GET ME STARTED. |
| YOU KNOW, IF THAT HAD BEEN MY 300ZX... |
| 'Where The Streets Have No Name' - |
| "There is no vote; it happens now."� I WOULDN'TA LET THAT STOP ME (translation: I'M GLAD IT WASN'T ME!) |
| "Okay, everybody back from the edge."� THAT'S RIGHT, OFFICER, HE CAN BE DOWNRIGHT DANGEROUS. NOW WHO'S GONNA GO IN THERE AND TAKE THAT GUITAR AWAY FROM HIM?� VOLUNTEERS? ANYONE? |
| 'A Vision Shared: Tribute to Woody Guthrie'- |
| ITS A MIRACLE! IT'S A MIRACLE! 'This Land Is Your Land' - A SONG BONO ACTUALLY SINGS SITTING DOWN!! |
| EDGE: No miracle, we tied him to the chair. |
| 'Actung Baby-With A Whole Of Interference From ZOO TV' - |
| �'Even Better Than The Real Thing' - MORE CROTCH SHOTS PER MINUTE THAN A MICHAEL JACKSON VIDEO |
| TRASH-TALKING? LARRY? NO WAY! "I can't even say the bloody word - achtung." |
| 'One' by Anton Corbijn - WAIT'LL THEIR KIDS GET AHOLD OF THIS! |
| 'One' by Mark Pellington - AT LAST, A U2 VIDEO WITHOUT U2 IN IT. |
| 'One' by Phil Joanou - OBVIOUSLY THE BEST OF THE BUNCH... |
| 'Until The End Of The World' - WORLD'S FIRST INTERACTIVE VIDEO: YOU TELL BONO "GO TO HELL" AND HE DOES!� BY THE WAY, EDGE: "WARNING! COULD CAUSE SUFFOCATION! THIS IS NOT A TOY - KEEP CHILDREN AWAY!"� HAS HIS MUM SEEN THIS?? |
| 'Numb' - UH, NEXT. |
| 'ZOO TV Live From Sydney' - |
| THEY HAVE LOST THEIR EVER-LOVING MINDS; SERIOUSLY, GOD HELP US ALL! |
| 'POPMART Live From Mexico City' - |
| SIGH.� DOES ANYBODY HAVE AN IRISH TO SPANISH DICTIONARY? |
| �"How do you say bullshit in Spanish?"� UHM, CACA DEL TORO, MAYBE? |
| HOW DO YOU SAY "ROCK 'N' ROLL STOPS THE TRAFFICO"? IN SPANISH? |
| WHY DIDN'T THEY PLAY 'Spanish Eyes' FOR PETE'S SAKE? NO, NOT THAT VERSION! |
| PICTURE THE CHATTER IN THE VIDEO CONTROL CENTER: |
| �"Queue the Lemon" |
| �"Preparing for Lemon extraction!" |
| "Could someone give that Olive a good stir, please?" |
| "A crow's landed in the Crow's Nest; I hope it hasn't shat on the PA." |
| 'Gone' - WOW, EDGE, IT'S GOOD TO KNOW YOU CAN JUMP LIKE THAT WHEN YOU HAVE TO. |
| I'VE HEARD OF 'BUBBLE-BUTT', BUT 'BUBBLE-PANTS'? |
| 'U2 Best Of 1980 - 1990' - |
| THEY GOT THE MTV VIDEO VANGUARD AWARD FOR THIS?� THE MAN WASN'T JOKING ABOUT THE DODGY VIDEOS, FOLKS! |
| LOOKS LIKE IT'S BETWEEN ME AND MEIRET AVIS, DOESN'T IT? |
| 'One Tree Hill' - OH COME ON, FELLAS, YOU COULDA LET ME FINISH IT FIRST! |
| 'Discotheque' - THEY HAVE LOST THEIR EVER-LOVING MINDS. |
| WAIT'LL THEIR KIDS GET AHOLD OF THIS! |
| YOU'D THINK, BEING MARRIED TO A DANCER... |
| 'Last Night On Earth' - I?VE HEARD OF B-MOVIES, BUT B-VIDEOS?? |
| 'If God Will Send His Angels' - THOSE PEOPLE MUST BE CGI OR SOMETHING - I KNOW FROM PERSONAL EXPERIENCE IT'S IMPOSSIBLE TO SIT THAT CLOSE TO BONO AND COMPLETELY �IGNORE HIM! |
| 'Ground Beneath Her Feet' - I WEPT.� NO SERIOUSLY - I WEPT. |
| 'Beautiful Day' - WHAT IS IT WITH BONO AND FLYING?? |
| 'Stuck In A Moment You Can't Get Out Of' - WHAT IS IT WITH BONO AND FLYING?? |
| 'Walk On' - YEP, THAT'S IT, JUST KEEP ON WALKING, NO, NO, DON'T LOOK BACK...THAT ONLY ENCOURAGES THEM. |
| 'Elevation' - IN YOUR DREAMS, EDGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!� CAN YOU SAY 'DIGITALLY INSERTED'? (NO WONDER HE'S GOT SO MANY KIDS - WHAT A TIME SAVER!)� DID HE JUST FALL ON HIS BUTT?� MAYBE IT WAS A STUNT BUTT. |
| REASONS WHY BONO HAS NO ON-SCREEN LINES: |
| Take 1 - ����������� EVIL BONO: We have the Edge.� We want the Key... |
| ����������������������� GOOD BONO: What's a key? |
| Take 5 - EVIL BONO: We have the Edge. We want the Key... |
| ����������������������� GOOD BONO: You don't want the Edge? Aw, now he's gonna be awfully hurt by that... |
| Take 22 - EVIL BONO: We have the Edge. We want the Key. You're surrounded.� Even Lara Croft can't help you now. |
| ����������������������� GOOD BONO: Alright, alright, but whatever you do, don't feed him after midnight or she won't be able to help you either. Uhm? Oh, wrong movie. |
| Take 34 - EVIL BONO: We have the Edge. We want the Key.� You're surrounded... |
| ����������������������� GOOD BONO: Look I've gotta go/Hello?/Well, my cell phone battery's running down/I'm off to have it changed.� (CLICK) |
| ����������������������� EVIL BONO: Fuck.� Get me my agent!� I'll be in my trailer. |
| MAYBE THAT MACPHISTO FELLOW IS AVAILABLE... |
| 'Stuck In a Moment ' -version 2 - THE FLYS VS THE LEMONS? OH COME ON... |
| DID HE JUST FALL ON HIS BUTT?� ARE THOSE HOT DOGS DIGITALLY INSERTED?? |
| ADAM - WHO GOES TO A FOOTBALL GAME AND READS THE PAPER? |
| BONO, IT'S CALLED 'THE WAVE' - AFTER YOU STAND UP, YOU SIT BACK DOWN.� "WHAT'S MY MOTIVATION, PHIL?" |
| NOTE TO SELF: DO NOT SIT NEXT TO LARRY WHEN IRELAND PLAYS ITALY. |