Where to begin with our tale...
One of the things the Foil Friends crave most is friendship. It's not so much that we crave it, as it is that we enjoy the junk we have to do to get it! Usually, it doesn't take much. We pick out easy targets, and quickly accomplish our goals (Quest Dewayne-Daddy excluded). However, "Steve-o" has been our greatest quest to date.
It is quite odd to us. To our knowledge, we have done nothing to gain such negativity from him. Quite simply, "Steve-o" at the very least, doesn't care about us, though we expect it's more of an extreme. The word "loathe" comes to mind.
Now, let us start at the beginning. After the Foil "Conquistadors" began their, err..conquistadoring on Dewayne, they decided it was imperative they conquered his friends as well. Steve-o, of course, is a friend of the Daddy.
First came the "gifts of nature." We had started by bringing Dewayne flowers from our respective neighbor's yards of a morning. Dewayne accepted them sometimes, maybe just to get rid of us, and he probably threw them away soon after, but we believe he gradually began to appreciate them. We thought the same could be done to Steve-o.
He is highly intimidating. He is not big. He is not small. He is not fat. He probably couldn't eat you. But he is intimidating nonetheless! So, the Foil Friends usually asked someone else to approach Steve-o with their gifts. Did he ever except? Ah, of course not!
That was a year ago. The Foil Friends thought they would try an even more sophisticated method of friendship recruitment. Of a morning, the Friends generally (used to) sit in a "Circle/Triangle/Rectangle/Pentagon of Friendship" depending on how many friends gathered 'round to have a talk! Being that it was a place of friendship, the Foil Friends thought it was the perfect place to invite Steve-o, and earn his.
Only, once again, Steve-o was a bit too intimidating for them. They sent their minion, and Friend of the Foil, Winkie to do it. He spoke with Steve-o of a morning, about Steve-o becoming our friend, but to no avail.
Winkie reports that Steve-o asked him to leave him alone. We, the Foil Friends, decided it would be better to try a more direct route on the road of friendship. We began talking to Steve-o for ourselves.
Each morning, as Steve-o walked through the doors into the lobby, we would yell to him, asking him, begging him to come sit with us, to speak with us, to say hello. What happened you ask? Nothing. He walked right along, as if he had heard nothing. We are nothing. Thank you, Steve-o.
This year, for Christmas, we purchased a card. We wrote a little note on the inside, saying we hoped Steve-o had a merry Christmas and a happy New Year and all that, and signed it. Did we get so much as a, "Oh, thank you for the card!" Why, heck no! Apparently, gratitude is too much to ask for. Quite honestly, we doubt he even had the human decency to open the card and read our holiday wishes. We are certain he probably threw it away.
It was then, due to the lack of gratitude, we pretty much gave up all hope of earning his friendship. Actually, there hadn't been but a smidgeon of hope for a long, long time. Apparently some people are just too cool for the Foil Friends. We have a special question for you one day Steve-o, concerning your religion in relation to loving thy neighbor! Treat others as you wish to be treated! But there is a time and place for that, and it is not on our web space. ^_^
Most recently, we have invited him to come along with us on our voyage to Russia. We have friends in Russia, and one from Russia! Yes! Russians! Friends! Friends that are Russians! Amigos de Rusia. We enjoy hockey, chess, and borscht (and kulebiaka) immensely. It was a kind gesture on our behalf to invite you along, comrad Steve-o.
Most recently, we wrote you a very nice letter, apologizing for not participating in your Devotions. We had come to be your Devotionees. Unfortunately, it was 7:12, and you know what that means, Steve-o! We had to go to class.
We sent the letter via our friend and messenger Jacob, because we realized you would not accept a note of apologies from us directly, and most certainly would not talk to us (we've tried that). Jacob gave you the letter, and reported to us after that you had not read it, simply thrown it in the floor.
What have we done to warrant this hostility and negativity? You were once our greatest quest, Steve-o. It has ended. We submit, Steve-o. You are too cool for us, and too whatever else you think you are, to associate with the likes of people like the Foil Friends. You win.
Err, and that was our never-ending quest, that has actually come to an end, complete with comments to Steve-o himself. Thank each and every one of you for the time you put forth into reading this.
-The Foil Friends
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