REZA: I'm going to see what happens this week when I film with monkeys. When I touch the orangatan's balls this week. I'm going to see if he touches back or he kills me. I'll let you guys know.
YOUSEF: I don't know which one I hope for more.
EPISODE 5
Guest: Alexandra Dreyfus
YOUSEF: Reza, what did you do in the last week?
REZA: I touched an orangutan's balls.
YOUSEF: Speaking of which, you're going to be doing that again Friday, right?.
(Applause)
REZA: (laughter) Thank you. Yeah, I get to film with monkeys on Friday. What do you think about that? Primates.
YOUSEF: I'm telling you, I'm coming. I don't care. I am coming.
REZA: Oh you're invited.
YOUSEF: Oh I'm coming.
REZA: This is going to be the first hairy primate that's not actually my cousin that I get to do something with.
ALEXANDRA: Oh sorry, we have a question. "How is Yousef as a manicurist?" Well I can officially say that he must never ever ever..
YOUSEF: Don't lie.
ALEXANDRA: Dude, you painted my feet. It wasn't even my toes. (laughs)
YOUSEF: That is true, but the final outcome was still a nice pretty smile. Am I right? I'm right.
ALEXANDRA: Yeah, because I'm paid to smile.
RAFINE: Ooohhhh!!!
REZA: Wowww!!
YOUSEF: Yeah you're right. I did. I painted her toes. I protested because I don't like touching fungus but it's okay. I was like "All right, screw it. You know what? I'm an actor. I gotta do what I gotta do. " I made the scene. (laughs) No. I'm just kidding. Her toes are very nice and they smell like.. petunias.
REZA: Petunias don't smell. How about roses?
ALEXANDRA: Yousef if you could have any car in the world, what would it be?
YOUSEF: I would have a Porsche.
YOUSEF: We got Ian chatting with us. And Ian is actually our new intern. And by the way dude, next time you're on set, I want a water, hold my scripts and if I need to take a piss, you need to open your hands, brother.
YOUSEF: Reza was going to say something and he held back. Reza, never hold back.
REZA: It was a burp but it came out the other end.
YOUSEF: Ooohhh.. hold back.
YOUSEF: Question, question, My hand's raised. You can have sex for pleasure?
ALEXANDRA: (responding to if she has a crush on any of the LG15 guys) On the show of course we all know I have a quite a big crush on Daniel. As for in real life, no.
YOUSEF: Ohh!!!! BURN!!! Yowsers!! Well that's okay.
(Audience Booing)
ALEXANDRA: I'm sorry. I have a lovely boyfriend.
YOUSEF: I am going to hang up my head set, my everything else and I'm going to go hang myself.
REZA: It's all right. Hang in there dude.
YOUSEF: Reza, it was nice knowing you.
REZA: Hands off the nipples. Thank you very much.
ALEXANDRA: (on what cuss words they are allowed to say) Can we say the "C U Next Tuesday" word?"
RAFINE: (on getting out of jury duty) You can just kind of say that you have some disease where you can't sit down for a long time or anything like that and they'll totally buy it.
REZA: Like hemoroids?
RAFINE: Yeah hemoroids. And you can just say it tell them this and they don't even ask for a doctor's note. All you gotta do is e-mail.
REZA: Nice.
RAFINE: Just e-mail them and say all this crap and just be like you're supposed to come in but you can't because you have this.
ALEXANDRA: Tell them you have elephantitis.
YOUSEF: Real quick, real quick though. Okay if I say this and I'm in court and I get a finger in my butt, I'm going to be upset.
