EPISODE 2
Guest: N/A
YOUSEF: (about Reza) He kicks ass, takes names. He can't take me out obviously. I'll beat him up. I'll put my toe up his ass.
YOUSEF: Let's be honest though. The best martial arts movie of all time: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II.
YOUSEF: I want to talk about "300" a little bit. I went to see that damn movie and when I left, I wanted to basically either hang myself or go out to the gym for about 6 weeks straight.
(Laughter)
YOUSEF: I mean tell me, these guys are huge. They are all ripped and stuff. Yeah that's what we think. But you know what the truth is. They aren't ripped, that's airbrushed. It's photoshopped. Don't be messing with me like that. Acutally, no, that's what I tell myself. I don't know if it is or isn't but I really hope it is.
YOUSEF: I don't shave my chest because I am a man of a man.
REZA: Well that's because you go thru a pack of razors in a second.
YOUSEF: You know what spoils movies for me more and this is one of my pet peeves... is when people say "Oh this is the greatest movie in the world and bladity bladity blah." Like this movie "Brick". Everyone was like "Oh it's such a great movie, you gotta watch it." I fell asleep 3 times trying to rewind it 3 times and press play.. it just.. it was a ruckus and I couldn't do it. I hate that and when people do that to you, it ruins the movie I think.
RAFINE: So if I make the movie sound horrible you might enjoy it?
YOUSEF: That's right.
YOUSEF: What's up with Reza's toothpick?
REZA: The toothpick is food for thought guys. Food for thought all right?
YOUSEF: Yeah it's something that symbolizes something he has, sizewise.
YOUSEF: It's hot as hell out here. I am sweating my balls off.
YOUSEF: (about there being so many Robins in the comic book) You know what I think it is. I think the truth is Batman is a pedophile and before Robin can go around and telling people what Batman has done to him, Batman has him killed off.
RAFINE: You're afraid of hippies?
REZA: No it's not the hippies, it's their dreaded armpits.
YOUSEF: Fuck, I forgot what I was going to say. This happens to me all the fucking time. Like my brain does not work. Do you know that? It just does not work. I'll sit here.. and you should see how many takes it takes me to do when I film. They will be like "Cut, you need to redo it. You said at instead of and. and uhh yeah redo it."
REZA: Yeah you know, the 2 brain cells that are operating need to take a break to breathe.
YOUSEF: (to a caller) You... rock. I almost cussed again, it would have been my 5th fuck of the day.
CALLER: I.. was just wondering what's your favorite sport?
YOUSEF: Favorite sport? Kicking Reza's ass.
REZA: You guys, Yousef doesn't talk for the rest of the show, it's because I have broken his scrawny little neck.
YOUSEF: Ohhh there's no chance buddy. I'll give you purple nurples and shin splints.
RAFINE: And I will videotape it.
REZA: And he's going to burn my nipple hair.
REZA: I think I nursed for 4 years.
YOUSEF: That's disgusting.
REZA: No it was good. My mom actually made me stop when I was sucking one and playing with the other.
REZA: Okay, if the shirts are coming off at any point during the show, I am going to be on the other side of the glass.
