EPISODE 1
Guest: Jackson Davis.
YOUSEF: Oh my goodness, they actually gave me a show What are they thinking??
YOUSEF: A lot of people have been asking me what is FOB LIFE. That stands for "Fresh Off the Boat" and the reason we picked that is because Reza and I are both halfers. Our mammas are white momma's.
REZA: (foreign accent) They be caucasion.
YOUSEF: And uh..the fathers are both FOB's..like you can't even understand them..
REZA: (foreign accent) Very very hairy. You don't believe it, very unbelievable.
JACKSON: My father is also hairy although he's not a FOB.
YOUSEF: We uhhh.. definitely, well I don't know about "we", but my nerves are shot so I had to get a couple beers before the show.
YOUSEF: I almost missed my very first show. Why?? Because my car is a P.O.S. That's right.
JACKSON: Why Yousef, what does that stand for?
YOUSEF: (high pitched voice) P.O.S. stands for "Piece Of Shiiiite." The truth is my car, it, uhh has a mind of it's own. It likes to stop and start on it's own.
YOUSEF: I just want to everyone to know... that I forgot what I was going to say.
JACKSON: What we used to do for fun in high school. We'd get a keg and we would go out to the creek and there would be wild animals, like horses and uhh cows we'd have a fire. We would drink and that would be a Friday night.
REZA: That's what I do right now.
YOUSEF: My heart is about to pound out of my chest. It's insane.
REZA: It's kind of gross actually. I can see it from here.
YOUSEF: Well you know, he's trying to touch my nipples.
It's ridiculous. You need to stop.
REZA: I'm done.
CALLER: What did you do to prepare for this show?
YOUSEF: Not a damn thing as you can tell.
YOUSEF: Reza.. I wanna tell you a little bit about him.
When I first came out he was the biggest asshole I ever met.
REZA: It's true.
CALLER: What is the wildest thing that's happened when you're taping LG15?
YOUSEF: Wildest thing?
CALLER: Or craziest?
YOUSEF: Probably when Jackson tried to touch my nipple.
JACKSON: That was an accident.
CALLER: Okay, hey Jackson, I know all the girls want to know this.
JACKSON: 15 inches.
(Laughter)
JACKSON: 14 and a half really.
CALLER: I just want to tell you Yousef, I love you so much. You are sooo gorgeous
YOUSEF: ******, I love you too.
CALLER: Oh my gosh.
YOUSEF: Well thank you very much.
JACKSON: Some days I can hardly looking at him without drooling, without
YOUSEF: Melting?
JACKSON: Yeah melting.
YOUSEF: Yeah let's be honest, Reza is the most good gorgeous guy I have ever seen. He has a humongous beard going on right now.
REZA: I have a beard.
YOUSEF: Yeah I want to braid it.
REZA: Braid my beard baby.
CALLER: What are some of things do you like to do in L.A. when you're not filming and not doing those kinds of things?
JACKSON: Drive by shooting.
(Laughter)
REZA: Vacation in Ohio. When we don't have fun, we leave!!
YOUSEF: Yeah I like to hang out in traffic a couple hours a day.
(A couple minutes later)
JACKSON: You've got downtown which is... pretty fucking scary.
REZA: I am not saying Tom Cruise is my favorite actor because he certaintly is not.
CALLER: Where do babies come from?
YOUSEF: Where do babies come from?
JACKSON: The stork, you didn't see the cartoons?
REZA: Yeah seriously.
JACKSON: Didn't you see Dumbo?
YOUSEF: Hopefully not from me anytime soon.
(A minute later)
CALLER: Jackson?
JACKSON: Yes ma'am?
CALLER: I was wondering if later on if you would wanna, maybe go up to a cabin?
JACKSON: Oohh a cabin? That sounds hot. Would there be a fire? Will there be a fire?
CALLER: That will definitely be fire. There will be heat.
JACKSON: Where do you live? Do you leave in L.A.?
CALLER: No I'm from Kentucky.
JACKSON: Oohh damn the luck. Well you know I like Jack Daniels. Maybe I could make a special trip.
CALLER: I live near Bourbon Kentucky, so that's pretty
much the best thing ever.
JACKSON: Well if you're ever in L.A., you know what, look me up.
YOUSEF: Well that was basically our show. That flew by
and I want to thank everybody out there. That felt like the quickest thing I ever did.
JACKSON: No it's not.
(Laughter)
JACKSON: That's what she said.
