Hope From Despair

Yesterday when I woke up. I had a very strange feeling of deprivation.
I felt as If I was a stranger to my self. I looked at the mirror and
found myself staring back at me. He asked me who I am. I was surprised.
I opened my mouth but strangely I couldn't answer. "What are you doing
", here he asked me again "what is ut destiny". I thought for a moment
but the answers just ceased to exist.

The pain, the torment the agony does not end here. I am falling into an
endless pit an abyss, which has no escape. The light at the end of the
tunnel can only be the headlight of an oncoming train. 

I have thought of suicide many times. But I am an afraid of death.
People say suiciders are cowards but I am skeptical .It is not easy to
end ur life just like that .To laugh at the face of death and mock at
the misery u r leaving. I do laugh though. I laugh a lot these days.
People think I am happy. Little do they know that I am laughing at
myself .the pain, the anguish turns into laughter, which is pleasant to
feel. It hides my inner self. It is a fecade i use to disguise my self
from the outer world. 

My aimless life led to me to this deserted place. There are no living
creatures in miles to see. The night is long, destination far away .I
am walking in a pensive mood. Thinking about the questions I heard the
other day. Why am I on this earth? What is my reason to live on?
I bent on my knees and look up hoping to find the face of the Lord."Hey
God, why did u made me? Why am I here? Please take my life away .I dont
deserve do live ". There is no reply, silence dawns upon me. But I
know He is looking back at me with contempt. Feeling sorry for his
impudent creation.

I am crying, when I hear footstep .I look up. I see a silhouette of a
lady. She is approaching me with a slow gait. I can't see her properly
just the eyes. They are deep, deeper then any ocean, any depth that can
be measured. "Who are you"? I ask. "I am your hope", she replies. Her
voice is calm. She sounds like at a child and yet so mature. She
extends her arm and says find me. Her touch is warm and comfortable to
feel. And with that she turns around and started to leave. I stand up
to pursue her. But my feet deceive me and I tremble over my own weight
.As I see her disappear in the moonlight. I know we will meet.


Now I have a reason to live on. I have to find her. She is my hope .I
dont know anything about her. Where is she? Where do I find her .I dont
know anything, nor do I want to know. I will find her; I will recognize
her if I see her. She has left some hope in me. Even now as 
I am typing this I can feel her presence. Are you there ????????? 

If you find her. Tell her I will be waiting. I can wait. Maybe forever
...........

And with that I unravel another mystery. An untold story by my dark
side. I call it the "hOlycuRse"