When The Van Is ROCKIN'!!!
(I apologize)
Ryan Reynolds, a guy who as come out of nowhere and achieved fame, stars as Van Wilder in the movie "Van Wilder", or "National Lampoon's Van Wilder".
Van is currently starting on year 7 of college at Coolige College, because he is having WAY too much fun to graduate. His dad is rather pissed off by this and decides to stop paying for his tuition. And so now Van must find a way to cover tuition to continue to stay and party.
The school's newspaper wants to do an article about Van so they send student reporter Gwen Pearson, played by Tara Reid. She is rather disgusted by him and refuses to do the interview, but her editor keeps pushing it on her.
Gwen is also dating this dickhead named Richard, who is a medical student and the President of a Fraturity who's initials spell out "DIK". So he really is a "dik"head!!!! AHAHAH!!!!
(Ahem) Anyway...
Richard is so into his medical studies that while he's banging Gwen, he talks in medical terms. Too bad he suffers from what they call "Premature ejaculation". It's nice to NOT have to know what that's like...right?
Right?
In admist of all this, Van hires an assistant, an Indian fellow named, I'm serious here, Taj Mahal. Taj is played by Kal Penn, who was Kumar in "Harold & Kumar Go To White Castle". That alone just rocks. And Van's roommate is Hutch, who's played by Teck, the really boney skinny annoying black dude from "Real World: Hawaii". For more famous flair among this movie, Van interviews Erik Estrada, as himself, to be Van's assistant. The campus cop is played by Curtis "Booger" Armstrong, and one of Van's teachers is played by Paul Gleason, the principal from "The Breakfast Club".
The plot sort of jumps around at times. Like, at first it was all about Van raising money so he can make tuition to stay. So he starts the "Topless Tutors" program, where hot strippers help failing students study by writing answers on their chests and if they get the answer right they see the answer. Yeah...the answer.
When that goes under because the owner of the strip club wasn't too happy about the use of his strippers, Van becomes the go-to guy to throw parties for various people around campus. This got started because Gwen overheard these geeks talking about Van and how he helped them get a party going and how he helped them get chicks. So Gwen published in the paper that he is a "Party Liaison" and, voosh, Van is a party planner.
Then the plot becomes a love story when Gwen realizes how much of a jerk Richard is and how she likes the easy going Van and his take on life, parties, and how he helps out sick people, like Sick Boy, who is always sick with something.
Van also helps the school's basketball team by giving them a pep talk behind the deaf coach's back. Seriously, a deaf coach. And he also puts together charitable events like "The Naked Mile Race".
So Gwen starts to fall for Van, but Richard isn't too happy about this so he tries to show how much of a slob he is by inviting him to meet Gwen's parents. It all backfires on Richard when Van has Gwen's dad doing shots off of Gwen's mom's clevage.
And to get back at Richard, Van puts his pit bull dog in a room full of female dogs, and while Hutch "assists" the dog, fills creame puffs with some of the dog's creame, if you get my meaning. Then he proceeds to give the puffs to the DIK's, where they swallow the creame.
Yuck.
Well, Richard is pretty much fed up and decides to get rid of Van once and for all. During a party that Van is throwing, Richard manages to sneak little kids into the party and get them extremely drunk. Then when the cops show up and spot the kids walking out drunk off their asses, Van is arrested and expelled from school.
Taj finds a rule in the school's rule book saying he could appeal the explusion, which Van does. Van says he wants to leave the school on his own terms and is willing to study hard and graduate finally. The school board gives Van a chance.
Gwen, meanwhile, is sort of stuck. She hates Richard with a passion and tells him to "fuck off", but when she went to see Van one night, a freshman chick was topless in his lap. You can see how Gwen could take that the wrong way.
Van takes all of his finals and he actually manages to pass and graduate! WOO!!! And Gwen works hard on her final article about Van, which he sends a copy to Van's dad, so Gwen gets the "Hey, Everyone Check Out This Final Article About Van Wilder In The Final Edition Of The Paper" Award AND Van and his dad make up. And Taj? Well, he meets up with an Indian chick and sparks fly. I imagine Hutch and the dog got a place together somewhere.
This movie totally rocks!!! I mean, you can't go wrong when there's a scene where Richard is taking his important medical exam but his colon is emptying out because Gwen put some "Colon Blow" in his health shake, so he runs out of the room and when some medical dudes he know stop his trip to the bathroom and he can't take it anymore, so he pulls his pants down and shits inside a garbage can. Nope, you can't go wrong with that.
Oh, and the dog's nuts were so gigantic at the beginning of the movie, but after the "creme" puff incident, they were normal size. That's just genius also. Oh, and despite what you hear, Tara Reid isn't naked. But don't let one flaw ruin this movie experience.
4 stars.
"Van Wilder" on IMDb.com:
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0283111/